One of the other members walked down the hallway, a bag of takeout in his hands. He gave me a nod, regarding me quickly.
“So… everyone who’s in here has a secret?”
I nodded. “All of us. Who doesn’t have a secret?”
The muscles at her throat roped, tension-lined and she pressed her lips into a firm line.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I asked. “It seems like maybe we should take things slower. We could order a pizza. Take it back to your place—”
She pushed onto her toes, flicking her tongue across my bottom lip. The warm, wet movement jolted straight to my cock and my hands landed heavily onto her hips, squeezing. “I can’t say I’ll be down for everything, but… I’m curious. I want to stay.”
I studied her for a long moment, observing the way her eyes widened and the corners of her mouth tipped higher. If this was truly what she wanted, I wanted to give it to her. To welcome her into my world; my crazy, intense, fucked up world. But I also wasn’t sure she knew quite what she was getting into here. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know,” I said.
She smirked. “It also drowned the pussy.”
I bellowed a laugh and leaned down to brush my lips over hers. I missed those lips. So damn much this past week.
I slid my hand into Lucy’s. Our fingers nestled together, tangling together like pieces of silk and I tugged her deeper into the hallway, intentionally walking past my room, two-two-four, to the community viewing area in the back. “Wait here,” I said, then using my gold keycard, I opened the door and peeked inside. Even though it was a Saturday night, it was still early and quiet. But for LnS? Even the subdued nights were a lot to take if you were a first timer.
I wanted Lucy to see this. Understand the more intense sides of my lifestyle. But I didn’t need her doing that with half a dozen other members inside. I didn’t want a repeat from the other night—pushing her too hard, too far.
I exhaled, relieved when I saw just one other couple inside the room. She could handle that—and if I was wrong—if it was too much, we would leave.
With a deep breath, I snaked my arm around Lucy’s small waist and whispered in her ear. “Here goes nothing. Use your safewords at any time. Understood?”
Once I felt her nod, I stepped forward, guiding her inside the room.
The only other member inside was a man named James. He designed some famous video game years ago, but he wasn’t a recognizable celebrity and I didn’t know him all that well. He was sitting in the corner, cock out, and a woman kneeled between his legs sucking him off.
Beside me, Lucy gasped—just a tiny little noise, but I heard it all the same. I pulled her tighter into my side as she moved to back away. “I’m not doing anything in public—” she whispered.
I held on tightly to her waist and kissed her temple. “I’d never ask you to. I was never good at sharing my Tonka toys as a kid, and I’m even worse at sharing now.”
She glanced around the room, nervously bringing her top teeth over her plump bottom lip. “Then why are we here?”
I gestured to the large window on the south side of the room. On this side, it was a window. On the other side, it was a mirror. An area of the club where the voyeurs could get their kicks. Most nights, the club had a list of people ready and willing to go into that room and get fucked and whipped for the viewing pleasure of the inner circle of LnS.
Tonight? There was a woman, clad in leather straps tightened all around her body. They cinched her breasts and thighs and waist. She was on her knees, her wrists bound and stretched above her head. Her knees were spread apart as a man walked around her snapping at her nipples with a leather riding crop. With each hit, they grew pinker, flushing her whole body with a reddish hue.
From behind us, James groaned, a long, satisfied sound and the woman on her knees gave a muffled whimper. I tucked Lucy against my body, in front of me, shielding her from James and his submissive. We stood in front of the window, my arms encasing her body and each of our hands held the railing.
I heard a zipper from behind us and then footsteps shuffling toward the door. “Room’s all yours,” James said, as he passed us and I felt Lucy’s muscles unknot from where she leaned against my chest with the sound of the door shutting.
“Could he tell I was uncomfortable?”
I pressed my lips to the soft skin just below her earlobe. “Maybe.” Probably. James had been around a while and from what little I knew, he seemed like a good guy. “I’m more concerned with if you’re still uncomfortable.”
She swallowed and the tight lines of her throat contracted with the movement. “I feel a lot better now that it’s just the two of us.” Her chin inclined toward the window. “They can’t see us?”
