“But you did.” Damon didn’t move past her, didn’t unlock the door, didn’t take any chance of her coming inside. He stood eight feet away from her, his expression wary, and she wondered if he was afraid to come closer. “What did I say to change your mind?”
“Nothing. It was what you did.” She took two steps forward and saw him inhale.
Ha. Haley understood that she had power in this transaction, that he was worried about losing control if she touched him. He must be close to letting it slip.
So, she would touch him. Haley was sure that she had to break Damon’s composure to make a difference.
“What did I do?”
“You thanked me so very well that I can’t forget it.”
He frowned again. “Haley...”
“I’m sorry about your mom,” she said, interrupting him. “She was a nice lady.” When he didn’t reply to that, she offered her hand, as if to shake hands. “I came to give you my condolences.”
“You must have come for more than that,” he accused, the corner of his mouth lifting just a little. “Nothing is ever that simple with you.”
“Is that a good thing?”
The smile almost broke free, then he shook his head and heaved a sigh. “It’s an interesting thing,” he admitted with caution.
Haley would take interesting over the other possibilities. “Why?”
“Because you’re fearless. You think you can poke and prod me without repercussions, like I’m a great big teddy bear, but you’re wrong, Haley. You don’t want to provoke me. I don’t want you to provoke me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. You saw the other night...”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Haley lifted her chin. “You have the strongest moral compass of anyone I’ve ever known. I’m not afraid of you, Damon.”
“Maybe you should be.” He made to step past her.
“Because you’re determined to protect me from yourself?”
He stiffened but continued to the door without looking back. “It was great, Haley, but don’t make more of it than it was.”
“I thought it was romantic.”
“Check your definitions again.”
“I don’t have to. Making sure your partner is pleased is romantic. Period.”
He gave her one of those simmering looks and stepped past her.
“Even if it’s just sex.”
Damon paused then continued toward the front door.
Haley continued in a light tone. “The other nurses said you’re not going to arrange a funeral for your mom.”
“It’s really not your business,” he said without looking back.
Haley shook her head. “Wrong. I think friends tell friends when they’re making mistakes.”
“We’re not...”
“I think we are, or at least I come closest to being a friend of yours. The line is a bit short.” Damon started to protest, but Haley kept talking. “So, I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong. First of all, by not having a funeral, you’re not honoring your mom’s life.”
“I don’t need to pay for a priest to say some words over a box.”
“I think you do, actually, but you can manage it however you want. You’re making a selfish choice because you don’t want to do it, and that’s shirking your responsibility to her.”
Damon looked at Haley, then, really looked at her.
“She was a lovely lady and her days on this earth should be celebrated. You can’t be the only person whose life she touched. Funerals are for the living more than the dead. What about all those people who would like to pay their respects and honor their memories of your mom? What about their need for closure or just for the chance to say farewell?”
Haley stepped back, even though she wanted desperately to touch Damon. In this moment, she was the one who needed distance. She hadn’t planned to confess this next bit, but she knew it was necessary.
Even though it wouldn’t be easy.
She had to convince him.
Funny how needing to help Damon always drew out her own confessions.
“My mom didn’t want to have a service when my dad died,” she said. “She was so devastated to be without him, and so angry that he’d died doing his job. She had a friend who insisted that she just agree and all the arrangements would be made. Her friend said that my mom and we kids didn’t even have to come.”
A glint of curiosity appeared in Damon’s eyes. “Did you go?”
“Of course. Reluctantly and with great trepidation.” She met his gaze. “Going to that service was the hardest thing I’d ever done at that point in my life. It still makes the top three.” Her tears rose and she blinked them back.
He waited, silent, and she guessed that he was wondering about Aidan.
“It was a celebration of life and it was beautiful. I cried so much but even then, I knew the tears were healing. That service helped us begin to face his sudden loss. The people who attended helped us to accept the loss and move past our grief. Their love and their compassion changed everything for us. Ever since then, my mom has said that her friend gave her the best advice she’d ever had, especially since she didn’t want to take it.”
“You’re going to tell me that’s what friends are for.”
“I’m going to tell you that if you cheat your mother’s memory of her due, just because it’s hard, then you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” Haley took a shaking breath. “I’m telling you that if you evade this opportunity to share your pain, you might not be able to move past it. Those people will each give you a tiny bit of energy, and that will make all the difference in the world to you.” She paused. “Don’t you think your mom would want you to facilitate that?”
He stared down at the steps and Haley saw his throat work. “I don’t know who to call.”
“Did your mom go to church?”
“Sometimes. She changed to the Orthodox church in Flushing after my dad died.”
“Maybe she had friends there.”
He shrugged. “Probably.”
“That’s a good place to start. Call the priest there. He’ll help you through it. It’s part of his job and it’s certainly something he knows a lot more about than either of us. Did she teach or mentor any dancers?”
“Not recently, but until a few years ago, she helped out at a dance academy.”
