A Few Good Fish

by Amy Lane

  Oh God. With another apologetic grimace at Ellery’s father, Jackson moved closer to the bed so he could lean down and kiss Ellery’s forehead soberly. “Okay, Ellery. I promise. You’ll regret it, but I promise.”

  “Thanks, Jackson.”

  Jackson pulled in a deep breath and remembered what it felt like to set down some of his burdens. “Do you… I mean, I could invite Jade over to sleep in the guest room,” he said after a moment. “Maybe if the first night doesn’t go well.”

  Ellery smiled, his eyes red-rimmed and shiny. “That would be fine,” he said. “Crystal, AJ—you have friends who’ll do that for you. Let them.”

  “Sure.”

  Jackson kissed him on the lips this time, tasting the faint brine of tears. “Three days. You won’t even miss me. Get some sleep, okay, Counselor?”

  “Sure, Jackson. I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  And then he shook Sid Cramer’s hand, grabbed his duffel bag, and left.

  JADE PICKED him up at the airport with Billy Bob in a carrier in the back of the car, meowing piteously.

  Jackson hugged Jade, put his seat belt on, and let his cat out of the box in spite of Jade’s vociferous objections.

  “Jackson, he’s a cat! He fucking hates the car—goddammit, he’s been screaming in my ear for a solid fucking hour, you think he’ll just—”

  Billy Bob leapt into Jackson’s arms and shut up, rubbing Jackson’s nose and smoothing his whisker’s back against Jackson’s cheeks.

  “Hey, buddy! Did you miss me?”

  “Meow.” Billy Bob’s snaggletoothed face searched Jackson’s features unhappily.

  “I’m sorry, man. We hated leaving you—you can’t even get laid anymore. I mean, I know it was solid at Crystal’s place. I think she was feeding you raw hamburger, the choice stuff, you know?”

  “Meow.” With a wiggle the cat curled up his remaining back leg so it fit in the crook of Jackson’s elbow and rubbed whiskers again.

  “Yeah, you’re sort of a street cat. We got basic Meow Mix at home. I bet you miss that, right?”

  “Purrrrrrrr….” Billy Bob rubbed his face against Jackson’s bandaged chest, and Jackson just held him closer.

  “Yeah, buddy. Missed you too, you no-thumbs-having motherfucker.”

  Jade had yet to pull out from the side of the arrival pickup curb. She just stared at him like she’d never seen a man make out with his cat before.

  “What?” he asked defensively.

  “Doesn’t Ellery get jealous?”

  “Naw—Billy Bob gives him whisker rubs too.” Jackson let out a sigh and rubbed noses with his first, best roommate again.

  “That’s disturbing,” Jade said with a sigh, pulling her boyfriend’s SUV away from the curb. “How you doing today? You look like shit. I think you need to go home and sleep and catch up with your email and shit, what do you think?”

  “I think I need to buy another laptop,” Jackson told her. “And one for Ellery too. Our laptops were… uh… damaged….”

  “Doing what?” she demanded, and Jackson had to wince.

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” When Ace had dropped off their luggage, he’d muttered something about exploding lithium batteries as detonators and using a screwdriver to open up the two MacBooks and how it left a scar. At that point Jackson didn’t want to hear any more—he was just glad his favorite T-shirts were still intact.

  “Really? That’s what you’ve got?”

  Jackson grunted. “Uh, what did Ellery’s mother tell you?”

  “That Ellery was kidnapped from Walmart, which is about the funniest goddamned thing I’ve ever heard. And then she said you went to get him—which I can believe. And that he got shot—which I can believe too. And then me and Mike and the kids next door had cops and military guys knocking on our doors and telling us to stay inside under the bed.” She snorted. “Mike and I kept watch, him in front with the shotgun, me in back with the pistol. It’s a good thing those military guys move fast, because I almost shot them going for the bad guy sneaking over the fence.”

  Jackson smiled, the comfort of his cat seeping into his bones as Jade dodged in and out of the giant trucks that hung out on I-5 as she headed for the J Street turnoff.

  “Well done,” he said, scratching Billy Bob in the secret place at the base of his tail. The cat’s tail kept pointing… up, up, up! Yes! Catgasm achieved! “Kaden still won’t tell me what happened.”

