It was his turn to hesitate. He didn’t have any rights here. He wasn’t the father, just a man who cared deeply for Zoe. ‘You know you need to talk to her, don’t you? Christmas is a time for family, nostalgia, tradition. And if you’re a kid, it’s a time for being at home. You’re taking all that away from her. Plus, she’s not daft. She knows she’s going to get shoved in a kids’ club while you and Simon have some time to yourselves.’
‘It’s not a prison,’ she replied sharply. ‘She’ll meet other children her age and have fun.’
‘I know, but maybe she doesn’t want to do that. Not at this time of year, at least. Just think about it,’ he added quickly, before she could shoot him down with another objection. ‘Would you please put Zoe back on now. I’d like to say goodbye.’
‘You won’t say anything, you know, about us getting married.’
‘Of course not. But I hope you will. And Stella, congratulations. I hope you’ll be very happy.’ He prayed to God Simon was the right man, not just for Stella, but for Zoe.
‘Did you get her to change her mind?’
The hope in Zoe’s voice twisted his heart. ‘Sorry, no. But it sounds like you’ll have a fabulous holiday,’ he added with what he hoped was the right degree of enthusiasm. When there was no answer, he felt like the biggest bastard for letting her down. ‘Hey, Zoe, how does a penguin build its house?’
‘I don’t know.’ Her voice was flat, but at least she was talking to him again.
‘Igloos it together.’
A few seconds of silence, during which he held his breath. Then the beautiful sound of innocent laughter. ‘OMG, that was a good one. More. Give me one more.’
‘I told you, only one per call. Now I’ve got to go and take care of my dad.’
‘Is he sick?’
‘He had an operation and he’s a bit unsteady on his feet, but he’ll be fine. You be good for your mum. Bye, Zoe.’
Mixed emotions weaved through him as he ended the call. Sadness that he wasn’t part of Zoe’s life any more, except for the occasional phone call. Nostalgia for Stella and what they’d had, though he didn’t feel any jealousy at the thought of her getting married. More a longing for what she had to look forward to.
He might be ready for marriage, but the woman he wanted to marry was so far from it, he wasn’t sure they’d ever get there.
You won’t with that crappy attitude.
With a determined shake, he scrolled through his phone for Gabby’s number. His dad was feeling better. It was time for her to meet him.
Chapter Seventeen
Four days before Christmas
Gabby hummed as she surveyed the items she’d laid out on the spare bed. Bikinis, check. Wispy cover-ups to take her from the hotel to the beach, check. Strappy sundresses for lazy late afternoon strolls along the beach holding hands, check. Posh frock in case they went somewhere fancy, check. Shorts and T-shirts for all other eventualities. Sunglasses, sun cream, Kindle, sun hat, flip-flops. Check, check, check.
She was so ready for this holiday. And not just in terms of preparation.
Some sun, after two months of cold and ugh.
Time away from work, from the computer, from everything.
Then there was the best part. Some alone time with a man who didn’t just make her pulse race and her heart ache, he made her laugh. Made her happy. Made her imagine scenarios she would previously have scoffed at. Like fast-forwarding a year and still being with him.
Of course first, they had to negotiate ten days away together. Ten days in which his untidiness, his inability to plan and his lack of attention to detail would seriously stretch her tolerance.
She knew she was in trouble when even that made her smile.
The sound of the phone interrupted her daydreams and she answered without even looking to see who it was.
‘You sound happy, Gabriela.’
And no, not even the shock of speaking to her mother again was going to wipe the smile from her face. ‘I am. I’m packing.’
‘Oh yes. You leave on Christmas Eve, if I remember correctly.’
‘I do.’ Pushing aside a few T-shirts, she made room to sit on the bed. ‘How are you? Last time you phoned you sounded a bit low.’
‘I was. So I decided to come back.’
Gabby froze. ‘You’re home?’
‘Yes. I thought, if you were free, I could come and see you before you go away.’
‘Well, yes.’ She willed herself to sound more thrilled. Only yesterday she’d told Owen how worried she was about her mother. This way she could check her out with her own eyes. ‘When were you thinking?’
