by Kitty Margo
He feared his desire for her was too strong. The feeling was deep in his soul that he could be content to hold her for the remainder of his natural life. However, he was not ready for a lifetime commitment and could not envision himself settling down with a wife and a passel of children for many years to come. No, the little lady was dangerous. Of that he was certain. It would be best for all concerned if he kept her at a safe distance until they docked in Charleston. Not an easy task due to the simple fact that they shared a cabin.
Chapter Four
Lynna sat in the center of the bed and contemplated her dismal future. It only took one time to create a child? A disgrace. Scandalous? She didn’t move when the cabin boy brought her lunch tray and she hadn’t budged hours later when Joshua returned. She sat lost in thought and cursed the fates as she stared out the window admiring the seagulls and their carefree existence.
“Are you coming out of the cabin this afternoon, Lynna?” Joshua startled her. She hadn’t even heard the door open. “The clouds have moved in to cover the sun and it’s quite pleasant on deck. That meddlesome Miss Johnson inquired about you.”
For the first time, Lynna looked up, showing eyes that were red-rimmed from her afternoon of crying. Suddenly, she leapt from the bed like a woman possessed and began to pummel his broad chest with all the force she could muster. “How could you?” she sobbed as scalding tears of abject misery coursed down her cheeks.
Joshua grabbed her small hands in his and held them gently to his chest to still their fluttering. “How could I what, Lynna?”
“You know very well what! Do not pretend ignorance with me, Captain Jordan!”
“So it’s Captain Jordan again, is it? No, Lynna, I can assure you that I do not. Pray tell, enlighten me.”
“I will be a disgrace!” She wept, heartbroken. “My dear father will be humiliated! He will turn me away, unable to witness my shame!”
“What shame, Lynna? Will you please…”
“The enfant!” she shrieked, covering her burning face with her hands. “I am speaking of your child, which I now carry in my womb!”
“My… child? In your… womb?”
“Oui, your child. I am enceinte,” she whispered, switching from madwoman to a tortured child in a matter of seconds. “Oh, Joshua, how could you do this to me? It will be ever so scandalous and you do not give a fig about me in the first place. And my dear father will be so hurt and shamed.”
“Not to mention the hurt that Nathan Rhodes will bring upon my head if what you say is true.”
“You? You! Is that all you can think about at a time like this? You? And what my father might do to you? Which, I can assure you, will not be pleasant!” she took great pleasure in adding. “What about me?”
“There is no cause for undue alarm, Lynna. I will see that both you and the child are well taken care of. What was he saying? What child? Let me amend that, if indeed there is to be a child. But, please clarify one minor point for me. How did you come upon this information so soon, when we only made love three nights ago?”
“Had sex,” she reminded him.
“Very well then, since you have become an authority on fornication, Lynna, perhaps you can clarify one point. How can you be sure that you are carrying my child?” Why, the idea was preposterous, pure conjecture.
Of a sudden, a sad thought struck Lynna and she chided herself for berating the obviously uninformed man before her. Why, it was entirely possible that he wasn’t even to blame for his thoughtless conduct. For had he not spent most of his adult life onboard ship? Perhaps he was as unversed in such matters as she herself had been. It had most likely been his inaugural venture into relations as well. And he, like her, evidently did not have the slightest notion that their drunken encounter… well… perhaps she was the only one who was intoxicated, would result in the delivery of an enfant. Oh, bless the poor, unsophisticated man.
“I am truly sorry, Joshua,” she spoke slowly, as she would to one dim-witted. “You were unaware of the consequences as well, weren’t you? Sit down and let me explain what the disastrous result can be when a man and a woman take indecent liberties.”
“Lynna,” he declared abruptly, and massaged his temples in an attempt to ease a sudden pounding, “trust me; I am well aware of how babies are made.”
“Then why in God's name did you not inform me?” she cried, not wishing to believe that he could be mindful of the outcome and still perform the act without heed to the results.
“I thought you knew,” he snapped irritably. “No one can be that dense.”
“Dense?” She took a step backward as though she had been struck, thoroughly affronted by his cruel words. Words that caused her spine to stiffen. No one had ever dared speak to her in such a manner. Let alone call her dense. The very idea!
Ignoring her outraged stance, Joshua continued, “Please, proceed. Continue telling me about this child that you carry in your womb. Did you draw this conclusion on your own?”
“Oui, I came to this conclusion on my own. Well… with some instruction from Miss Johnson.”
“Natalie Johnson. I should have known. What other mischief has the gossipmonger planted in your head? Lynna, you are not with child.”
“I am not?” she shrieked and scurried to stand before him, arms akimbo, as relief washed over her in a flood. “How can you be certain? Are you absolutely positive?”
“Well, reasonably certain.” He hesitated, wishing there was some way around the truth. “Normally it takes more than one encounter to create a baby.”
“But it can occur the very first time?” Her elation dissolved as quickly as it had materialized.
“Well… yes. I suppose it could.”
“Oh, Joshua, I knew it! How could you singlehandedly bring about the ruination of my entire life?”