I shook my head. “No, but they know people are watching. That’s part of the allure for some people.”
We watched for a few moments longer, Lucy’s breath hitching as the man in the other room attached a metal clamp to each of her nipples. The woman on stage wriggled, her knees separating wider and her wet mouth parting, panting.
Lucy's hips pushed back against my erection, the soft curve of her ass a stark contrast to my steeled length. Her moan was so quiet, I nearly didn’t hear it. Dragging my hand up her torso on the inside of her shirt, I found her lace covered tits and pushed the bra up. With my thumb and forefinger, I rolled her nipples between my touch, relishing how they pebbled under the attention. A noise rolled deep in her throat and she dropped her head back heavily against my chest.
In the window, we both watched as the bound woman trembled—her knees, her thighs, her arms, they all visibly shook as she cried out, begging for release. The man circled her, then, started hitting her clit, slowly and rhythmically with the riding crop. Thwap.
I leaned down, sucking Lucy’s earlobe into my mouth and rolling it against my tongue gently. Pulling back, I whispered, “I want to do that to you eventually.” Sliding my hand down her torso, I trailed my fingers over the dip of her flat abs until I reached the button of her jeans.
Tugging them open, I skimmed my fingers over her pelvic bone, my breath heavy as they slid closer and closer to her hot core. Her mouth parted and something between a whimper and a gasp escaped through her lush lips. Shifting her weight, she spread her legs for me.
Reaching behind her, she moved to grip my cock, but I pulled back just in time and that whimper from before echoed into a full-on moan. “Please,” she begged. “I need to feel you.”
I needed that too. But it wasn’t time. We both had to be patient because it was about to get so good. So fucking good. “Not yet,” I said. “Hands on the glass. Don’t move them until I say so.”
I pushed her panties out of the way and slid one finger between her wet folds. Pausing at her wet opening, I circled my finger there, pulsing it in small, calculated movements.
Thwap. The woman on stage cried out with the hit.
“Oh, God,” Lucy whispered, and her fingers curled against the glass.
I pushed my erection against her ass as I slid my finger inside her slick heat. Slowly. Torturously slowly. Then, with the lightest pressure, I moved my thumb over her clit. Barely even grazing it. Withdrawing my finger, I slid back in again, this time with two, increasing the speed on her clit with my thumb.
“More,” she moaned.
Thwap.
“Do you want me to do that to you?” I whispered. “Bind you. Strike you. Dominate you.”
The tops of Lucy’s arms trembled, her breasts heaving with every pant. God, I loved this. Loved the control. Loved that every ounce of tortuous pleasure was mine to give, to take. To reward and punish.
I tweaked her nipple with my free hand and she answered with a noise that was a mixture of ‘yes’ and a gasp.
“I don’t want you to come yet. Not in here.” I nipped at the soft flesh of her neck.
Through the window, we both watched as the Dom pulled the crop back again, as if to hit her. I withdrew my fingers, now slick with Lucy’s arousal. And
as the crop hit the sub’s clit, I tapped my fingers to Lucy’s clit. Hard.
Not as hard as it would hurt with the riding crop. Not as hard as I usually hit a submissive. But hard enough. Harder than Lucy had likely ever been hit on her clit.
Her hips bucked. “Oh, God,” she whispered, rolling her ass against me once more. Her hands jerked against the glass, but they stayed in place, almost as though she had been about to move them, but thought better of it. Good girl. “Then why did you bring me in here? If you don’t want me to come?”
“I wanted you to see this. But your orgasms are mine and I don’t want anyone walking in and witnessing the gorgeous way you come. That’s for my eyes and my eyes only.”
I withdrew my hand from within her panties as she let out a whimpered moan. Like the lack of my touch was physically painful for her. Taking her shoulders, I gently turned Lucy to face me and cupped her jaw. “Lucy,” I whispered, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Before we go further, I think we need to talk about last night at the bar. About what I said… and what happened after.”
She sighed and glanced to the window. “Here? With that in the background?”
