TammyLee nodded slowly, and the silence sparkled around her as she held her sleeping child.
‘She knows,’ said my angel. ‘She knows what she must do.’
I could feel the change in TammyLee. A calmness, a knowing, a sense of peace. A golden time of holding her secret child, sealed for ever by the angels.
‘It was me,’ said TammyLee, as four pairs of eyes stared intently at her.
We were protecting TammyLee, Amber leaning firmly against her legs, and me sitting on her lap, gazing into her soul. Fear danced in her green eyes, yet they shone with courage and maternal defensiveness. I was proud to be her cat.
The house was quiet now, after a long day of noise and energy from downstairs. The water had gone, leaving mud over everything, the sofa was out in the garden, and people who Max called volunteers had been sweeping and scrubbing all day. A new fire was roaring up the chimney, its blaze filling the sodden house with welcome heat.
Amber and I had a new bed each, and we were cosy in the spare room with the freedom to pad around the upstairs. I had a new cat-nip mouse and the walls reverberated with the sound of Amber gnawing a huge bone she’d been given.
The volunteers had just turned up, and the most surprising one was Dylan. He didn’t say much but shrugged and grunted as he worked fiendishly beside TammyLee, tearing up wet carpets and washing mud from the walls. Even Max managed to be civil to him. ‘It’s good to see you’re not afraid of hard work,’ he said.
‘I don’t need your approval, Pop.’ Dylan’s eyes blazed with contempt. I am doing it for Diana, ’cause she treated me like a human being.’ And he turned his back on Max and went on dragging a roll of wet carpet out of the door.
Upset by the activity, I kept going to the top of the stairs and meowing. TammyLee picked me up and cuddled me, and explained everything. ‘We’re making the house good again, Tallulah. A lorry will come and take away the muddy carpets and stuff. Then another lorry will bring us a brand-new sofa and carpets, and one day soon, you can go downstairs again and it will be lovely. So don’t you worry, Tallulah.’
After that, I felt better. The sun streamed through the window onto TammyLee’s bed, and I slept for hours, only waking up when I heard Iris’s voice and sensed the weight of her struggling up the stairs.
‘It’s disgusting,’ she moaned, ‘they should’ve done that flood-prevention scheme years ago, not let it come to this. Disgusting, that’s what I call it.’
I knew why Iris had come. I’d been there with TammyLee the night before, when she’d privately told Diana about Rocky. Diana’s eyes had opened wide, and so had her arms. ‘Sweetheart,’ she’d whispered. ‘My poor girl . . . what were you THINKING? . . . You know I’d have stuck by you . . . Oh, darling girl.’ She’d held TammyLee in her arms, with the angels watching. The whole story had come tumbling out while Diana stroked her hair and I lay with her, purring. And afterwards, TammyLee seemed lighter and softer. The dark secret had gone. I saw the angels lifting it away, turning it into stardust.
The meeting had been arranged and Diana insisted it should be ‘done nicely’, even persuading a tight-lipped Max to organise a tray with a tall pot of steaming coffee and a swirl of biscuits.
Dylan was the only one arrogantly munching biscuits through the meeting, which began with TammyLee saying those words: ‘It was me.’
‘I TOLD you!’ said Iris triumphantly. ‘I told you it were ’er. Didn’t I say so? Written all over ’er face.’
‘Shut up, Mum . . . just hear her out,’ Dylan insisted. ‘MUM!’ he put a mud-stained hand on her shoulder and made her look at his compelling eyes. ‘Don’t make it worse.’
TammyLee glanced at him with something resembling gratitude, then back to Diana, who was looking at her with loving eyes.
‘I did have a baby,’ she began, and again the story emerged, this time clearly, without tears. Only quiet strength glowed from her aura, and everyone listened, even Amber, who’d been trying not to growl at Dylan. She told them how I’d been there, and saved Rocky’s life, and how she’d regretted what she’d done.
‘I know it was stupid,’ she concluded, ‘and wicked, what I did. And I’ve found out the baby’s been adopted, by a couple who couldn’t have kids of their own, and they love him. So . . . I don’t think we should interfere, and Mum agrees with me.’ She held up a letter. ‘We’re giving this to the adoption agency, for him to have when he’s older, if he wants to find me.’
