by J. H. Croix
She met my gaze. “Hey,” she finally said. “Um, how are you?”
I wondered how to respond. Because the answer was complicated. On the one hand, I was great. The one and only woman I’d ever loved wasn’t marrying someone else. I’d finally been able to feel her come apart in my arms. While that had done nothing other than ratchet up the lust nearly burning me up inside, it felt so damn good. On the other hand, I was sitting here looking at her and wishing like hell I could bridge the chasm between us. Seven years of bitterness and regret on both sides. To truly get to what I wanted with Amelia, I knew we had to cross that chasm together, or what we had would never hold. Just like it hadn’t before.
I stared into her amber eyes, flickering with so much feeling, and tried to collect myself. “I’m okay. You?”
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “So-so. It’s, uh… Well, it’s weird knowing you’re here. You’re actually here. To stay.”
My heart gave a hard kick. I had to keep my emotions in check, so I took another gulp of coffee before replying. “It’s weird for me too. It’s not what I thought I’d be dealing with though, so that’s good.”
“What do you mean?”
I laughed, an edge of bitterness in it. “Well, I thought I’d be coming home and getting used to you being married to someone else.” I had to pause and clear my throat. “Look, you have to know I didn’t know how to do this. I convinced myself I was over you. I missed being here for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with you and all kinds of reasons that have everything to do with you. Now I’m here, and it’s not what I thought. You’re not married, and there’s no way in hell I can say I’m over you. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t regret the way things played out and I’m pissed you never gave me a chance to explain.”
Her breath drew in sharply, and her eyes glittered with the sheen of tears. Fuck. I was barreling right into the thick of it. Without thinking, I slipped my hand over hers. “Hey, I didn’t mean…”
She shook her head sharply. “It’s okay. You’re just telling it like it is. It’s not like we don’t both know it.”
Her hand was cold under mine, a subtle tremor running through her. I stayed quiet.
After a few beats, she glanced my way again. “Maybe we should just have lunch,” she said with a half smile.
I couldn’t keep from grinning. Emotions might be running in fits and starts inside, but the overriding truth was I was home and Amelia was here with me.
Chapter Thirteen
Amelia
I leaned my hips against the counter and crossed my arms, fighting the urge to swear.
My mother, Sarah Haynes, stood at the kitchen sink attacking the dishes. My mom was a usually calm person, but one thing that annoyed her to no end: drama. At present, she was taking her frustration out on me hightailing out of my wedding on the dishes.
“I still can’t believe it,” my mom said, her dark hair streaked with gray swinging to and fro. She rinsed another plate and set it forcefully into the dish rack before turning around. She snagged a towel to dry her hands, pinning me with her dark brown gaze. “I wish you’d saved yourself the trouble and not gone so far into the whole wedding thing.”
“Mom, I know it’s a mess. I’m sorry. I really am. But the only person I need to apologize to is Earl and he’s already gone fishing,” I replied, beating back the annoyance with myself for letting things go so far in the first place.
My mom’s gaze coasted over me. After a moment, her eyes softened on a sigh. “I’m sorry hon. You’re absolutely right. The only person you owe any apology to is Earl, and I’m not even so sure about that. Honestly, the way he handled the whole thing—it was like no big deal. I had my doubts about you two before, but after that…” Her eyes flashed with anger. “I’m not upset you called the wedding off. I’m upset you put yourself through it all.”
My mom stepped away from the counter, snagging her walking cane leaning against it as she did. She’d been in a bad car accident two years ago, resulting in a broken hip, a shattered femur and a broken ankle. She’d healed up well, but she’d never quite gotten her walking back to where it had been. She hated it to no end because she’d always lived an active life, but she’d adjusted.
I followed her over to the kitchen table and sat down across from her, resting my chin in my hand. “I get it, Mom. I wish I’d figured it all out a lot sooner. Lucy told me Earl didn’t even seem that upset.”
My mom nodded slowly as she sipped on a cup of coffee she’d left here a few minutes prior. “Not so much. Oh, I think it stung him a little, but that’s about it. How are you though?”
I considered the question and shrugged. The answer was too confusing. At moments, I was overwhelmed with relief at ending things with Earl. In others, I was awash in elation at knowing Cade was back and realizing maybe we could repair the mess we’d made of things. I swung between poles of elation and terror. I didn’t think I could handle trying with Cade again and having it fall apart. I’d never recovered before. Hell, I’d blocked out the pain so completely, I couldn’t even tolerate talking about him and somehow managed to avoid learning the truth of what happened with Shannon. Nothing. The betrayal was Shannon’s alone.
I couldn’t seem to banish the niggling doubts from her manipulation. See, the thing was Shannon was the kind of girl most guys chased after. She was pretty, definitely not Amazon-like as I was, and feminine. Honestly, if we hadn’t been friends from when we were kids, it’s not likely we’d have ended up friends. By the time high school rolled around, she was all kinds of girly, while I was still pretty tomboy and just didn’t have it in me to play those games.
My mother’s perceptive gaze coasted over me. “Cade drove you back to Willow Brook,” she said, a statement of fact rather than a question.
At my nod, she asked, “Don’t suppose you’d like to talk about that?”
