Regan Benson wasn’t just any fool, and he knew that. And the way she scanned her eyes over him he knew she was trying to pick up on what had happened. It was better to just tell her.
“She found out her brother wasn’t killed in action, but he committed suicide.”
His mother put her hand on her chest. “Oh, Tyler. That’s horrible. You should go to her.”
“I did, Mom. I’ve called, texted, emailed, faxed even—no response. I go to her house, she won’t answer. I go to her parents’ house and she won’t see me. I’m lost.”
The pain on his mother’s face softened. “You love her.”
He pulled out the ring he’d been carrying in his pocket for the past two weeks, showed it to her, and saw the first tear glisten in her eye.
“Before we got the letter from a man who knew what had happened, I’d asked her father for his blessing.”
“And?” she asked with her eyes wide.
“He gave it to me.” He looked down at the ring. “Avery helped me pick the ring.”
“When are you going to give it to her?”
Tyler dropped his shoulders and shoved the ring back into his pocket. “I was going to do it tonight. This was our project. It seemed fitting.”
“You should give it to her tonight.”
Was his mother not listening to him? She wasn’t there. He hadn’t spoken to her in weeks.
She stepped closer and rested her hands on his arms. “I love you. It hurt when you went away. It hurt more because I felt as though I pushed you away.”
He took a breath to speak, but she shook her head.
“I’ve seen the two of you together. You’re in love and that should get you through anything. She’s hurting, Tyler. She’s hurting in a way I hope you never know. Don’t give up on her. Look,” she said as she pointed toward Simone and her father dancing. “The strangest things can happen.”
He nodded. “When this is over I’ll head to her house again.”
His mother kissed him on the cheek, caught sight of her granddaughter, and let out a little squeal. “I could use a house full of those,” she said with a grin and hurried toward Darcy.
When Tyler moved toward the door to go check on events outside, he noticed Mr. and Mrs. Field walk in arm in arm.
His breath hitched. Was she with them? He didn’t see her, but they’d seen him.
As they walked toward him he felt the box in his pocket dig into his thigh. He swallowed hard and walked toward them trying hard to smile.
“Mr. Field.” He held out his hand to shake the man’s.
“Tyler.” Michael Field looked around. “Quite impressive. You did a fine job here.”
“Thank you, sir.” He turned toward Mary Field and held out his hand. “Mrs. Field, it’s nice to see you.”
“Thank you for the invitation. We just had to see what our Courtney had been working on. I read the program, very impressive.”
“The organization is very impressive. So is your daughter’s writing. She did all the work on that herself.”
He saw the flash of pride in her eyes.
Tyler steadied his breath. “How is Courtney?”
“Fine. Miserable. Lonely,” her father said and didn’t seem to have a bit of remorse when his wife elbowed him. “Mary, she’s miserable. Why tell him a lie? She misses you like crazy and she’s sucked up in a pity party.”
“She loved Fitz very much,” he offered.
“Yes she did. And he loved her too. But unfortunately the demons in his head got to him. And I regret the demons of war as well.” He looked down at his wife’s hand over his arm and gave it a pat.
Tyler knew the face of a man who carried regret. He’d looked at that face in the mirror for years.
“I’m honored that you came tonight. It means a lot.”
Michael Field pushed his shoulders back and looked down at Tyler. “I might have told my wife about a little something you were planning. She wanted to see the ring.”
Mary Field’s eyes lit up. “That seems petty doesn’t it?”
“No,” he said pulling the ring from his pocket again.
“Oh, Tyler that is stunning,” she cried when she saw it. “She’s going to love it.”
“I’m not sure she will,” Tyler said closing the box and sliding it back in his pocket. “I can’t get her to talk to me.”
“She’s at her house,” her father said. “I think that if you were to go to her, she might let you in.”
“Really?” Tyler’s voice rose in anticipation. “I love her,” he said looking at both of them. “I want her to be my wife. I don’t care that she’s blind. I don’t care that there will be many things that will have to be dealt with in our lives. I just want to be with her.”
Michael Field nearly smiled. “I think she might be ready to hear that now.” He looked at his wife. “Feel like dancing?”
She smiled. “I would love to.”
The Fields walked away and spun into each other’s arms with the music. I think she might be ready to hear that now—the words resonated in his ears.
“Who is that?” Darcy asked as she and Spencer walked toward him.
“Courtney’s parents.”
“I didn’t see her here.”
Tyler shook his head. “I haven’t talked to her in weeks. She’s not accepting the truth of her brother’s death, now that she knows it. But,” he looked toward her father, “he thinks maybe she’ll let me in now.”
Spencer placed his hand on Tyler’s shoulder. “Go to her. We got this covered. Besides, if you don’t give her that ring it’s going to wear a funny hole in your pocket.” He smiled at him.
“How do you know about the ring? I really haven’t told anyone.”
“Avery picked it out,” Darcy said on a laugh. “We all know.”
What had he thought?
“I don’t know what to do.”
