by Amy Lane
“You fuckin’ finish that sentence and I’ll fuckin’ end you,” Tommy said, his voice just as flat, and Donnie, who had never struck Dex as particularly cowardly, backed down.
“Yeah, anyway, he needs more blood.”
Next to him, Dex perked up. “Blood,” he said, looking at Kane like that was the answer to everything. “When I was in a wreck, half my town donated blood. Let’s do that.” He pulled out his phone and texted frantically for a minute, then hit Send. Kane’s phone was in his own pocket, and when it buzzed, he took it out stupidly.
“We’re all donating blood?” he said when he looked at the text, and Dex nodded.
“It’s something we can do,” he said, and Kane got it. Dex liked to fix things. Liked to make them better. Okay, then. If this would make things better, Kane would do it.
Except now, an hour later, the people in charge weren’t letting them do it.
“What do you mean we can’t donate blood?” Dex said again. About ten of the guys had turned out, which was sort of nice, and they were in the beige blood donor room at six in the frickin’ morning, and Dex’s voice was getting a little shrill. Kane had to admit, he didn’t know what to make of this either.
The nurse—a large middle-aged woman with a face that was not unkind—looked Dex in the eyes. “Honey, I know what Johnnies is. My nephew’s gay. If you are all models from Johnnies, and you’re working, you won’t be allowed to donate blood. You could all come in here and sit behind the partition and answer the questions, but I promise you, when we get to one section on the questionnaire, you’ll be told in all confidentiality that you won’t be allowed to donate. Gay men aren’t—period. And neither are men who have had sex with other men, whether they’re gay or straight. That’s just the law.”
Dex swallowed. “But… but we’re tested. Every month, we’re tested. Doesn’t that count?”
The woman nodded and patted his hand. “It means you’re going to live a long, happy life. But as soon as you started having sex with other men, the law says you’re not going to be leaving any of that life here.” She looked at Dex’s expression, which was so devastated it made Kane uncomfortable, and said as consolation, “But you boys are welcome to some cookies and juice.”
But that was that.
“But what are we supposed to do?” Dex asked, and Kane heard it, that need for something to do.
He walked up to where Dex was dealing with authority—that was sort of Dex’s job with Johnnies. John was the big boss, but Dex was the little boss, and he organized the shoots and did the editing and took care of the guys, and that’s what he was doing here. He was giving them something to do to make them feel better, and it wasn’t working. And it hurt.
So Kane put his hand on the back of Dex’s neck like he would if they were shooting a scene and Dex was getting too frisky, because Kane liked his bottoms to sit still. “Dex, man, it’s okay. We’re gonna go back and wait for news, okay? You got us all here. That’s good. We can say prayers, whatever, but we’re here. You did good. You did your job.”
Dex nodded, but his jaw was clenched and his face was locked, and his sort of pouty lips were thrust out. If anything, he looked more vulnerable here, when he was being in charge, than he had looked when he’d been coming down from the coke.
“Yeah,” he said and then turned around to tell the guys. Most of them took it okay, but some were stunned, and some were angry. Ethan came up to Dex and burst into tears, and Dex spent ten minutes hugging him while he shuddered. Dex ran his hands up and down Ethan’s massive biceps and shoulders and back, because Ethan needed to be petted sometimes just to be able to think.
Kane kept his hand on the back of Dex’s neck through all that, and when Dex shuddered once, like he was thinking about breaking down with Ethan, Kane squeezed a little and shook and Dex got himself back under control.
And they were good right up until when the round little guy with the white fringe of hair like a hula skirt and the white beard and the yarn bag came out and introduced himself as the shrink. He talked to Donnie, Tommy, and Dex—and Kane, because Kane wasn’t letting go of Dex yet. Dex just didn’t seem that out of the woods.
“Does anyone know how long he’s been planning this?” the guy asked when he was done with all sorts of questions that Kane forgot. He did that, especially when he hadn’t slept in for-fucking-ever.
When Donnie and Tommy shrugged, Dex said, “Six weeks,” without seeming to think about it, and they all looked at him.
“How would you know that?” Tommy asked, his voice thick, and Dex started shaking under Kane’s hand.
