A difficult Man to Love

by Elizabeth Lennox

  “Thanks. But don’t you need to head home to study?”

  “Nope,” she said and sat down on the opposite side of the table. “I had my final exam yesterday. So tonight, I’m going to sit here with you and eat. Then you and I are…”

  The kitchen door opened up and Kate walked in. Her chocolate brown eyes looked at the two women sitting at the table, then glanced back at Arianna. “Is she eating?”

  Arianna smiled in welcome. “We just put something into the oven.”

  “Excellent!” she exclaimed. “I’ll join you ladies.” And with that announcement, she walked over to the freezer and pulled out another box, sliding it into the oven next to the other two. “So, what are we drinking?” she asked.

  At that moment, Natalie stepped in with Alejo, who came running in like a whirlwind ahead of her. “Hayden! You’re sick! We need to feed you!” he announced with relish. “Momma got donuts for dessert! You’re gonna have a donut with us, right? Momma said I can’t have a donut unless you eat yours. So, you gotta eat yours, okay?”

  Hayden laughed and braced herself moments before he threw himself into her lap. “Grab a couple more boxes of food from the freezer and slide them into the oven next to the others, Nat.”

  Natalie plunked a box of wine on the countertop and nodded. “Great minds think alike,” she commented to Arianna and Kate, both of them laughing as Kate grabbed the corkscrew from one of the kitchen drawers, then tossed it back in when Natalie twisted the plastic top off of the box of wine she’d gotten from the grocery store on her way over here.

  “Wine from a box?” Arianna asked, looking amused and horrified.

  “All we can afford, my friend,” Kate explained.

  “Box-O-Wine it is!” she laughed and extended her hand to take a glass filled with the red liquid. “To getting over horrible men!” she said, lifting her glass of wine into the air.

  The other three women did the same, clinking their glasses together. Even Alejo lifted his glass of milk up, thoroughly enjoying the process. “To jerky men!” he joined in.

  Viktor stared out the window of his office, a crystal glass in his hand filled with one hundred year old scotch. Normally, the smooth, complex flavor soothed him at the end of the day. Normally, he enjoyed savoring the success of each day with the amber liquid, enjoyed the way it burned down his throat as he contemplated the night ahead.

  But normally, he didn’t have this aching void in the middle of his chest.

  Even as he stood, looking out at the world, he didn’t want his old “normal” back, he wanted Hayden.

  Because he wouldn’t be holding Hayden in his arms tonight. And that obliterated any enjoyment of the day’s successes. He couldn’t even remember what he’d accomplished today, other than terrifying half his staff. The only reason the other half hadn’t felt his wrath was because they’d heard about his bad mood and had hidden from him.

  Hayden wouldn’t cower, he thought, taking a sip of the scotch but not appreciating it. Not even tasting it. Hayden would be storming into his office, demanding to know why he was acting like an ass.

  But if Hayden were here, he wouldn’t be acting like…no, not an ass. He was acting like a wounded animal. Yes, he had a wound that only her gentle touch could soothe. He hated this pain. He didn’t want to feel it any longer. But after three days of avoiding her, avoiding even thinking about what she’d asked for, he knew that he needed her. He needed her and he worried about her.

  The sudden smash of crystal against steel echoed through the evening and he braced his arms against the glass window. Breathing in huge gulps of air, he tried to hold off. He couldn’t go to her. He couldn’t give her what she needed. He didn’t have it in him to give her the emotional connection that she craved. The connection that she deserved.

  He wasn’t good enough for her. Viktor knew this, but the desire to take her, to hold her and protect her, to make love to her until she gasped out his name, was more intense than any feeling he’d ever fought. Fighting his way out of the gutters of Russia as a child was less difficult than fighting his need for Hayden and her soft, blue eyes that seemed to glow when she smiled up at him.

  “Sir?” his assistant asked from his office doorway.

  Viktor didn’t even bother to turn around. “It’s fine,” he replied. “I’ll clean it up later,” he said, referring to the shattered crystal glass now lying in shards all over the carpet.

  There was a long moment of silence and he could feel the questions running through her mind, but he ignored her. “That will be all,” he snapped, then sighed. Turning around, he nodded his head slightly. “Thank you for your help today.”

  The woman’s startled look told him that he had indeed been a monster over the past few days. With a wary return smile, she stepped out of his office. A moment later, he saw her walking down the hallway, her bag over her shoulder as she hurried out of firing range.

  Smart woman, he thought. If he could get away from himself, he would too.

  Turning back, he stared out at the night, wondering what Hayden was doing now. Had the contractor he’d hired replaced the back door? The old one was too warped to be any protection against either intruders or the elements. Was the heat still working? Was she warm enough?

  With a muttered curse, Viktor turned away from the window and stomped out of his office. Ten minutes later, he was in his penthouse, pouring himself another scotch, wandering over to the windows that looked out over the Potomac River. Damn! He couldn’t get her out of his mind!

  There were about ten social events he could attend tonight, maybe find another woman. Someone to get his mind off of Hayden’s gentle smile or those glowing, blue eyes. He needed a woman with brown eyes. Maybe blonde hair. Anything that was the exact opposite of Hayden!