I smiled. “Well, we could go back to my room if you want—”
She shook her head. “Let’s just get this over with. I just… I want to move on from last night.”
I nodded, completely understanding. Rip the Band-aid off.
As she drew in a shaky breath, her arms trembled. “I was just having fun. Letting loose with a friend. I’m twenty-two years old. You can’t expect me not to go out and get drunk with friends occasionally.”
“Would I have preferred it if you had eaten a decent dinner before hitting the tequila? Yeah. But that’s my own shit and I need to find a way to work through that without taking it out on you. I have a thing about food and eating and I realize I triggered you last night with my own issues. I’m sorry for that. I’m working on my own issues, but I’m not going to change and be perfect at this overnight. I slipped when I asked you to eat. I’m sorry.”
She nodded, her mouth tipping into a small smile. “I’m sorry, too.”
My brows twitched. She was sorry? What the hell did she have to be sorry for?
She rolled her eyes. “Look, I get it. It wasn’t the wisest life choice for me to drink on an empty stomach. I could have easily avoided that doozy of a hangover or at least minimized it if I’d eaten before getting so drunk.”
This seemed like a different Lucy. She wasn’t nearly as upset as I expected her to be. “I also want to recognize all the things you did right last night,” I said. “You were being safe, which I appreciated. You had Miguel. You weren’t planning to drive home.” I tilted my head, driving home the point. “But you know all this already. You’re an adult. You can take care of yourself. That being said… I like taking care of you. I mean, I wish you hadn’t been puking everywhere last night, but as a Dom, caring for your needs is the biggest high I can get out of this lifestyle.”
Lucy blinked, the flush of her cheeks fading as the moisture brimmed in her eyes. “More so than...” She bit her lip and pushed her glasses higher on her nose. “Fucking?”
I swallowed that knotted lump down to my stomach. “Yes.” With you, at least.
“Is that… is that standard?”
“Every Dom is different. Most of us love taking care of our subs. But I can’t speak for others in the community. Just myself.” Teaching her…truly teaching her this lifestyle means teaching her more than just my version of it. If we didn’t last… if this was just a casual relationship to Lucy, then she needed to understand the rules for the next man she would be with. Even if it pained me to prepare her for another Dom.
A tight breath hissed through my lips at the thought. Lucy with another man. Fuck me. The idea of that was almost too much to take. Scooping my hand into her hair, I dragged it down her neck, bringing my lips down hard onto hers. It was a strange thought—me wanting a woman other than Brie entirely to myself. I took a deep breath.
“Lucy, if you wanted to enter a relationship with another Dom, you would have to discuss this with him. Every BDSM relationship is different and you set up your limits. I know we went over this before, but if you take nothing else from our time together—remember this: soft limits are things that make you uncomfortable, but maybe you’ll warm up to with time. Hard limits are lines you will never cross—and if you establish those, and your Dominant crosses them anyway? That’s no longer a fetish… that’s abuse.” I paused, letting that sink in. Watching as her eyes tightened, little lines crinkling the soft, creamy skin. “That is what separates you and I from your mother and father. You are a consenting adult who finds this pleasurable. Even the pain should be pleasurable. You control every scene with your safewords. You determine when we start and stop.”
“So, you’re like my vibrator. I can turn you off and on for my enjoyment.”
I laughed at that. Only Lucy would compare what I just said to her vibrator. “Yeah, I guess I sort of am, aren’t I? Only instead of hitting a little off/on button, you use your safewords.”
I watched as the information soaked in and she adjusted her glasses which had fallen askew. “Why didn’t you explain it like this before?”
I sighed. That’s a damn good question. Because I didn’t know I had to. I didn’t know her history and childhood trauma. Because I was selfish. Because I was horny. Because I was so excited she decided to sign the contract. Any of those answers would have worked. Instead, I settled on, “I’ve never trained anyone before and it didn’t occur to me to explain it like that.”
A smile twitched at her gorgeous mouth, but just as quickly, it fell. “Or maybe I wasn’t really listening until just now.”