‘I can drive up later today. Stay until Monday.’
‘I have plans for tonight.’
‘Oh.’
Guilt twisted at her gut but Gabby pushed it away. Was she really expected to drop everything for a woman who’d never given up anything for her? ‘Owen, the man I told you about, he’s asked me over for dinner.’ With his father, she almost added, but bit her tongue. Her mother might see it as an offer for her to come, too. Meeting Owen’s dad was going to be a big enough step. No way was she ready to introduce her mother to the mix.
For a second she relived the conversation with Owen last night, when he’d invited her over. It had felt … big. Important. Scary, perhaps, but still, a milestone in their relationship. Especially after the rejection she’d felt earlier in the week, when her offer to go round had been slapped down.
Now she was back on an even keel, sure that her feelings and Owen’s were running in parallel.
It gave her the strength to extend an olive branch to her mother. ‘You’re welcome to come up tomorrow. Stay till Christmas Eve morning. I fly later in the afternoon.’
‘Thank you.’
Gabby frowned at the meek tone. She’d never heard her mother so subdued. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow then. Give me a call when you set off so I know when to expect you. Drive safely.’
‘Who’s the mother in this relationship?’
Interesting question, Gabby thought as she ended the call. Her mother had hardly been a textbook mother, and for years Gabby had been certain all she wanted from her own life was a fulfilling career, good friends and the occasional company of a man she liked but didn’t have to be emotionally invested in. Not marriage. Not children.
Dating Owen was starting to make her rethink everything.
Gabby spent the afternoon cleaning her house. Though she was naturally tidy, in honour of her mother she bleached the toilet, hoovered already spotless carpets and mopped the already clean kitchen floor. Finally she neatly folded all the holiday clothes she’d laid out in the spare room and packed them into her suitcase.
She was about to head up the stairs to squeeze in a quick shower before driving to Owen’s, when the phone rang again.
This time she checked the number, and broke into an automatic smile. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, yourself.’
His voice sounded oddly flat. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Yes. Sort of.’ He let out an agitated sounding noise. ‘I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel tonight.’
‘Oh.’ The bottom fell out of her stomach. ‘Can I ask why?’
‘I’m letting you down at the last minute. By any standards you want to look at, that’s a bastard move. Of course you’re entitled to ask why.’ More agitated breathing, followed by a scratching sound. Possibly him rubbing a hand across his unshaven chin. ‘Just, can I save the explanation for tomorrow? I’ve kind of got a … thing going on here and I need to get back to it.’
‘A thing?’
His laughter carried an edge of hysteria. ‘Yes. I’m sorry, I know I sound vague, but trust me, I’ll explain it all tomorrow.’ He heaved out a sigh. ‘Christ, I’m so sorry, Gabby. Really, truly, sorry. I want to see you tonight like you wouldn’t believe.’ Now there was a tremor to his voice, as if he was on the verge of tears. ‘I’m so fucking pissed off right now.’
She’d never heard him use
the F-word. Never heard him sound so upset. It made her want to reassure him that it didn’t matter, she wasn’t upset, but the words stuck in her throat, because it did matter. The ‘big step’ they’d been about to take had been cancelled. And she didn’t even know why. ‘Well, I hope whatever it is, sorts itself out.’
‘So do I,’ he replied heavily. ‘Can I pop round tomorrow?’
‘If it’s in the morning, yes. My mother’s coming at some point in the afternoon.’
There was a moment of silence. ‘She’s back?’ Then he laughed humourlessly. ‘Stupid question. Is she okay? Are you okay with her visiting?’ A choked breath. ‘God, so many things I want to talk to you about, but I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning?’
‘Yes.’
‘You will let me in? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, but I’d like to know whether to bring my big coat or not.’
‘Your coat?’ What on earth?
‘If I’ve got to wait on your doorstep to see you, I want to be vaguely warm.’
She shook her head, her emotions muddled and messy. She was upset with him, with the situation, but a big part of her also wanted to hold him in her arms and ease whatever it was that was troubling him. ‘Of course I’ll let you in.’
‘I’ll ditch the coat then. Bring some humble pie instead.’