  But he didn’t move. He stood there, thinking about her. Wanting her. Needing her touch and her smile and her warmth.

  Viktor didn’t love her. He couldn’t love her. He just…Hell. He wasn’t sure about anything at the moment.

  Chapter 9

  Viktor stood in the middle of Hayden’s kitchen, staring at the mess. There were boxes of food stacked in the garbage and dirty wine glasses on the counter. He cringed at the empty wine box placed beside the garbage, thinking that he’d have to stock her kitchen with good wine. He didn’t like thinking of her drinking that swill. Hayden should only have the best. Because she was the best.

  Obviously, her friends had come over last night. While he’d been fighting his need to hold her, Hayden had been laughing and having a great time with her friends.

  At that moment, she stepped into the kitchen and froze, her eyes drinking in his presence, and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and hold her. Unfortunately, the look in her eyes told him not to. The message was loud and clear – he was not wanted here.

  “What are you doing here?” she demanded, her throat scratchy and there were dark circles under her eyes. She’d lost weight and there was something…sad in her eyes. Obviously, she wasn’t as happy as the kitchen might imply.

  He knew how she felt. It had been only three days, but he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind.

  “I couldn’t stay away,” he admitted, his voice was just as rough.

  Those pink lips opened and closed and he wanted to kiss them, to make her feel better.

  “Why?”

  He wasn’t sure what she was asking. “Because…”

  “You don’t love me, Viktor. You don’t know how.”

  He nodded. “You’re right.”

  “So…why are you here?”

  He tried to figure that out himself. “I couldn’t stay away. I need you, Hayden. I can’t love you, but I can’t not love you either.”

  Her eyes narrowed and he knew that he wasn’t making any sense. “I know. That doesn’t sound reasonable. But…” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I just…need you, Hayden. I can’t sleep without you next to me anymore. I can’t…”

  She threw herself
into his arms.

  For a long moment, he barely moved. She was soft and warm and beautiful and…his arms finally wrapped around her as he buried his face against her neck. “I will protect you,” he vowed.

  She smiled gently up at him and he knew that she was trying to understand, to gauge why he was here. “That’s very sweet, but I don’t need your protection.” She slid her hands higher. A week ago, yesterday even, he would have put his arms around her and tried to make love to her. But at this particular moment, he stood stiffly against her, wanting to pull her closer again, but he only allowed himself that brief moment of weakness.

  Lifting her head higher, she kissed his jawline, his neck, his chin, anywhere she could reach. And her fingers smoothed against his chest, feeling the power underneath the expensive material. “I’m just relieved that you came back to me.” She hiccupped slightly. “You love me, Viktor. I know you don’t want to admit it to me, or maybe even yourself, but that’s okay. I know you love me.” She kissed him again, pressing her body against his. “I love you too, Viktor. I love you and I’m going to protect your heart.” She rubbed her cheek against his chest, trying to get as close to him as she could. “I love you and I’m going to keep saying that until you believe me.”

  He growled and his hands tangled in her hair, pulling her head backwards. “You left me that morning.”

  She ignored the slight pain on her scalp as she reached up, her fingers skimming delicately along his cheek. “I know. I’m sorry. I wanted you to understand how I felt when you left me each morning.” Her gaze softened as she looked up at him. “Please don’t do that to me again, okay? And I won’t ever do it to you again.” She kissed his jaw again. “I know you are busy, and might need to get into the office very early some mornings, but if you could just kiss me goodbye, kiss me so that I know you’re leaving, that would help me feel less hurt, okay?”

  He didn’t respond and they stood there, not moving, as he looked down at her, his hands not allowing her head to move in any way. Instead of agreeing to her request, he broke down and kissed her. And when Viktor kissed her now, it was with everything he was feeling inside of her – all the emotions he still couldn’t articulate. Gentleness, passion, desire, lust, and love…it was all surging through him in a confused, angry mess of emotions that she understood he didn’t know how to deal with.

  So, she kissed him back, lifting her hand to gentle him. Trying to quiet the angry beast that was ripping him up inside. She loved this man. She couldn’t deny that any longer. Yes, he would protect her, and he also loved her, a whole lot more than he could handle right now. She didn’t understand why he’d become so angry over the declaration of her emotions, but she would. It had become clear to her over the past several days that she needed him just as deeply as he needed her.

  She felt the world tilt, but hung onto his shoulders as he carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. He made love to her this time more gently, almost reverently. When she screamed his name, she added in that she loved him as her body trembled with the pleasure he gave to her every time they connected like this.

  And before he left the bed, he kissed her.

  Hayden felt like the world had just turned rosier.

  Chapter 10

  “What has you in such a great mood?” Arianna asked as she walked into the garden center the following morning.

  Hayden laughed and did a small jig, too excited by the day to care if anyone saw her happiness. She felt like the world was wonderful again. Viktor loved her! She knew he did. No, he hadn’t said the words, but she knew it. And…he’d listened. He’d made love to her again. And then he’d kissed her goodbye. Granted, she hadn’t been sleeping, so there was no way for him to sneak away from her, but still…the sentiment had been there.

