by Nicole Snow
“I'm sorry it didn't work out for him,” Ryan says, stopping next to my car. “Shit, I regret everything that's gone sour for your folks since I left. You guys were like family. Could've been my own flesh and blood when I was that miserable orphan kid, trying to find my place. They'll always be my parents, and my brother. Kin by choice. Everyone except you.”
His hands goes to my face. I'm already blushing because I know he's always seen me as something more than a little sister.
I was the love of his life. His expression tells me I still am.
“I'll meet you at the store. Give me a minute's head start. Should have the doors unlocked and the lights on by the time you pull up.” I turn away, opening my door, but I stop to reach out, pulling on his shoulder. “No more games, Ryan. If you're going to be honest with me, I need the truth tonight. I have to know I'm not dealing with a killer.”
Please, I think. Please tell me I'm not making another mistake, destroying my pending marriage because I have a lingering crush on a disappearing murderer.
He doesn't say anything, just smiles and heads for his sleek black Tesla. I drive on through the night, making the ten minute trip to my cafe in silence, hoping the chasm in my stomach that keeps growing tonight doesn't swallow me up.
The truth that's on the thumb drive he gave me should cause more dread than whatever secrets are rattling around in his head. But he never denies it when I ask about Nelson's murder.
Something awful and completely out of place happened that night. Too bad I've been let down too many times, by too many people, to assume the best anymore.
I'm going to pry it out of him. I have to know what happened that fateful night was a mistake, he was framed, or the blood on his hands is only there for a damned good reason.
He's at the counter with his hands folded, a steaming cup of coffee at his side. I carve out two big pieces of my best cherry pie with the crumble crust for us.
He digs his fork in and takes a big bite as soon as I slide it across, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Ryan closes his eyes, savoring the taste, not caring about the tiny crumbs rolling down his muscular chest.
“Christ, that's delicious. They can't get the tartness right out west. I've missed a lot in this town, and Lilydale cooking is definitely near the top of the list,” he says, reaching for his coffee.
I sit next to him, toying with mine less enthusiastically. It's hard to eat with the elephant standing over us, the one who's threatening to bitch slap this happy moment away if I find out the truth about Nelson.
“I'm glad you're enjoying it, but now I need something from you.”
He gives me a knowing expression, the satisfaction on his face melting as he chews another bite, and slowly swallows. “It's too soon for that, Kara-bou. I'm not throwing you down in the sheets before your engagement's off.”
“Ass!” I punch him in the arm, catching myself laughing.
He is, too. For a second, it's like we're both in our teens again, and the last five hellish years are nothing worse than a long nightmare.
He turns on his stool, quickly finishing up his pie. I give him a few more minutes, hoping he'll be ready once he's had his fill. I tell him about the situation with Matt and his ex, Maggie, who twisted the knife deep when he found out she was cheating.
“Does he ever think about leaving the Marines?” Ryan asks, reaching for my hand.
I let him hold on without fighting to pull away since the first time he's come home. I shake my head, sipping hot cider. “We both wish he would, mom and I. Don't think he wants to give up the pay, and there's nothing here in the U.P. for him. He talked about trying to rebuild daddy's old auto shop last time he came home for Christmas, but it isn't going to happen anytime soon. We don't have the money for that. Especially if Reg is out of the picture.”
Yes, my fiance made noise about supporting my brother's effort. That was back when things were good, before he started screwing around, assuming he hasn't been playing me all along.
Ryan looks at me. The next time I blink, he's pulling out his checkbook, pushing a silver pen to paper.
“What are you doing?” My fork clatters on the small plate holding the remains of my pie, and I wipe my mouth, eager to make him put that thing away if he's doing what I think.
He doesn't say anything until he's finished. The check comes out, and he slides it over. My eyes pop when I see the amount he's written.
“No way. I can't accept this.”
“It's not for you,” Ryan says, gripping my hand. “Give that to Matt. Tell him it's from an old friend who wants to make things right.”