I shrugged and marshaled my wits. “It’s kinda hard to talk about when him showing up is like being struck by a bolt of lightning.”
My mom smiled softly. “I bet it is. I’m taking it as a good thing you didn’t change the subject when I said his name.”
I managed a laugh, but it hurt. I’d been so damn determined to change the subject when it came to Cade, I’d missed a few important details.
My mom angled her head to the side. “Well, I kept my distance before because you didn’t let me do anything else. Now he’s back and here to stay from what I hear from Georgia, I’ll say my piece. You loved that man like crazy and never got over him. Don’t be so stupid and stubborn again.”
I stared at her, fighting the urge to argue. After a moment, I nodded. “Let’s just say I’m trying not to. Good enough?”
I only hoped I could manage to get through to the other side of my doubts.
My mom arched a brow. “It’s your life, but I love you and it was awful to see you so torn up. Cade was gone, so it didn’t seem worth dredging up the mess before.”
I was relieved when my mother’s phone started chirping from where it sat in the middle of the table. She flashed a grin. “Saved by your brother,” she said as she glanced down at the screen and picked up the phone.
“Hey Quinn,” she said.
She nodded along at something Quinn said, her eyes flicking to me. “Your sister’s sitting right here. Like I told you, she came back home two days later after a hideaway night at your place.”
“Tell him I said hey,” I offered.
She held a finger up as she listened to Quinn. “She says to tell you hey.”
At that, my mom handed the phone over. I didn’t have much choice, so I took the phone, lifting it to my ear. “How’s it going, Quinn?”
“Well I’m fine, but how are you?” he countered.
I could imagine his concerned gaze. I’d always felt lucky when it came to my brother. He was a good guy all around.
“I’m fine,” I replied, not sure what else to offer after my rather dramatic weekend. I was supposed to be on my hone
ymoon now, but was nowhere near that. In the span of a few minutes, I’d turned my planned life on its head. I was so relieved, just thinking about it sent another wave of relief through me.
Quinn chuckled softly. “That’s what Mom said. Good to know. Next time you decide to bolt on your wedding day, how about not giving Mom a heart attack and calling one of us back?”
I bit back a sigh, a wash of guilt rolling through me.
“Quinn, I’m sorry. I really am. I wasn’t thinking too clearly and chucked my phone. It was Earl I didn’t want to deal with, but I didn’t think about much else.”
“I figured as much. Anyway, guess I can say now it seems like it’s best?”
I leaned back in my chair and traced the grain of the wood on the table. “It is. It was right before I needed to go in, and I just couldn’t.”
“Okay then. I just want you to be okay, so as long as you’re okay, I’m good. Lacey said to tell you to call if you need to talk.”
I smiled, emotion clogging my throat. Even if it might chafe, I knew I was blessed to have family that cared. “Tell her I just might. Right now, I’m laying low and trying to get back to my life.”
“Good enough then. If you need to stay at the cabin more than one night, it’s all yours.”
“Thanks Quinn. I chopped plenty of wood for you.”
Amidst his laugh, he said goodbye. I stayed a bit longer to help my mother take care of a few things in the yard and then headed to the office. Cade had taken up residence in my thoughts, so whenever I wasn’t busy, he was filling my mind. He had a commanding presence, and I felt caught in the tides of a powerful pull toward him. When I wasn’t busy worrying over how to get through to the other side of seven long years marred by a misunderstanding and our shared stubbornness, I was fantasizing about him. Just now, heat rolled through me, recalling the feel of his lips on mine and his fingers buried inside of me.
Chapter Fourteen
Cade
I walked into the Willow Brook Fire Station and up to the reception desk where a young woman was on the phone. I’d never seen her before. Before I’d left for my hot shot training, I’d volunteered here regularly. Carol Rogers had been the nerve center of the dispatch here back then and for as long as I could remember. She’d passed away about a year ago, and I’d been sad to find out I was too late to make it to her funeral. I’d been out in the field dealing with a dangerous fire in the Sierra Mountains at the time. Carol had been like a grandmother to me, along with many of the firefighters who passed through here.
The young woman who appeared to be her replacement had curly brown hair barely tamed into a ponytail and wide brown eyes. She finished her call and looked at me over the counter. “Hi, can I help you?” she asked, her tone cool. She certainly lacked Carol’s warm, motherly manner.
“Cade Masters. I’m here to drop off my gear before I start next week.”
Her expression didn’t change, but she nodded. “Okay. Let me see if anyone’s expecting you.”
Slightly annoyed, I shrugged. So much for a warm welcome.
She picked up the phone and paged the back. I heard her mention my name and then nod. After she hung up, she stood and walked around the desk to open the door leading to the back. “Come on back,” she said, waving her hand into the hallway.
I stepped through and felt a sense of homecoming wash over me. I’d been home for a few days, but coming here was a second layer of it for me. I’d spent most of my adolescence bouncing around this place. With my father as the police chief and the police offices one building over, I was almost always running around nearby. Once I’d gotten my hot shot training out of the way, I’d always had half an eye on the jobs here.
