“Come on,” he said, unfolding himself from me and standing. He offered me his hand, and as I dropped my palm against his, warm and dry, he tugged me to my feet.
Yanking me into his body, Ash kissed me, hard and fast. His hands dove into my hair, tilting my head back further. When I opened my mouth to his, he rewarded me with a groan before slicing his tongue across mine. A white hot fire crackled in my core as he continued kissing me with a fierce abandon and passion I’d never before felt.
The kiss was intimate and I burned for more. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Lucy,” he said, pulling back, his pale eyes searching mine. Emotion tightened the corners of his eyes in a way I couldn’t quite read. “That was…” his gaze shifted briefly to the floor where we had just had sex before cutting back to me. “Unexpected.”
I quirked a brow. “Unexpected? I thought that was the whole reason I was coming over tonight. One night, remember?”
He cleared his throat and gave a tight nod. “Yes. One night.”
My heart gave a little jump because… was I crazy or did he almost sound like he didn’t buy that either, anymore?
I slid my hand down his shoulder until my palm flattened over his heart. His racing heart. Each beat slammed into his breastbone, beating against my palm. What the hell was happening? He wasn’t acting like a man who didn’t want a relationship. He was acting like… like… a man falling in… No. Lucy, do not finish that thought, I scolded myself. I almost rolled my eyes in spite of myself. Like I would even know what a man in love looked like. Certainly not with my mom and dad. Brian and I hadn’t been in love. Hell, I had never even seen Uncle Rich in love before.
I need to get out of here. And fast. I swallowed hard, ignoring the burning sensation in my sinuses and the little tug of my gut telling me to stay.
“Was it… was it different than other times?” My face burned as soon as I asked the question. Why was I such a glutton for punishment?
“Yes,” he said.
“Because I wouldn’t call you Sir?”
A smile twitched on his mouth. His perfectly kissable mouth. “Partially. It was just… different. You are different. I haven’t felt anything like that in… a long time.”
Different. I’d been called different my whole fucking life. In some ways, I thrived on it. Enjoyed that I was different. On the other hand, it would always be a sore spot.
“Let’s run you a bath. You’re shivering.”
I opened my mouth to object—to say I had already taken a bath before coming over per his contract. But instead, I snapped my mouth shut and nodded. “Can I meet you up there? I just have to, um, use the bathroom. Privately.”
He nodded, pointing to a door that was slightly ajar down the hall. “There’s a bathroom right in there. I’ll wait.”
“You can start running the bath,” I offered, hoping he wouldn’t see right through me. Because I had to get out of here. I needed to build the wall around my heart again because Ash Livingston was knocking it down, brick by brick. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
His gaze narrowed. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“So…” He walked around the dining table and bent, gathering my clothes in his arms. “You want to use the bathroom down here. You don’t want me to wait for you. But you do want me to go upstairs and run you a bath?”
He’s onto me. I nodded, a sharp, jerking movement.
Crossing the length of the room, he transferred my belongings into my arms and brushed his mouth over mine in a final soft kiss. “Any Dom-sub relationship is based in trust.” His eyes searched mine, pausing for a few moments that felt like hours. “So, I’m going to choose to trust you to join me upstairs in the bathtub in a few minutes.”
Damn him. “You said we didn’t have a relationship. Dom, sub, or otherwise.”
If I thought we couldn’t get any closer, I would have been wrong. He wrapped his muscular arm around my waist and pulled me flat against his body, nothing between our flesh except for the pile of belongings he had put in my arms. His body was already primed, ready for me again, as his erection pushed into my belly. “Maybe I was kidding myself,” he whispered.
I swallowed hard, my throat burning, my head spinning, and my stomach flipping as nervousness and excitement and arousal all collided in my core. “Maybe I’m not okay with that,” I said quickly, my mind reeling. “Maybe I’m seeing other people.”
