by Jaci Burton
She’d been drawn to Reid from the first moment she’d laid eyes on him last year, and now, she wanted him to stay.
But she wanted him to want to stay. It had to be his choice.
The problem was, she didn’t believe that was the choice he was going to make. And she wouldn’t ask it of him. It wouldn’t be fair. Not with the way her life was right now.
She dragged in a shaky breath and made the turn at the traffic light, already knowing she was going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.
Chapter 34
REID WAS DOING a final walk-through today with three of the tenants who were going to move in on Monday. He sat in Logan’s ranch office and finalized the last of those tenants’ lease paperwork.
The entire building was leased—with the exception of the corner office on the third floor. Logan and Luke had told him they were leaving that decision up to him.
He already knew what he wanted to do. He just had to finalize some things first. He couldn’t make a commitment on some things without ending others first. He owed his people in Boston that much.
And as far as Samantha, he wasn’t sure what to do about her. She’d made no mention of wanting him to stay. He really had wanted her to ask, or at least express interest. Instead, she’d acted as if him going back to Boston was a foregone conclusion. Then she’d seemed as if she was okay with it.
He hoped like hell what he felt for her wasn’t one-sided, that he wasn’t the only one in love, because if that was the case, then he was doing this for nothing. Because as much as he’d enjoyed being back home, and as much fun as he’d had restoring the mercantile, and making plans for some of the folks in town about future business¸ he could do restorations in Boston. And he sure as hell had plenty of potential for new business there.
The main reason he was planning to upend his life was because he’d fallen in love with Sam.
He looked up from his paperwork and found Not My Dog staring at him.
“What?”
Of course, the dog didn’t speak, but he gave him that look. Reid was getting used to those looks.
So why the hell don’t you tell her you’re in love with her and ask her if she feels the same way before you turn your entire life upside down?
“Huh. Good question. Maybe I haven’t asked the question because I’m afraid of the answer.”
Not My Dog cocked his head to the side.
Bullshit. You’re not afraid of anything. You moved across the country, the only member of your family to ever move out of Hope. You have balls of steel.
Reid let out a short laugh. “Yeah, sure. Right now my balls are quivering at the thought that maybe Sam isn’t interested in a future with me. She might think we had some fun together, and that’s it. Nothing more. So much for steely balls.”
He could have sworn Not My Dog shook his head in disgust.
Get a grip. Man up, go over there, and tell her you love her.
“And what do I do if she just stares at me like I’ve lost my goddamned mind? What if she’s more than ready to move on?”
Not My Dog growled at him.
Then you suck it up and go back to Boston. We’ve survived worse, haven’t we?
“We? No, man, there is no we. But as far as me, then no, I haven’t. My breakup with Britt was nothing like this.”
He got up and went to the window, looked out over the pasture. “I’ve never felt like this before. What I thought was love with Britt was nothing compared to what I feel for Sam.”
He heard Not My Dog’s toenails tapping on the wood floor as he came over to sit beside him.
So what’s the solution, dipshit? You say nothing, sell your business, move back to Hope, and then you ask her? What kind of a moron are you, anyway?
“A cowardly one?”
Remember—balls of steel. Let’s get this done.
“Yeah, nice talk. But since you have no balls, I’m not relying on you for advice.”
Not My Dog barked at him.
You’re a dumbass. We don’t want to lose her. We love her, remember?
“How can I forget? And I heard everything you said. I’ll think about it.”
Chapter 35
IT HAD BEEN a particularly tough day with Grammy Claire. She’d had two episodes of forgetfulness, she’d asked for Grandpa Bob twice, and she hadn’t recognized Faith at first when she’d come over to take her to lunch.
The doctor had told Sam there would be bad days and good days.
Today had been a very bad day.
Fortunately, Sam had hired someone part-time to work at the shop. Chloe attended the county college nearby on a part-time basis, so she was only looking for about twenty hours a week, which was ideal for Sam. Chloe had been in training for a week now and was doing great, so when Sam had to drop everything to deal with Grammy Claire today, Chloe had been able to jump right in and handle the day’s orders, for which Sam was grateful.
Grammy Claire had been cranky, too, telling Sam and Faith both that she could take care of herself, that she didn’t need anyone there to watch over her like she was some child or addled old woman. She had finally—and firmly—insisted they leave her house.
It had been Sam who’d had to be firm but gentle with her grandmother and tell her they both loved her and it was for her safety that they were going to stay with her for the day. Grammy Claire sniffed and left the room, closing herself off in her bedroom.
Faith had told her it was going to be okay, but Sam had been devastated. If not for Faith being there, Sam didn’t know how she would have gotten through the day. As a now-retired nurse, Faith had gone through this before with her geriatric patients, so Sam had leaned on her, had asked a lot of questions, and had gotten some very detailed answers. Maybe answers she hadn’t wanted to hear, but she’d needed to hear them.