“Ask them to help, then. They can put out the word. Don’t be afraid to delegate. People will know that you’re hurting: if you start the process, they’ll help.”
Damon didn’t say anything, just kept looking down. She reminded herself that it was unreasonable to expect more than that from him.
She’d accomplished what she’d come to do.
He wasn’t going to thank her or invite her in or continue their relationship in any way. He might not even tell her when the service was going to be.
They weren’t friends, to his thinking.
This really was the end.
It was time to leave.
Haley pivoted and walked down to the sidewalk. She told herself to be glad that she might have made a difference, but that didn’t feel like nearly enough.
She was startled when Damon spoke. “You still have that cat?”
“Of course.” She turned to look back at him, still standing on the top step, keys in his hand. She couldn’t read his expression, but that didn’t surprise her.
“Did you name him yet?”
“No. I can’t decide.”
“I still like Ninja.” He watched her closely, almost smiling. “That was a pretty impressive stealth attack.”
Haley blushed a little, easily remembering what they’d been doing when the cat attacked Damon. “I could call him Defender of She Who Gives Fish.”
“A bit long.”
“It is.” She nodded. “Ninja, then.” She already knew she’d think of Damon every time she saw that cat, so why not? �
��He’s always stalking something, sometimes even me.”
Damon did smile then. “That’s an easy impulse to understand.”
Haley dared to step closer again. “Don’t get all complimentary on me now,” she said, sounding as gruff as he usually did.
“I should ask you to stop messing with my expectations.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I would have said no, but you’re changing my mind.” Damon grinned briefly and Haley felt like the sun had come out.
Even when the smile faded, she wasn’t sure what to think of that confession, never mind the appreciative glint in his eyes.
His eyes seeming particularly dark. “Thank you for acting like a friend, Haley, even when I don’t. I’ve got some things to learn from you.”
She had a huge lump in her throat. “You’re welcome.”
“So,” he said, eying his keys in the lock. “Seeing as we’re friends and all, did you want to come in for a coffee?”
“Coffee?”
“My way of saying thanks. Or, given the time, dinner.”
He looked so hopeful that Haley took a chance. “That’s not your usual offer.”
“No.” His eyes brightened.
“I’d rather have sex than coffee,” she said and felt audacious.
Damon chuckled. “Yeah, so would I. I was working up to asking you.”
Haley strolled back toward him, smiling a little more with every step. “What a nefarious plan. Get me into your house, then lull me into complacency with coffee or food...”
“When exactly is it that you’re complacent?”
“Round about the same time you are.” She stopped right in front of him and he raised one hand to touch her cheek. Their gazes locked and held. Suddenly there wasn’t enough air in Queens to fill Haley’s lungs.
“Thanks,” Damon murmured, his voice husky.
Haley leaned her cheek against his hand. “You’re welcome, but don’t forget the other way you say thanks.”
“Dinner first?”
“Deal.”
“Then you can tell me about Aidan.”
“Not a chance.”
Damon smiled, but didn’t look daunted. Haley wondered why, then he bent and brushed his lips across hers, driving coherent thought from her mind with one fleeting touch. He was tentative, as if he thought she might rebuff him. But Haley wound her arms around his neck and stretched to her toes, kissing him back with enthusiasm.
Chapter Nine
Damon was awed by Haley. She would have been awesome to have on any team, because she just didn’t quit. She certainly didn’t get discouraged and there was something about her cheerful persistence that eliminated Damon’s resistance.
When he was with her, he could forget about the nightmares and the effects of his experience. He could forget his sense that he’d failed in the past and could just focus on success in the future. He could believe in conquering it all, maybe even having a normal life again. He felt hope when he was with Haley. He feared, deep in his heart, that it wasn’t possible for him to ever be normal again, but when he was with Haley, he wanted it to be.
And that was potent.
He wondered if the people who believed in mermaids were the only ones to find them. He wondered who would convince Haley to believe in them, and wondered if he might be able to do it. The more he was with her, the more he wanted to be with her.
The more he began to hope that there could be more to this than just sex.
They were in the kitchen, considering the contents of the fridge and making a plan for dinner, when his phone rang.
It was Ty.
Time to face the music.
“My partner,” Damon admitted. “I’ve got to take this, since I walked out of the weekly meeting.”
“You didn’t.” Haley looked surprised.
“I did.”
“You must have had a good reason.” Her confidence in him was unswerving and Damon knew he could get addicted to that.
“I didn’t. That’s why I have to take this call and apologize.”
Haley smiled at him, the sight making his heart skip. “And you think I don’t see your moral compass.” She shook her head, teasing him gently, and he wished he could duck Ty and just kiss her.
Instead, he answered the call, stepping into the living room to do so. He could hear Haley putting vegetables on the counter, continuing with their “big salad” plan.
“Hey, I’m sorry about leaving the meeting,” he said as a greeting.
