once a year anyway.
Dor.
It’s an awful risk, and I’m so fond of the
Scarecrow. He owes his life to me. If I
hadn’t wished him into existence he’d still
be scaring the birdies.
Dash
How about the sentries?
(Nodding toward L.U.)
Tin-man
Are you good at sprinting?
Dash.
Pretty good.
Tin-man
Then dash across that bridge withou†
paying your toll, and lead them a chase.
Now get to work.
(Dash. saunters up L. and talks to Sentry
while Dor. ties scissors to a string
lowered from window of cage by Tin-man
and arranges wash basket beneath
window. Dash. suddenly pushes by Sentry
and runs off across bridge. Sentry
pursues calling: “Help, Stop thief.”)
(Cooks and waitresses run on R. and
watch the pursuit.)
1st Waitress
I wonder who’s escaping?
Waitress
Maybe one of those rebels.
1st Cook
He has a fine lead, they’ll never catch him
now.
Dor.
I hope they don’t.
Waitress
Do you know him?
Dor.
(Mysteriously)
He’s my sweetheart. We’re wandering
minstrels. He writes the songs and I sing
them.
1st Cook
Love songs, of course?
Dor.
Yes. Here’s one.
“
HONEY MY SWEET.”
Dorothy & Chorus.
(Exit Chorus)
(Tin-man whistles from window. Dor. Xes
to guardhouse.)
Dor.
I’m here.
Tin-man
The Scarecrow is all carved, and ready to
serve.
Dor.
Go ahead.
Tin-man
Will you have some wing, or some
second joint?
Dor.
Both.
(Tin-man drops a leg and an arm out of
window. Dor. puts them in basket.
Cynthia enters L.1.)
Cynthia
What are you doing there?
(Tin-man continues to hand down pieces
of Scarecrow)
Dor.
S-sh--! We’re rescuing the Scarecrow. It
was a hard problem to solve.
Cynthia
You seem to be doing it in fractions.
Tin-man
Who’s that?
Cynthia
‘Tis I, the Lady Lunatic. How does the
Scarecrow feel about this?
Tin-man
Oh, he’s all broke up. That’ll be about all,
Dottie.
(Dor. covers basket)
Dor.
Are you sure I’ve got all of him?
Tin-man
I think so. Wait - well, I’ll be hanged.
Dor.
What’s the matter?
Tin-man
I forgot his head. Here it is.
Dor.
How careless of you. Had we lost that he
would have had to go through life
without a head.
Cynthia
(Taking Dor. aside)
Have you known that tin gentleman long?
Dor.
Not very.
Cynthia
There’s something about him that
reminds me of my long lost Niccolo.
Dor.
(Xing to basket)
Help me, Cynthia.
(They start to L. carrying basket between
them. Officer enters, looks at them. Stops)
Officer
Where are you going with that basket?
Cynthia
To yonder garden, to gather geese berries
for a plum pudding.
Officer
That basket isn’t yours. Put it down - Put
it down.
(They drop basket)
(Officer Xes to it, picks up cover)
What’s all this rubbish? Officer, take it
and dump it in the river.
(Soldier steps forward, picks up basket,
carries it up to bridge and throws it and
contents into river) (Bus. for Tin-man
during this bus.)
Dorothy
(Falling into Cynthia’s arms)
He is lost!
Officer
(Going up L.)
By George! What does this mean? Where
are the sentries? Where is the guardian of
the bridge and the cage? There is some
mischief afoot. What ho! Guards!
(Rushes off, over bridge L.U.)
Cynthia
He is gone, and has left the key in the
door. Come down quick!
(Tin-man comes down out of cage and
rushes to bridge)
Dor.
What a calamity! What a calamity!
Cynthia
Has any of him drifted away?
Tin-man
(Looking)
There goes his leg. Quick, give me a crab
net.
Dor.
This will give him an awful cold.
Tin-man
(Throwing body of dummy on stage)
There’s his body. Put that near the fire to
dry.
Dorothy
Oh, don’t do that.
Cynthia
I wonder if he would mind being run
through a clothes wringer.
(Tin-man, who has thrown on
Scarecrow’s arms and legs enters coming
down stage with Scarecrow’s head)
Tin-man
And here’s his brains. Soaked, but
otherwise intact. My! But you’re pretty.
Quick, let’s put him together.
Dor.
Where? We’ll be seen here.
Tin-man
Hide him in the Sentry box.
(Moves Sentry box to L.C.)
What will we start with - his legs?
Cynthia
No, let us put his head up first, then he
can tell us if we are putting him together
right.
Tin-man
That’s so. I can’t tell his arms from his
legs anyway.
(Bus. putting head in place in cabinet)
There! Right in line again.
Scarecrow
Will you take the water out of my ear?
Tin-man
(Offering hand)
Shake?
Scarecrow
I can’t yet.
Dor.
Oh, I’m so glad to hear you speak again.
Cynthia
Hurry, you’re wasting time.
Scarecrow
Let me have an arm next, I want to
scratch my nose.
