by Anna Martin
“You’re all right with it now, though?”
“Yeah,” Brandon said. “I felt like there was something wrong with me for a long time. But I guess it’s like people who are born without a limb. If you never have it, you don’t really miss it.”
“Oh,” Jackson said. Then after a moment, “What if I’m gay and I never figured it out?”
“I don’t think you are, if that’s worth anything,” Brandon said. “And not just because of your dating history.”
“I could be, what’s it called, suppressing it.”
“Suppressing your secret gay desires?”
“I seriously don’t know how you’re my brother. You’re such an asshole.”
Brandon laughed and shrugged. “I’m going to do some research. See if anyone has studied soul mates with different sexualities. I’m assuming he’s gay.”
“Yeah.”
“Huh.” Brandon tipped his bottle and drained his beer, then carefully left the empty in the recycling box. “Let me look it up.”
It was such a Brandon reaction, Jackson could only smile. He wasn’t quite done with the beer but abandoned it anyway, eager to get back to their parents’ before it got too dark. The roads out here could be treacherous in winter.
They locked up in the chilly late evening wind and headed back to Jackson’s truck. Brandon flew up whenever he came to visit, since he was part of that class of metropolitan elite who didn’t own a car. The radio in Jackson’s truck was always threatening to break down and frequently skipped between channels, so Jackson turned it down low and let the still-playing Christmas carols be background noise for the ride home.
“What’s he like?” Brandon asked once they were on the 291.
“Who?”
“Santa Claus. Who the fuck did you think I was talking about?”
“Leo?”
“Ah, his name is Leo.”
“You’re about as stealthy as Valerie.”
Brandon shot him a wounded look. “You already told Valerie?”
“She was closer,” Jackson said defensively. “I was emotionally traumatized. And it’s not like I’ve got a big group of best buddies who I call about stuff like this.”
“I don’t know if I should worry about you because of that.”
Jackson shrugged. “I have friends. I just don’t have a lot of friends. If I tell them stuff like what happened with Leo, they’ll think I’m coming out. I’m not coming out. I don’t have anything to come out with. Not telling them is just easier.”
“But not necessarily healthier. You need a support system, Jacks. Everyone does. Have you told Mom and Dad?”
“Dad, yeah. Not Mom. I don’t think she’d understand either.”
Brandon dropped his head back and thumped it against the headrest dramatically. Brandon wasn’t normally a dramatic person, so it worked well.
“She’s our mom.”
“Yeah, and she would tell me to suck it up and make a go of it. Which we did, I might add. We tried to make it work, and it just didn’t. We’re not in the right place in our lives. Who knows, I might meet him again ten years from now and it’ll all suddenly make sense.”
“You think you met too soon?”
“I think it’s a definite possibility.”
“I think you’re putting it off so when you do eventually meet him again in ten years’ time, you’ll be married with kids and you’ll have a fantastic excuse not to be with him.”
Jackson didn’t say anything. It was a little disconcerting how easily his brother could read him.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Brandon said.
“I don’t know why everyone is so fucking obsessed with me being with Leo.” The words exploded out of him in a sticky mess. “It’s not like there isn’t a precedent for walking away from your soul mate in our own fucking family.”
“It’s not that,” Brandon said, his voice gone gentle again.
“What, then?”
“We want you to be happy.”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “Ugh. You have to be kidding me. I told you, didn’t I, that we don’t make each other happy.”
“And you’re happy right now? Because I know we don’t see each other that often, Jackson, but I’ve never seen you more depressed than you’ve been since I got home.”
“I’ll be fine,” Jackson muttered. “I’ve just got to get used to the fact that I’m not what he wants, and he’s certainly not what I want.”
“Wow. Harsh.”
“It’s true! The universe went wrong. That’s what happened. It happens sometimes, right? The universe gets it wrong and gives you the wrong person.”
“I don’t think so,” Brandon said, his voice even and measured. “I think that’s what people say when they decide they’re not happy with their lot.”
“Me.” Jackson waved a hand at himself. “Not happy.”
“The numbers don’t work,” Brandon said, looking out at the dark road instead of at Jackson’s slightly maniacal breakdown. “You have to find one person in 7.6 billion, and yet over 60 percent of werewolves do. That kind of mathematics should be impossible.”
“Soul mates don’t work out for all sorts of reasons. There’s no guarantee even if you do find each other.”
“Statistically, that’s not true.”
“Oh, fuck your statistics.”
Brandon gave a delighted laugh. “Yeah, I guess I understand why you’d feel that way.” He waited for Jackson’s response, and sighed when he didn’t get one.
“I’ve always thought, mates or not, you need to choose someone,” he continued. “You make a decision one way or another: to take what you’re given or reject it. It’s still your choice, Jackson. No one’s taking that away from you.”
“Except he already did.”
“Well, then, I suppose it’s your choice whether or not to go get him back.”
Jackson stared out at the highway and didn’t respond. He didn’t have an answer for that.