  Jade grunted. “What happened was their bad guy got in through the guest room window and grabbed Anthony. AJ offered himself in exchange, and the badass who called you—”

  “Burton?”

  “Yeah. He took the guy out with one shot from under my brother’s legs as he was negotiating for Anthony’s safety.”

  Jackson grunted. “Oh my God—”

  “Yeah. AJ left the next day, and Kaden was pretty sure he was heading to score. We let him drop the car off at the duplex, and then Crystal and I took him out for ice cream. You know the rest.”

  The roommate situation. “I think it’s a good thing,” he said softly. “I think it’s a really good thing. You did good there, Jade. You should be proud.”

  “Yeah, well, you started the rescue process. Me and Kaden are just following your lead. Now, Burton couldn’t tell Kaden how you got hurt. You got any stories to tell?”

  Billy Bob started to knead his chest, right where the bandages sat, and Jackson gently disengaged his claws.

  “Not so’s you—”

  “Finish that sentence, asshole. I fucking dare you.”

  Jackson leaned back and closed his eyes, exhaustion in every pore of his body.

  And then he let go.

  Jade, Kaden—they’d faced down the bad guys, and they’d done damned well. Jackson hadn’t grown up alone in a shitty part of town. He and the Camerons—even Rhonda, Kaden’s wife—they’d all grown up together, and they’d fought hard and fought plenty. When Jade had come to school with her hair under a hoodie to keep it out of the fight, girls all over campus had gone ducking into the bathrooms, hoping Jade wasn’t after them.

  So Jackson trusted her. Like he’d trusted her with AJ—and she’d come through.

  “Well, it’s sort of long,” he said. “You want to stop for coffee and a snack on the way?”

  She hit a Starbucks in Natomas. He almost fell asleep while she ran in, since they didn’t have a drive-thru, and when she came back, he sipped his coffee appreciatively.

  Then he quit stalling and told Jade the story of two lost fish on a road trip to the desert.

  And Jade stopped bossing him around enough to listen.

  He wrapped it up as she pulled into Ellery’s driveway.

  “Take your cat inside and I’ll get the luggage,” she instructed quietly.

  “I can help—”

  “You’re going in, putting on some pajamas, and getting into bed.”

  Jackson yawned, his whole body hurting, and thought of the basic painkillers he’d put off taking. “Yeah, sure,” he said through another yawn. “Why am I doing this?”

  “So I can hang next to you and do work and have Mike bring us dinner. Baby, we came way too close to losing you again. Remember when we were dating, and we used to sit and watch TV in our pajamas?”

  Just like AJ and Crystal would. Jackson smiled faintly, unexpectedly tearful. “Yeah.”

  “We’ll do that. Mike’ll let me stay in the guest room. You’re not sleeping alone for a while, okay?”

  “Ellery will be relieved,” he rasped. He wanted to open his door, but instead he hugged Billy Bob closer.

  “I hope so,” she muttered. “It could be the best news he gets for a while.”

  Jackson heard her, and his heart sank. But he wasn’t going to borrow trouble. He had a meeting with Ellery’s boss the next day. He figured the least he could do was not make Jade tell him Ellery had been fired.

  HE GOT inside and barely made it to the bed to nap, cursing recovery a
nd the limits it placed on his body. When he woke up, his phone was buzzing with an unfamiliar number.

  “Rivers,” he mumbled.

  “Oh, Jackson! Ellery told me I’d probably find you at home. I hope I didn’t wake you!”

  “No. Who’re you?”

  He heard a deep breath, the kind praying for patience. “This is Rabbi Watson. I called Ellery because I was worried—he seemed so excited about attending, but he disappeared for the next two weeks. He said you both planned to come back soon but that I might want to stop by and talk to you. I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering if I could knock on your door.”

  Jackson sat bolt upright in bed so fast his middle hurt. He gave a little groan and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Define ‘in the neighborhood,’” he said suspiciously, and in response, he heard a knock on the door.

  “Jackson! Do you know who that is?”

  “It’s Ellery’s rabbi! Tell him I’m dead!”

  Over the phone Rabbi Watson said, “Jackson, I can still hear you.”