Iris opened her mouth, and shut it again. That’s when I sensed that the angels were totally in charge of our meeting.
‘The best we can do,’ said Diana, ‘is to love that little boy in our hearts, always, and from a distance.’
I am only a cat, but in that moment, I felt like a human, with human emotions, as we all sat quiet, letting the words settle like leaves falling through sunlight.
I kissed TammyLee’s face, and put my velvet paws around her neck, but something didn’t feel right to me. I’d done my best, but the result was not what I’d expected. I wanted to stay with TammyLee, and be her cat, but there was a pain inside me, an old pain from when Gretel had left me in the hot car.
This time it didn’t go away.
Closing my eyes, I floated into sleep, and those words went with me. ‘From a distance . . . from a distance.’
I sensed that my fur was shining like a halo, and somehow I had drifted far away across the universe. So far, far away, but I still heard TammyLee’s cry of panic.
‘She’s stopped breathing! Tallulah . . . Tallulah . . . don’t die on me, please . . . please.’
Chapter Sixteen
I HEARD THE ANGEL CALL MY NAME
The last memory of my time on earth was the feel of TammyLee’s face, heavy on my fur, her breath warm, her tears trickling around my neck. Her words wrapping me in whispers. ‘Magic puss cat . . . please don’t die . . . I love you . . . I love you SO much.’
I tried to respond, but the life had gone from my body and it wouldn’t move at all, not even the tip of my fluffy tail. My vibrant little heart had stopped, and my lovely body with its silky fur had died so peacefully, there on TammyLee’s lap. Her love was enfolding me in layer upon layer of colours, and inside it I felt safe enough to let go and float.
The humans gathered around me like a protective umbrella, and I heard fragments of what they were saying: ‘We always knew it was going to happen . . . Tallulah was a rescue cat . . . look what she went through.’ Then I heard TammyLee’s howl of grief: ‘But why NOW? WHY?’
Surprisingly, it was tough old Iris who was hugging the crying girl as if she would never let go. And, even more amazing, Dylan was brushing the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand.
Cocooned in TammyLee’s love, I drifted through a brightening silence. I said goodbye to the silver-and-white cat who lay limply, her soft paws gently curled, her eyes closed, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth. She was dead, but I wasn’t! I was a spirit cat again now, a shining cat with a beautiful name, Tallulah.
When pets die, they cross the rainbow bridge into a special land, where they wait for their loved ones to join them. Humans think this is a legend, but actually, it’s true.
I didn’t remember the crossing, but the angels told me that TammyLee’s love had made it easy for me.
On the far side of the rainbow bridge is a sumptuous land of downy turf and velvet grasses alive with sparkles. There are trees with blue leaves, and flowers with heady perfume. Happiness and sadness are intertwined, and both are beautiful, both are welcoming. Together, they form landscapes with domes and cushions of colour. You can choose to be sad and rest inside a cave of lavender blue, where it is quiet and still. In there, you can safely grieve for your lost friends, and peer out at the great arch of the rainbow bridge, waiting and hoping for one of them to come over. Or, you can choose to be happy and roll around, purring with a bunch of other cats, or chase the sparkles as they zigzag through the trees in a land that is timeless, seasonless and very beautiful.<
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I still looked like me, like Tallulah, but my fur shimmered with light, and I weighed nothing. I could turn somersaults in the air! So there were wild times when I chose to be happy, and quiet times when I chose to be sad. I learned that even when you are healthy, comfortable and free, there is still, deep in your soul, a hunger and a longing for close contact with your earth friends.
I could have moved on, into the enticing realms of light where angels lived, and reclaimed my status as Queen of Cats, but I wanted to keep my name. I wanted to be Tallulah and wait by the rainbow bridge for the people I loved.
The best look-out place was on top of the tallest tree. Nestled among its turquoise leaves, I spent a lot of time up there, gazing right across the rainbow bridge. How long would it be until TammyLee came over? I ached to hear her voice.