“How could I ruin your life? Lynna, if you will recall, I did not do anything against your will.”
“It was the wine! I had never been allowed to drink wine before! You knew I was not responsible for my actions and yet you took advantage…” She stopped and blushed a most becoming shade of pink. “My tante will turn me away when I arrive on her doorstep ponderous with child, and without the benefit of a husband. I will have no place to go. Our enfant and I will be roofless vagabonds and be forced to resort to a life in back alleys. Our only recourse will be to sail back to France where my baby will be stripped from my arms and placed in an orphans’ asylum.”
“Roofless! In the back alleys! The grandchild of the wealthiest man in France growing up in an orphan’s asylum! What are you thinking? Did I not just assure you that I will see to the well being of both you and the child? If there is one, since we have no way of knowing for certain. So let’s just wait a few weeks for an answer to this quandary before we jump to all manner of conclusions.”
“How will we know the answer?” she asked, bewildered.
“We have to wait for your….uh….you know,” he stammered, seemingly ill at ease with the topic. “To see if you forsooth carry my seed.”
“My what?”
“Your…you know, Lynna!”
“No, I do not know!” She was anxious to be certain one way or the other. “Please, Joshua, do not conceal the truth from me, I simply cannot bear it!”
“You know, Lynna. Your….you know.”
She was fast beginning to lose sight of her patience with his nonsensicality. “Joshua, if you will, please dispense with your adolescent parlor games. I can assure you that I have no idea what you are alluding to. If there is a way to know for certain whether or not I am carrying your offspring, I would greatly appreciate it if you would be so kind as to share such knowledge with me!”
“I am talking about your monthly flow!” he blurted out. “For heavens sake, did Gertrude fail to teach you even the most rudimentary facts of life?”
Lynna had never been more mortified than to have a man refer to the unmentionable topic of her monthly flow in her presence. “My? My? Oh, No!” She raced to th
e bed and threw herself face down as blood rushed to blaze a trail across her burning face and neck. She would never be able to show her face in his presence again, not after today. She was contemplating throwing herself out the window when she felt the bed give as he sat down beside her.
“Lynna?”
“How could you dare speak such words in my presence? You are the most vile, uncouth man I have ever had the misfortune to be plagued with. Such topics should never be spoken of!” Gertrude had pounded that into her head. However, she had been dreadfully negligent on other equally important matters.
“I am sorry, Lynna, but you insisted that I tell you, did you not?”
Suddenly, Lynna sat up in bed, her curiosity overcoming her vast embarrassment. “Joshua, what does my….you know….have to do with whether or not I am with child?”
“Lynna, that is the only proof of whether or not a woman is with child. Your monthly flow stops until after the baby is born. If it arrives, then you have naught to worry about.”
“Astonishing!” was all she could think to say before gathering her wits and launching into a tirade concerning Joshua’s astounding lack of character.
Sam observed as Joshua shoveled heaping spoonfuls of beef stew into an already overstuffed mouth. “What bee is in ye bonnet this time, lad?”
“What makes you so sure one is?” Joshua snapped, annoyed that Sam had the uncanny ability to always know when something was bothering him. Did he have the power to read minds?
“Just a hunch.” Sam chuckled. “Well, am I right?”
“Have you ever been wrong?”
Sam’s deep laughter rumbled through the galley. “And I thought the two of ye were becoming rather cozy in the Captain's cabin.”
“We were until that interfering Natalie Johnson started stirring up trouble.”
“Aye, that one is trouble, all right. Always sticking her pointed nose where it doesn’t belong. What harm has her forked tongue caused this time?”
“She has Lynna convinced that she carries my child.”
“Does she now? So soon?”
“How the hell should I know? It only happened once.”
“The planted seed has been known to take root and sprout after the first sowing, lad.”
“I am well aware of this, Sam. As I informed Lynna, I have some knowledge of how babies are made.” He dropped his head in his hands before continuing, “ I came to ask if I could use the spare bunk in your cabin. My mere presence seems to infuriate her beyond reason.”
“Of course ye can, lad. But ye had to understand that yer luck could not last forever. Sooner or later ye were bound to get caught. As disagreeable as ye are feeling right now, just imagine how wretched the wee lass must be feeling up there all alone in yer cabin without a champion in the world. As ye well know, an unmarried young lady with child does not have an easy row to hoe, even if her father is the most affluent man in all of France.”
“Stop trying, Sam. You cannot make me feel any worse than I already do.”
“Would ye care to place a small wager on that?” Sam scooped another ladle of stew in the lad’s bowl. “Fancy her father's reaction to the joyous news.
Lynna kept her door latched in the weeks that followed, never once embarking on deck or partaking of a meal outside the confines of the cabin. She was inconsolable, only granting Sam permission to enter the cabin to inquire about her wellbeing once each day. She placed a quivering hand on her still flat stomach every few hours, searching for any evidence of growth. So far, it was still blessedly flat. Merci, God!