Chapter Sixteen
LEO KNEW the whole Christmas period was going to be awkward.
He had plans with his family to go out for dinner on Christmas Day, which would be the perfect opportunity to get blind drunk and forget everything. But he was still so, so mad at his mother, and he knew he wouldn’t get through the afternoon without all that resentment spilling over. Especially if there was alcohol involved.
“You look like shit,” Mitch called as he passed Leo on the couch.
“Fuck you.”
Mitch leaned over and tweaked Leo’s nipple. “Come on. Get dressed.”
“No.” Leo sulked.
“Leo. I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored and styled, ready for the festive season, and you are fucking coming with me.”
“I don’t want to get my hair cut.” Leo knew he was whining.
He probably should have expected Mitch to grab his ear, twisting it until Leo screeched and scrambled off the sofa.
“Clothes,” Mitch said sweetly. “We’re leaving in five minutes.”
Leo stuck his tongue out at Mitch as he stomped to his room.
He glanced in the mirror as he pulled on jeans and a sweater and admitted to himself that Mitch was right. His hair was too long and looked scraggly, not effortlessly and casually too long. He also needed to shave because his beard came in patchy and gross, but he only had five minutes, so he pulled on a pair of high-tops and grabbed his jacket.
“Good boy,” Mitch said and patted Leo on the head.
“I don’t want to go out.”
“I know, sweetie. Which is why I’m making you.”
Mitch went to a stupidly expensive hair salon, because of course he did. At least it was one of those places that served really good coffee and chocolates and Christmas cookies.
“Just a cut?” the woman at the counter asked. Leo nodded.
“We can squeeze you in,” she said. “You’re lucky; we don’t normally have any appointments this close to Christmas.”
&n
bsp; “My friend dragged me here,” Leo said by way of an explanation.
She looked him up and down with an appraising look that said I can see why.
He was handed over to a male stylist who seemed incredibly cool and laid-back, compared to the insane bustle of the salon. The guy wore black jeans and a tight black T-shirt that showed off his muscles, and his arms were covered in black-and-gray tattoos. His head was shaved, and he had a little silver nose ring.
“Hi. I’m Aaron. Come sit down.”
Leo let Aaron wash his hair and sank back into the best head massage of his life. Aaron was good at keeping up a steady stream of chatter, meaning Leo only had to interject a word or two every now and then.
“What are you looking for?” Aaron asked when they were back in the chair. He stood behind Leo and ruffled his fingers through Leo’s hair.
Leo shrugged. “Just cut it. I don’t care.”
“What do you normally get done?” Aaron asked, patient and smiling.
“Just… longer on the top, I guess. I trust you.”
“Thanks,” Aaron said and picked up a pair of scissors.
He wore several rings on his fingers that glinted in the light as he worked. Leo watched, aware that his face was not at its best. All around, he wasn’t at his best, but Aaron was polite and didn’t mention it.
It didn’t take long for him to do the cut, and then he blasted the wet ends with a hairdryer and worked some waxy product through it.
“There,” he said with a little flourish. “Everything okay for you?”
It really was.
“It looks so much better,” Leo said. “Thank you.”
“No problem. Your friend just sent over a message, by the way. Tori has an opening, so he booked you in for a massage.”
Leo glanced over at Mitch, who was having dye liberally applied to his hair. He caught Leo’s eye in the mirror and blew him a kiss.
“That’s nice of him,” Leo murmured.
“Sure is.” Aaron whipped off the black cape and brushed a few stray hairs from the back of Leo’s neck. “She’s on the first floor.”
EVEN AFTER a thirty-minute massage, Mitch was not done with his hair update, but Leo was feeling relaxed enough to finally tackle some of the issues that were haunting him. He’d driven to the salon, but Mitch waved him away and promised to get a cab home. Leo felt guilty, but he really needed to talk to his mom.
It wasn’t even four in the afternoon, but it was already getting dark and traffic was heavy. He switched the radio to a station that was playing classical Christmas music and tried to hang on to the calm relaxation he’d fallen into over the afternoon.
When Leo pulled up in front of his parents’ house, he took a moment to sit and look at the Christmas lights. They didn’t go overboard in decorations, but outside lights on the house were a definite thing in this neighborhood.
His mom answered the door wearing a red dress with a snowflake pattern and matching snowflake earrings. Leo couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey, Mom.” Leo leaned in to kiss her cheek.
“You’ve had your hair cut. It looks good.”
“Thanks.”
He followed her into the kitchen and accepted a mug of coffee.
“Sit down, sit down. How come you’re out here?”
Leo took a sip and waved away the plate of cookies she pushed toward him. He’d eaten enough cookies at the damned salon.
“I need to ask you something. It’s not very nice.”
She frowned at him. “Is everything okay?”
Leo nodded. “Jackson and I broke up.”
His mom sighed. “Oh, Leo.”
“Yeah. Mom, do you remember that blue bracelet you bought me?”
She glanced at his bare wrist. “Yes. Of course.”
“Where did you get it?”
