“Well then, you’re absolved. Hope that makes you feel better.” All the warmth was gone from his sister’s voice, replaced with a razor-sharp edge.
“Not really. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be…” He tried to find the words, but his sister handed them to him.
“Real? Complicated?” Her brows rose.
“No. It was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be nothing. And now all this?” He motioned toward Serena. “Piper and Carla—”
Q held up her hand with a dramatic eye roll. “That’s not what this is about and you know it.”
She was right. It was about so much more. Could he break a promise he’d made and give up the life he’d built for himself for a woman he’d known for less than a month? A woman who could turn out to be just like every other woman in his life?
“Forget it. You don’t understand. You expect me to give up my entire life for a stranger? I know you’re a free spirit, but that’s really out there. Even for you,” he said.
The song faded to a close and the crowd erupted in applause. Serena took her bow, beaming at him, and he smiled back, hoping it looked much more convincing than it felt.
“You know, I used to dream of the day you’d come home and meet someone, but not just because you’d finally be around again. I wanted you to find someone so that you could get some perspective and see what it’s like to be happy and live for yourself for once. But you’re totally right, as usual. I don’t understand you at all.”
“Q, come on—” He called out to her, but she’d already spun on her heel, slicing through the crowd of dancers as a little girl took the stage to sing.
His sister was mad at him, he had no idea how to handle Serena, and there was still another three hours left to this wedding reception.
There wasn’t enough scotch in the world…
…
Serena made her way to the table, legs still shaking. Q was scurrying across the room away from Bryan, a stormy expression on her face. The sight made Serena’s stomach flip-flop.
She slowed her pace but then sped up again when Bryan looked up and met her gaze. “What was that about? Everything okay with Q?”
“It was nothing. Sibling rivalry. She’s mad I won’t duet with her.”
“She should be happy. I’ve heard you sing.” She forced a grin, and he smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Her heart gave a little squeeze and she said a silent prayer that she was just imagining things.
“Yeah, you’re right, I guess.” His laugh was hollow and she knew for sure then. He was pulling away from her.
“Okay, well if you’re sure everything is all right, then let’s hit the dance floor,” she said, keeping her tone as bright as she could manage. Maybe he was just a little spooked. That was okay. She’d give him time to let the idea sit. Dancing could be a good distraction so long as the music was fast and loud. The perfect place to hide was always in a crowd, after all, and she definitely felt the need to hide because standing there with him looking at her that way was making her want to throw up. The sooner she could get things back to normal, the better. She held her hand out for him, but he hesitated. She nearly fainted with relief when he nodded slowly.
“Yeah, okay. Sure.” He took her hand and stood.
When they reached the middle of the floor, though, the multitude stopped dancing and clapped. How had that little girl’s song ended so quickly when hers seemed to take up half an hour?
She prayed for another fast song so they wouldn’t have to talk, but the DJ took the mic and said, “All right now, ladies and gentlemen. The stars are out, the candles are lit, and there’s one thing on everyone’s mind. Romance.”
Kill me. Kill me now.
“We’re going to take it down a notch and head back to a time when love was sweet and songs were slow. Grab your cutie and head out to the floor because I’ll be singing ‘Chapel of Love.’”
“He’s got a good voice, doesn’t he?” She said inanely, hyperaware that all the comfort and ease that had been between them had evaporated over the course of that one song. She’d made a serious error and would give anything for a mulligan.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
Every topic of conversation felt like a land mine, and she had to be careful not to step on one.
“Such an interesting wedding so far.”
“Marcia has always been weird. Who has karaoke at a wedding?”
She shrugged, but she could feel her smile wilting as he skirted closer to the topic clearly on both of their minds. “It’s fun. Different. I liked it.”
“You’ve got a pretty voice. I didn’t know you could sing.”
“Some.”
“And the song? Interesting choice.”
Her heart stuttered, and a nugget of hope bloomed in her chest.
“You liked it?”
“Sure. I mean, you were just kidding around though, right? Being wild and kooky Serena.”
Her eyes widened and her brain went blank. She blinked once, twice, three times, and the steady sway of her dance slowed to standstill as she absorbed the blow.
But regardless of what she actually saw in front of her, in her mind’s eye was a single mushroom cloud, billowing over their heads, and the sound of her heart breaking into a million pieces.
Ka-boom.
Chapter Eleven
She should have known better.
It had been a stupid plan from the beginning. Not just the singing, but all of it. Letting him in. Even contemplating giving love a try.
What a giant crock of shit.
Jesus, he looked like an animal caught in a trap. Like she was trying to force her love on him when he didn’t feel the same way.
Like Piper.
But then again, that wasn’t so far from the truth. God, what an idiot she’d been.
She’d always known it was a bad idea, and now here was the proof. Every nightmare she’d ever had rolled into one night for her to play over and over in her head until it slowly drove her insane.
“You okay?” Bryan swiveled her around on the dance floor, and she gave a numb nod. Because what else could she do?