‘She won’t come,’ my angel explained gently. ‘TammyLee is human and she must stay on earth for decades, until she is an old, old lady. Sometimes you can visit her for a few precious minutes.’
‘How do I do that?’ I asked.
‘At certain times, the veil between earth and the spirit world is thin,’ she said, ‘then you can go through.’
‘How will I know when that time is?’
‘Your fur will tingle, and you will feel a longing. Watch the veils of light in the distant skies. Sometimes they shift and become transparent.’
The first time it happened, I sensed TammyLee was remembering me. The scent of her perfume made me purr, and purr until I saw the veil billowing and parting like curtains, and I did see my TammyLee. In an instant, I was close to her in my light body. She was doing a lady’s hair, brushing it and twiddling it thoughtfully, and she was talking about me!
‘I had a beautiful cat . . . Tallulah. She was really special. She died years ago, her heart just stopped. It was weak from all she had been through. I still miss her.’
She went quiet and I purred loudly. I knew TammyLee heard me, and she turned sharply to look for me.
‘She can’t see you,’ said my angel. ‘You are too bright for human eyes. But she can sense you, and that comforts her.’
‘I was always there for her when she cried for Rocky,’ I said sadly. Sometimes I felt my work had not been done successfully, especially when the angel said, ‘She still does cry for him.’
‘So I didn’t really complete my work, did I?’ I asked.
‘Wait,’ said my angel. Time is different here in the spirit world. Already the earth years have rolled on since you’ve been here. TammyLee has a job now, and soon she will have her own home and two little girls to love. And Rocky is a big boy now. Many more years will pass, and in the meantime, you can choose to be happy, or sad.’
I chose to be happy, most of the time, and I accepted that TammyLee was going to be on earth for a long time. Yet still I had that ache in my heart. I figured Amber might come over and imagined running to meet her with my tail up. I dreamed of the games we would play, the joy as we raced around together, the bliss as we curled up to sleep. Amber and I had been real buddies, and she’d inspired me to play the way she did, with ridiculous energy and enthusiasm.
I watched lots of dogs come over the rainbow bridge, and none of them were remotely like Amber. No other dog had such a coat of bright gold, and a tail that wagged so fast and shone so silver.
On one occasion, I did see a dog the same colour, but she was old and droopy. Her tail hung down like a rope, her eyes were dull, as if she could hardly see, and even from a distance, I sensed the tiredness, the weight of her, and the pain.
It couldn’t possibly be Amber.
Yet something compelled me to watch this pathetic old creature staring up at the rainbow bridge as if it was a mountain. She was moving, but only just, crawling, dragging herself up through the deep blue side of the rainbow.
No, it couldn’t possibly be Amber. Or could it?
I sat up. My fur was tingling, and there was a longing in my heart. And why was I purring? Such a powerful purr, like never before, a purr that sent ripples right over the rainbow bridge.
The poor old lump of a dog was moving faster. Her eyes were brighter, her legs straighter, her coat more golden. It was as if she suddenly realised she was free, she was not in that old body any more.
The transformation happened smoothly as the dog reached the highest point of the rainbow bridge. Her fur glowed, her silver tail began to wave like a plume, her soft nose lifted and her face shone with joy. It WAS Amber! As she crossed the bridge, she became young again, a magnificent silky goddess of a dog.
I ran towards her with my tail streaming and sparks flying from my fur. We collided in a whirling, squirming, tail-wagging galaxy of pure joy. It went on and on, and when at last we flopped down and curled around each other, Amber looked puzzled.
‘How did I get here?’ she asked.
‘You must have died,’ I replied.
‘I don’t remember dying,’ Amber said. ‘TammyLee and Max took me to the vet . . . and Diana came in her wheelchair. It was SO humiliating. I couldn’t walk, I was so old, and it hurt all along my back. I couldn’t even wag my tail, and THAT made me so sad. I was the saddest, most useless dog. The vet said I had to be put down, whatever that means. They let me lie on my blanket. Max just stood there, with his cheek twitching, but TammyLee and Diana cuddled me, and Diana said, ‘Thank you for being our dog,’ and then I woke up next to this rainbow. I saw some other dogs going over, and I knew I had to try . . . and look at me.’
I listened, spellbound.