  “That’s playing dirty!” Jackson accused.

  Through the phone he could hear Jade trilling, “Rabbi! Come in! I’m so happy to meet you! Jackson has been telling us all about his visit to your temple.”

  Jackson hung up, muttering, “Suck-up.” Then he grabbed his jeans off the end of the bed and hauled them on, and a sweatshirt over his T-shirt as well. He padded out to the kitchen barefoot and hoped God or whoever would forgive him.

  “Jackson!” Rabbi Watson hadn’t changed one bit over the last two and a half weeks. Salt-and-pepper beard, kind brown eyes, narrow face. It was almost comforting.

  “Rabbi.” Jackson extended his hand and shook and then indicated the table. “This is my sister, Jade Cameron. Here, I’ll get us some coffee. What can I do for you?”

  “I’ll get you hot chocolate,” Jade corrected, going through their cupboards and shooing him back to sit. “And look! Ellery has cookies—your favorite kind!”

  “Where’d you get those?” Jackson asked. Ellery had a habit of producing them when Jackson was at his most depressed. Like magic.

  “I’m not telling,” she said. “I have the feeling they’re supposed to be hidden. Now sit and talk to the man.”

  Jackson smiled gamely. “I’m, uh, sorry I said I was dead.”

  “You look like you came close to it,” the rabbi said. “I hope Ellery had a better vacation than you did.”

  Jackson knew his face closed down, but he couldn’t do anything about it. “Ellery’s still in the hospital. I got out early.”

  Rabbi Watson looked instantly concerned, and Jackson girded himself for questions. If he’d realized he’d have to debrief twice, he would have made Jade wait.

  “He didn’t tell me that when he called. That must be hard,” the rabbi said. “Coming home without him.”

  Jackson swallowed. “It’s his house. I, uh, sort of moved in when my duplex got shot up, and he just… never made me leave.”

  “He’s a good man,” the rabbi said softly. “I’m sure the arrangement was to his benefit as well.”

  Jackson grunted. “I don’t see how. He has to keep buying me cars. My cat’s shredded his couch and his rug. He’s in the goddamned hospital. And I freeload off him. I’m pretty sure I’m getting the best of the deal. Jade, how’s that hot chocolate?”

  “Still cold. Ellery loves you. Tell the nice rabbi that!”

  “Ellery loves me,” Jackson said with a shrug. “There’s no accounting for taste.”

  Rabbi Watson had that familiar look about him—the one where his forehead was bunched up and his eyes were closed, and he was massaging the tight part of his forehead right between his eyebrows and his hairline.

  “He said you killed two men to keep him safe.”

  Jackson’s eyes got so wide his head started to hurt—although he’d been assured his concussion had healed completely. “Can he tell you that? Jade, can he tell the rabbi that? I thought we weren’t supposed to tell people that shit!”

  “I think the rabbi is one of the people you can tell,” Jade said, coming out of the kitchen with two glasses of milk and the box of cookies. “The hot chocolate was taking too long. You’re going to need some sugar for this conversation.”

  “I’m not hungry,” he said, because why would that have gotten any better?

  “Eat!” She punctuated it with a flick to the ear.

  Unbidden, Jackson was hit with a memory of Jade’s mother and a very different kitchen.

  “Jackson, why aren’t you graduating the eighth grade? Kaden says he got the paperwork, Jade got the paperwork, but you got nothing.”

  “I… you know.” Jackson hadn’t wanted to talk about this. “I can’t do my homework.” His mother had burned up his math book the year before when she’d been cooking her spoon, and he hadn’t taken another one home. But for a moment pride reared its ugly head, and he didn’t want to admit that to Jade and Kaden’s mom. “Besides, Kaden knows I’m too stupid to do it anyway.”

  Toni Cameron had never raised a hand to him—until that moment, when she’d flicked his ear. “That right there is the only stupid thing I’ve heard you say. Go get Kaden’s math book. And his English book. And his history book. You and me have some work to do this week, because I’m not going back to that school next year to watch you walk across the stage.”

  “Why aren’t you hungry?” the rabbi asked, jerking Jackson’s eyes from Jade, who was looking hurt and stern at the same time. Rabbi Watson took a cookie and dipped it into the milk with glee. “I mean, cookies. Why do you have such a thing against cookies?”