Showing him how she was hurting would only worsen the situation. She refused to be the kind of woman who cried alone in bathroom stalls and waited at home on Saturday nights for a man who would never call.
Besides, he wasn’t her man to begin with. She’d known what this was. Had acknowledged every road marker on the slippery slope that led to this broken heart. Had passed them anyway.
But knowing that it had been a conscious choice didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Serena?” The song closed and they broke apart to clap for the singer. Or at least she did. Bryan stared at her the whole time, waiting for an answer.
When the din finally died down, she shook her head and plastered on the world’s most painful smile. “Sorry, I was thinking about something else. You’re totally right. I got you so bad.” She laughed, but it was a grating, tinny sound.
His sad, confused smile let her know he wasn’t buying what she was selling, so she pressed on. If she changed the subject, maybe it would go away. Maybe she could make it so that every word she had sung disappeared into the nebula and they could go back to the way things were. Forget that it had ever happened.
After all, this was why she hadn’t just come out and said it. Now was her chance to backpedal. He’d handed her the out, she just didn’t realize it weighed quite so much.
On another unnatural laugh, she added, “It’s such a sappy song, I don’t know how you kept yourself from laughing in the middle of it.” Though if he had, she wouldn’t have noticed. When she was onstage, the adrenaline had surged all around her. The lights shone in her eyes. Blood thundered in her ears.
Maybe he had laughed. It was all one big joke, after all.
The back of her throat tickled, the first sign of the coming storm. The corners of her eyes stung and she cursed herself again for her idiocy.
&
nbsp; Stupid. It had all been so fucking stupid. Not only did she embarrass herself in front of his whole family, but now she was going to give him a front-row seat to her pity party?
Well, fuck that.
“I think I’m going to head home for the night. I, um, I’m not feeling well and I don’t want to get you sick, so if you want to stay at your sister’s…” The tears were fighting their way up her throat, and she cut off the sentence before her voice cracked with the evidence.
In the course of a month, she’d made one smart decision, and that was to drive herself tonight.
Breaking away, she headed toward their table and snatched her purse up, never breaking stride as she beelined for the grassy area where she’d parked. Through the tents, past the lanterns, and on. It was an effort to stop the tears, and she took little gasps as she went, but as soon as she was alone and the world was dark and silent, she let them fall.
She kicked rocks, she swore, she did anything, anything except think about what she’d done. She’d ruined it. Ruined the whole perfect wall she’d spent years assembling. One stupid, beautiful, funny guy had brought the whole foundation to its knees and still she couldn’t find it in herself to hate him. She couldn’t even find a place to be annoyed with him.
And that was the worst of it all. Every ounce of anger was for herself and herself alone, though not a drop of it was cathartic.
When she finally reached the edge of the line of cars, a twig snapped behind her, and she spun.
“How long have you been following me?” She sniffed.
The line of tents was far behind them. Even the stragglers were a ways off, and yet here was Bryan. A huge wall of muscle with sweet hazel eyes. But instead of the poised confidence of his usual gait, he stood with arms stretched to his sides, palms up. Like an apologetic Christ the Redeemer.
“Long enough,” he answered.
She shook her head. What sort of awful things had she done in her life? True, she’d tormented Grace a little too much. It was possible that she could have been sweeter to certain people in the past. But what sort of world-bending horror could she have done to deserve the onslaught of awfulness that tonight had incurred?
Not only had she embarrassed herself. Not only had she embarrassed him. She couldn’t even have the dignity of a private sob session.
He was here now and there was no hiding the tears sliding down her face.
“Perfect,” she sighed. “Look, why don’t you go back to the party?” She swiped at her cheeks and searched for her keys, if only to have an excuse not to look him in the eye.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I want to help,” he said.
She tried a mock laugh, but it came out more like a sob than anything. Because life hated her like that. Still, she pressed on, “Ha! Hurt me? Apparently we’ve never met.”
“Serena, don’t do this.” His words were pleading, but she ignored them.
“I don’t know what you mean. You couldn’t hurt me if you tried. I’m titanium. Like that song.” She swallowed and snapped her purse closed. “Did you want me to sing you that one, too?”
“You knew what this was,” he said miserably.
“Is there a reason you’re trying to pick a fight with me?” Her resolve was slipping, and if she didn’t get the hell away from him she was sure to disintegrate in a sniveling heap.
This was not what tonight was supposed to be like. This is not what her life was supposed to be like.
“I leave in another week,” He said, and the last cord holding her together frayed and snapped apart .
“Don’t you think I know that? I know. I know that this wasn’t real. I know that you don’t—” She choked on the words but started again. “That you don’t care about me. I know all that. I don’t need you to follow me out here and remind me. I’m fine without you. Just like I was before.” On the last word, the birds in a nearby tree flew away and she closed her eyes. She was crying. She was heartsick. And now she was screaming.
Yep, things were hurtling from bad to apocalypse at breakneck speed.
