Ever since she’d made the appointment with her doctor, she’d had a barely controllable urge to burst into tears. Not because she was especially nervous about the baby—having a child was still something she thought in her head rather than felt in her heart. Instead, she wrestled with the terror of being alone.
Although she’d lost her parents fourteen years ago, she still missed them. At the oddest times she longed for one or the other to be with her. Today it was her mother. She wanted familiar arms to hold her close and say everything was going to be all right. She wanted to hear stories of her mother’s pregnancies and births. She wanted a connection to family.
Maybe she should have called Noelle or Crissy, she thought as she drove toward the medical building. Both of them would have been happy to be with her. Noelle was experiencing pregnancy firsthand. But she, Rachel, hadn’t wanted to be a bother.
“Talk about dumb,” she murmured as she parked and got out of her car. “This was not the time to be noble.”
Next time, she promised herself. Next time she would call her friends. Besides, this was only a first appointment. She would be fine.
She walked into the four-story building and started for the elevator, only to come to a complete stop. There, in the center of the lobby, stood Nina, Merry and Liz.
Rachel stared at Carter’s mother and sisters. “What are you doing here?” she asked, a little surprised at the coincidence.
Nina shrugged her shoulders. “When I was over on Saturday, I happened to notice the note you’d written about your doctor’s appointment. I know, I know, I’m meddling. So sue me. I tried to forget you were coming here, but I couldn’t. I know you don’t have any family and this is your first baby. I couldn’t stand for you to be here alone.”
“We wanted to come, too,” Merry said, giving Rachel a hug. “Shelly’s sorry she couldn’t make it, but the sitter we hired got the flu and she offered to stay with all the kids. But she’s here in spirit.”
Rachel opened her mouth to speak, then couldn’t when her throat got tight and her eyes began to burn.
“You didn’t have to do this,” she managed to say, “but I’m really glad you did.”
Nina exhaled in obvious relief. “Here I was all braced to be told to mind my own business. I’m glad you’re not mad.” She slipped an arm around Rachel. “All right. Let’s go talk to this doctor. Between us, we’ve had a lot of kids and we know the right questions to ask. You’ll be fine. Pregnancy is sometimes easy, sometimes hard, but then you have a baby and it’s all worth it.”
“She’s right,” Liz said, claiming her other arm. “When you’re ready, we’ll tell you stories about childbirth. It’s not so bad.”
“Take the drugs,” Merry added.
“Exactly,” Liz said with a grin. “Why suffer?”
They continued to offer advice all through the elevator ride and into the doctor’s office. The four of them claimed a corner of the cheerful waiting room. Rachel held on to Nina’s hand and found she didn’t miss her own mother quite so much.
“This means a lot to me,” she said. “You can’t know how much.”
“We’re happy to be here.” Nina patted her hand. “This isn’t about Carter, you know. This is about you. Whatever happens with him, you’re one of the family.”
Rachel touched her stomach. The pregnancy had been an accident and for a while she’d thought it might be a disaster, but now she was starting to wonder if having this child was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
“Dr. Richards will see you now,” the nurse said. “She’d like you to start in her office, so you can talk. She’ll do the exam after.”
They rose together and headed for the large office. There were plenty of chairs. Nina stayed next to Rachel while Merry and Liz were on either side of them.
When Dr. Richards entered, she grinned. “I love it when a baby brings a family together. Good afternoon, ladies.”
Rachel bit her lower lip. “I know this is kind of a lot but...”
Her doctor, an attractive woman in her midforties, shook her head. “Don’t apologize. The more support, the better. There’s no better source of information for a pregnant woman than other women who have been through it already. They understand what’s happening to your body and they know what questions to ask. All right, first things first. Your due date.”
Rachel fought against embarrassment as she said, “I, um, know the day I got pregnant.”
Liz nudged her. “I heard it was night.”
Merry laughed. “I heard it was a very good night.”
“Girls,” Nina scolded. “Stop. You’ll upset Rachel.”
But Rachel didn’t mind the teasing. It made her feel a little less self-conscious.
“Technically it was night,” she admitted and gave the date.
“That makes the calculations easier,” Dr. Richards told her. “So we have a due date.”
“Not that the baby will come that day,” Nina said.
“Exactly,” Dr. Richards said. “But it gives us something to shoot for. I’ll be giving you an examination and doing some preliminary blood work. I expect everything to go normally. You’re in great health. There are some dietary changes I’d like you to make, which we’ll also discuss.”
“Prenatal vitamins,” Liz said with a groan. “They made me constipated, so drink lots of water.”
“Yeah, drink now, before the baby decides to spend all day sitting on your bladder.”
They continued talking, exchanging stories and advice. Rachel listened more to their voices than their words. The information wasn’t as important to her as the connection. They had meant what they said—that she was one of them now. A member of the family. It had been so very long since she’d been able to be a part of something so very precious.