Darcy placed her hand on his cheek. “Together you will figure it out. Now go.”
He hesitated for a moment then kissed his sister on the cheek and turned toward his brother.
“Dude, just get out of here,” Spencer said taking a step back.
Tyler laughed with a nod. “I think I will.”
Chapter Thirty
For a moment, Tyler just sat in his car looking at Courtney’s house. What if her parents were wrong? What if she didn’t want to hear what he had to say now?
There was only one way to find out and sitting in his car wasn’t going to get him to where he wanted to be.
Tyler stepped out, shut the door, and walked up the steps to the house. If this didn’t go well, could he live only a few blocks away from her and never think about her? Could he go on with his life in Nashville or would he need to relocate . . . again?
He knocked on the door and waited.
“Who is it?” Her voice was soft and sad on the other side of the door.
“Courtney, it’s Tyler. Please let me in to talk to you.”
It was quiet again. He waited for a moment, but it seemed like a lifetime, before he raised his hand to knock again. The door opened.
There she stood. Her hair was pulled up. Her clothes were well worn and comfortable. Her feet were bare and her mother must have taken her for a pedicure to try and cheer her up because her toes were bright pink.
In her arms she held the journal they had taken out of Fitz’s room.
“Hi,” he said in a weak attempt to win his way into the house.
“Why are you here? The gala is now. They need you.”
“And I need you more.”
She shook her head. “I’m not someone you can easily love. So you should go find someone who you won’t have to burden yourself with the rest of your life.”
“Are you kidding me? Is that what you think you are?” He stepped closer to the threshold without stepping over. “I’m sorry your brother died by his own hand. I’m sorry he scared the horse that made you see the world differently. I’m not sorry you picked me up at the
airport and I’m not sorry I fell in love with you.” He rested his hands on the doorjambs. “I don’t want to lose you and for the past few weeks I’ve been miserable. Please, just let me talk to you.”
“If I let you in, will you leave when I ask you to?”
“Yes.”
“Will you do me a favor while you’re here?”
“Anything,” he knew it sounded desperate.
She handed him the journal. “I need you to read this to me. I need to know what he was thinking.”
Tyler took the journal and held it in his hands. “I think that’s very wise.”
Courtney stepped back into the house and walked toward the kitchen. Tyler followed, shutting the door behind him.
She was making tea and had already taken down a second cup by the time he’d walked into the kitchen. She hadn’t offered him any, but she was making it.
Watching her, he realized just how much he’d missed her. He couldn’t live without this woman in his life. So if she didn’t accept his proposal he’d have to convince her in some way that they had to remain friends.
“Have a seat. I’ll bring the tea to the table,” she said.
Tyler sat quietly. He knew the process. She was thinking as she took to the redundant task of making tea. When she was ready she’d let him know.
Courtney eventually turned with both mugs of tea, walked to the table, and set them down.
“Thank you,” Tyler said gratefully as she sat down.
“I didn’t even ask if you wanted it.”
“It’ll be fine. I’ve missed having tea with you.”
Courtney held her mug to her lips, blew, and then set it back down. “How is the gala?”
“Packed. Even Simone’s father was there.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Really? Why?”
“I didn’t ask. I was busy making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be.”
Her head lowered. “I should have been there. I let everyone down.”
It was a risk, but he reached across the table and rested his hand on hers. “You didn’t let anyone down. You have things you need to deal with. Anyone who wouldn’t understand that isn’t human.”
She picked up her mug again and took a sip of her tea. As she lowered it, she lifted her chin. “Do you have the journal?”
“I have it.”
“Will you begin to read, please?”
He moved his chair closer to her and raised his hand to her cheek. “I will.”
She placed her hand over his. “I don’t know what to expect.”
“You can expect that no matter what this book says I’ll be here when we’re done reading it.”
She nodded as he retracted his hand and opened the book.
The pages were filled with the handwriting of a man who influenced everything Tyler currently did, but whom he didn’t know.
He started on the first page and read through years of a life cut so short. Fitz hated the military life, but he liked knowing his father was proud of him. Though he loved his mother, he couldn’t stand to reside in her home, which was one of the reasons he’d bought the house Courtney lived in. He was happy that it had pissed his father off, but he was also happy to have Courtney out of her parents’ house.
Court can do anything and everything on her own. Having the house gives her that opportunity. Under Mother’s thumb she will forever be Mother’s pet. And Dad needs to see her as something other than a disabled girl, she’s anything but disabled.
Today I watched her saddle up a horse and take a long ride. I can’t even imagine she’d want to be near a horse after what happened to her.
Tyler reached for her hand again and she took his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles.
I know that if something had happened to me like that I wouldn’t have been as strong as she always has been.
He looked up at her and saw her lip tremble.
I know I was only four, but every day I feel horrible that she can’t just hop into a car and drive away from everything. I can do that. She should be able to too.
I’m heading back for another deployment. I hate thinking I have to leave her, but I’m going to leave her the house. She deserves that.
