“What happened?”
“My mom was scared of me. She was furious that my Dad wouldn’t tell her something like that, but to her, I was still her son. My dad didn’t want me around, I heard him say it, loud and clear. He thought I was a disgrace. He thought I was weak. How come all the other generation could manage to overcome the gene when I couldn’t? I think that deep down he was scared of me. He was afraid that I would hurt him, my mother and my little brother. But I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.” He said the last like he was trying to convince me, like he was trying to make me believe.
“I know that, Sam. Of course you wouldn’t hurt them. They are your family.” I said the words because I believed them, but more importantly because he needed to hear them.
The tension in his body seemed to ease, and he turned back, able to look at me once more.
“My mom convinced my dad to let me stay. He didn’t have a choice really. He lied to her for years and allowing me to stay was the only thing that would even come close to making up for it. For a while we lived like nothing happened. They ignored when I impulsively went out into the night, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop from changing. They pretended that my quick growth spurts were because I was a boy, and that it wasn’t unnatural. I wasn’t allowed to talk about it or ask any questions about what was happening to me. But even though they pretended that nothing was wrong, there was. My mother was terrified of me. She didn’t understand how my body could transform, to twist myself into something else. She used to pray constantly asking for me to be spared. She couldn’t accept that I was a freak. My dad just kind of ignored me, tried to pretend I wasn’t there. He would take my brother out into the yard and play football, but I was never allowed to play. My mother was terrified that I would hurt him – the only normal son they had left. Right before I turned sixteen, Dad brought some paperwork home and handed it to me. Emancipation papers. They wanted me to file for emancipation and move out, so I did. They bought me my truck and paid the rent for six months in advance for a crappy studio apartment on the other side of town. When they dropped me off there, Dad handed me an envelope with some cash in it and told me that from there on out I was on my own. I haven’t seen them since.”
“They let you go? Just like that?” My words were an echo of the time I tried to walk away and he’d asked me the same.
“Yeah.”
“How dare he!” I raged, pacing away, fists clenched at my sides.
“He?”
“Your father,” I spat. “He did this to you, and then he had the nerve to disown you! If I ever see him I’ll…”
Sam seemed amused by this, and I had no idea why. “You’ll what?”
“Punch him in the nose!”
He laughed.
“It’s not funny.” I glared at him.
He sobered. “Of course it isn’t,” he rasped and walked to me, grasping my balled fist. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”
A frustrated sound escaped me, and I leaned into his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“Not for you.”
“No?” He pulled back and lifted an eyebrow.
I shook my head. “For them. They made a huge mistake by not keeping you in their lives. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”
His eyes softened, but then he stepped away. “You turned me away too.”
I winced and stepped forward. “Not because you’re a hellhound. Because you lied to me and it hurt. But even before my dream last night…I was on my way back to you.”
“You were?”
I nodded. “I couldn’t stand being apart.”
He swept me into his arms and held me. He was solid and strong; he’d always been those things. Except now he was even more so because of what he’d managed to live through. He rested a cheek against my hair and his raspy, deep voice filled the room. “Original hellhounds were used a long time ago to take souls through obstacles into Hell. To enter Hell one must pass through a wall of fire and a body of water. They were used as guardians to the gates of Hell, and sometimes souls would escape, and they were sent to hunt them down and drag them back.”
“How did the hellhound gene end up on Earth?”
“Hellhounds were cast out of hell and sent to Earth, where they took human form and lived among humans.”
“Why were they cast out?”
“Hellhounds were extremely uncontrollable. Not even Satan himself could make them do what he wanted. So he banished them, he cast them out of Hell and gave them human traits. He sent them to live on earth where he had hoped they would spread evil throughout the human race. The hellhounds began to reproduce, and the gene was passed down from family to family, skipping a generation. Best I can figure is that eventually the gene pool became diluted and the children became more human and less hound. It was Satan’s ultimate revenge against God. He was using his evil to contaminate some of God’s children and twist them into sin.”
“I don’t believe you are evil, Sam.” I told him wholeheartedly.
“I don’t believe you’re evil either.” He said, giving me a knowing look. It dawned on me that we had more in common than I thought. “It’s why I got so upset that day at your house. I’m the one who came inside and kissed you. I’m the one who was so caught up in you that I didn’t hear your mom. And you are the one who got blamed for it. She said the exact words to you that my father said to me. He said I was marked by evil
“We have each other,” I said, “and what happened with my mother isn’t your fault. It had been brewing for a long time, and I just never noticed.” I had been too caught up in my own pity.
In two short strides he was in front of me, pulling me close for a long, hard hug. I tightened my arms around him and sighed then stepped away and pushed the hair from my eyes.
“How do you know all of this?”
“China. It was one of the reasons I went with her when she found me – and one of the reasons I stayed. I dropped out of school because she convinced me I would never fit in. She’s older than me. Older than my roommates. She’s lived longer inside her body, and she knows how to use her abilities. She taught us, showed us how to live and how to keep our secret.”