Tin-man
(Showing a leg)
What is that - right or left?
Scarecrow
Let me see. Put that in the left corner.
Cynthia
Look out. Here come the soldiers.
Tin-man
(With right leg under his arm)
Stay here. Don’t run away.
(Exit Tin-man and Cynthia. Exit Dorothy
L. Soldiers cross from R. to L. Tin-man
re-enters L. still holding leg of Dummy)
Tin-man
Now then, I’ll throw the rest at you -
quick!
(Fixes remainder of dummy) (When
complete, Scarecrow steps forward. Bus.)
How do you feel now?
&nb
sp; Scarecrow
Like a wet scrambled egg. Is my face on
straight?
Tin-man
Yes. Wasn’t you frightened?
Scarecrow
A trifle. I tried to stay collected, but I
couldn’t. Unless you put a few more pins
in my neck, I’m liable to lose my head.
Tin-man
Old friend, welcome back to me. I’m so
happy I could sing for---- well, I’m not
going to frighten you by telling you how
long.
SPECIALTY
(Scarecrow and Tin-man and exit)
(Enter Sentry and Sir Wiley and Oz. Oz
and Sir Wiley with ball and chain,. and
still in convict suits and wearing
burlesque “White wing” helmets and
carrying street brooms on shoulders)
Sentry
Halt!
(Bus. They stop suddenly)
Get to work there you rascals.
Wizard
That’s good. What next?
Sentry
You can polish up this square for a few
hours.
(Exits)
Wizard
Here’s a fine finish for a King.
Gyle
A nice job! Manicuring boulevards.
Wizard
And me massaging side-walks.
Gyle
A nice come-down for both of us.
Wizard
If anybody asks me what I’m doing I’ll
tell ‘em I’m in business on the street.
Gyle
But just now we’re working on the
square.
Wizard
If I ran for King now I could sweep the
country without any trouble.
Gyle
Wouldn’t this be a lovely thing to give up
for Lent?
(Tin-man enters R. followed by Cynthia)
Cynthia
(Presenting piccolo to him)
One moment. Would you oblige me with
a short selection?
Tin-man
What’s that?
Cynthia
A piccolo. With that one Niccolo
Chopper won my heart long long ago.
(Tin-man blows a note or two of
“Niccolo’s Piccolo”)
Tin-man
Is that the way it works?
Cynthia
Go on - go on.
Tin-man
I seem to have done this before.
(Blows a few stray notes, then plays
refrain of “Niccolo’s Piccolo”)
Cynthia
‘Tis he! My Niccolo!
Tin-man
Ah, it all comes back to me, now. My
heart beats madly and tells me you are
my former fiancee - the beauteous
Cynthia, who kept the alligator counter in
the department store.
Cynthia
Right! Take me to your copper fastened
bosom.
(They embrace)
Tin-man
At last, my new heart has a chance to
work.
Scarecrow
(Enters L.1. Sees Wizard and Gyle
sweeping)
Sporty boys, aren’t they? Going out for a
brush on the speedway.
Wizard
You’d better raise a little dust yourself or
you’ll get into this business, too.
Tin-man
Why didn’t you follow us?
Wizard
We couldn’t. We met Pastoria and he
invited us to a ball; and now we’ve got
something on foot that we can’t get rid of.
(Bus. swinging ball on chain over arm)
(Dor. enters R.)
(Dash. enters over bridge L.U.)
Dash.
I gave them the slip in the woods on the
other side of the river. Come on - the way
is clear, and it’s now or never.
(Soldiers enter with Pastoria and form up
near bridge L.U.)
Pastoria
Aha, once more my prisoners!
(General start)
This time I’ll take no chances. What ho!
Me headsman!
(Headsman with axe, and two attendants
bearing block, enter up L. All in crimson)
The men to the block! The women to the
prison!
Dor.
Have you no mercy?
Pastoria
I’m all out of that. May have some
to-morrow; none to-day. Go on with the
execution.
Dor.
Can no one help us?
Scarecrow
Good bye, Dottie.
Tin-man
Good bye, little girl.
Dor.
There’s only one hope. They witch who
saved us once may do so again. Locusta,
aid us!
Pastoria
(To headsman)
Proceed.
(Attendants seize Dashemoff)
Dor.
Locusta! Locusta!
Locusta
Halt! The child who calls me shall be
answered. For her do I invoke the aid of
those mysterious powers who rule this
mystic clime. Mighty Galinda, ruler of
Storm and Calm, grant me, thy humble
servant, one more boon -- spread infinite
darkness o’er the land so that the victims
of this tyrant may escape beneath its
sheltering cloak; and send the spirits of
the air to bear this child, my ward and
charge, back to the far-off home from
which they brought her.
Pastoria
What! Another cyclone? My country
could never stand that. You and your
companions are at liberty to depart
whenever you wish.
FINALE
Curtain.