Her ruminations often fled across the sea to the Chateau, and her father. Her loving father, who had once been so proud of her. She recalled his face radiating with pride as he stood with the staff during one of her many ballet or piano recitals. Always near with applauding hands and cheering words of praise at her smallest accomplishments.
Now, when she returned with a bastard child and no husband, he would be too ashamed to even claim her as his daughter. The scandal would sweep across Paris like the pox. His business patrons would refuse to do business with him. She would discredit his good name, but far worse, she would break his heart. How could she bear to live with the shame? She collapsed on the bed as hot tears of humiliation shook her slender frame.
After three weeks, the wait was becoming almost unbearable for Joshua. He knocked softly, then slowly pushed open his cabin door and stepped inside. He was startled by her appearance; she looked so thin and fragile and pale, and so alone. It was obvious by her swollen eyes that she had been crying. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and gently kiss away her pain, prove to her that she was acting irrational. He knew the likelihood of her having conceived was slim indeed. He had bedded more women than he could count and none of these couplings had ever produced a child that he was aware of. But there would be no way of convincing her of that. She would have to witness the truth for herself.
Until then, why squander time dwelling on something they had absolutely no control over? There was no recourse except to wait it out. If he could just hold her, console her in the meantime. Almost without realizing it, he moved toward the breathtaking vision curled on his bed.
“Non! Stay away from me, Captain Jordan!” she warned with unshed tears glittering on her lashes. “You may be the Captain of this deplorable ship, but I will scream as though the hounds of hell are at my heels if you dare come near me again. You may stand there with your smug expression, confident that your crew will not turn a hand against their beloved captain. But I promise you your expression will be dramatically altered when my father learns of your deception. He hired you to protect me on this voyage. Not molest me!”
“Molest you! Malcolm molested you. You would compare us?” Joshua stormed, before noticing how profoundly overwrought she was and lowering his voice. “Lynna, we both know that is not what happened between us. I would never force you to do anything against your will, and in my heart, I believe you know this as truth. It was a pleasurable encounter for us both. If you carry my child, you have my word that I will be an attentive father. Now please, come on deck for some fresh air.”
“Have you taken complete leave of your senses? And face the other passengers? Surely you jest, Captain Jordan. Everyone is fully aware of what we did. Why, even Malcolm urged me to enjoy his advances as I had enjoyed the advances of our illustrious Captain. I cannot show my face outside this cabin for the remainder of the voyage, I assure you. Now please, just leave my sight and never come back!”
Weeks later, Lynna was sitting in the center of the huge bed regarding the dolphins that frolicked alongside the ship when Joshua entered the cabin. Her eyes were still red-rimmed from her ceaseless crying, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she appeared even thinner.
Her monthly flow had always been irregular, but she was well aware that she should have started by now. But she had not. According to Joshua, that offered only one conclusion. For the hundredth time on this voyage she wished to have Gertrude by her side. She would know how to handle this crisis that Lynna had mulled over and over in her head until it ached.
With no family, friends, or a confidant with whom to discuss her troubles, she had arrived at the most crucial decision of her life on her own. She was certain she was enceinte and could arrive at only one resolution to the problem of being unwed and with child. Gathering her dwindling courage, she forced her gaze from the window and blurted, “Joshua, will you marry me?”
Her heart sank as she watched the horror register on his face at her words. She knew then that he had no intention of making an honest woman of her. She was totally alone in her plight. While she agonized over the birth of his child, he would be off on another voyage, perhaps instilling the same predicament on another young lady. She knew his answer before he said the words.
“We will wait to see if you carry my child, Lynna. I will not marry unless I have to.”
“Unless you have to?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He wa
s refusing to marry her? After what he had done to her! “What kind of low, depraved, black hearted seadog are you? You planted the seed inside me, after getting me drunk on wine, and now you refuse to take the responsibility of seeing your child reared?”
“I said I would marry you if circumstances required it.”
If circumstances required it! He made it sound like it was the last thing on God’s green earth he would ever choose to do. Who did this man think he was? For the love of all that was holy, she was the daughter of Nathan Rhodes. Where was her backbone? “Rest assured, Captain Jordan, you will never be forced into an unwanted marriage with me. You acquire females as if they were another novelty to store in your sea chest, without regard for the fact that no respectable man would marry a woman who is no longer pure and chaste.”
Joshua’s nerves were almost at the breaking point. With his jaw set and his eyes smoldering, he said, “All that you say may be true, Lynna. However, at the time I was acquiring you, I do not recall hearing any grievances uttered from your side of the bed.”
Her gasp echoed around the cabin and Lynna wanted nothing more than to claw the arrogant expression from his face with her fingernails. “I will hate you until my dying day for the agony you have caused me. I can only pray that my father tracks you down, and we both know that he will, and shows absolutely no mercy when he does. Now get out! I never want to see you again! Ever!”
Ignoring her temper tantrum, Joshua tried reasoning with the girl. “Lynna, believe me, the odds are definitely not in favor of your having conceived the very first time. You are working yourself into a dither for naught. Why not wait and see what happens and let us concern ourselves with this matter of marriage when, and if, it is forced upon us?”