“Does it hurt very much?” I asked. “When your body changes like that?”
“Not anymore.”
“That’s good.” I didn’t want to think of him in pain.
I needed a minute to digest everything he was saying, so I went to the fridge to get a bag of carrots. They were a little wilted because I hadn’t been in here for a while. Sam watched me from the door as I went to each stall and fed the horses. They all eyed him warily, but the lure of the carrot was too strong, and soon they just ignored him. “They’re getting used to you.”
I looked over my shoulder at him. He was looking at me from beneath lowered lids, almost like he was shy. “I understand now why you love comic books so much.”
He grinned. “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” He settled his shoulder against the doorjamb and made himself comfortable.
“Because you can identify with the guys who are different, with the guys who can do things that no one else can.” It made me think of something else… “Do you have any cool superpowers?”
He laughed. But I saw some sort of smug satisfaction in his eyes. The kind that guys always got when they scored a touchdown or pulled up in front of a crowd in a muscle car.
“Maybe,” he teased.
“It’s okay if you don’t,” I said, feeling mischievous. “I guess turning into a big dog is cool enough.”
For a second his mouth dropped open, but then he laughed. It was a rich sound, and it drifted to the rafters. It was a sound I wanted to hear over and over again. This was the real Sam. My Sam.
“I hear really good. And I have inhuman strength.”
“I figured that out.” I said, trying to sound unimpressed, when really I was totally impressed.
“I’m fireproof.”
&
nbsp; “You are?” Now this was pretty cool.
“I can stand in the middle of a fire and my body won’t be affected; my core temperature would rise, but that’s it.”
“Interesting,” I said, patting Jasper. That would explain why the night I almost fell into the fire, his jacket and shirt got burned through but not his skin.
“I can survive being frozen, too. I would only lose consciousness until my body temperature returned to normal.”
“You’ve tried freezing yourself to death?”
His teeth flashed as he laughed. “No. China told me. I also read that we are really great swimmers. I’ve tried that one out.” He grinned again. “It’s definitely true.”
“Well aren’t you just a show off?” I smiled. I liked being like this with him. With everything out in the open, no secrets between us. It felt lighter, easier.
But then a stray thought pierced through my happy mood. I returned the bag of carrots to the fridge and cleared my throat. “I should be getting inside before Gran comes looking for me.”
He frowned and hooked me around the waist, towing me near him. “Hey, did I frighten you?”
“No. I…” I tried to step out of his hold.
He wouldn’t let me. “You what?”
The words rushed out of me, toppling over one another. “Can you live forever?”
He paused, weighing my words and searching for something in my eyes. “The idea upsets you?”
I was embarrassed, and I shrugged.
“Why?”
Because the thought of me aging and dying while he stayed behind was depressing. I wanted him all to myself; I was selfish. When I got wrinkled and old and died, he would find someone new, young and beautiful. I turned and buried my face against him, inhaling deeply of his scent.
“Heven?”
“Because I have to get old and die. I want to stay with you.”
He chuckled. “I have to get old and die too.”
“Really?” I pulled back searching for the truth in his eyes.
“Yes. You seem thrilled at my impending doom.”
“Our impending doom,” I said, burrowing against him once more. “And it won’t be for a long time.”
His chest vibrated with laughter, and it tickled me.
“You’ll come for breakfast?”
“Sure. I’m going to go home and shower first, then I’ll be back.”
At the barn door I stopped but didn’t look back. “Sam? I never really walked away. I thought of you every minute, and I couldn’t sleep without your bracelet. It was a terrible mistake that I never, ever plan to make again.”
I heard his breath hitch as I let myself out the door.
The scent of breakfast wafted all the way upstairs and made my stomach growl viciously. Throughout my routine of showering and dressing, I couldn’t stop thinking about the things Sam confided in me. I didn’t understand how his parents could turn him away. It made my stomach ache.
I stepped in front of the mirror to brush my hair, and my gaze landed on my scars. After everything Sam had been through, they seemed small and insignificant. Staring at myself, I pulled all my hair back, away from my face, into a high ponytail. If these scars were the worst that ever happened to me then I was lucky. My mother’s words floated through my head, marked by evil. I guess I could understand how Sam’s parents treated him. Wasn’t my mother treating me the same?
How could she raise me for sixteen years and then blame me for how I turned out? It hardly seemed fair that something I didn’t ask for or want could make others judge me. But, to be fair, the only one who truly judged me was my mother. My friends, they never judged me, I allowed myself to believe that is what they were doing, but they weren’t. Hadn’t they just explained that to me at prom? So, yeah, I guess I did know how Sam felt, only it was worse for him because his rejection is real. The realization was humbling. Suddenly, I ached for Sam, ached for his crooked smile and golden gaze. I wanted to touch him and feel his strength. A strength that not only came from his true identity, but from everything he had already overcome.