“’Cause when you got sick,” Dex said, “after we cleaned up your house. That’s when he bought the razor blades. I was there, I just didn’t know what they were for.”
Kane almost dropped him, he was so surprised, but he didn’t, which was good, because when Dex—Dex—came completely unglued, Kane just kept that hold on the back of his neck and turned him in to Kane’s chest so Dex could sob on him while the rest of that hospital madness kept going.
CHASE came out of surgery eventually, and they said he’d be okay, so everybody but Tommy and Donnie went home. Kane drove Dex’s truck while Dex sat, eyes glazed, and stared vacantly out the window.
“You couldn’t know,” Kane said at last. It was cold and gray again, and the sun barely made a glare against the high cloud cover. Kane wished it was bright and cold like it tended to get in November, but it was still early October. It was either going to be gray or too hot, and he liked the cold.
“Yeah, well, there’s that,” Dex said, and Kane grunted.
“I’m going through the drive-through. I haven’t had anything since cookies and juice, and you need food.”
“I need my fucking head examined,” Dex said bitterly, and Kane waited until the truck was in the drive-through line at Jack-in-the-Box before reaching across the truck and smacking him on the back of said unexamined head.
“You need food and sleep, and you need to call John and fill him in if he didn’t see the mass text,” Kane said, all of his pragmatism coming out to play. “And you need to stop blaming yourself. Chase, man, he had that plan down. All we can do is be grateful he decided to change his idea midstream.”
Dex nodded and wiped futilely at his face. “Yeah. Okay.”
The car in front of them moved, and Kane got to the window and placed his order. He ordered for Dex too, figuring that there was only so much breakfast food Jack-in-the-Box had and Dex would probably eat whatever. The car moved forward, and Kane, tired and cranky, felt like he had to say it one more time.
“Honestly, Dex, how were we supposed to know what was going on in his head?”
“I should have known,” Dex said, his voice falling away like dust from a shelf. “I used to feel that way too.”
Kane’s hands went cold on the steering wheel, and he looked at Dex—confident Dex, who welcomed everyone to the job and kept everybody’s tempers all smooth and fixed the schedule so no one had to work with anyone they’d banged off-set by accident and couldn’t stand anymore. His eyes were still open and still gazing sightlessly at the parking lot beside them, and Kane actually saw black spots in front of his eyes as he thought of Dex in the surgery like Chase was.
“When was that?” he asked, and something about his voice must have hit Dex, because he seemed to snap out of it.
“Long time ago,” he said, sitting up and smiling reassuringly. “Right after I moved to Sacramento.” He waggled his eyebrows then, and if Kane hadn’t been there, right there at his side, for the past twelve hours, he would have been fooled. “Right before I met this freaky chick who suggested that gay-for-pay might help me get through college.”
“Did you get through college?” Kane was surprised, and Dex shrugged.
“I’ve got about a semester to go. The schools got so impacted—I couldn’t get the classes I needed even when I could afford them. I dropped out about two years ago. I should go see if maybe I can finish the damned d
egree.”
At that point they were even with the window, and Kane reached for his wallet and then groaned. He had a five left, and breakfast was more.
“Dex, brother—”
Suddenly Dex had pulled himself back from wherever had been making him sad, and was there with Kane in the truck and looking a little concerned. He pulled out his own wallet and gave Kane his check card, and Kane gave it to the salesgirl, feeling flustered and uncomfortable.
“Kane, why don’t you carry your bank card?”
Kane handed Dex his card and then took the food from the girl and put the bags between them. “I’m not good with money,” he confessed. “I don’t want to spend too much. Here. Have a sandwich. It’ll make you feel better.”
Dex started wolfing down the sandwich and didn’t ask again.
THEY got home and Dex shed his jacket and shoes and jeans in the bedroom and was about to fall into the bed when Kane—whose own shit formed a little trail from the door to the bedroom—grabbed him by the back of the neck again. It was gratifying how quickly Dex’s body went still.
“We need this,” Kane said sincerely. He didn’t have any good words. He wanted to talk about stress and human connection, but he just had those three words, and they were true.
Dex made a sound—it could have been protest or it could have been positive, but it didn’t matter.