* * *
CARTER STOPPED BY his mother’s house after work.
“You called?” he said as he walked into the kitchen and found her stirring something on the stove.
She raised her head for his kiss, then studied him with her dark eyes. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Water heater working all right?” he asked as he grabbed a cookie from the cooling rack and then pulled out a chair at the round table by the bay window.
“It’s fine. You’re always good to me, Carter. You come by whenever I need you. You’re the same with your sisters.”
He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. On the surface, it seemed to be a compliment, but he knew his mother and she hadn’t asked him to stop by so she could give him a pat on the back. Life was never that easy.
“And?” he prompted.
“You’re a good man. I appreciate that. I take some of the credit.”
He grinned. “Of course you do.”
Her smile faded. “Rachel went to the doctor today.”
He dropped the cookie onto the table and stood. “What? Is she all right? Did anything happen?”
His mother waved him back into his chair. “She’s fine. It was a routine prenatal visit.”
Right—pregnant women had to go to the doctor. That made sense. “She didn’t tell me,” he said, more to himself than his mother. He’d seen Rachel most of the weekend. Why hadn’t she said anything to him? Was she trying to keep him from getting too involved or had she thought he wouldn’t be interested?
Whatever she thought of him, he had a right to be involved. He was the baby’s father.
“She didn’t tell anyone,” his mother said. “I saw the note when I was over on Saturday and Merry, Liz and I just showed up. I thought she might be angry, but she wasn’t. Do you know why?”
“Because you bullied her and she didn’t want to be rude?”
His mother narrowed her gaze. “Such a smart mouth. You didn’t get that from me. No, she wasn’t angr
y because she’s alone, Carter. She’s pregnant and alone in the world.”
He actually knew that, but still, his mother’s impressive ability to make him feel guilty kicked into play.
“I would have gone,” he said. “I wanted to go. She never mentioned she was going to the doctor.”
“Maybe you should ask. Your sisters have been pregnant enough for you to have an idea of what goes on. You have to get involved. There’s going to be a baby soon, and then what?”
And then, he didn’t know. The direction of this conversation was clear. He braced himself for the familiar attack, but instead of readying his arguments, he wondered if maybe his mother was right.
Whoa—where had that thought come from? Right?
“You should marry her,” Nina said. “The baby will need a father, and don’t tell me you’re going to be a father regardless of whether or not you get married. You can’t show up every other weekend, Carter. You need to be there all the time. You need to give this baby a name. Do the right thing. And not just because it’s the right thing. Do it because you want to.”
Marriage. He had very particular ideas about the institution—most of them involving him running as far and fast as he could. Sure, it looked good from the outside, but then what? How could he think about forever when he wasn’t sure he believed he could ever be in love.
Except, for once, the idea wasn’t so uncomfortable. He could see himself with Rachel in a few years. In a lot of years. He wouldn’t mind fighting with her and making up with her. He kind of liked thinking about sharing diaper duty and decorating for Christmas. He suddenly wanted to know if she liked dogs.
Was he serious about this? Could he honestly imagine spending the rest of his life with Rachel? Fidelity had never been an issue, mostly because he always knew he could move on. But this time there would be no moving on. In his mind, marriage was forever.
Could he be with just her?
The answer came more easily than he ever could have imagined. Yes, he could be with her forever. He could grow old with her. He could love her.
Love? Him?
And if he could or did love her, what did she think about him? She’d been completely comfortable with the idea of not getting married. She was one of the few women he knew who didn’t talk about getting married. Did that mean he’d finally found “the one” only to have her not want him? His ex-girlfriends would have a party in the streets if that turned out to be true.
But he was getting ahead of himself.
“Carter, are you listening to me?” his mother asked.
“Not really.”
“Then listen to this. It’s time for you to grow up.”
A common theme in his life, he thought. First the captain and now her.
He stood and crossed to the stove. “Mama, I love you, but you don’t get a say in this. I’ll do anything for you except live my life the way you want me to. It’s time for you to back off.”
She eyed him. “You’re standing up to me.”
“It’s not the first time.”
“I know, but I think maybe now you mean it.”
“I do.”
She smiled. “You’re a good man, Carter. I’m very proud of you.”
He kissed her again and left. As he crossed the street to his own house, he was again reminded that there were way too many women in his world. Was he really thinking of inviting in one more?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
RACHEL PUSHED HER cart through the grocery store. Carter had called and suggested barbecuing that night. He’d offered to bring everything, including a portable grill, but she’d insisted on providing dinner. After all, their last couple of meals had been compliments of him...or at least his family.
Carter being a typical guy, she bypassed chicken in favor of steaks, then picked up some ingredients for salad. In the dairy aisle, she grabbed a few cartons of yogurt to help with her calcium intake.
It felt strange to be shopping for two—in a guy way, not a baby way—and yet it was fun. She’d been alone for a long time and having Carter around was nice. More than nice. He was a lot of things she’d been looking for in a man. So was she being too hasty in thinking they couldn’t maybe work things out?