“Not a problem,” Ty said, as calm as ever. “I wish you’d told us sooner about your mom.”
“I probably should have.”
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
“Thanks.”
“And I’m sorry I leaned on you last week,” Ty replied. “I couldn’t understand why you weren’t stepping up to help Cassie more. I should have known you’d have a good reason.”
“Well, I should have told you. I didn’t mean to be secretive.” Private, maybe, but not secretive.
“I’m thinking you’ve had a lot on your plate. Of course, your first concern would be your mom, not us,” Ty acknowledged. “Is there anything we can do to help out?”
Damon nodded even though Ty couldn’t see him, knowing that Haley was the reason why he had an answer. “I’m going to organize a celebration of life.” It felt good just to say it out loud. “It would be great if someone from the team could come.”
“We’ll all be there,” Ty said, his tone warming. “Let us know the date and I’ll be sure Kyle and Theo know.”
“They can’t fly back from the coast just for that...”
“Yes, they can.” Ty interrupted him firmly. “We pull together, Damon. Some of us are closer than others, but I wish you’d believed you could talk to us about your mom. We haven’t been supportive of you in recent months and we’re going to make it up to you now.”
“You talked about it after I left,” Damon guessed.
“Of course, we did. It’s a team problem and the sooner it’s addressed, the better. What else can we do? Do you want to take some time off?”
“No. I need the routine of coming in.” Damon decided to make a joke to lighten the mood. “And if I miss my workouts, I’ll get fat.”
Ty scoffed. “I don’t think that’s going to happen very quickly.”
Damon frowned. “Actually, I might need some time. There’s a therapist in Boston I’d like to talk to again.”
“In Boston?” Ty echoed. “Sure. Let us know when you need the time.”
Damon thought about confiding more in Tyler, but it was all too fast. He’d been too private for too long. He had to work up to sharing more.
He had a better idea. He wanted to reassure Ty that he still wanted to be on the team, and there was one good way to do that. “Are you still at the club?”
“Still in the conference room,” Ty admitted. “Cassie’s here somewhere, too. Why?”
“Because I know we were supposed to talk about the model suites for the condos in the tower, and I did get some plans done. There’s a tube of drawings behind my desk. If you grabbed it, we could talk about it now.”
“Sounds like a great plan,” Ty said, then called to Cassie. Damon heard her say that she’d get the drawings, then closed his eyes to remember the designs. He could see them clearly and wanted to be sure he pointed out the details. He heard paper being unrolled and Cassie setting weights on the corners, then Ty caught his breath. “How’d you get all this done?”
“After we discussed it the last time, I just kept at it. It’s an interesting challenge.” Damon shook his head. “I did a lot of work at night.”
There was a moment’s pause and he heard Haley starting to chop vegetables. It sounded like she was singing under her breath, too. Just knowing she was close made him feel more centered.
For the first time in a very long time, Damon thought that things might be okay.
* * *
“Have you been getting any
sleep?” Ty asked. “There’s a lot of work here.”
Damon almost laughed. “I pretty much forget what sleep is.” He then explained the order of the panels, and knew that Ty was spreading them out on the conference table. “The first two are more predictable, both in palette and layout. You can see there’s a studio apartment layout, then two one-bedroom plans.”
“The decor is all in white and dark grey, neutral and elegant,” Ty said. “Stainless appliances, dark floors, white tile, lots of light in these drawings.”
Damon could hear that Ty wasn’t amazed by them.
“Touch the sky at F5,” Cassie contributed. “Very nice.”
“But kind of boring,” Damon said. “I wondered if we wanted to make more of a statement.” He cleared his throat. “You know, there’s an axiom, that in design there are three reactions: bad, good, and wow. Aiming for wow is the way to go.”
“I agree,” Cassie said.
“So, turn to the next three illustrations,” Damon invited. “These options are more expensive but I think they take it up a notch.”
“Oh yes,” Ty said with approval. “This is striking.”
“It’s got style,” Cassie said. “And would be easy to live with.”
Damon was encouraged. “I thought we could make the design more unique than the usual neutral palette. So that first option uses a warmer neutral for the light elements, like the wall paint and the fixtures. The floors and the counters are dark but with a cool undertone. I show it with a charcoal that’s almost black. And there’s an option for the tiles, both in the kitchen and the bath to be either dark or light, with accents that are metallic.”
“That black tile in the bathroom with cream fixtures looks amazing,” Cassie said.
“The taps are polished nickel, which is a warmer silver, and we could find matches for door hardware and lighting, too. I was still sourcing some of that.”
“A warm cool,” Cassie said. “I like it. It’s not sterile or impersonal. It looks like home, but has such verve.”
“Especially the way you’ve chosen the furnishings,” Ty said. He was moving through the stack of Damon’s presentation. “This mix of traditional elements and clean design is really inviting.”
In the Midnight Hour Page 16
