by Trish Wesley
Sarah's confidence slowly returned. Julie continued to visit and offer support. Sarah returned to school the following week. She walked into the school grounds with Julie and other friends who understood why she had been absent. Sarah, now mentally stronger, believed the counselling sessions had given her courage and new strategies to cope with further episodes should they arise.
Sarah noticed four of the popular group under a tree at the far end of the school grounds. She averted her eyes and gained strength from the group she walked with. The day went well with no confrontation. Strange, thought Sarah, four of the girls still hung out together while the other three seemed to be steering clear of them.
Schoolyard gossip soon cleared up this mystery. After being spoken to by the principal and threatened with suspension, three girls broke away from the group.
Sarah applied for a scholarship into a school outside of the area she lived in. Her confidence had returned in part and she looked forward to leaving the bad memories of primary school behind. She suffered no further bullying but was always vigilant ensuring she stayed well away from the now small not so popular group.
Out shopping with her mum on the school holidays, two girls hesitantly approached her. They introduced themselves to Sarah's mum and said 'sorry' for the trouble they had caused. Sarah asked why? The only explanation they gave for their behaviour seemed unrealistic. They were jealous of her good looks and her high achievements.
The effects of the bullying never completely left Sarah. She often wondered if she would ever be able to put the episodes completely out of her mind. The apology, even though accepted, did little to take away the trauma she had suffered at their hands.
Bystanders, she remembered reading, take either the side of the bully or the victim. There are those who see bullying as a positive thing and join in. Sometimes they believe they should have done something and may resolve to help the victim in the future.
Sarah gained a scholarship into the secondary college of her choice, aware none of the popular group had succeeded with their applications. She looked forward to starting afresh in the New Year. When the new school year commenced Sarah became friendly with a small group of girls. Their friendship blossomed. Sarah's self esteem improved and for the first time in a very long time she enjoyed her school life.
Julie and Sarah remained friends even though they attended different schools. They studied together on some weekends, unfortunately Julie continued to be bullied while at school and as time went by Sarah became concerned. Julie appeared quieter than usual and was always sad. She withdrew into herself and showed no interest in schoolwork. She told Sarah she hated school and often wagged it. She couldn’t sleep and often wished she could die and put an end to the hurt forever.
Sarah asked Julie one hot day why she always wore long sleeved tops. Embarrassed, she rolled up one sleeve. Across her arms were scars, many of them. She told Julie how when she cut herself or burnt herself with the hair straighter the hurt sometimes made her feel better. Sarah, stunned, hugged her friend and advised her to speak to her mum. Julie said she had tried but there never seemed to be the right time for her mum to come and listen to her. Julie sobbed while Sarah held her hand. Sarah felt lost, she wanted to help her friend but did not know how.
Julie told Sarah how she envied her and her quiet peaceful family life. With six siblings her family were always noisy either bickering between themselves or fighting with each other. She went on to say her mum worked all day and her dad worked night shift, no one seemed to have time to listen to her problems. Julie vowed as soon as she was old enough she would leave home and school as she couldn’t do this anymore. She wept and said she wished she were dead. ‘It’s too hard Sarah, if only the kids at school would leave me alone. Every day they tell me how dumb and useless I am. The best thing in my life is having you for my friend.’ Sarah did her best to try and comfort Julie.
Sarah told her mum how worried and frightened she was about Julie. Her mum telephoned Julies mother, unfortunately she was still at work. Julie’s brother said to speak to his dad would be a waste of time. Sarah’s mum said she would try again tomorrow and left her number telling him the call was urgent. With regret Sarah’s mother told her she couldn’t seem to catch Julies mum at home and her many phone calls were never returned.
Two weeks before her thirteenth birthday Sarah heard, via gossip, while at the local milk bar, Julie had committed suicide. ‘Took her own life by popping her mother’s sleeping tablets’ said the shop keeper. ‘Her mother found her lying in her bed late the next morning. Poor little kid always looked so sad.’ Panic-stricken, Sarah remembered fleeing from the shop and into her mother’s arms.
She returned to the real world with a jolt. Sarah shed silent tears as she relived the day she heard the news about her friend. She whispered her final goodbye to Julie in the early hours of the New Year.
Sarah knew she could never forget the trauma associated with the bullying and willed this tragic memory to rest. After a dreamless sleep Sarah woke to a new day with an enormous weight lifted from her shoulders, pleased she had found the courage to finally face her fears. She knew in her heart she was now ready to face the challenges life had to offer her.
Bullying behaviours are behind all forms of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, persecution, terrorism, conflict and violence. Bullying is the single most important social issue in the present day.
Bullying can occur in any place, at any time. The purpose of the bully is to hide their inadequacies, for example: to avoid accepting responsibility, to dilute their fear of being seen as weak and to divert attention away from themselves.
Bullies flourish where people come together to meet, work or study as a group. A person who has been or is bullied within the family environment, either by parents or siblings, will more than likely believe it is their right to bully people outside of their family circle.
This story, although factitious, has been written from true events relayed to me by several young children. They themselves suffered direct intimidation and physical abuse from their peers while at school. The memories may fade with time but the scars will remain forever.
In this day it’s almost impossible to imagine life without the internet or mobile phones. Heaven forbid how did one ever manage in the years gone by? With the touch of a button a person can connect to friends, family and unknown persons wherever they may be in the world. Unfortunately these technologies can be used in a negative manner and cause hurt to others. One in ten teenagers in Australia has experienced some sort of bullying using technology.
According to experts Einarsen and Zapf there are five main types of bullying: Work related, personal attacks, social isolation, verbal threats and spreading rumours. Bullying can be aggressive seen by screaming, blaming or threatening physical harm to others. Passive bullying can include being subtle, divisive, undermining, sabotaging and malicious. Those targeted may not know where the bullying is actually coming from or who is doing it.
Work Place bullying involves the repetitive, prolonged abuse of power. Unwelcome, unreasonable, escalating behaviours which are used aggressively and directed toward one or more workers, the consequence of these actions causes humiliation, offence, intimidation and distress. This behaviour creates a toxic working environment.
More than one in five people are bullied at work. In some industries, for example health, welfare, education, government and semi-government services, the figure is far higher, ranging from 25%, 50% to 97% (Duncan and Riley study). It is reported that about one in three employees are affected by workplace bullying.
Within the environment we live bullies thrive waiting to select and pounce on their next victim. As a society with human rights we must take responsibility and stand up and be accountable to put a ‘Stop to Bullying’.
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Contact me:
mailto:[email protected]
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The National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence is to be held in Au
stralia on Friday 21st March 2014. This annual day provides a focus to say ‘Bullying. No Way!’
Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800 is a free and confidential, telephone counselling service for 5 to 25 years old in Australia. https://www.kidshelp.com.au/
Lifeline: 131114 is a free and confidential service staffed by trained counsellors. https://www.lifeline.org.au/
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References:
https://www.bullying.com.au/school-bullying/treatment.php
https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/factsheets-and.../fact-sheet-23-cyberbullying/
https://www.bullying.com.au/workplace-bullying
https://www.bullying.com.au/school-bullying/treatment.php
