I smiled, sipping from my iced water with lemon. I felt good about the marketing plan I’d put together. “I’m glad you’re pleased. I hope we can start implementing some of these marketing tasks soon.”
Mr. Hoffenberg assured me that we would; then he looked at his watch. We were almost two hours into dinner. “We’d better get going. I don’t want to tie up your whole evening, Nokea. I’m sure you have other plans.”
I smiled, putting the folders into my briefcase. “No, no plans, but Pretty Woman comes on tonight. Seen it at least a million times, but don’t want to miss it again.”
Mr. Hoffenberg laughed. “You sound like my wife. She loves that movie too.” He paused; then he touched my hand. “I—I don’t mean to pry, Nokea, but you mentioned your divorce. I know it was tough on you. Are you dating again? If so, I have a wonderful friend whom I’d like for you to meet. He’s single, makes very good money and is genuinely a nice guy. He’s a workaholic, but a woman like you would be a perfect fit for him. Do you mind if I invite him to the office to introduce the two of you?”
I had run to another man before during my troubled times, and I wasn’t about to do it again. In no way was I healed yet, and dating this soon would be one big mistake. “Thank you, Mr. Hoffenberg, but I’m going to pass right now. Check back with me in a year or so, okay?”
We both laughed. After he paid the waiter, we walked out together.
“Come to my car with me,” he said. “I want to show you something.”
I followed beside Mr. Hoffenberg, and he opened the car door to his silver Mercedes so I could get in. He got in on the driver’s side and gave me a business card.
“Here, take this. I know what you said, but you’re too nice and beautiful to be alone. The friend I mentioned is my son and I can’t think of a better woman I would want to see him with.”
I took the card from Mr. Hoffenberg’s hand. “Thank you so much for the compliment, but I’m just not ready to date right now. I’ll keep his card, just in case I change my mind.”
Mr. Hoffenberg nodded and I leaned over to give him a hug, just for being so thoughtful and caring. No sooner had I released my arms from around him, there was a hard tap on the window, which startled both of us. When I snapped my head to the side, I saw Jaylin standing there. I wasn’t sure if he was going to embarrass me again or not, so I hurried to say good-bye to Mr. Hoffenberg.
“I’ll see you on Monday, Mr. Hoffenberg. That’s my ex-husband. I guess he wants to talk about something.”
Mr. Hoffenberg had a concerned look on his face. When I opened the door to get out of his car, he advised me to be careful. Jaylin had stepped several feet away from Mr. Hoffenberg’s car and my boss drove off.
Dressed in my fuchsia sleeveless stretch dress, which hugged my curves, I walked up to Jaylin to see what he wanted. He peeled his shades away from his eyes, standing with his arms folded in front of him. He was dressed in black cargo shorts and a white Nike shirt and cap. I assumed he had come from working out.
I stood in front of him, noticing the wrinkled lines on his forehead that showed concerns. “What’s going on, Jaylin?”
He looked at his watch. “Nearly a two-hour dinner, huh? Who was that joker you were with? Please don’t tell me you’re already dating again, especially a white man with wrinkles on his face and the looks of alcohol seeping through his pores. I’m letting you know now that I’m not having it. You opening up your legs to another man will in no way work for me. If you want sex,” he said, removing his cap and pulling his shirt over his head, “you get sex from me. We can do this shit right here, if you want. So bend the fuck over and let me get at it.” He started to unzip his shorts, showing his maroon jockey briefs underneath. I wanted to see how far he would go with this. When he dropped his bottoms to his ankles, I stood in disbelief with my eyes widened. I couldn’t even trip off of the people who were slowly driving by, covering their mouths, or the ones who took their time walking into the restaurant.
Jaylin held out his hands. “Come on, baby, don’t stand there speechless. Are you anxious, hot and bothered... what? Pussy been getting an itch, or are you just in the mood to fuck anybody? I hope like hell your taste hasn’t resorted to old-ass white men with money. If it has, what a muthafucking disappointment.”