‘Just bring me an explanation I can understand.’
Owen cursed as he ended the call to Gabby. She’d asked for the one thing he wasn’t sure he could deliver on.
An explanation, he could manage. Whether she’d understand it, was another thing entirely. He wasn’t even sure he understood it himself.
‘Owen?’ Zoe popped her head round the door, her cute pigtails bouncing either side of her head. ‘I’ve been looking for you.’
He stared at the miniature woman in front of him. The one that might just mean the end of his relationship with Gabby. Pain ripped through him. No, damn it, whatever she had to say tomorrow he wasn’t going to let this be the end.
‘Come on.’ Putting an arm round Zoe’s slim shoulders, he smiled down at her. ‘Me and your mum have got some talking to do. Can you sit quietly and watch television with my dad?’
‘I suppose.’ She grinned, dimples peeping out either side of her mouth. ‘As long as what you say to each other means I get to stay with you for Christmas.’
Christ, how was he supposed to let all that cuteness, that childish innocence, down?
Then again, how was he supposed to let down the woman he’d fallen in love with?
Life sure had a funny way of kicking you in the balls when you least expected it. He’d felt the kick four years ago when his mum had been told she had cancer, months after Stella had dumped him. When his dad had fractured his hip, he’d felt it again. Not in the same league as his mum’s shocking diagnosis, sure, but overarching his worry for his dad had been the niggling thought that if he let Gabby down over the holiday, she’d never forgive him. And that would have crushed him. His dad had started to recover though, and moved on to crutches. He’d agreed to travel to France.
This morning, Owen had almost smelt the sea air. He’d almost felt the suntan lotion slipping through his fingers as he’d rubbed it into the beautiful olive skin on Gabby’s back.
Then Stella had turned up and he’d felt that kick to the balls all over again.
Damn it to hell.
Stella and his father were sat opposite each other when he and Zoe walked back into the sitting room, neither of them talking. He guessed his dad was silent out of solidarity – he’d witnessed first-hand how cut up he’d been when Stella had broken things off. As for Stella, she was probably too scared to say anything, as she was the one who’d arrived on his doorstep ten minutes ago asking the whopping big favour.
She looked up when he walked in. ‘Is your girlfriend okay with it?’
Owen gaped at her. ‘How would you feel if Simon turned round to you and said sorry, we can’t go on holiday now because my ex wants me to babysit so she can have her holiday?’
Stella fidgeted. ‘That’s not entirely fair. This isn’t just a holiday, it’s a honeymoon and I didn’t realise you were going away when I asked you. Zoe told me your dad wasn’t well so I naturally assumed you’d be at home. And anyway, I’m not asking you to look after Zoe. It’s Zoe who wants to stay with you.’
Zoe turned her big blue eyes on him and Owen felt his anger crumple. He shouldn’t be talking like this in front of her. Bad enough that she felt her mum was pushing her out of Christmas by going off on holiday. She didn’t need to feel he didn’t want her, either. ‘I know, I’m sorry.’
He couldn’t do it, he thought miserably. Couldn’t let Zoe down. Which meant there was no decision to be made. Slapping a smile on his face he tugged at the pigtails of the girl who’d wormed her way into his heart nearly eight years ago. ‘I’d be delighted to have Christmas with this monster.’ He tucked a finger under her chin. ‘Can’t promise any snow, mind. But presents …’ shit, now he wasn’t posting them, he’d have to buy some more ‘… a tree …’ damn, he’d have to sort that, too. He hadn’t bothered as he’d thought he and his dad were going away. ‘And all the other stuff associated with Christmas we can manage.’
Her gorgeous blue eyes lit up. ‘Can we do stockings? I know Father Christmas isn’t real, but I want to put my stocking up and you have a proper fire.’ Her eyes scanned the room and Owen could almost feel the excitement radiating off her. ‘We can put the tree in the corner. A proper tree, one that we have to choose. Mum doesn’t like the real trees ’cos they drop needles but you won’t mind, will you?’ Before he had a chance to tell he’d put up with pine needles stabbing his feet if it made her happy, she began to skip round the room. ‘Have you got decorations? You know, baubles and tinsel. Oh and fairy lights. We need loads of lights ’cos they make it look so pretty.’