She jangled her keys in her hand and pressed hard on the unlock button before she started off again. This time when Bryan followed, though, he didn’t bother staying quiet. His hulking steps clonked behind her until his hand closed around her biceps, and he spun her around to face him.
“What’s the deal? Do you have a fetish for watching women cry or something? Is that at the root of all this? Snap a picture if you need to. Get your rocks off. But let me be.” She shoved out of his grip.
“No.”
“No? What the fuck do you mean, no?” Heat rushed to her cheeks, but she worked hard to control it. The whole of her body was a whirlwind of emotions. One she couldn’t afford to be swept away by right now.
“I mean no,” he repeated.
“Well what is it, then? You’re going to turn me down and then you’re going to refuse to let me leave afterward? Excuse me for thinking so, but I get the impression I’m being jerked around here.” Her sadness was quickly morphing into rage, though the churning gut and pounding blood still wasn’t for him. No, her heartbeat was for her alone, and it sounded an awful lot like: mis-take, mis-take, mis-take.
“I just need some time to think.”
“Then by all means.” She hopped onto her trunk and sat there, staring at him. “Think away. I’ll be here. I’d hate to leave you hanging.” She’d already been vulnerable enough for one night. If he was going to pin her there with his searching gaze, it would be with the firm knowledge that she didn’t want to be there. She’d already gone to him once. He’d walked away.
As far as she was concerned, the next move was on him.
“Why are you acting like this?” he said.
“Because this is who I am.” She fought back the disgust in her tone and continued. “Why do you need to act like that?”
“Because…because you freaked me out, okay? With the whole big production in there, it seemed like something…”
He trailed off, but she knew what he’d been about to say, and it made her fuming mad. “Piper would do? You think I’m like her?” She’d already made the comparison in her head, but hearing it from him was a whole new kind of sting. The twist of a serrated knife between the ribs.
“Not exactly—” He rushed to correct himself.
Ah, backpedaling again. Yanking on her chain one more time. Taking her knees out from under her.
But this time she wasn’t going to let him stuff the words back into his mouth like they hadn’t been said. They were too far gone for that. She was too far gone for that. “If you feel like there are any grounds for comparison, then I can’t help you. This issue is yours, not mine. So don’t come out here, staring me down while you decide what to do. Because you know what I think?”
“What’s that?” His eyebrows rose.
This was honesty hour? Fine. She could do that, but he might not like what she had to say. She crossed one leg over the other and said, “You didn’t chase after me because you were concerned. You came after me because you’re scared. It’s why you won’t let me leave now. It’s why—”
“So I’m the only one who’s scared here?” He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
“That’s not what I said.” She hopped off of the car and edged toward him. “But I was the only one on that stage. I was the only one admitting how they felt—”
“Admitting how you felt? That’s not what you did, Serena. You hid behind a gesture and then played it off when it didn’t go your way.”
“It’s still a hell of a lot more than you did.”
How dare he follow her out here just to kick her in the teeth while she was down? “But fine. Let’s say you’re right,” she went on. “The brave person is the one who says they care about the other person to their face. They tell them that even though they’re scared, they want to try, because that person is worth the risk.” She strutted toward him until they were nose to nose. “Let’s see who the braver pers
on is.”
She waited for the long moment while he stared into her eyes. His jaw worked, and her heart squeezed with every move, sure that this time his mouth would open and the words would come out.
But after five mini heart attacks, there was no denying the facts. Maybe one day she’d hear those words, but they wouldn’t come from Bryan Metcalf.
“Guess we’re all cowards here.” She sniffed and turned her back on him, heading toward her car like she should have the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him.
“So you’re just going to leave?”
“I don’t know, are you?” She turned and gave him one final stare.
He opened his mouth, then closed it before finally saying, “I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” She swallowed hard as a second round of tears threatened to break through. “I’m going to get into my car and say good-bye. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. Truly.”
It killed her, knowing how much she meant what she’d said. When it came down to it, she hoped he never had to know the hurt she felt. And maybe that was the worst part of all.
Starting her car, she backed out and watched him disappear in the rear view, growing smaller and smaller until he was a tiny speck, glowing red in the taillights. With any luck, it was the last time she’d see Bryan Metcalf. Her debt was paid; their deal was done.
He’d gotten everything he’d bargained for and then some.
…
He followed her a little over half a mile before he finally pulled over. It wasn’t that he’d lost her or that he didn’t know where she was going. She really only had one place to go, but what would be the point of talking more tonight? She wasn’t in a place to hear him, and he couldn’t give her the answers she wanted to hear anyway.
Maybe he had overreacted. Maybe they could forget all about what had happened. But then what?
They were still two damaged adults trying to slog past the years of shit that had gotten them here in the first place. And ultimately? When it came down to it, he was still leaving in a week. There was no point in chasing her when he had nothing to offer, no declaration to make in return. He barely knew who he was anymore, never mind trying to decipher the feelings he had for her.
Dirty Deal (A Perfectly Matched Novel) (Entangled Brazen) Page 14