I shook my head, putting my briefcase in front of his dick to hide it. “Being with a man of Mr. Hoffenberg’s stature would be quite a step-up from dealing with black men, like you, who don’t know how to get their shit together. But I’m not going to stand here and argue with you about my preferences and dating. I have a life to go live, and I’m letting you know that your days of controlling what happens with us are over.” I lowered the briefcase and looked down at what used to excite me. “In addition to that, I’m in no mood to bend over. And even if I was, you’d be disappointed, because the sight of you doesn’t wet my insides like it used to. Sorry. Now, unless you have something else important to talk to me about, I’m going home.”
Jaylin stood for a moment, staring at me with a slight smirk on his face. Damn those addictive eyes! They were eating away at my soul. I turned around, ready to walk away.
“Nokea,” he said, halting my steps.
I turned to face him, with a little snap in my voice. “What?”
“I just wanted to say that I love you, and you’re a damn liar. Enjoy your evening and stop being so bitter. It doesn’t suit you, and I apologize if I made you this way.”
So angry with him for bringing us to this point, I darted my finger at him. “If you love me, get your shit together. Don’t do it for me, rather do it for yourself. Becoming a stalker doesn’t suit you, and neither does becoming an alcoholic or a stripper. Get it together. After all, your life is what you still do control.”
I walked away, heading to my car so I could go home to a chilled glass of wine and watch Pretty Woman, as planned.
The weeks were going by quickly. During my last weekend with him, LJ hit me with something I wasn’t prepared for. He had been spending a lot of time with his brother and sister, and he wanted to know if they could come over with him and Jaylene. “Please, Mommie,” he begged, showing off praying hands. “We’re always over here on the weekend, and we don’t get a chance to see them. Can they come over here too? Daddy told me to ask you if it would be okay. I told him I would.”
His request hurt like hell inside, but I realized that I couldn’t deny LJ and Jaylene an opportunity to grow up with their brother and sister. They did nothing to be put in a situation like this, so I had to suck it up and deal with it. For me, it was just the right thing to do, but I also understood that many women in this type of situation would have some concerns. For the weekend, I made plans for us to go to the beach and have dinner on Saturday at the kids’ favorite restaurant. Then on Sunday, I was going to take them to Sunday School with me. I told LJ to make sure Mackenzie and Justin brought their swimsuits. Hopefully, they would.
While I was in my room putting on my bikini, I saw the light on my cell phone blinking. I had an idea who the message was from. To no surprise, it was Jaylin. “Day one ninety-four, and you’re still giving me the silent treatment. I heard the kids are coming your way today, and I hope you-all have fun. Thank you for accepting my children, and I know this may not be easy for you to do. That’s why I love... You know what I’m about to say. Thank you for just being you. Call me so we can talk, whenever you’re ready. Oh, by the way ... did I tell you I love you?”
I closed the phone, thinking about Jaylin’s messages. He was never one to give up on what he wanted, so I expected those calls to continue. The ones he’d left right after our divorce were very difficult for me to listen to, and I’d gotten to the point where I had to delete them. Slowly but surely, his messages were more pleasurable to listen to. Still, I couldn’t understand why, after all this time, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down and have a civil conversation with him. Any encounter would result in us harping on the past, blaming each other or possibly arguing. Right now, I just could
n’t bring myself to do it. No one knew how difficult this was for me. When you loved someone as much as I had loved Jaylin, it was even harder.
The doorbell rang, and I knew it was Nanny B. She agreed to bring the kids over, and had even offered to stay with us. I’d already told her we’d be fine. I opened the door with my bikini on and a flowered wrap around my waist. LJ and Jaylene were all over me; they looked so adorable in their swimming gear and glasses. Nanny B held Justin in her arms. He had on swimming trunks and a pair of glasses; a beach hat covered his head. Almost immediately Mackenzie wrapped her arms around me. She had gotten so tall, and she looked just like Scorpio.
“Hi, Nokea,” she said. “Do you remember me?”
I hugged her back. “Of course, I remember you. You don’t think I forgot about you, do you?”
