by Sarah Tork
Oh shit!
The other half of my blanket flew over me. Behind the shield of it, I screeched out my pain, as, I, recalled, what, happened, last, Thursday.
I LOST MY VIRGINITY LAST THURSDAY!
Wasn’t it some sort of anniversary? My one week, virginity losing anniversary.
Ugh…..great.
I wondered if he remembered too. I wondered if he’d been up late at night thinking about each second of that momentous event (Well momentous for me) we shared. He wasn’t a virgin like I had been. How many times did he say he had sex before meeting me again?
Oh yeah, I don’t know! That’s because he’d barely told me anything about his life, past or present. I didn’t know anything about James. Well, except that his lips were moist and plump, that his hands were rough from holding bats almost daily, and that his green eyes held hypnotic powers that made me do things I shouldn’t have.
Like letting him in.
Enough already!
Mental slap in the face! Mental slap in the face! Mental slap in the face!
That stupid ‘you should have known better’ feeling still resonated along every inch of my body. The mental slaps didn’t work. I needed to do the real thing.
The rat’s nest that was my hair, caged my eyes as I snapped into a sitting position. I flung the messy hair to the side, positioning my other hand high in the air.
Slap!
My cheek stung and my jaw dropped from the intensity of it. My mind shook her head at me mouthing ‘Who slaps themselves, are you crazy’.
Why yes, yes I am.
“What are you doing?” Mom’s urgent tone called from my open doorway. The door slammed into the wall with her speedily coming to my side, looking horrified as ever. “Why did you slap yourself?”
Why did I again?
Oh yeah, boys. Boys and the fact that they were all stupid assholes were the reasons why us ‘girls’ did stupid stuff.
Right?
I couldn’t tell that to mom, so I guess it was time for another lie. “I was trying to wake myself up.” I shrugged.
Mom snapped up, hovering over me with her hands to her hips. “You don’t have to slap yourself to wake up! You’ve never done it before. Can you imagine what it looked like from my view?”
“It worked didn’t it.” I got out of bed, raking my fingers through my twisted locks, which were suffering from a horrible case of too much hairspray. I should have showered after coming home last night. “Anyways, what are you doing in here this early? I thought I closed my door before going to sleep?”
“It was closed. I knocked a few times, but you never answered. I got worried.” Mom explained, kneeling over my bed and promptly making it for me. “Anyways, I went shopping yesterday. I forgot to tell you when you came home.”
I eyed her warily. “You bought more clothes?”
She nodded. “I’ve been noticing most of your clothes are getting too loose on you, and even with the clothes I bought you from before, it wasn’t enough to fill your wardrobe. You deserve an amazing selection of clothes. You worked hard, so you should be rewarded.”
Did I work hard? Yeah, I lost weight. But was that a result of hard work, or my desire to become an ideal partner for James? The answer is obvious and that’s depressing.
“Okay,” I said, scouring around her for any shopping bags. “So what’d you buy me?”
Mom grinned.
*~*~*
Yesterday I made a statement. And that was to fight when fought against. I even dressed a little (okay a lot) out of my comfort zone.
Today, after a good night’s rest, minus the eye crust and the supposed crying fest I had subconsciously, wasn’t going to be any different. My mind still didn’t think it was a bad idea, so I was going to keep going.
Like a warrior would. Like a person in the army would, and like a man would, except I was girl.
So let’s say, like a strong, warrior girl/woman would.
I caressed the soft fabric of my blue/green tropical printed tank top. The material was silky, but I wasn’t sure it was silk. I paired it with some black shorts and my black Chucks. It was less sexy than my outfit yesterday. The shorts were longer, covering more of my thigh area and my tank top was long, bordering on mini dress status.
I looked good. Not as good as yesterday, but still sexy.
I never thought I’d ever dress to feel sexy. I never thought I’d like feeling sexy. But I did.
Shockingly.
I grabbed a nutrition bar and an orange juice bottle from the fridge, placing them inside my backpack. I ate on the way to school. I could have eaten it at home, but for some reason that I couldn’t remember, I felt the need to get to school a little earlier than usual.
The reason came to me as I approached school. I needed to get a seat as far away from James as possible. Especially after watching that video last night, I didn’t trust myself to not do anything stupid.
Normally I’d find Jenna waiting beside the pillars for me, but today she wasn’t there. I assumed she was still busy consoling Dana. That confused me as well. The video shouldn’t have made her upset, if anything, it should have appeased some of the insecurities she had concerning Roy’s relationship with Latisha. Which was pretty much non-existent besides the friendship the entire popular group shared.
Why was she so upset?
Was it because of the second kiss? If it was the second kiss, than that was ludacris. Latisha had practically mauled Roy out of nowhere, stunning him. It was obvious that he was forced to comply, letting her do what she needed to do in order to save face and not look like the asshole in their group. Outside, he and the Kings could act however they wanted to. But when it came to one of their own, the rules changed.