Kane shook him gently. “We need this.”
Dex nodded and stood still, and Kane started to kiss his neck. Dex shuddered from his toes to the tops of his shoulders then, not just still but limp, and Kane continued to kiss under his jaw line and then nibbled his ears. Dex groaned and turned around, taking Kane’s lips with his own, and Kane went with that even though he usually wasn’t much of a mouth kisser on the set. With Dex, though, it was different. Dex’s mouth was warm, and their breath wasn’t so great because hey, woke up from sound sleep to freak out over bad coffee in the waiting room, but there was that constant, insistent tongue and the seeking heat. When Dex’s hands came up to frame Kane’s face, Kane suddenly felt accepted. It was like he was connecting with another person in a way he hadn’t ever thought to during this one particular act.
He took over the kiss, putting his own hands on Dex’s face. He growled from his stomach and devoured him, bearing him back against the mattress and stripping off his shirt to taste him some more. Dex tangled his fingers in Kane’s hair and hung on as Kane kissed down his pecs and his ribs and then went up and visited Dex’s nipples. Dex thrashed and moaned when he did that, so Kane put a firm hand on his lower abdomen and made him stop. He released a nipple with a pop and said, “Hold still,” and Dex did. Kane grunted to himself in satisfaction. Good. He could make it better if Dex didn’t wiggle so much.
And he wanted to make it good. He kissed down Dex’s stomach and luxuriated in Dex’s groan. He suckled some of that smooth pale-gold skin into his mouth and teased it with his tongue, and when Dex tried to wiggle some more, he put his other hand on Dex’s chest. He released the marked skin and turned his head, saying, “I told you to hold still!” before continuing on down.
He’d always liked Dex’s cock. It was a little longer than his own and thinner, but unlike Kane’s cock, which had a wider head than base, Dex’s was pillar straight. It looked like one of those sculptors had made a marble statue of what a cock should look like, and that’s what he was pulling into his mouth. It even tasted better, which was weird, since they hadn’t showered and Kane didn’t usually do guys who hadn’t showered. (He didn’t do girls who hadn’t showered either. It’s one of the reasons he was such a fan of the “Keep the work area clean, hygienic, and eco-friendly” speech.)
But Dex tasted wonderful, and Kane pulled him back into his mouth and then back into his throat and then again and again. He relaxed his glottis, so Dex could get way back there, and tightened his mouth at the base, and he knew this drove guys crazy, but he was still surprised when Dex groaned again, grasped his hair, and said, “Kane, you’ve gotta stop! I’m gonna fuckin’ come!”
Kane pulled back and licked a long line from the base to the head. “Can I still fuck you if you come in my throat? Some of the guys get all tender when you do that.” It was why the shoots were structured the way they were—pull out of the bottom, let the bottom come, come on the bottom’s face/stomach/thighs. They didn’t always follow formula, especially after some of the guys got going and realized they could come under different circumstances, but it was a place to start. “Do you?”
He stuck a lizard tongue out and teased Dex’s crown, just because it was so pretty, all fat and red and shiny like that, and Dex threw his head back against the pillows and moaned, holding his hand up to his mouth to silence it. Kane looked up—he was lying with his head on Dex’s stomach—and pulled his hand away. “Stop that,” he said absently. “I like the noises.” Then he teased Dex’s crown again because he couldn’t help himself. Something about the taste of Dex’s skin was making him crazy.
“You can fuck me if I come now,” Dex managed, and then he groan/screamed into the open air, making Kane shiver. His own cock was all drooly, and he thought that was amazing, since he hadn’t even given Dex a chance to touch it. Before he really went to town and swallowed Dex down and squeezed on his balls (because he liked feeling them clench when a guy came), Kane swung his hips over and straddled Dex’s head. Dex whimpered and opened his mouth, then used his hand to grasp Kane’s member and guide it in. Kane smiled a little and grunted, because Dex was good about swirling his tongue around the head and playing with the foreskin (not a lot of guys did that) and stroking Kane’s taint when he gave blowjobs, and Kane enjoyed all of those little touches.
