She turned away and stood, staring at the door probably wondering if she could beat me there. I was tired. My body felt drained and exhausted. My mouth was dry and the muscles in my back were sore from tension. I wondered how I could get through to her, how I could make her understand. As she stood there with her back to me I realized that talking to her this way might be easier. I wouldn’t be able to see the hate in her eyes, and she wouldn’t be able to see the devastation in mine. Maybe if I just started talking, explaining, she would stay and listen.
So I began talking.
“I live with three roommates; I sometimes call them my family because they are hellhounds like me. When I met them I was alone, and I knew nothing about what I was or how to control myself. I thought I was a freak, an outcast, and that there wasn’t anyone else out there that could do what I could. But then China – the woman you saw tonight – found me one night and offered me a place to go where people understood.”
Heven made no comment or even moved from the spot she was standing in, but I knew she was listening. So I continued, “At first I liked being with them. I learned a lot about what I am, and it was a relief not having to be alone. But China, started to change, she became harder, meaner somehow.”
Heven’s head tilted just slightly and a little ray of hope bloomed in my chest. I have to make her understand. I went to the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and downed it all. I was so thirsty. Then I reached for another and uncapped it. When I lifted it to my lips I realized that she was no longer turned away. She was looking at me. “Would you like some?” I asked.
She shook her head. “How did she change?”
“China’s been looking for something, an object that she heard about, something that no one has ever seen. We’d been helping her look, even though we really didn’t know what we were looking for. All I know is that it is a map of some sort.”
“Like a map to gold?”
I nodded, pleased that she finally seemed interested. “Exactly. We used to go out every night searching. Our apartment was here, but we went all over the state looking. We could never find it, and as time went by she became angry and frustrated.”
“Then what happened?”
“She started killing people, Hev.” I heard her soft indrawn breath, but I continued to talk – anxious to get it all out before she began yelling again. “We began fighting because I tried to stop her a few times. She would get so angry at me. It was almost like she had to kill them, and if she didn’t…” I shook my head not bothering to finish the sentence.
“She didn’t what?” Heven asked, I noticed she had come forward to sit on the edge of the bed.
“If she didn’t she would get punished or something. I never understood it because I didn’t think China was scared of anything.” So why would she feel like she had to kill?
“Then what happened?” Heven asked. Her voice was deeper than normal because of all the crying she had done.
“Then I saw you.” My voice softened at the memory. “I was running through the woods, and you were out riding Jasper. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. You were so pure and carefree. I envied that in you.”
I stole a glance at her; she was staring at the wall, her face drawn.
“So I started watching you. Sometimes running in the woods where I knew you rode, and hanging near the library… I liked being near you, even if you never knew I was there.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me?” she asked, curious.
I barked a laugh; it was an empty sound. “Why would you ever want anything to do with someone like me?”
She didn’t answer.
“Anyway, I started skipping the nights that we went searching. I started pulling away from the pack. I hated that she was killing people, but I didn’t know how to make her stop. The others didn’t seem to care what she was doing…I think they even might have helped her. I couldn’t go up against all three of them. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted a real life.”
“One day China followed me, and she saw me watching you. She became angry. She became fixated on you. She got it into her head that I was pulling away from the pack and not helping them search because I was infatuated with you.”
“Were you?” she asked softly. Her eyes were riveted on my face and most of her fear had drained away. She was becoming fascinated by my tale.
“I loved you from the minute I laid eyes on you. I’ve lied about a lot of things, Hev, but I have never lied about that.”
Her eyes seemed to melt a little but then she caught me watching so she sat up straighter and all the emotion left her face.
“China threatened to kill you. I told her that if she left you alone that I would go back to searching. For a while that worked, and I thought she had forgotten about you, but she hadn’t. One night she killed someone, completely ripped them to shreds, and it made me sick. I told her how disgusting I thought she was, and I refused to help her hide the body. That’s the night she attacked you. The night you can’t remember.”
“Why didn’t she just kill me?”
She said the words almost as if she were talking to herself. So I didn’t bother to answer. I didn’t want to rouse her memory of the attack because I didn’t want to give China any other reason to come after her.
A lonely tear slid down her cheek, and she glanced at where my hands gripped her. I let go and put some distance between us once more.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. An apology was not enough, nothing would ever be enough but I was out of words. How did you make up for practically robbing someone of their life?
“For a few months after your attack she left you alone,” I explained. “I did everything she asked, and I only watched you when I was sure she was out of town. She came home early from one of her trips and caught me following you again,” I said, pushing my hands through my hair and shoved away from the wall. I had to move. I was edgy and tired of trying to find ways to make her understand. “She’s crazy! She became convinced that I was going to tell you about us, about what we are. She said that you would tell – that we would get locked up. I enrolled at school to keep a closer eye on you; I didn’t like leaving you unprotected for so many hours in the day.”
“Just during the day?” she asked.