Oh, fuck. That was not the right thing to say. His expression, which seconds ago had been heated and soft, now hardened into a scowl. I could feel possessiveness radiating off of him. It was consuming and intoxicating and his lip curled into a snarl as he asked, “Are you?”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to lie to him. I had promised I wouldn’t. And while the “Sir” battle was a real struggle, it was also not as serious as a blatant lie like this. If I said yes, that I was seeing other people, that would be a flat out lie. I would be burying the casket and dropping the dirt over top of any chance Ash and I had. Even though I was scared, I wasn’t ready for this to be over just yet.
“No,” I admitted. “I’m not seeing anyone else.” He would have found out the truth anyway. He would have seen through my lies, chewed them up, and spit them right back out.
His sigh of relief slammed through my veins, nourishing me in a way that was beyond what I wanted to admit. “In that case,” he said, his voice low and hot. “I will see you upstairs.”
He leaned down, brushing my lips in a final kiss before turning and leaving me standing there in the dining room, clothes and purse in hand, faced with the decision to once more run from who I was, or turn and face the new Lucy.
Chapter Fourteen
Ash
I ran a bath, filling the porcelain tub with bubbles, and the humid air with the heavy scent of something floral.
With a quick glance at my cell phone, resting on top of the marble sink, I saw ten minutes had passed. Ten minutes was a long time to wait. But even still, I didn’t hear the sound of her car starting. Unless… shit. Did Smart cars have some sort of whisper engine that hardly made a sound? I resisted the urge to run to the window at the front of my upstairs landing and check the driveway. I could see it in her face; she wanted to run. But I had laid it out for her. She’d either be up soon… or she wouldn’t.
I ignored the twist of my gut at the latter. What we had just done downstairs… it went beyond a good fuck. It transcended an intense BDSM scene. What I had just experienced? I felt it in more than just my emptied balls. And I hadn’t felt a connection like that since…
The creak of the door stopped me from finishing that thought. That stupid, immature thought. As if a few days with Lucy could somehow compare to what Brie and I had.
We had only been together a week before you said you loved me. Brie’s voice. Again. Usually it was a comfort, but tonight, after feeling that connection with Lucy so deeply? Brie’s voice was unnerving.
“Ash?” Lucy’s small, hesitant voice called from the bathroom doorway. A thick knot lodged in my throat despite my best efforts to swallow it down. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other nervously, her dark brown hair falling straight to her shoulders, an intense contrast to her flushed skin. She wore only her panties and t-shirt—no bra underneath—her nipples two tight peaks beneath the soft, thin cotton. Fuck. She was gorgeous.
“You stayed,” I said, genuinely surprised. I wanted her to stay. It was a good thing she stayed. We both needed some intense aftercare after what happened downstairs… even though it wasn’t BDSM intensive.
But also, I was reeling. The intensity of that fuck, of how she came on my tongue, pulsing and writhing and moving her hips in needy, little circles—fuck. I was hard again.
I reached out, taking the remaining clothes that were rumpled in her arms and folded each one, setting them on the heated towel shelf. “Come here,” I said. Then, grasping her hand, I gave her a gentle tug into the bathroom. “I made us a bubble bath.”
She swallowed visibly, and I wanted to nip the tight line of her throat where her muscles were clenching. “Why does this feel so freaking weird?”
I licked my lips. She felt it too. Whatever was going on with me, it was resonating between us in palpable tension. Like an open current of electricity—you couldn’t see it, but holy fuck, you could feel it there. It was potent and dangerous. One wrong step and one or both of us could be fried.
“Like, you were just inside of me,” she continued. “And yet the idea of taking a bubble bath with you feels so… jarring.”
“Maybe you’re not used to being taken care of?” I offered. Only what I was really thinking was, Maybe I’m not used to taking care of someone. Not like this.
Yes, I perform aftercare for all my submissives. Of course I do. We talk about the scenes that played out—what worked and what didn’t—while I massage them with oil, or care for their welts and rub Arnica on their bruises. My seasoned subs didn’t require a whole lot of emotional aftercare. Not like this. Not like Lucy. And in some ways… I needed it more than she did right now.