Downstairs Gran was heaping steaming blueberry pancakes onto a huge platter. “I hope you’re hungry,” she said, adding the platter to an astonishing array of other loaded-down platters. Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit…
“Holy cow! You made enough for an army.”
She laughed. “I noticed how that young man of yours likes to eat.”
Her words caused a stirring inside of me. Sam was mine just as I was his. “I’m not even sure he can put a dent in all this food.” I went over to the coffee and poured a mug, adding sugar and cream. “I’m starving.”
“Grab a plate!”
I sipped my coffee instead, wanting to wait for Sam. There was a knock at the back door, and I ran to it, my face breaking into a wide smile at the thought of him standing there.
Except it wasn’t Sam.
It was my mother.
My smile vanished.
“Mother,” I said, stepping away from the door as she stepped inside.
“Hello, Heven. Good morning, Silvia.”
Grandma turned from the sink. “Good morning, Madeline. I didn’t hear you pull up.”
“Yes, I’m sorry for stopping by without calling, but I was just coming from church.”
“You’re welcome anytime. Would you like some breakfast?”
My stomach suddenly lurched at the idea of food. Surprisingly, it made me angry. Seconds ago I was happy and felt really good for the first time in a long time, and she ruined it.
“No, thank you,” she replied, looking me over. “You pulled your hair up.”
She disapproved. I realized I didn’t care. “Yes. I decided that my scars are not something that I need to be ashamed of. Worse things could happen to me than this,” I motioned to my face.
“You accept your scars?”
“Yes.” I guess I did.
This seemed to worry her. “Have you filled out the registration forms for the camp this summer?”
I looked to the top of the fridge where I’d put them, hoping to forget about them. “No.”
“Fill them out now. I’ll mail them tomorrow.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I’m not going to that camp.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, Mom, I’m not. I won’t let you punish me for something that wasn’t my fault. I am not evil. I am the same girl I’ve always been.” I hadn’t really believed that myself until I said the words just now.
“That’s the evil inside you, influencing you. You must turn away from the bad, Heven.”
“That’s quite enough,” Grandma said, coming to stand beside me.
“You agree with her?” Mom seemed surprised.
“Do you think my son would approve of the way you are treating his daughter?”
Mom paled. “Jason isn’t here for me to ask, so I must do what I think is best for our daughter.”
I wished my father was here. Things would be very different. Mom would be different. Grandma stepped toward my mother and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know. You have done a wonderful job with Heven these last years. Jason would be proud. But this, this…”
“Is my decision to make. Fill out the papers, Heven. I will be by tomorrow after work to get them, and you.”
“What do you mean?” My heart began hammering in my chest. I couldn’t go back home. I wouldn’t be able to see Sam.
“She’s welcome to stay here,” Grandma said, alarmed.
“I won’t have my daughter staying with someone who doesn’t have her best interest at heart.”
“She’s been such a great help here. The barn and land can be a lot to take care of…” Grandma said, wringing her hands. I knew she was searching for a way to keep me there, and I loved her for it.
“She can come out on the weekends after church to help you out.”
I saw the defeat on Grandma’s face. I couldn’t stay here unless Mom allowed it
.
“I’ll fill out the papers.” I said, low.
Both women looked at me, surprised. “What did you say?” Mom asked.
“If you let me stay here, with Grandma, I’ll fill out the papers for camp right now. You can take them with you.”
“You like it here that much better?” She seemed hurt by this.
“I’ll start going back to church too,” I added, hoping to sway her.
“How are your grades?”
“Really good.”
“Oh yes, she studies every night,” Grandma agreed. Minutes ticked by, minutes of Mom studying me, judging me. Suddenly I wished I had left my hair down.
“Fine,” Mom relented. “Get the papers.”
I hurried to fill out the papers and shove them into the envelope, not wanting her to have enough time to change her mind. When they were finished I handed them to her and turned away.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night at Bible study?”
Inside I cringed. “Yes.”
“All right then.” I heard her hesitation, and I stared at the wall just praying that she would go. “Bye, Heven.”
I didn’t trust my voice, so I nodded. I barely heard her saying goodbye to my grandma and the sound of her car pulling away from the house. I felt as if I’d just signed my life away, and all I could hear was the ticking of the clock. It was ruthlessly counting down the minutes until I had to show up at church tomorrow.
Grandma hugged me from behind. “It’s going to be fine.”
Her hug reminded me that what I did was necessary. If I hadn’t signed those papers and agreed to church, then I wouldn’t be here. I would be a prisoner with Mom acting as my jailer, and there was absolutely no way I would get to see Sam. Yes, my sacrifices were nothing compared to living without Sam. There was just one thought that made my insides shake: if I was the evil one, why did it suddenly feel like I’d just made a deal with the devil?
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