  Jackson smiled faintly, charmed. “Cookies are the best,” he said with a sigh. He took one of the cookies and dipped it into milk too. “I don’t mind cookies at all. So why are you here again?”

  “Eat the cookie, Jackson. Then tell me why you think Ellery might have called.”

  The cookie turned to ashes and sugar in his mouth. “He probably thinks I need someone to talk to,” he said. “Ellery’s big on being well-adjusted.”

  “Mm.” Rabbi Watson took another cookie. “What does he think you should talk about?”

  “The two dead guys, probably. And Ellery getting hurt. And….” Jackson took a deep breath. “And how much I hate hospitals. And why I can’t eat. And fucking—uh, damned nightmares every night.”

  “They’re getting worse?” Jade asked quietly from the kitchen.

  “Since November,” Jackson said. God—he and Ellery had traveled seven hundred miles away and tangled with forces so far beyond their control they might as well have been on Pluto. But somehow his entire life came back here, to the moment he’d seen his mother on a slab in the morgue and realized his shitty childhood could never be redeemed.

  “Do you think you’re going to sleep any better now?” Jade asked, leaning over the counter into the dining room. “You saw him get shot. You love this guy more than anything in the world, including your damned cat, and you saw him get shot! And more shit that’s worse! Do you really want all that hanging over your head when he comes back home? Don’t you think that man will have enough to deal with besides being the only goddamned pair of shoulders you are willing to lay your burdens down on?”

  Jackson looked dispiritedly at the cookie currently disintegrating in his milk.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I think Ellery could maybe stand to haul less of my dead weight.”

  “So,” Rabbi Watson said thoughtfully. “You are tired, and your heart is probably sore. I promise I won’t overstay my welcome. Let’s talk about one thing, and one thing only—for a half an hour, and then I’ll take my leave, I promise. Your choice. A burden, maybe, that you could tell to me, so I can lay it at God’s feet and you can live without it for a while. What do you say? One thing—and if this conversation tells me anything, it tells me you’ve got so very many burdens you could stand to put down. What’s one thing you’re willing to give up and let God take care of today, so you can heal?”

>   Jackson shoved the rest of the sopping cookie in his mouth and swallowed. “Hospitals,” he said after a choked moment. Hell, he’d told the entire world this one, so why not do it again? “I… I freak out inside hospitals. I can’t breathe there. Ellery sent me home so I could feel useful, but also to get me the hell out of the hospital so I can calm the fuck down and maybe get some sleep. So let’s start with hospitals.”

  “Sure,” said the rabbi. “One more cookie, Jackson, then tell me all about hospitals.”

  The first bite of the cookie helped.

  By the time the half hour was up, he’d talked about being in the hospital eight years ago and eaten two more cookies, then drank a mug of Jade’s hot chocolate.

  The rabbi sat there and listened kindly, pretending not to see how hard every word was. Pretending not to see Jackson’s eyes grow red and shiny.

  Just when Jackson was about to pretend he heard a burglar outside so he could run the fuck away, the rabbi said, “Oh my—you’re a good storyteller, Jackson. Thank you so much for talking to me.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Jackson mumbled.

  “Would you like to stay for dinner?” Jade asked excitedly. “My boyfriend is bringing stew, and he’s a pretty good cook.”

  “That’s a kind offer,” the rabbi said. “But my wife is waiting at home. Perhaps next time I stop by—next week, at this time?”

  “I might have work,” Jackson told him reluctantly. It seemed rude, somehow, to refuse. He might feel gutted right now, and like he could go back to sleep for a week, but the man had been damned human to sit and listen to Jackson—and Jade, who interjected with facts and her own worries and clarifications like “Your entire fucking insides were on the operating table, Jackson. You’re a damned lucky jigsaw puzzle is what you are!” Jackson didn’t feel like he could tell him no.

  “Well then, how about after dinner. We’ll make it a plan, and then, after you and Ellery come to temple again, we can revisit when I come by.”

  “Uh… sure. Uh, I, uh, told Ellery I’d come in this time.”

  “So I heard.” Rabbi Watson smiled slightly under his beard. “What changed your mind?”