I tugged at the hem of her t-shirt, and pulled it overhead in one swift movement, folding it and placing it on top of her other clothes. Her breasts were fucking perfect. Glorious and heavy as I curved my palms around them, circling my thumbs tenderly against her pebbled nipples.
Impossibly, they hardened more against my touch, and we both moaned.
“Isn’t this—” her voice wobbled. “Isn’t this supposed to be non-sexual?”
So she knew—at least had a basic knowledge of aftercare. What am I saying, of course she fucking knew. We were working on this film together and it was all about BDSM. She wouldn’t be very good at her job if she didn’t know the basics of what aftercare was.
“Sensual and sexual are two very different things,” I answered, intentionally vague. “The truth is, aftercare could be whatever you and your sub need it to be.”
I was still naked from earlier, only now my cock was hard again. My balls were tight, aching for another release. But Lucy was right, it shouldn’t happen again between us. At least not so soon after such an emotionally intense fuck. We both needed time to process this.
But from the way her tongue trailed across her bottom lip, and her molten brown eyes lowered across my body, taking in every inch and pausing dangerously long at my cock… we might not make it out of this bath without another slippery, soapy fuck.
She tucked her fingers into the elastic waist of her panties and slid them off her curvy legs. Then, stepping forward, she climbed into the tub, hissing as she lowered into the steaming hot water.
I crawled in after her, grabbing the washcloth and gently running it in circles over her back. The soap was slick against her wet skin and she moaned, relaxing into the movements.
“Glad you stayed?” I whispered into her ear, then nipped at it gently before pulling away.
A smile curved on her mouth, and her glasses fogged with the steam in the bathroom. “Maybe a little.”
“Tell me something about yourself,” I pressed. It was stunning how little I actually knew about her. How little I knew, yet how strongly I felt.
“Like what?” she asked, taking off her glasses and wiping away the steam from the lenses.
“Anything. Your favorite movie. Your favorite toy. Your favorite animal…”
“Favorite movie,” she said, shifting to face me. The movement rocked the soapy water, sloshing almost over the sides of the tub. “A Star is Born—the older version.”
“Ah, right.” I snapped my fingers and the wet sound sent suds flying through the air. “Judy-lover. How could I forget?”
“My movie runner-up is Meet Me in St. Louis. Favorite toy, my vibrator.”
I coughed, taken by surprise by that answer and she smirked like that was her very intention. “I sort of meant, what was your favorite childhood toy. But okay… vibrator. I’ll take it.”
“Well, Livingston, you’ve got to specify. And favorite animal… manatee.”
Manatee. Huh. I wasn’t sure which answer surprised me more… the vibrator or the manatee. “You know… most people give answers like: Teddy Bear. And Dogs. But manatees?”
She shrugged, a small smile tilting her mouth. “I just love those sea cows. They’re gentle giants. When I was a kid, there were those ‘adopt a manatee’ fundraiser things that went to a wildlife fund. And every year—every holiday and birthday—that’s what I asked for. They sent you this little plushie manatee and a trading card with the name of your manatee, where it lived, what its name was.”
“That’s fucking adorable.” My heart lurched, thinking of Lucy as a kid—small, sweet, wanting to adopt her own manatee instead of getting a Barbie or some other typical kid gift. I closed my eyes against the swell of emotion. Against the thoughts of what my own children with Brie would have been like.
“Oh, it gets better. So, after my mom got me about six of these, they sent me a repeat. Scarlett the Manatee. And I got really upset and told my mom we needed to call them because I already owned Scarlett. She was already my manatee, and I wanted to make damn sure they weren’t adopting out any of my other manatees to other people.”
I chuckled. “Oh no… you didn’t…”
“Oh yeah. In my head, I was collecting all these pet manatees and one day in the future, I was planning to move down to Florida where most of them resided and build a home that was in the middle of the ocean. I had big plans. There was going to be an underwater basement made of glass so I could watch them swimming in the ocean around our house. And I’d go swimming with them.”