I might’ve wanted to avoid the pain of seeing Amelia settle down with someone else, but I’d missed Willow Brook and my dream had been to be part of the hot shot crew here. Willow Brook had a local firefighting crew, which wasn’t too big because the town wasn’t large. However, the fire station here served as a base for two hotshot crews, so it was busy here. They had federal and state teams flying in and out of Willow Brook during the height of fire season. In recent years, fires out West, Alaska included, had increased markedly, so hotshot teams were in demand. We were the only teams specially trained to function independently in isolated wilderness and rough terrain. I’d taken a foreman position for one of the crews and was ready to start. I was slated to officially be on duty next week, but I had gear to drop off and wanted to see who was around.
The young woman barely cracked a smile as she waited for me to pass and turned to close the door behind us. I couldn’t help but notice she was a bundle of curves. I might not feel a thing, what with Amelia permanently lodged in my brain these days, but I could appreciate this woman was a likely distraction here at the station. Well, except for the fact she was cranky as hell. I decided to push her a little.
“So I’m Cade. Don’t think I’ve seen you around before.” I held my hand out.
“I’m Maisie Rogers,” she said, her voice flat as she shook my hand.
“You wouldn’t be any relation to Carol Rogers?” I asked as I dropped her hand and started to follow her down the hall.
“She was my grandma,” Maisie replied, the slightest softening to her tone.
“Really? You must not have grown up here, or I’d know you.”
A curl bounced as she shook her head. “Nope. My mom went to college in San Francisco and never moved back. Grandma left me her house when she passed away. I didn’t plan on ending up in her job, but they hadn’t filled it yet when I got here. I figured I could fill in and now I’m still here.”
We reached the door into the back and Maisie pushed through, stopping abruptly by the door.
The back area was as I remembered it—lockers, gear hanging in tidy rows, and a kitchen and hang out area to the back.
“Cade!” a voice called out.
The man in question turned from where he was by the kitchen counter and strode my way.
“Beck, man. Good to see you! I wasn’t sure you were still here,” I replied as we met halfway across the room.
Beck pulled me into a quick hug and stepped back, flashing a lazy grin. “Course I’m here. I’m foreman for the other crew. How ya been?”
Beck Steele had gone to high school with me. We’d run in the same circles, although Beck hadn’t started as a firefighter before I left town. I heard he was here through the grapevine. Beck was a good guy. Solid, steady and always good for a laugh. He didn’t take himself, or anyone else, too seriously. With his black curls and green eyes, the girls had chased after him in high school. As far as I knew, he’d never been caught by any of them. He enjoyed the chase and that was about it.
“Doin’ alright. It’s good to be home,” I replied.
“Good to have you here. You met Maisie, right?” Beck asked in return, glancing between us.
Maisie nodded, her curly ponytail bouncing. The incongruity of that with her cool expression made me want to laugh.
“Yup, we met,” I offered.
Beck shrugged, another lazy grin. “Of course.” He glanced to me. “We miss Carol like crazy, but Maisie’s almost as bossy as her.”
Maisie’s eyes narrowed, and her cheeks turned pink. She opened her mouth to say something when the radio hooked to her belt beeped. She snagged it and hurried back through the door to the front.
I glanced from the door back to Beck. “She might be bossy like Carol, but…. Not exactly warm and fuzzy.”
Beck shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we’re still trying to warm her up.”
I scanned the room, circling back to Beck. “So, I brought some gear to drop off. Okay if I go ahead and bring it in?”
“Of course, let me give a hand.”
In short order, I had hung my gear in a locker, met a few of the other guys and caught up with Beck. Beck walked me back out to his truck and leaned against the tailgate. “So, what finally brought you back?” he asked.
“Been meaning to
come back for a while. When I saw the foreman position open up, I jumped at it.”
I left unsaid that I’d stayed away as long as I had, in part because I’d been deep into avoiding Amelia and everything that fell apart between us.
Beck eyed me and nodded slowly. “Guessing you heard your girl up and left Earl Osborne at the altar.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Amelia hasn’t been my girl for a long time.”
Beck chuckled. “Whatever, man. I love this place, but word travels. Already heard you’re the one who brought her back to town after she bolted at her wedding. Just a heads up, if I heard about it, well, that means the whole damn town did.”
I kicked my heel against a tire. I’d missed many things about Willow Brook, but gossip wasn’t one of them. “Aw hell. Don’t tell me I’m gonna have to face people pissed off at me. All I did was run into her at a bar. Damn woman managed to start a fistfight,” I said with a chuckle.
Beck threw his head back with a laugh. “That must’ve been a sight.”
“Oh yeah. I walk in and see her land her fist right in some guy’s face. Next thing I know, he knocks her right to the ground.” I paused and shook my head. “So, I waded in there and got her out of the way. Had no idea she’d just walked out on Earl, although the fact she was wearing a wedding dress tipped me off.”
Beck shook his head. “Well, she’s given the gossips something to chew on for a few months between walking out on Earl and you coming back to town.”
“Oh hell. I hate that shit,” I replied.
Beck eyed me for a beat. “Right, well at least it’s Earl. He’s so laid back about everything, I doubt he’ll much care. Far as I’m concerned, just goes to show she was right to walk out.”