He especially enjoyed them when he was swallowing Dex’s cock again. For a moment he was doing everything house style, with his chest pushed up off the bed and tilted a little to his right, and then he realized that there weren’t any cameras, and that was awesome. He lowered himself to the bed and rested his weight on Dex’s abdomen and sucked more of that wonderful cock into his mouth, swallowing and pressuring the base while Dex’s movements on his own cock got more frenzied and less professional. Kane smiled a little around Dex’s erection, then slurped back, sucking as he went, so he could talk.
“Take it, dammit! All the way to the back of your throat! I know you can!” He let out a gratified grunt when Dex obeyed him and sucked him from tip to base all the way back in and started a real blowjob again. It felt amazing, and his arousal built, but he really couldn’t come and suck at the same time. He put all his concentration on Dex’s dick so he could get around to fucking Dex blind. The prospect was so delicious that he shivered before he got serious. He sucked Dex back into his mouth and squeezed his balls and then used some of the spit sliding between Dex’s butt crack to push against his entrance to make him all soft. Dex gave a cry then and started to shake, and Kane figured he’d better wedge two fingers in there to make sure Dex would stay loose after he came. When he was done, he wrapped his lips around his teeth and squeeze/sucked all the way to the top, teasing with his tongue as he went.
Dex’s hands flailed at the tops of Kane’s thighs as he made a loud, sexy, moaning howl and came. Kane swallowed happily while Dex was still convulsing underneath him, and then, before Dex had a chance to breathe, he sat up and dropped his balls into Dex’s mouth. “Suck on those while I find the lube,” he ordered, and when Dex did what he asked, he stroked Dex’s stomach happily. God, Dex was good at this. It was a shame they’d never really shot more than two scenes together. Dex’s tongue swirled and his mouth worked gently while Kane reached for the end-table drawer. Dex lifted himself up to follow Kane’s balls, and Kane liked watching his stomach muscles ripple when he did that too. He rifled through the drawer, saw no more than the usual shit—no restraints, blindfolds, dildos, or cockrings; just lube, one plug, and condoms. He grabbed the lube and condoms and got himself gloved and lubed at warp speed.
He swung around and found that Dex was still lying in his back, gaspin
g for breath, his mouth swollen and shiny from blowing Kane and his blue eyes as wide as an anime character’s as Kane came back toward him. His usual grin was nowhere to be seen, and his fine-boned face seemed extremely delicate now that it was serious. Kane liked looking at him all stunned and blotchy from coming, so he decided not to make him turn around.
“Here, spread your legs,” he said and smiled when Dex did what he asked. He parted Dex’s cheeks and liked that little gasp that Dex made when he did that. Then he positioned himself at Dex’s entrance and looked down seriously. “You good, Dex? This won’t take long.”
Dex nodded, his chest still heaving, and in a single thrust, Kane buried himself to his balls inside Dex. Dex gasped and clenched and threw his head back, and Kane, who usually only kissed because they told him to, had to capture his neck when it was all exposed and vulnerable like that. Dex moaned and Kane kissed him and kept moving, even though the angle wasn’t optimum. Dex made an unsatisfied sound in his throat, and Kane pulled back.
“Kissing or fucking?” he asked, and Dex’s laugh was a little desperate.
“Now I got a choice?”
Kane laughed a little and kissed him because Dex kissed so damned good, and then pushed up so the angle was better and thrust in again. Dex cried out and grasped the sheets in both hands.
“My chest,” Kane told him. “Touch my chest, squeeze my nipples, I like that.”
Dex nodded and responded, even while he groaned and raised his thighs up around Kane’s ass.
Kane shuddered. “God, that’s good. Keep doing that… God, next time, I’m gonna let you come when I’m in you. That’ll be hot!”
“Kane?” Dex gasped.
“Yeah?”
“Please shut up and fuck me!”
Kane chuckled and went for it, strong, hard, and fast, loving his sounds and the way his hands shook and trembled on Kane’s chest while Dex struggled to comply. Then Dex gave a particularly hard twist to one of his nipples and Kane was, without warning, right there. He didn’t have a camera, so he could just keep fucking and come, shaking, falling on top of Dex, sweating and convulsing, comforted by Dex’s hands in his hair and the soothing half noises Dex was making in his ear.