She shook her head; then she took Jaylene’s hand. They ran off into the bedroom, because Jaylene wanted to show Mackenzie her other bedroom. Nanny B continued to hold Justin, and LJ was tugging at his feet, asking Nanny B to put him down.
“I will,” she said. “I need to talk to your mother for a minute. Go get Justin some Kleenex, his nose is running.”
LJ ran off, and Nanny B asked if I was going to be okay.
“I’ll be fine. These kids have nothing to do with it, and I intend for us to have fun. Tiffanie is supposed to meet us at the beach too. She’s been driving me nuts with this wedding, and I’m sure we’ll be spending a lot of time discussing that.”
“I know you will. She is so excited! She asked if I would make the cake for them. I’ve been trying to decide what I can come up with. When you get a chance, I want you to look at some of the designs for me.”
I told Nanny B that I would. She put Justin down when LJ came back into the room. He wiped Justin’s nose with a tissue. Nanny B squeezed my hand and told me that either Shane or she would be back late Sunday night to get them.
As soon as I closed the door, I went into the living room with LJ and Justin. I told LJ to go throw away the tissue and he rushed out of the room. Justin wanted to follow him, but I reached for him and carefully picked him up. My heart was starting to beat faster, but I took a few deep breaths. I eased into the seat behind me and stood him up on my lap. He was so darn cute. I could see the beautiful curly hair on his head underneath his hat. I removed his head covering and took off his glasses. My breathing came to a halt and my heart dropped somewhere beyond my stomach. I didn’t know if I was jealous, angry, envious or a combination of them all. No matter what I felt, Justin was Jaylin all over again. LJ looked a hell of a lot like Jaylin, but just from the skin color difference, Justin was right there. I saw Scorpio in him too, and a part of me was uneasy because she had gotten her wish. Justin pinched my cheeks and scooted back from me, like he wanted to get down. LJ came to get him and they rushed off into another room. I smiled at how well they all seemed to get along. I couldn’t help it that a few tears had fallen, and I quickly wiped my tears from all that I was feeling inside. Shortly afterward, I heard something break.
“What was that?” I asked, getting up and going into the other room. They all stood and pointed at each other. No doubt, this was going to be a long, long weekend.
A long day it was. I had not raised my voice this much in quite some time. We had spent the day on the beach; then we went out for dinner. LJ and Jaylene had shown their butts. They were clowning, and the only one who didn’t give me any hassles was Mackenzie. She was sweet as ever; and being the oldest, she helped me out as much as she could. Justin was okay too, but he was really a fussy and spoiled child. He wanted me to pick him up all of the time. Of course, when I did that, Jaylene’s big ole self started throwing a fit. She had to have the most attention, and I reminded myself to thank Jaylin for spoiling them so much.
That night, we had a slumber party and laid sleeping bags on the floor. The kids watched movies, ate popcorn, jumped around and danced to Michael Jackson’s Bad CD. They loved Michael Jackson’s music. Even though the “King of Pop” was now resting in peace, there was a new generation ready to carry on his legacy.
The Princess and the Frog had something going on too, and LJ sat gazing at the pretty princess until his eyes got tired and he fell asleep. It wasn’t long before Mackenzie and Jaylene had gone to bed, but Justin was fighting his sleep. So everyone would stay sleeping, I picked him up and carried him into my room with me. I sat on the bed; then I laid him on my chest. As I started to softly read a book to him, his eyes faded. Before I knew it, he had shut it down, releasing light snores. This was, no doubt, a healing moment for me. I liked how he felt against my chest, and I got choked up thinking of the child I’d aborted. I swallowed hard; then I laid Justin on the bed next to me. I looked at my cell phone on the dresser and picked it up. It was almost midnight, and I wondered if Jaylin was awake. The phone rang three times, and he answered, sounding wide-awake.
“Day one ninety-four,” I said. “The kids and I had a wonderful time together. You’re so blessed, Jaylin. I hope you recognize just how blessed you are. Don’t ever take your blessings for granted again.”
“I won’t, especially pertaining to you. I’m glad you had a good time. I suspected that you would.”