I felt a fine blush spread over my cheeks as I nodded. “I watch your house at night. To keep you safe.”
“All this time I thought I was crazy,” she murmured to herself.
“Why?”
“Because I always felt like I was being watched. I always sensed that something was there, in the shadows watching me.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way. I never meant to scare you.” I said.
“Just like you never meant to lie?”
“I lied to protect you. I thought I would be able to kill China before now.”
“Why haven’t you?”
“She’s strong and whenever I manage to get the upper hand, something always manages to get in the way.”
“So that’s it then? She’s going to keep coming at me until I’m dead?”
“No! I won’t let that happen.” I rushed to her side and sank down on the bed next to her. “That’s the reason I can’t let you leave, and why I can’t stay away.”
“Please,” I whispered. “I want to go home.”
“Okay. I’ll take you.” The truth was out now, and I couldn’t keep her here. She wouldn’t want me around but that was okay; I could protect her from afar, and I would.
She didn’t refuse the ride, and I took that as a good sign. With a ballroom full of people downstairs she could have asked anyone for a ride. But she didn’t. Maybe there was a chance for us after all.
The drive to her house was quiet and sad. I had hoped this night would be so different. I thought it would be the beginning for me and Heven – not the end. I thought that finally, tonight, she would confess her love. I was naive to think that she would love me at all.
When I pulled into
the driveway, I shut off the engine and turned to face her. “Want me to explain to your mother why you’re late? I can make something up.”
“No. I’ll do it,” she said, reaching for the handle.
“If you want to talk you can call me anytime.”
She wasn’t going to call. I knew that. She got out of the truck and I scrambled out after her, not needing to walk her the short distance to the door but wanting to prolong my time with her. At the door she refused to face me.
“I love you, Heven.” I told her, needing to say the words.
She put a hand up to her scars, whispering, “Your love comes with a heavy price tag.”
She walked into the house and shut the door in my face. I didn’t know if she would ever talk to me again. I didn’t know how to make things right. The only thing I had left to offer her was my absence. And her life. Standing there in the dark, my heart in a million pieces, I made a vow. I would give Heven back the life she lost. I would kill China. And then, if she wanted me too I would walk away and never look back.
Chapter Fifteen
Heven
I spent the weekend avoiding Kimber’s phone calls, claiming I had a stomach bug. I used the same excuse to stay in my room all weekend, away from my mother. When Monday morning came, I pleaded I was still sick, even going as far as running into the bathroom to make retching sounds while I poured water in the toilet. Mom was convinced and let me stay home from school. At eight-thirty I felt my first breath of relief when she left for work. Finally, I was blissfully alone. I lay in bed a while longer wallowing in misery. The guy I loved wasn’t even human, and it felt like my heart would never mend.
I padded down to the kitchen and made some hot tea and brought it up to my room, crawling back under the covers. I thought about everything he told me, about the danger I was in and how a crazy hellhound wanted me dead. I knew I should be terrified, but my emptiness at the loss of Sam muted those feelings. And to make it worse the nightmares kept coming, but instead of the animal-like claws attacking me, there were long, red fingernails biting into my skin, drawing blood while Sam stood watching in the background. When I would wake up, I would lay there and cry wondering how my life got so messed up. I was so incredibly miserable. What made everything that much worse was the one person who could make it all go away was the reason for the pain. How could I miss Sam after all he’d done? I burrowed further under the covers, trying to go back to sleep, except I wasn’t tired. I’d slept too much this weekend. I was wide-awake with my misery.
I threw the covers back and sat up, reaching for my tea. I jumped and screamed, tea spilling everywhere, when I saw Sam sitting on the floor by my dresser. “Owww!” I wailed, scrubbing at the hot liquid.
Sam jumped up. “I’m sorry.” He rushed to the side of the bed.
“I’ve got it,” I told him, pulling the shirt out away from my skin. It burned and stung. Tea dripped down my arms and legs making me feel sticky and wet. Like I wasn’t already miserable enough, now I had to have burns?
I gathered up the soaked bedding and tossed it on the floor. Then I grabbed a clean shirt and went into the bathroom to change. When I came out Sam was stuffing the bedding into the washing machine. He looked up apologetically, “I don’t know how to use this.”
I sighed and gave him a quick lesson, putting in the detergent and showing him how to use the settings. When the task was complete I went back to my room. Sam followed.
“What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t go to school. Your mom finally left and I wanted to make sure that you’re okay and see if you needed anything.”
“I’m fine. You can go.”
“You can’t be here all day alone, Heven.”
“This is about China.” I was sorely disappointed. Was I hoping he would say he missed me, that he wanted to see me?
“It’s about your safety.”
That didn’t make me feel any better. “I’m fine.”
“I’ll just stay and make sure.”
“You can’t stay.”
“Why?”
Because it hurts too much. Because I want to throw myself into your arms and never let go. Because I want to forgive you, but I can’t. “Just go.”