The biggest problem was how Carter saw her. Was she someone he would get serious about? Was he—
“Hi. I know this is really weird, but are you Rachel?”
Rachel turned to see a stunning blonde in a T-shirt tight enough to cut off circulation smiling at her. Describing the woman as “pretty” was practically an insult. She defined beautiful, from her gleaming, waist-length hair to her large blue eyes.
“What?” Rachel blinked and tried to get her brain to work.
The woman smiled. That was perfect, too. “I’m sorry. I’m Pam. Liz and I go way back. She mentioned you were seeing Carter. My two kids go to your school, so I’ve seen you around. How is he?”
Carter had dated this...this...goddess?
“I, ah, he’s fine,” Rachel said, knowing she sounded about as stupid and clueless as she felt. Suddenly her sensible dress seemed drab and unflattering. Her makeup had long since worn off, although there weren’t enough skin products in the world to get her face to look like Pam’s.
Pam’s smile widened. “I fell for Carter when I was seventeen. And eighteen and nineteen. We were young and things were a little volatile. Liz is thrilled he’s finally found the one. I’m totally content in my life, but I’ll admit to a twinge of envy when I heard he was settling down. Carter’s one of the good guys. I hope you two are really happy.”
The other woman’s sincere good wishes made Rachel feel like slime, especially since she and Carter were still in the pretend dating stage of their relationship.
“Thanks,” she murmured as Pam moved away.
Later, when Rachel had carried the groceries into her apartment and set them on the counter, she stared out the window. The women were everywhere. How many had he dated? A hundred? Five hundred? She supposed that logically all that one-on-one interaction would mean that he would be completely clear on who and what he wanted. While he’d never indicated she was that one, if she was, could she handle it? Could she give her heart knowing that for the next ten or fifteen years women would be coming up to him and offering various degrees of good wishes, some sincerely, some wishing they were in her place?
She didn’t have an answer, she just knew the question made her uncomfortable and she wasn’t sure why.
An hour later she’d changed into a flirty skirt and a sleeveless T-shirt in what she refused to believe was any kind of attempt to compete with Pam. That relationship had been over for years, right? Carter probably didn’t even remember her.
But when he arrived, barbecue and all, she invited him inside, then mentioned running into Pam in the grocery store.
He kissed her lightly, then smiled. “I haven’t seen Pam in a while. How is she?”
Not exactly the “Pam who?” she’d been hoping for.
“Fine. Gorgeous. She mentioned she was friends with Liz.”
He nodded. “They were always tight. Pam is my age, a couple of years younger than Liz, but she’d skipped a few grades in school, so they were in the same high school class.”
Rachel held in a groan. Beautiful and brilliant? Was that fair?
“She seemed very nice.”
“She is,” he told her. “So are you. How was your day?”
“Fine.” Other than the Pam encounter.
“I haven’t seen you in a couple of days. How was your doctor’s appointment?”
The change in subject caught her off guard. She’d planned on more Pam talk, but the doctor was a good subject, too.
“Great. I was really nervous about going. I don’t know why. I’ve been seeing Dr. Richards since I moved here. She’s gre
at. Very approachable and patient. I’m glad she’ll be delivering my baby. But this is the first time I’m pregnant, so I didn’t know what to expect. Your mom and sisters showed up.” She frowned. “But if you’re asking about the appointment, I guess you already know that.”
“Were you angry they were there?”
“Not at all. I appreciated the support. It was weird—as I was driving there, I was missing my mom. I know it’s been a long time since she died, but sometimes I feel like I won’t make it if I can’t talk to her one more time. Seeing your family there really helped.”
She paused and waited for him to say something or at least nod. Instead she couldn’t figure out his expression and he seemed almost...angry.
“Carter, if I don’t mind that they came, then you shouldn’t,” she told him.
His eyes darkened. “That’s not the point. This is my baby, too. You didn’t mention the doctor’s appointment to me. I told you I wanted to be a part of things. This is important to me, Rachel. I don’t want you shutting me out.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Guilt and shame settled in the pit of her stomach.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, meaning it. “I really never thought...”
He stiffened. “Thought what?”
She swallowed. “That you’d be interested,” she whispered.
Nothing about him changed, but she had the feeling that she’d just cut him deeply. Funny how until this moment, she’d never considered that Carter had feelings like everyone else. He was always so charming and in charge of every situation.
She reached for his hand, then pulled back. Touching didn’t seem like a good idea.
“I was wrong,” she said, gazing directly at him. “Totally wrong. I should have told you about the appointment. I wasn’t deliberately trying to shut you out. It won’t happen again. I’ll let you know every time I see the doctor. I promise.”
Carter nodded. He was still pissed, but didn’t feel he had the right anymore. Rachel had admitted the mistake and said she wouldn’t repeat it. He should let it go.
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