An hour later Grammy Claire had come out of her room, acting her usual sweet, happy self, with apparently no memory of her outbursts or forgetfulness. But Faith had told Sam that would likely happen, and would continue to happen as the disease progressed.
Faith could apparently handle this with a great amount of patience.
Sam wasn’t so sure she could, but she’d prepare herself for it. She had no other choice. Whatever happened, she was going to have to be ready for it.
Later that evening, she and Faith had gotten her grandmother fed and bathed. Grammy Claire and Faith were playing cards, so Sam wanted to dash across the street and take a shower.
“Why don’t you just go on home for the night, honey?” Faith asked. “I’m going to spend the night.”
“You don’t need to do that, Faith.”
“I don’t mind. Besides, Claire has the better coffeemaker. And a more comfortable guest room bed than my own.”
Sam laughed. “Okay. Thank you so much for being here to help.”
“She’s my best friend, Samantha, and has been since her husband and mine became friends forty years ago. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”
She hugged Faith. “We’re both very lucky to have you. Call me if you need me or if anything happens?”
“Of course. But we’ll be just fine. You go get some rest.”
She went home and got in the shower, letting the hot water rain over her head and her body. She probably stayed in there for twenty minutes, until the water started cooling. Then she put on her pajamas, made a glass of hot tea, and grabbed her e-reader to finish the book she’d started.
Her phone pinged with a message. It was Reid.
You at home?
She typed a response.
Yes.
He replied right away with: Up for a visitor?
She smiled and sent back a reply: If you mean you, then yes. Come on over.
He texted back with: Be there in ten.
He must have been working late again. She hoped he’d eaten today. She didn’t have much in the way of food, but she could always make him a turkey sandwich.
She thought about changing into regular clothes,
but she was tired and he’d seen her naked multiple times. She figured he’d be fine with her pajamas.
He’d probably be fine with naked, too. That made her laugh, and God, she really needed that.
She answered the door when he rang the bell.
“Where’s Not My Dog?”
“Luke stopped by the mercantile this afternoon. He had Boomer with him and was on his way to the ranch to meet Emma and the other dogs there. They were going to have dinner with Logan and Des and I knew I was going to work late again, so he took Not My Dog back with him.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sorry I’ll miss being able to cuddle with him.”
He stepped closer and slung his arm around her waist, dragging her against him. “You can cuddle with me instead.”
“You’re not as hairy, but I guess you’ll do.”
He grinned. “Good to know I’ll always be second-best to my dog.”
“That’s tough, isn’t it?” She splayed her palms on his chest, then kissed him, needing to absorb some of his strength, the warmth and feel of his body. By the time he pulled back, she felt thoroughly kissed.
She took his hand and pulled him to the sofa. “Did you eat dinner?”
“Yes. I actually took time to grab a bite at Bert’s.”
“I’m glad. I was going to fix you a sandwich otherwise.”
“Of course you would. Because you’re always thinking about me.”
If only he knew how much she thought about him. “How was your day?”
“Busy.” He told her about the walk-through with three of the tenants.
“I can’t believe people are going to be moving in soon. How exciting.”
“Yeah, it is. How was your day? I saw your new employee running flowers out to the van. Chloe, is that her name?”
“Yes. I wasn’t there today. Grammy Claire had a couple of rough episodes.”
He picked up her hand. “Oh, no. What happened?”
She told him about Grammy Claire’s day.
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “That’s rough on you. I’m sorry. You should have called me.”
She laughed. “So you could do what? Hold my hand?”
“So I could be here for you.”
She wanted him to be here for her. Every day. For the rest of their lives. But his tenure here was finished. He already had one foot back in Boston. “Faith has been a great help to me and will continue to be. I think she’s hinting around at moving in. She lives in the trailer park, and I know she’d be more comfortable at Grammy Claire’s. And God knows I could use the help. Plus, with her knowledge of geriatric nursing, she’d be a lifesaver. I think I’ll ask her to move into Grammy Claire’s house. I haven’t discussed it with my grandmother yet, but I know she’ll agree.”
“I see. You think that’s the ideal move?”
“I do. Short of me selling this house and moving in with her. Which is another option, and I may do that somewhere down the road. But I still have to work, so long-term care will be something we’ll have to consider at some point.”
“So you have a long-range plan.”
She nodded. “I do. I’ve discussed it with Faith, and to some extent with my grandmother. She’s put her future care into my hands, because she knows at some point she’ll be incapable of making decisions. She’s already given me all her power of attorney, for both medical and financial decision making.”
“You don’t have to do this alone, Sam.”
She gave him a look. “Of course I do. There is no one else.” And she’d never, ever ask him to help her. She loved him, but you didn’t fall madly in love with someone, then ask them to shoulder this kind of burden. It wasn’t going to happen.
So while she loved Reid, she was going to smile and wish him well and watch him go back to Boston.
She had to let him go.
Reid had the answer he’d come looking for. She wouldn’t ask him to help her because she didn’t care for him in the same way he cared for her.
He knew exactly what he had to do now.