I don’t want to see more people die. I don’t want to be the reason for their death. I can’t live like this. I wish I had a little bit of the courage to go on as my sister does. She truly is my hero.
He stopped as she rested her face in her hands.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “I needed to hear that. I needed it so much.”
Tyler moved toward her and gathered her into his arms. She wrapped hers around his neck and fell against him.
“You were his hero, not his burden.”
“I miss him. I miss him so much.”
“You should.” Tyler pushed her back and brushed her hair back from her face. “I want to do something. Will you come with me?”
“Where are we going?”
“Let me just surprise you. Will you let me do that?”
The tension was visibly sliding away.
“Okay,” she said smiling.
There might be hope for this after all.
Courtney sat quietly in the car. Her brother loved her, she thought. But why couldn’t she have been enough of a hero to him so that he’d come back to her?
The road beneath them changed. “Are we on a dirt road?”
“We sure are.”
“Where are we going?”
He took her hand and laced their fingers together. “Two more miles and I’ll tell you.”
She nodded. Other than Fitz, she’d never trusted anyone as much as she trusted Tyler.
Five more minutes down the road, the car stopped.
“Okay, get out.”
“Where are we?” she asked opening her door and setting her feet on the ground, getting a feel for the terrain.
She heard Tyler climb out of the car and walk around toward her.
“We’re on the road leading up to my parents’ house,” he said taking her hands.
“Are we going for a walk?”
He chuckled. “No, c’mon.” He led her around the heated hood of the car. “We’re going for a ride.”
“So why did you stop?”
“Because you’re going to drive us up to the house.”
Courtney stopped. “Oh, no. You’re crazy.”
“No,” he laughed. “I’m not crazy. C’mon, think of it as Fitz’s wish for you. To drive away when it all gets too hard.”
“Tyler…”
“Get in.”
Her nerves fluttered in her chest, but she was actually giddy to try such a thing.
Tyler helped her into the car. “Okay, here’s your seatbelt,” he said handing it to her and she clicked it in. “I’m getting in and then I’ll tell you everything.”
She heard him on the gravel under his shoes and then heard him slide into the seat next to her.
“The car is in the middle of the road. There are a lot of trees, so we are going to take it very slow.” He inched toward her. “Put your hand on the wheel.” She followed his instruction. “With your right foot, feel for the pedals. On the left, the horizontal pedal is the brake.”
“I have seen a car set-up, you know.”
“Yeah, you’re not eight. I’m still walking you through this.”
Now she laughed. “Okay. I can feel the brake.” She moved her foot over. “Now the gas.”
“Right. Press down on the brake.”
She did so, pushing it as far as she possibly could.
“Reach your right hand to your right.” He guided her hand to the shift. “Keep your foot on that brake. Now, feel the button underneath?”
“Yeah.”
“Press it in. Now click it down one and you’re in reverse. One more click is neutral. One more click and you’re in drive.”
“I’m not really going to do this.”
“Oh yes you are. Now put it in drive. Keep your foot on t
he brake.”
Courtney eased the shift down three clicks and she felt the car purr beneath her.
“Now, both hands on the wheel.”
She gripped the wheel tightly and he laughed.
“Ease up a bit.”
“I’m nervous. I might kill us both.”
“Well, we’d be together.”
“Tyler!”
He rested his hand on hers. “You’re not even going to take your foot off the brake. But ease up just a bit.”
Courtney let her foot ease up on the brake and the car began to roll. Quickly she pressed the pedal into the floor and the car jerked.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said, but the humor was heavy in his voice. “Ease up again.”
Courtney let her foot ease up and the car began to roll again. “Oh, God!”
“Now just keep it where it is.”
“Oh, Tyler. Don’t let me crash.”
“Keep going.”
Courtney kept reminding herself to breathe. She could feel the road. The rise and fall of the ruts dug into the dirt.
“How fast are we going?”
She felt him move closer to her. “We haven’t broken ten miles an hour.”
Courtney laughed. “I can’t believe you’re letting me do this.”
“You can do anything. Your brother said so.”
Courtney bit down to keep her emotions tucked down. She hadn’t thought she’d ever do this, but she was. She was driving away when everything seemed so hard.
“Turn your wheel the slightest bit to the right, there’s a curve.”
“I can’t do this. Don’t let me hit anything.”
“You’re not going to. Keep going.”
She was driving. How was it possible? She’d always wanted to do this. When she was little, she’d sat on her father’s lap and driven down private roads, just like she was doing right now.
Tyler gave her directions and she followed. A laugh burst through and Tyler’s hand came to the wheel.
“Are you okay?” Now he was laughing too.
“Yes. This is amazing.”
“Well, you’ve almost made it to the house.”
She gripped the wheel tighter. “Don’t let me hit anything.”
“Just a little farther. We’re almost to the house.”
She pressed her foot down on the brake and the car jerked. “I can’t go any farther.”
Acceptance, The Page 19