I rinsed the soap from her shoulders and bent, placing a kiss at a freckle just above her collarbone. “You must have been crushed.” It was maybe one of the sweetest things I’d ever heard.
“I was devastated. My mom had to explain it to me on my birthday. And my dad promised to take me swimming with them someday.” She sighed.
“Well… did he?”
“No,” she said quietly. “He left us before my next birthday.”
Fuck. I forgot. With all that had happened tonight, I totally forgot that she mentioned her dad had left. Lucy shrugged, bringing one delicate shoulder to her ear. “He would have ruined it anyway, if he had taken me. I would have forever associated the experience of my dreams with a man who didn’t deserve to be a part of it. He would have ruined it like he ruined everything else.”
My throat clenched. How any parent could ever walk out on their children was fucking beyond me. Some people didn’t deserve to be parents. Didn’t know how lucky they were to have a child make it to birth, healthy, let alone a kid who worshipped them. “I’m sorry.” It was all I could say, even though it was fucking lame.
“It’s okay,” Lucy said, and shrugged again. But I knew better than to believe that. “It was a long time ago. That’s why Uncle—” she coughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “My uncle and I became really close. He helped raise me after my dad left.”
I curved my hands around her ankle, pulling one foot up and running the bar of soap over it. “How come your mom never took you swimming with the manatees?”
“I asked her once, a couple years later, but she was so appalled that I wanted to do that. She feared… everything. The ocean. The manatees. She was certain that if I swam with manatees, it would be the way I died. So that was that. At least until I can afford to go on my own.”
I nodded. “When you do swim with the manatees, it will be with someone who deserves to be there by your side.”
She smiled and nodded. “Yep. Someday. Probably far in the distant future when I make it to the other side of the country,” she snorted.
“Hey, we’re filming on location in a few weeks on the east coast.”
She stretched and wiggled her toes before dipping them back into the tub. “I know. But Kelly’s going alone. There’s not enough of a wardrobe budget for both of us to be on location.”
We bathed for a few moments in silenc
e before she asked, “What about you? Favorite food? Favorite toy? Favorite animal? Favorite movie?”
“Food—I’m simple. Filet mignon. Medium rare. Favorite animal, dogs. Favorite movie, Star Wars. And favorite toy,” I slid closer to her, brushing my lips over hers. “Does your body count?”
She laughed and splashed water in my face. “No,” she said, “it doesn’t.”
“Hey,” I said with mock indignity. “If a vibrator counts for you, then your body should count for me.”
“Except, I’m not a toy. I’m a person. I could be your favorite person.”
Again—my throat clenched. Did she expect me to say she was my favorite person? I liked Lucy. A lot. But I don’t lie. Ever. And I couldn’t respond to that without hurting her. I enjoyed watching her wince in pain from my hands… not my words.
Her mouth tilted briefly into a frown. “Ash, we’ve only known each other for like, a week. Less than a week, actually. I don’t actually expect you to say I’m your fav—”
“Riding crop,” I said, interrupting. I wasn’t doing this right now. Not during aftercare. Aftercare was supposed to be about tending to her wounds. Not mine. “That’s my favorite toy. It always leaves the perfect little rectangular welt.”
Distract. And deflect. It was the way I lived since Brie’s death. I used sex as a distraction. Sadism to deflect. Sex. Work. BDSM.
Maybe it’s time to stop distracting yourself. Brie’s voice. Again. I groaned, my head falling back against the porcelain. Maybe it was. But that didn’t mean I was ready to admit that. To myself, to Lucy… to Brie.
Her mouth parted and a breath of air escaped. “You like seeing the welts, too?”
Too. Was that her sort of kink? She liked the marks the same way I did? “Fuck yes,” I whispered, and moved effortlessly across the tub, sliding her into my lap. Her nipples tightened from within the dissolving soapy water and my cock grew instantly harder. I took her mouth in a bruising kiss, grabbing at her bottom lip with my teeth as I pulled back.
Role Play (Silhouette Studios) Page 20