“I’m heading back to Boston on Friday.”
She nodded. “I figured now that the project was finished you’d be heading back home.”
“Yeah, I have a lot of things back there waiting for me to handle. Things I’ve put off that need to be dealt with.”
“Of course.” She stood. “I’m glad you stopped by. I would have hated not being able to say good-bye to you.”
He hadn’t come here to get a good-bye, but that’s what was happening. He got up, feeling the chasm between them already. He didn’t know what to say, how to end this.
Hell, he didn’t want to end this.
“So before you go, I have something I need to say to you.”
He held his breath, waiting for her to say something, anything, that would tell him how she felt.
“Okay.”
She pulled him into her arms for a hug. “I’ve enjoyed every minute we’ve spent together, Reid. I wish you a lifetime of happiness. And whenever you’re in town again, come say hi, okay?”
He held tight to her, and his eyes stung. Goddammit.
Balls of steel, remember?
Yeah. Fuck that. He drew back and kissed her, needing her to know how he felt, needing to sear her, to brand her, to make her understand in that kiss exactly how much he loved her.
And when he pulled back, she blinked, and he could swear there were tears in her eyes, too.
“Well,” she said, her voice cracking. “I have an early day tomorrow, so I should let you get home.”
He nodded and she walked him to the door. She opened it, took his hand, and held it, before finally letting hers slip away.
“Good-bye, Reid.”
“Bye, Sam.”
He walked out, and she shut the door behind him. He didn’t even turn around to look as he got in the truck and drove off.
So this is what it felt like to really love someone and lose them.
It fucking hurt like hell.
SAM SAT ON the sofa and stared at the television that she hadn’t bothered to turn on. She couldn’t open the book she’d picked up to read, because tears were streaming down her face.
He was gone. She’d let him go.
It had been the right thing to do.
But the right thing to do hurt so bad she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to recover from it.
She laid down on the sofa and curled up, dragging a blanket over her, and continued to stare at the dark TV.
Chapter 36
IT HAD TAKEN two weeks in Boston for Reid to wrap up his life there.
He’d let his employees know right away, then put out feelers to sell the company. In the end, Tim, his vice president, had made an offer to buy the company. He couldn’t think of anyone better suited to take his company to the next level. Tim would do great things with his architectural firm, and his clients were in good hands. They settled on a price, and the paperwork and finances were rolling.
He found a Realtor and put his condo on the market, furniture included, and had made arrangements to have his things packed up and shipped to the ranch.
It had been an incredibly fast-paced two weeks, but he was used to a fast pace.
When he’d gotten back to Hope, he’d been immediately greeted by Not My Dog.
“You thought I had abandoned you, didn’t you, buddy?” He ruffled Not My Dog’s coat, scratched him behind the ears, and, in the end, sat on the ground while the dog climbed in his lap and licked his face.
“Face it, bud, the two of us are meant to be together.”
Not My Dog stared at him.
What about Sam?
“Yeah, I know. I miss her, too.” He rubbed Not My Dog’s neck, then went inside to see his family.
Martha greeted him with a huge hug, as did Des, whose burgeoning belly bumped him.
“Getting out there, aren’t you, mama?” he asked with a grin.
“You know it. If not for all the walks Logan makes me take around
the ranch every day, I’d be sitting inside getting as big as this house.”
“It’s not possible for you to get that big,” Logan said, shaking Reid’s hand while he put his arm around Des. “You’re too naturally sexy.”
“Aww, thanks,” Reid said. “I never knew you thought I was sexy.”
Logan rolled his eyes. Des laughed.
After they all had dinner together, he and Logan shared a beer out on the front porch. Despite the fall chill, there was something renewing and fresh about sitting outside. Besides, it would never be as cold here as it was in Boston. And he had a great coat.
“Everything taken care of in Boston?” Logan asked.
“Yeah. Company is sold and is in great hands. Condo is on the market, and my Realtor texted to tell me we already have two offers with the potential for another on the way tomorrow morning, so we might get in a bidding war, which will drive up the price. I’m hoping the condo will be sold by next week.”
Logan took a long swallow of beer. “That’s good news. All the tenants have moved into the mercantile.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Including our third-floor corner office tenant?” Reid had hated leasing that space, but he’d had no choice. An accountant leased it. And was due to move in this week. Besides, that had all been a part of his dream. A dream he no longer believed in.
“He backed out.”
Reid looked over at Logan. “What? He signed the lease.”
“Yeah, well, we let him unsign it. He decided to relocate to Tulsa. Something about his wife and the kids and school district and her parents insisting they live where there’s some private school and hell if I know. I was only half listening. He wanted out of the lease and Luke and I said yes. So the space is yours if you want it.”
“Huh.”
“You want it, don’t you?”
Reid looked out over the land. This had always been home. And now that he was back, it was good to know it would always be here for him.
“Yeah, I want it. I’m going to buy a plot of land south of the main highway, halfway between here and Hope.”
He explained to Logan where it was.