THE MAID OF ATHENS
A MUSICAL COMEDY IN THREE ACTS
This comedy concerns a college student at “Illiana University” named Spartacus Smith, who learns that he will marry the heires “— ora Jones from a town called Athens”. However, confusion arises when he discovers that there happens to be a Dora Jones from Athens, Ohio, a Flora Jones from Athens, Georgia, and a Norah Jones from Athens, Texas, and so he does not know which is the heiress he is to marry.
Unfortunately, the play was never completed and it only survives in the form of a list of characters and synopsis, although a detailed understanding of events is provided from this information.
CONTENTS
LIST OF MODERN CHARACTERS
STRUCTURE
LIST OF PROPOSED MUSICAL NUMBERS
SYNOPSIS: ACT I
SYNOPSIS: ACT II
SYNOPSIS: ACT III
THE MAID OF ATHENS
LIST OF MODERN CHARACTERS
DORA JONES, of Athens, Ohio; a Coed with an intense admiration for athletic sports.
FLORA JONES, of Athens, Ga.; a Coed with a distinctive feminine love of fashionable attire.
NORAH JONES, of Athens, Texas; a Coed with a cowboy training and a thorough knowledge of the intrinsic value of cattle.
MRS. VALENTINE DeRUYTER SEDGEWICKE, Willie’s devoted mother.
GERALDINE FITZGERALD, called’ Jerry” by the Coeds; a time- honored College perennial; former sweetheart of Daniel Webster Smith.
SPARTACUS SMITH, of Battle Creek; a Sophomore with a penchant for “pipes,” who becomes an athlete to oblige “the Gov’ner” and, incidentally, to win an heiress.
NAPOLEON BUCK; Athletic Coach of the Illiana University; the hero of the Coeds.
WILLIE SEDGEWICKE, a freshman; commended by his anxious mamma to the loving care of the sophomores.
DANIEL WEBSTER SMITH, Yale ‘71; paternal ancestor of Spartacus; a firm adherent to the dignified traditions of College life.
DR. N. DOWE, President of Illiana University.
A BILL-POSTER, Professor of Literature.
THE FOOTBALL ELEVEN OF ILLIANA.
THE FOOTBALL ELEVEN OF MASSAJERSEY.
ILLIANA GLEE AND MANDOLIN CLUB.
COEDS. (Female Chorus.)
STUDENTS. (Male Chorus.)
CHARACTERS OF ANCIENT ATHENS
SPARTACUS THE GLADIATOR; acting Janitor of the College of Vestals, who kindly assists his namesake to win the great Inter-
Collegiate Football Game, in return for equally valuable instruction.
HERA; high-priestess of the College of Vestals — but yet a woman.
PULCHRA, a Vestal; the Original Maid of Athens; quite ignorant of love but willing to learn. (This character doubles with “Dora Jones.” )
CHORUS OF VESTALS.
CHORUS OF GLADIATORS.
STRUCTURE
ACT I. --Campus of the University of Illiana.
ACT II. --Temple of the College of Vestals, Ancient Athens.
ACT III. --Athletic Field of the Great Inter-Collegiate Football Game of 1904
LIST OF PROPOSED MUSICAL NUMBERS
ACT I
(1) — Opening Chorus: “Glorious Illiana.”--Students and Coeds.
(2) — Song and Refrain: “Cowboy Culture in the Far Southwest.” —
Nora and female chorus.
(3) — Solo: “The Modern Maid of Athens.” — Spartacus Smith.
(4) — Song and Chorus: “Youth’s Golden Hours.” --Mrs. Sedgewicke and Glee and Mandolin Clubs.
(5) — Song and Dance: “Camping on the Campus.” --Flora and Willie.
(6) — Solo: “Who could be a Hero without Hair?”--Buck.
(7) — Trio: “When Love Implores a Willing Maid.” --Dora, Flora, Nora.
(8) — Duet: “A Fighter isn’t Fit till he has Fought.” --Buck and Spartacus.
(9) — Chorus and Glee Club: “Our Noble Benefactor.”
(10) — Distant Refrain: “Maid of Athens!”--Glee Club.
ACT II
(11) — Song and Refrain: “Nothing Doing!”--Pulchra and Vestals.
(12) — Song: “Love’s Humble Janitor am I.” --Spartacus the Gladiator.
(13) — Song and Chorus: “It’s Dreadfully Nice!”--Heraandthe Vestals.
(14) — Character Song: “Just Like This!”--Spartacus Smith.
(15) — March and Chorus of the Gladiators.
(16) — Chorus: “Let us Love before To-morrow Comes.” --Vestals.
(17) — Finale: “Hail and Farewell!” --Gladiators, Vestals and Principals.
ACT III
(18) — Sobbing Song: “Oh, Uncle Obadiah!”--Dora.
(19) — Song: “Sometimes I’m really Devilish, Don’tye Know!”--Willie.
(20) — College Medley: “U-pi-dee!” --Students and Coeds.
(21) — Sextette: “Amo--Amas--Amat!” --Dora, Flora, Nora, Spartacus,
Buck and Willie.
(22) — Finale: Principals and Chorus.
SYNOPSIS: ACT I
Complete Works of L. Frank Baum Page 887