“I’ll be outside if you need me.” He walked to the door.
“Outside?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I’ve been here all weekend.”
“What?”
“I told you I would protect you.”
He stayed outside all weekend to protect me? To watch over me?
He nodded, looking exhausted. When he was halfway down the stairs I went after him. I couldn’t let him go again; he made me feel better even though I didn’t want him to.
“Have you eaten?”
“I’ll get something later.”
“I’ll fix you a sandwich.”
He looked up, his eyes flashing gold.
My heart leapt.
He followed me into the kitchen, seeming tired and worried, which for the life of me I could not understand. After admitting to sitting outside the entire weekend to keep watch over me like a stalker, coming into my house without being invited, and scaring me almost to death…and only now that I was to make him a sandwich he was worried?
“Like any sandwich I made could be that bad…” I muttered, grabbing the bread.
“What?”
I jumped a mile high because I had no clue that he was inches behind me. “Geez, stop sneaking up on me!”
“Sorry.” He moved to the other side of the kitchen, giving me some space. This was a good thing, right?
I sighed and focused on the turkey sandwich I was slapping together. Extra mayo, extra turkey, cheese…I held up a tomato and he shook his head, making a face. I put the tomato down and topped the sandwich with another slice of white and carried it over to him. He reached for the sandwich, and his fingers brushed mine. I felt the jolt as if I were electrocuted. He froze and looked up at me. I ignored him and went back across the kitchen to grab a soda. When I turned back, half the sandwich was gone. I began making another; clearly, he was starved.
“When’s the last time you ate?”
He shrugged and shoved the rest into his mouth. Geez, did he even chew? After I handed him the second sandwich I turned to walk away, but he grabbed the hem of my T-shirt and pulled me back. “Hey.”
My stomach did that flippy thing, and I prayed that he couldn’t hear my heart accelerate. Who knew what a hellhound was capable of? “What are you?” I whispered.
His hand slid away from me. “I’m the same guy I’ve always been.”
“I never really knew you at all.” I had no idea that he was a hellhound and lived on his own with a bunch of other hellhounds who liked to kill.
“I only hid what I am, not who I am.” He sat the sandwich on the table like he’d lost his appetite.
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
Slowly he shook his head.
I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I busied myself by cleaning up. “You don’t need to stay.”
“I’ll go outside, but I am not leaving.” he said being stubborn.
“Fine! Do what you want anyway!” I said, exasperated. I wanted to run from the room, but he was near the door, so I settled for turning my back on him.
I shouldn’t have been surprised that he appeared behind me instantly, soundlessly, but I was. I felt his hands hover above my shoulders before they settled, warm and heavy. With gentle hands and strong arms he turned me around and cupped my face, forcing me to look into his hypnotic eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. I would die to protect you from pain.”
My skin tingled under his touch, and it was his words, not his eyes, that hypnotized me. “Sam…”
His lips brushed over mine, and while I willed myself to push him away, I pulled him closer. I opened my mouth wider and his tongue slipped in, making me groan. There was a sharp thump and a gasp from the door of the kitchen. Before I could register anything,
Sam flipped around, tucking me behind him. I stared at the tense, rippling muscles of his back.
“What is going on here?”
Oh, crap. It was my mother.
I tapped Sam on the shoulder and he turned, his eyes full of regret. “I wasn’t paying attention,” he whispered. “I didn’t hear drive up, I was so focused on you…” his eyes dropped back to my lips. I understood because everything else fell away when I was with him too.
I stepped around him to look at my mother. “Mom, this isn’t what it looks like.”
“You mean you didn’t pretend to be sick so you could skip school and…and…act like a harlot?”
A harlot? What the heck was that? Sam must have heard it before because he actually growled. Like that helped anything.
“Mom…”
“I do not want to hear it, young lady,” she said, bending to pick up her dropped keys and purse. “You and I are going to have a talk. And you,” she said pointing at Sam, her face flushing, “you are going to leave. You are not welcome here.”
“Mom!”
Sam turned to face me, his hazel eyes darkening. “I’ll see you later,” he whispered.
“Go!” Mom told him.
When he was gone, Mom stared at me, hard. “Are you proud of yourself?”
“He came by to see if I was okay, that’s all.”
“Are you even sick?”
“Yes.” At the moment I felt like hurling.
“I didn’t want to believe…” she murmured, sitting down at the kitchen table. I don’t even think she heard me.
“Believe what?”
“I thought you understood; I raised you with the Lord.”
“Mom, it was one kiss.” It wasn’t as if we were naked on the floor.
“You did so well after the accident. I understood that you were sullen and self-conscious about your scar.”
She wasn’t making any sense.
“But these past few weeks, I began to see the change in you: the cheering, the parties, the boys.”
I felt like she’d slapped me. “I was helping the cheer team out at a competition so they wouldn’t get disqualified. It was two parties, this whole year, and the only boy is Sam.”
Masquerade Page 20