This time when he smiled at her it felt less forced. In fact if he didn’t imagine Gabby’s face when he told her he couldn’t go on holiday with her tomorrow … if he didn’t think about what he was going to miss out on, or about whether she’d ever forgive him. Yeah, if he forgot about all that, he was thrilled at the thought of spending Christmas with Zoe.
His glanced over at his father, who had a rare twinkle in his eye as he watched Zoe skipping. Maybe he’d ask his dad if he wanted to stay, too. Visit Alice when he was fully recovered.
Actually, the more he thought about it, nearly everyone benefited from this arrangement. Stella got her honeymoon – apparently she and Simon had married this morning in a registry office so Zoe could be there – Zoe got her Christmas, he got to spend some precious time with the girl he thought of as his daughter. And his dad didn’t have to cram his recently fractured hip onto a plane.
The only person who was going to really lose out, he thought miserably, was Gabby.
Stella and Zoe stayed for tea. Stella seemed keen to let Zoe get used to the house; keen enough to put up with his hastily cobbled together pasta dish. As they sat at the table, Owen noticed his dad’s fascination with Zoe hadn’t waned. He listened to her like she was giving him the answer to world peace and though he didn’t say much, his eyes told Owen he’d forgotten his own sadness. At least for a while.
‘We’ll reimburse you for the holiday,’ Stella said quietly as they cleaned up after the meal.
‘You won’t. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for Zoe.’
Stella nodded. ‘Okay. What do you want us to do about presents?’
It took him a moment to realise what she was really asking. If you were a kid, Christmas wasn’t Christmas without a mountain of presents. ‘I’ve already got a couple I’d been planning to post, but I’ll buy her some more. Write me a list of ideas you’ve not got covered. We can save yours for when you can watch her open them.’
‘Or we could Skype?’
‘Whatever you want to do.’ Damn, his head was beginning to hurt with everything he now had to sort out. At least he didn’t need to pack
, he thought grimly.
‘We’ll drop Zoe off tomorrow on the way to the airport?’
Numbly Owen nodded. ‘I’m seeing Gabby in the morning, so not too early.’ Though she’d probably kick him out as soon as she heard what he had to say.
‘The flight’s not till the evening so it will be after three.’
‘Fine.’ He wondered if it gave him enough time to convince Gabby not to give up on him. That what they had going was too strong to let a cancelled holiday get between them.
She’s had a lifetime of being let down. It will feel like a betrayal.
Another shot of guilt sliced through him. It was going to take all his powers of persuasion, all his skills at smooth talking to dig himself out of this one.
He felt Stella touch his arm and looked into a pair of big blue eyes he’d once lost himself in. Now he only wanted dark brown. ‘I really appreciate this, Owen. Especially after, well, you know.’
Anger coiled. ‘After you stopped me seeing her? And now it’s convenient – for you, I might add – I’m allowed again?’
Her face flushed. ‘I did it for the right reasons. I wanted her to bond with Simon.’
‘And you think the two were mutually exclusive? You didn’t think she’d feel more secure if she knew she still had me in her life, no matter what?’
Tears filled her eyes. ‘I didn’t think,’ she replied quietly. ‘You were my past, Simon my future. I didn’t realise how attached Zoe had become to you.’
Owen took a step back, dragging a hand through his hair. ‘I’ve been her dad in everything but DNA for six years of her life, Stella. For four of them we even lived in the same house. I put her to bed, read her stories, played with her, laughed with her. Picked her up when she fell. Dried her tears when she cried.’ He shook his head in disgust. ‘How could you think we wouldn’t form an attachment? That I didn’t love her?’
‘You didn’t want children.’
He exhaled sharply. ‘I was enjoying life with Zoe. I didn’t feel we needed anything more.’
‘But I did.’
‘I know. That’s why we broke up.’ He looked her straight in the eye. ‘It didn’t change my relationship with Zoe, though. She was still my girl.’ He almost choked over the last words.
A Little Christmas Charm Page 13