“It wasn’t easy, but I managed. All I can say, Super Dad, is you have some work that you need to do with your children. What is wrong with Jaylene and LJ? I haven’t seen them this wound up in a long time. They really showed out, especially at the beach. Jaylene kept knocking down everybody’s sand castles and had the nerve to get mad when they knocked down hers. LJ didn’t listen to a thing I said, and I had to keep repeating myself over and over again. Mackenzie, she was so sweet. I would take her anywhere with me; she knows how to behave herself.”
“Welcome to Jaylin’s World, and they are a big part of it. Mackenzie, however, is playing you like a fiddle. She got issues too, and wait until she gets used to being around you again. You’ll see, trust me.” Jaylin paused; I knew he couldn’t wait to ask, “What about Justin? Was he okay?”
“He’s been a little fussy, but that’s how two-year-olds are. I can tell he’s on the same path as LJ is, and in a minute! I don’t know what you’re going to do.”
Jaylin laughed. “I’m going to love the hell out of my kids, take care of them and teach them how to be successful in life. You gonna help me do that, aren’t you?”
“Of course. And just because we’re not together, I will never give up on my kids.”
“I know you won’t. I—I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I can’t stop thinking about our baby. Did you hate me that much where you felt the need to do what you did? I just can’t get that out of my mind, and look at how long we waited for that baby to come. Do you even think about—”
“I think about it every single day of my life. It’s one of those bad decisions that I have to live with, and I’m sure you know all about those. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t seem like it will ever be enough. Pertaining to some things, I guess not. With that, I’m sorry, Jaylin. From the moment I did it, I regretted my decision.”
There was silence; then he spoke up. “I told you that I’ve forgiven you, and I have. Do—do you regret our divorce? Or have you completely given up on us? I hope not.”
I hated to go there, but I had to. “Our divorce has been finalized and I’m satisfied.”
“Do you really think that a piece of paper that a judge stamped her name on has that much power to override the love we have for each other? Legally, it is what it is. Through my eyes, though, you will be my wife forever. My heart will never know anything different, and I’m giving you all of the time you need to see that. I won’t even ask you to marry me again, because it’s not necessary. I know, and you know, that this thing between us is much deeper than anyone could imagine. All I’m waiting on is for my wife to come back home. I don’t need a court order that allows her to do that, and neither does she. You can, and someday you will, come home on your own free will.”
I paused, thinking about what he
’d said. I was in no way there yet, and couldn’t even envision living in that house with him again. “Good night, Jaylin.”
“Thanks for calling me back. You gave me hope, and here goes another sleepless night for me. I know you’re having them too. I will be so glad when we can lay in bed together, resting peacefully in each other’s arms.”
I didn’t wish to comment, so I closed my phone shut. I scooted down in the bed next to Justin, holding his little hands. As I had done before, I played back in my mind the day Jaylin and I went to St. Louis and Justin was conceived. Jaylin was so out of character that night, and I should have known something wasn’t right. I lay in bed, reminiscing about what his eyes had revealed to me that day.
Jaylin hadn’t been answering his cell phone. When I got to the hotel room, I noticed his cell phone had been broken. I could hear the water in the shower running, so I entered the bathroom. I called his name several times, but he didn’t answer. I then slid over the shower curtain. Jaylin looked at me as if he’d seen a ghost. His eyes were without a blink and he rubbed his chest.
“What?” he hurried to say. “Is—is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, Jaylin. I saw your broken phone and called your name several times. You didn’t answer, so I thought something had happened.”
He took a deep breath and turned off the water. “I got mad at the damn thing because I couldn’t get a signal. I tried to call you, but it wouldn’t dial out.”
I reached for a towel and slowly wiped his body. When I got to his back, I stopped. “Where did this red mark—this long scratch on your back—come from?”
He turned his back toward the mirror to see what I was referring to. There was a long scratch on his back; he seemed to be at a loss for words. My immediate thought was a woman had dug into his back during sex, but he cleared it up. “Shit, I don’t know, probably from Jaylene climbing on my back yesterday. Remember when I was on the floor and she...”
Jaylin's World Page 19