I chew my lip, nervous when I imagine how it would go down. “He doesn't like you anymore. He believes the worst – the same thing most people in town think about what went down with you and Nelson.”
My foot taps the floor. I'm annoyed we're debating charity for my brother, when the big secret is the only reason we're here, sitting together like he never abandoned me.
“Keep your money, Ryan. Seriously. We'll figure things out.” I lean in, staring into his gorgeous face, refusing to let his blue eyes swallow me this time. “I can feel Matt out the next time we're hanging out, if it makes you feel better. Of course, it would really help if there's anything you want to say to clear the air about what happened.”
“Okay, yeah. Guess it's finally time,” he says, pausing to smooth one hand across his face. He stretches his skin, as if he needs to smooth out the tension caused by holding in his secrets. “Before I say anything, you need to know it went down this way because I made a promise. I –“
He stops talking the second I hear the door chime. We turn around, and I'm halfway off my stool, ready to tell the intruder we're closed for the evening. It's my fault for forgetting to lock up.
Except it's not just a random interloper, looking for a midnight snack. Matt stands there like a deer in headlights, his big arms bowing out, fists on his hips.
“Kara? Ma sent me out to grab some muffins for breakfast tomorrow. Gave me the spare key, and said you wouldn't mind. What're you doing here so damned late?”
He hasn't recognized Ryan yet. Thank God.
I want to lean down, tell him to walk in the back for the pastries, and keep on going.
But it only takes a second for my brother to notice Ryan's fingers still wrapped around mine. This causes him to study the stranger next to me in greater detail.
I see it the instant recognition hits.
Then all hell breaks lose. My Marine brother sends all two hundred and twenty pounds of muscles flying across the room, straight into my old flame's chest. Ryan's a big man too, and it takes a lot to knock him down.
It's like two bears slamming into each other, rolling and swearing when they hit the floor.
“What's he doing here, sis? What the fuck's this piece of shit doing with his hands on yours?!” He's still yelling to me as he tries to punch Ryan in the face.
He's quicker than my brother. Ryan catches his wrist, holds it, and strains to prevent the blow from landing on his face.
“Matt, stop! It's okay! Calm your ass down.”
“Bullshit!” My brother's voice echoes like a cannon shot. I'm digging my nails into his shoulders, trying to pry him off, but he bucks once and throws me down, knocking me on my knees. His attention turns to Ryan. “You never should've come back here, you goddamned idiot! I'm turning you in.”
“No, you can't!” Oh, he can, and that's why I'm crying.
It's a small mercy because my anguish seems to break up the fight. Ryan takes the break in my brother's drive to knock his teeth out to throw him against the counter. He hits the floor next to me, sweeps me up in his arms, and buries my face in his chest.
It's a smart move. Matt won't do anything while I'm there except bark. I would've put myself between them anyway if I'd had a few seconds notice, before the last shred of sanity holding this night together snapped.
“Kara...I can't believe this,” Matt growls. “How long have yo
u been seeing him? Do you know what people are gonna say if they see you with this asshole, right underneath Reg's nose? Let alone if they realize who he is...Christ!”
“That's my problem. Not yours.” Ryan stands, cradling me against his chest. I'm clinging to him, ready to fight if he tries to push me away, because I'm the only thing that's stopping Matt from ruining my cafe and tearing into him again. “Let's talk about this like men.”
“Fuck you, Caspian. There's nothing manly about what you did to that rich old fart, or how you ran away from town leaving blood all over dad's auto shop. He never should've hired your lying orphan ass.” He bares his teeth, shaking his head. “Shit. If only we'd seen right through you since the beginning...”
“Nice to see you too,” Ryan says, reaching to the counter. “Honestly, I'm glad you're here tonight. We were just talking about you before you came storming in. I've got something with your name on it.”
He holds the check out for what seems like forever before my brother walks up, and snatches it from his hand. I keep holding in my breath.