The pink tip of her tongue swiped nervously across her lips.
“Maybe. Maybe we’re both learning in this process.”
She folded tighter into my body. “Tell me your secret,” she said. “You clearly don’t care who knows that you’re in the lifestyle. So what do they have over you to keep you from talking about what’s within these walls?”
I chuckled softly. I could ask her the same thing—but I didn’t. Lots of people had asked me this question. And I never told. Not once. Sub after sub asked this. For some reason, it was everyone’s biggest curiosity. For an inexplicable reason, Lucy was the first submissive I ever wanted to share the truth with. “My wife was in the lifestyle long before I ever was. She was a switch—meaning she would switch between submissive and Dominant, though she preferred submissive. She’d been in the lifestyle since she was nineteen, but her daddy is a preacher. She never wanted him to know. Never wanted to ruin her status of being his baby girl. Or hurt his career with her kink.”
Lucy gasped, a look of horror twisting her face. “And LnS is holding that over you? That’s… that’s horrible. Using your late wife as some sort of sick blackmail—”
“I know it sounds bad, Lucy, but really it’s not. I will never tell the world Brie’s secret. And because I know how important that was to Brie, I would never tell anyone else’s secret within these walls. Ever. Never ever. So… it doesn’t feel like blackmail to me. Because I know they’ll never have to use it.”
We sat in silence, Lucy in my lap, for what felt like a long time. But truthfully, it could have been five minutes or forty-five for all I knew. I didn’t bother asking her what her secret was. Me sharing mine wasn’t tit for tat. She owed me nothing in return.
Finally, she said. “Why do I like this so much? The pain? The submission? Is it because of my dad and my history—”
“Hey,” I caught her chin between my fingers and angled her brown gaze to mine.
I swallowed hard and stared into Lucy's wet, red-rimmed eyes. “I can’t answer that for you. I don’t know why any of us are how we are. I connected to this lifestyle with Brie. I had two parents who were madly in love and never raised their voices to each other, let alone a hand. Brie’s parents were strict, but loving.” I felt my voice catch in my
throat. At one time, I was healthy and happy in this lifestyle. At one time, I did this for all the right reasons. Because of Lucy, I felt like I was finding my way back to that. The well-adjusted man who enjoyed kink. Not the depressed widower looking to ease his inner pain. “You have to figure out your reasons why. No one else can do that for you. But what I can tell you… you are not broken because of it. Maybe the why doesn’t even matter. As long as you are enjoying it. And it’s safe. And consensual.”
Her hand stilled over mine and the little circles she’d been tracing over my skin stopped. “It turns me on so much. You turn me on so much. I want to understand why. I can’t help it… I’m bookish,” she laughed. “With everything you’ve shown me so far… I want more. If anything, I just find it scary how much I want it.” Her brown eyes smoldered like smoke coming off firewood, and her gaze traveled over my face, studying me. From my eyes up to my forehead and nose, I watched her watch me. Admire me. Accept me. “How much I want you. I don’t think it’s just the lifestyle. I think it’s you and your particular Dominance… ” She blinked slowly, then pointedly whispered. “Sir.”
A pleasured shudder rolled down my spine and my mouth curved. Was this what Richard was referring to when he mentioned the breakthrough moment? Because this wasn’t what I had pictured. It wasn’t like breaking a wild horse. It was connecting. It was finding a woman whose passion and kink fit perfectly into my style of sexuality. And it was what Brie must have experienced when I, myself, finally understood the lifestyle.
I blinked back the burning tears that sprang to my eyes. I was understanding my late wife in a whole new way, and my heart was aching. Like fresh stitches that were still so raw and painful, but you also knew that they were healing the skin beneath. It was like she was here with us, giving her blessing. My nose burned with the tears. Lucy had no idea the gift she just gave me. She had no idea the moment of relief and heartbreak and acceptance.
I glanced down at Brie’s ring, a single tear dropping from my eye and landing on the hammered gold that I twisted around my pinky finger.
Role Play (Silhouette Studios) Page 29