  “Viktor came to talk last night and it was…sweet!” she told Arianna.

  Before she could say anything more, a steady stream of vehicles pulled into the parking lot. Hayden knew that these weren’t customers, primarily because she wasn’t open yet, but also, the pickup trucks had ladders stacked on top and the other cars were too expensive.

  “Uh oh,” she muttered.

  Arianna glanced at her sharply, realizing that something was wrong. “Want me to handle them?” she asked.

  Hayden shook her head, feeling a sense of calm sweep over her instead of the anger and frustration she’d felt the last time all of these people had descended on her house.

  “Ms. Ferrant, we really need to…” the interior decorator began, stumbling over the gravel in his haste.

  “No, I need you first. Mr. Chenko has set the date for your wedding, but you still haven’t chosen a wedding dress. You must choose one and start your fittings! It is imperative!”

  The electrician held back, more than slightly intimidated by those two vampire ladies. But he held up his clipboard, indicating that he wanted to get started on the re-wiring tasks.

  There was also the plumber and the guy with a large roll of paper that Hayden correctly discerned were the plans for the renovation of her house.

  Adding to the chaos, her regular hourly workers were parking behind the house, but walking around to her, ready for their tasks for the day. But in addition, there was a van pulling into the driveway. A moment later, six more workers climbed out, clad in jeans and long sleeved shirts with work gloves ready. She knew that they were here to help move the plants and get things organized.

  Too many people demanding her attention.

  For a moment, she thought about getting rid of everyone. She was in too good a mood to deal with all of this petty stuff, no way was she going to handle the pushy women who thought the world began and ended with their issues! But instead of putting things off, she turned to each of them one by one.

  To the electrician, “We’re not taking out a wall. If a new furnace needs to be installed or water heater removed, then the guy needs to figure out how to do it without taking down walls. Work with him and figure it out.”

  He opened his mouth to argue, but she held up her hand and turned to the construction man. “As I said, I’m not tearing out walls unless absolutely necessary. And those plans in your hand,” they both looked down at the roll of plans, “they’re not going to work. Nothing is going to change until I can afford it.”

  “Mr. Chenko…”

  “No. Mr. Chenko is not going to pay for the renovations to my house. Period. Since I still don’t have adequate cash flow,” she had to pause because a wave of panic started to hit her, but she turned to look at Arianna and that panic subsided. Turning back to the man, she nodded. “I have your business card. I’m sorry that Mr. Chenko brought you out here. Bill his company for whatever time you’ve spent to date, but I’ll contact you when,” she was proud that she hadn’t said ‘if’, “my business is back on track.”

  The man hesitated, but at the determined look in his eyes, he smiled and tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Understood, ma’am,” and he touched the brim of his hat before turning around to leave.

  To the workers, she smiled at each of them. “I’ll need you to speak with Arianna over there,” she directed, pointing to the woman who was standing off to the side, a proud smile on her lovely features as she listened to Hayden with glowing approval. “She’ll have you fill out the appropriate employment forms.”

  “We were hired by Mr. Chenko,” one of the stated.

  “If you work for Mr. Chenko, then report to his office. If you work for me, then go speak to Arianna.” She stood there and each of the men looked as if they wanted to argue with her. But she glared right back at them, determined that each of them see her as the woman in charge. Viktor was an intimidating figure, but she wasn’t backing down. This was her business. Her turf!

  One by one, the men looked at each other and shrugged. “Whatever you say, ma’am.” Apparently, they didn’t care who employed them as long as they got paid. As a group, they moved off to speak with Arianna.

  “Arianna, once the forms are all filled out, I
’ll work out a plan. You said that we needed to capture the street traffic. I have an idea for that and these guys can help with that this afternoon.”

  Arianna nodded, then led all of them into the garden center where she would get them set up to work.

  Turning back to the two obnoxious women that were left, she lifted a hand when both of them stepped forward, ready to take over her day.

  “No, ladies,” she told them firmly. “I’m not choosing a wedding dress,” she told them. “And I’m not redecorating my home or figuring out which flowers I want for the wedding ceremony. Not at this point.”

  “But Mr. Chenko…!”

  Once again, she lifted her hands to stop their flow of words. “Mr. Chenko is not in control of my life or my schedule. As I said to the other men, if you have concerns, speak with him. If you’d like to buy a plant, or if you’re here to discuss my landscaping services, then we can talk. Otherwise, you need to leave. I’m about to open for business and your cars are parked in the parking lot.”

  The women both opened their mouths to argue, but Hayden’s eyebrows went up, daring them to argue. “I’m not setting a date. End of conversation.” She could tell that she’d offended them, but Hayden didn’t care. “Furthermore, both of you approached me with condescension and demands since the moment you appeared. So, even after I set a date for my wedding, I will not be working with either of you.” She straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath before continuing. “I require someone who is willing to work with me in a polite and respectful manner.” She turned to the decorator, who was smirking behind the horrible women. “And you insulted my home. A place where I grew up. So, get off of my property before I call the police and charge you with trespassing!”

  The man gaped for a long moment, his face dead white. But with a huff of indignation, he turned on his heel and walked away, following behind the dress and floral women.