‘You’ve come home, Amber,’ I said, ‘This is the spirit world . . . don’t you remember?
‘But I’ll miss Diana.’
‘You can wait for her, we both will, but time is different here,’ I told her. ‘Things don’t take so long . . . not years and years like they do on earth. And you’ve got me.’
Our time together passed in a haze of contentment. It didn’t seem like years, but it was obvious from the glimpses I had of TammyLee that numerous earth years had passed. She had two little girls now, and her own home with a tiny square of garden. When I managed to look at her eyes, there was still that shadow in them, the shadow of Rocky. I began to wonder if I would have to go back, and start over, and be her cat again. Until, one day, my angel called my name.
The sudden blaze of her flight startled Amber and me as we lay dreaming and sleeping. I was in the middle of an impressive purring session, which stopped abruptly as I heard the angel call my name, It echoed across the universe.
‘Tallulah! Talloo . . . LAHHHH . . .’
The angel swept her cloak of stars around us like a blizzard of glitter.
‘Come quickly,’ she cried, ‘quickly, Tallulah . . . it’s TammyLee. Come quickly.’
She scooped me up and whisked me through the landscape, and Amber came lolloping and wagging, her ears flying, her face radiant with excitement.
‘You HAVE to see this, Tallulah!’ The angel parted the veils of light at a thin place. We all gazed through into TammyLee’s square of garden.
Her white front door was shut, and a man was walking towards it with long strides. I could see the back of his neck, and the tattered rucksack that hung from his wide shoulders.
‘Watch . . . just watch,’ my angel whispered, and we fixed our eyes on the young man’s straight back as he stood at the door. His hand hesitated as he lifted it to ring the doorbell, and I saw an arm covered in tattoos, and a bracelet of black and silver.
He rang the bell.
He waited, nervously, a piece of paper in his hand.
The door opened and TammyLee stood there, her eyes startled.
‘Excuse me calling on you like this,’ said the young man in a deep husky voice that sounded both confident and scared. ‘But . . . I . . . have reason to believe that you are my mother. My name is Rocky.’ He held out the piece of paper. ‘And this is the letter you wrote to me – you said you wanted me to know you – so here I am!’
TammyLee gasped and flung her hands over her mo
uth. She peered at Rocky and, in that moment, I watched the shadow leaving her eyes, the light flooding in until they sparkled with hope.
Rocky held out his hand to her. ‘I’d so like to get to know you,’ he said quietly, ‘spend some time with you . . . if . . . if you’d like that. It would be cool.’
TammyLee could hardly speak. She gazed at her son’s face, her eyes burning with questions, with one big question, that was like a fire she had to step through.
‘It’s OK,’ Rocky said, sensing it. ‘I understand . . . about you abandoning me . . . and I’ve forgiven you, long ago.’
‘Oh, Rocky! Rocky . . . thank you!’ TammyLee opened her arms wide and they hugged. ‘Every day of my life I’ve thought of you,’ she said passionately. ‘I never, ever stopped loving you . . . I dreamed that one day you would find me.’
The hug went on for ages, and the angels wound ribbons of light round and round the two of them. At last, Rocky straightened his arms and stood with his hands on her shoulders, a wide grin on his young face. He hesitated, then added what seemed to be two magic words.
‘Hi, Mum!’
They laughed with joy, and I was so entranced that I found myself moving ever closer, until I was sitting on the garden path like an earth cat. TammyLee peeped over Rocky’s shoulder, and stared at me.
‘The CAT!’ she cried. ‘Did you bring her?’
‘What cat?’ Rocky turned to look, and for one eternal, exquisite moment, I kept perfectly still in my shining halo of light, my eyes glistening with love.
I suppose you could say that I ‘vanished’ then . . . melted back into the light, like spirit visitors do. But not before I heard the whisper I’d so longed to hear again.
‘Tallulah . . . I SAW you! Magic puss cat.’
Acknowledgements
Thank you to my two friends, Barbara Allen and Joan Thomas, who taught me so much about animal healing, to my writers group for their support, to my agent Judith Murdoch for her guidance, and, last but not least, my wonderful Twitter friends.
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