“I told you, at the mall.”
“Where at the mall?”
She wrapped her hands around her coffee mug and frowned. “It was at a little stall. You know, one of those stands they set up around the holidays. There was a charity there that was selling them. It only cost a few dollars, Leo. If you’ve lost it, I’m not upset.”
“It’s not that,” Leo said. He couldn’t tell if his mom was naïve or being intentionally ignorant. “Mom, those bracelets are from the Human Protection League. They’re an antiwerewolf organization.”
She stared at him. “Really?”
Leo nodded. “Yeah. Apparently the bracelets are one of the group’s signatures. They symbolize the protection of human life over werewolf lives.”
“I… I didn’t know that.”
“Okay. I just wanted you to know.”
“It was just a little stand.” She looked confused, upset. “They had some pamphlets and they said they were raising money for charity by selling bracelets. I was in a rush, but I liked the color, so….”
“I’m not mad,” Leo said. “I promise. I just thought you should know.”
She let go of her mug and gathered Leo’s hands in her warm ones. “Leo. You’ll always be my baby, and I’m always going to look out for you. But you should know, your dad and me? We might not like the whole werewolf thing, but we’ll still support you with it. You’re not going to be kicked out of the family for dating one. It’ll take some time for some folks to accept it, but they can take that time in private. Okay? I’m not going to let anyone hurt you because of who you love.”
Leo forced himself to smile. His throat felt a little thick. “Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious. I told you, when you came to me to tell me you’re gay. You remember? I said it doesn’t matter to me who you love.”
“I remember.”
“I’d be a hell of a hypocrite if I said that and changed my mind when you tell me you love a werewolf.”
“I don’t think you need to worry,” Leo said, taking his hands back. “Jackson and I just aren’t compatible.”
“You’re his soul mate, though. You said.”
Leo nodded. “I don’t know. I don’t understand it all.”
She gave a short laugh. “I don’t understand anything, darling. You let me know when it’s right again, and I’ll make it right with your dad.”
“Okay,” he said, giving his mom the smile he knew she needed to see. It could have gone worse, he supposed. But right after they had broken up was a shitty time to find out he had his mother’s support all along.
HE STAYED for dinner because his mom was making tacos, and he wanted tacos, God damn it, and for the first time in days he didn’t want to be at the apartment by himself. When Leo’s dad got home from work, Leo moved from the kitchen to the living room to crash on the couch with him and watch cable news. Normally Leo avoided watching the news because it just made him mad, but it was a good way to have a conversation with his dad.
The show was running a local interest story about a young werewolf who had shown her fangs for the first time at just twenty months old. Experts at Spokane Children’s Hospital had been studying her for months, even though it wasn’t technically a medical issue. Apparently early fangs were very rare, though it did happen occasionally, and the old-school werewolves had a superstition about early fangs being a sign of an early winter. Except that didn’t make sense because they were already well into winter and it had happened at the same time it did every year, but it was the werewolf equivalent of an old wives’ tale and the human host of the show didn’t seem to want to call the wizened old werewolf lady out on it.
“Huh.” Leo’s dad grunted. “You see something new every day. If that had happened during the Revolutionary War, they would have shot her on sight.”
“Dad,” Leo sighed.
“Well, they would have,” he grumbled.
They watched the TV for a few more minutes in silence while Leo wondered if it was worth bringing up the Jackson situation with his dad. On the one hand, it was over, so there wasn’t anything to “confess” anymore. On the other, Leo didn’t like that he’d hidden the re
lationship from his dad.
“Dad?”
“Hm?”
“Did Mom tell you I was dating someone?”
His dad turned to look at him. “No?”
“Well, I was, but it’s over now.”
“Oh.” He sounded amused. “I’m sorry about that, kid.”
“I don’t like keeping secrets from you.” Leo took a deep breath. “He’s a werewolf. And I’m his soul mate.”
Leo watched as his dad’s eyebrows rose impossibly high.
“You are his soul mate, or you were?”
“I am,” Leo said. “Well, I think I am. It’s not the sort of thing that just goes away.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he said tightly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Leo concentrated very hard on picking bits of lint out of his sweater. “It just didn’t feel right keeping it from you.”
“Huh. You say it’s over?”
“Yeah.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Something in Leo’s chest tightened. “It sucks,” he said simply. “He’s not a bad person, but I don’t know how to make it work with him.”
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to give you advice. Are you going to get back together with him?”
Leo shrugged. “It’s not out of the question, I guess. Mitch thinks I met him too early and he needs more time to figure things out.”
“Mitch, huh? You’re not dating him?”
Leo barked a laugh. “No, Dad.”
“I thought if you were going to date a werewolf, it would be him.”
“No,” Leo said again, endlessly amused. “We’re just friends.”
“Okay. Good. I don’t have anything against Mitch. He’s just….”
“A bit much?”
“You can say that again,” his dad grumbled.
“Are you upset with me?” Leo asked after a moment.
“What, that you dated a wolf?”