“What the fuck is this? A bribe? You're an even bigger asshole than I think you are if you're telling me I should take your money and walk away,” Matt snarls. It takes a few seconds for him to speak after he sees the amount on the check.
Then he holds it up to his face and takes the corners with both hands. I know what's coming next.
“Wait!” Ryan jerks in my arms, holding out one hand. “Before you tear that thing up, I want you knowing it's not a bribe, Matt. We used to be like brothers, before everything went to shit. Give me a chance to explain all this. That's all I was trying to do here tonight with your sis. If you'll hear me out, you'll see I want you to have that money, and I've got more with your name on it for the vets' charity I know you're trying to set up.”
“You've been watching me? And her?” Disbelief sizzles in his tone. “Fuck you, creepy ass stalker. You've got no clue how much you blew our lives to hell after you left, especially Kara's. We don't want a damned thing from you. Sis, just say the word, and I will call the sheriff. I don't care who this fucknut thinks he is with his suit and his money. He belongs behind bars.”
“Matthew, I swear to God,” I say, closing my eyes. “Let him go. This isn't what you think.”
At least, I hope it isn't. Thanks to my brother's crap, I still haven't found out the big secret. Now I'm afraid I won't get the chance tonight.
“Just go home. The family doesn't need this, and neither do you. Go grab your muffins in the back. Take whatever you want home to mom and Holden.”
We stare across at each other for several fiery seconds. Then rage snorts out his nostrils. His fingers finish ripping the check into a dozen little pieces and they fall on the floor like snow.
“Sorry about the mess. I'm not taking this fucking backstabber's money. As for anything else...we'll see. I'll think about what I'm gonna do on the way home.”
He marches past us. I hear him slamming drawers in the kitchen, looking for the day's leftover baked goods, which would've gone to the local shelter in the morning. His fist bangs the back door on the way out, and it swings shut, closing with a thud.
Ryan gives me one more squeeze before he walks over and bends down, picking up the remnants of his shredded check.
“Jesus, Ryan, I'm sorry. Didn't have a clue he'd be coming by tonight. We should've went for a greasy burger instead.”
“Don't apologize,” he says, more adamant than ever. “Kara, this wouldn't be going down if I weren't here. I've got a lot to fix, as soon as I give you the explanation I promised.”
I wrap my arms around him when he comes back to me. I'm shaking my head, hating myself for the next words out of my mouth. I want to know what the hell happened, but not if it means putting him at risk.
“We don't have time to rehash the past tonight. You need to go home and rest. So do I. There's no telling what Matt's going to do after seeing you like this.”
“Fuck. You're right.” He leans down, touching his forehead against mine.
We stay like that for a little while, just savoring our old, familiar warmth. Hating the confusion, the uncertainty, but loving this closeness. These are possibilities, poised between new disasters and miracles.
I'm not going to find out the ending to this story tonight. “Go,” I tell him again. “I'll be in touch. I need a chance to get home and look at what you've given me, too.”
Reluctantly, he nods, and walks me to my car. I give him my number, hoping I'm not making another mistake.
Whatever's coming next won't be easy. Looking into his eyes, I see horrors up ahead. It's going to get worse before it gets better.
Even if he's squeaky clean – and I seriously doubt that's the case – I'm facing a hurricane when Matt spills the news about Ryan's reappearance to mom, and that's separate from the hell coming whenever I walk out on Reg.
If I walk out on him. Ugh. It's hard not to get ahead of myself after being plunged into darkness.
Before we leave, my eyes go to Ryan's lips. It takes every fiber in my being to walk away without a kiss.
He stops next to his car as I'm pulling out, looking at me like he understands.
He gets it, and he fucking hates it, but he isn't giving up.
After tonight, I owe him the same. He's stirred feelings I haven't had in years. They're going to soothe the scars tainting me for the last five years, or turn them into open wounds.
I'm ready for the truth, whatever it may be.
That's what I tell myself, heading for my unhappy home. If I'm honest, before all this is over, the truth might kill me.
I don't have the energy to look at the files tonight.
Reg hasn't come home yet, despite the late hour. I slip into bed with a glass of wine and doze, dreaming about deep blue eyes, stubble on my skin, and a man between my legs who fucks me without asking to hoover suck my toes.
I wake up with a start near early morning. There's no one next to me. Wherever he is, he never came home.
Showering quickly, I dress, cursing myself for not setting an alarm. My internal body clock is the only thing that saves me from being late to opening Grounded.
I'm in such a rush I don't give a second thought to when Reg got home, or if he did. It isn't until I'm downstairs, heading into the kitchen for a banana and some yogurt, when I see him.
He's sitting at the counter, the little black stick in his hand, tapping it against the marble. “Who gave you this?”
My feet turn to ice. I'm stuck, staring at my fiance, his polite mask hanging by a thread. It isn't hard to see the anger underneath.
He's seen what's on it. Somehow, he knows.
Gutted doesn't begin to describe the way I'm hollowed out. If I hoped to control my world self-destructing, there's no chance of that now.
He stands, comes toward me, his eyes narrow and dark. “Jesus fucking Christ, Kara. I thought we were getting better. Then you go behind my back, get this thing from some goddamned jackass, and find pictures taken over my shoulder by a stalker psycho? What did you do, hire a detective?”
“Whoa, back up. I haven't even looked at it!” I decide to give him the truth. “Jesus, calm down.”
“Calm down?” His voice bristles, the same as his angry, erratic movements. “You're asking me for calm when you won't even say where this came from, bitch?”
New pain rips through my heart. In all our arguments before, he's never called me names, much less a bitch.
“To think, you asked me if I was having a goddamned affair the other day,” he scoffs, shaking his head. “You hired a PI to trail me, didn't you? Admit it. Some busy little jackoff you dropped money on to tell you you're right? Well, let me tell you something, Kara-bell.” That name has never sounded so sinister on his lips.
I'm officially afraid.
He steps up, grabs me, and rips me into his chest. I'm too shocked to scream, afraid he's going to throw me against the counter, or worse.
“There's no fuckin
g affair! I'm too good to sneak around behind your back, and you're too stupid to believe it.” He's snarling in my face, continuing to scream, growl, and thunder when my eyes are pinched shut. “This ends here, okay? I'm giving you a choice. We're marching ourselves down to Dr. Evans tomorrow, as planned. You're telling him the truth and asking for help to fix your psychotic paranoia. Otherwise, we end this here. And if we do, I'll make damned sure the whole town knows why.”
My ears try to close in disbelief. For the first time since he pushed me against the counter, I'm angry enough to get over the fear. Opening my eyes, I stare at his face. It's incredible how someone you once loved can transform into a demon in front of you once they've done the unthinkable.
“Are you threatening me, Reg?”
“Is that what you think is going on here?” Raw hate gives way to frustration in his tone. He pulls away, muttering to himself, hot shame warming his cheeks. “Jesus. You're really disconnected from reality, you know that? I'm reacting how any sane person should. Any man would be just as pissed as I am if he found out his fiance had him trailed. I told you the truth the other day. You wouldn't believe me.”
He's right. I wouldn't. Seeing him standing in front of me, rambling like a madman, doesn't bolster my trust.
“I'm leaving for work. We'll pick this up in the evening,” he says, raising his arm.
Our eyes lock as he brings the little thumb drive down against the counter. A second later, it's smashed.
It was my mistake leaving the thing out. I wasn't thinking after coming home so late last night, too emotionally drained by yesterday's events to put it away.
Now, I'll never get that chance. Reg doesn't stop to pick up the pieces laying on the floor. His heavy footsteps plod toward the door, which he slams on his way out.
There's no mistaking the adrenaline flooding my system, my heart beating like a clock out of sync. I'm starting to hate this man. It's incredible how quickly our love has soured, how it's damaged to the point of almost no repair, held together by social pressure more than anything else.