Whatever.
I climbed up the stairs and hit the patio, navigating around the crowds. And just like yesterday, I noticed many eyes, belonging mostly to boys, following me as I pushed through the front doors.
It kind of felt nice to be noticed, even if it was for superficial reasons. I scoured the hallway out of habit, searching for the popular crew with my nerves hitting sky high. After hitting my locker for a quick exchange of notebooks, I went to the washroom. I could use a little silence, even if it was accompanied by flushing toilets. Just as I closed the stall door, the washroom door burst open, followed by a sequence of clacking noises.
Why would anyone wear high heels or any shoe with a heel to school? It made no sense at all!
I creeped through the gap of the stall door and groaned quietly when I saw who just came inside. This was supposed to be a quiet time.
“I can’t believe you!” Donna screeched, halting in front of the mirrors. “I told you to take that video off last night. How come it’s still up?”
“I can’t take it off!” Latisha fired back. “I made my point with it. You saw Dana’s face this morning, it worked.”
What a bitch! So she did do it on purpose. When Jenna officially finds out this little piece of information, Latisha was going to be dog meat.
“Then if it worked, why is the video still up?” Donna snapped, pointing her finger at Latisha.
“Because, the more Dana watches it, the more she’s gonna want nothing to do with Roy. By the end of the day, I want him to be mine.” Latisha explained, throwing her hands up in the air. “You know how much I like him.”
Donna growled, jerking her body hostilely towards Latisha. “And you know what my reputation means to me! Did you even consider how that video would make me look?”
“It’s not that bad,” Latisha stammered, taking steps back.
It was pretty bad considering it showed Donna getting rejected by James. I didn’t think anything in the world of Donna could be worse than that. Getting dissed by the boy she liked was probably the worst thing that could have ever happened to her.
Trust me, I know.
“It wasn’t that bad?” Donna repeated, the disbelief evident in her tone. She took a few mores steps into Latisha’s personal sp
ace. “You don’t even care. That stupid video needs to be taken down, like now!”
“I’m not taking it off till schools over and Roy is mine.” Latisha stated, determined.
“Do what I tell you to do!” Donna ordered.
“NO!” Latisha screeched back.
My heart started beating faster. My breathing became shallow. They were making me nervous. Those claws were seconds away from slashing. Where were all their hot girl friends? Were they tucked outside in a corner quivering in fear at being next in line to face Donna’s impending wrath? Hell, if I crossed paths with Donna today, I was positive I’d be next.
And that would be fine too, considering I had some ammo to attack her back with. The news of her rejection was good enough to make her crash and burn, so she’d better stay out of my face today.
They moved down the washroom, so I couldn’t see them anymore. Donna snorted all of a sudden. “He’s not even interested in you Latisha.”
Latisha gasped. “You weren’t there for every second last weekend. He is interested in me, but Dana keeps getting into his head.”
Donna snorted again. “He’s not, sweetie. The only person he’s crazy about is Dana. I know that for a fact, I heard the guys talk about it weeks ago. Roy’s in love with her.”
“You heard weeks ago? Why didn’t you say anything?” Latisha screeched, sounding like she was a moment away from losing it.
Donna sighed. “Because unlike you, I’m a good friend. You’ve only been blabbing about how much you liked him since last summer. I felt bad for you, so I didn’t say anything until I knew for sure that he was totally into Dana.”
The sound of sniffing overtook the washroom.
“Stop crying, you look pathetic.” Donna groaned. “Sweetie, you weren’t good enough, get over it.”
Latisha gasped louder. “I’m not good enough. How about you!”
“Excuse me!” Donna screeched back.
“Yeah, you!” Latisha fired back. “You, were, rejected, last weekend. How many times did you try to give it to James? How many times have you tried since last summer? He still doesn’t want you, and he’ll never want you. The video is proof of that.”
“He belongs to me! You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Donna screeched. “It’s going to happen.”
“It’s not.” Latisha stated. “Everyone knows he’s crazy about Annabelle, he was practically eye stalking her in the cafeteria yesterday.”
Really? I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle a gasp. All this information was making me feel dizzy.
“You’re lying!” Donna screeched, like it couldn’t be possible. “He can’t be interested in her like that, it’s not possible.”
“Look whose upset now that her favorite guy won’t give her the time of day. At least I’m doing something about it. You’re just waiting with your legs open for James to come crawling up to you.” Latisha yelled. “Now that’s pathetic! And sad!”
“You shut up.” Donna roared. “This is what you’re going to do. You’re going to take that video off Facebook and you’re going to deny if the rest of the girls ask if James is interested in that slut Annabelle. You got me bitch?”
My jaw dropped. How was I a slut? I was nothing like her!
I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“And if I don’t?” Latisha dared to ask.
“You know what I’m capable of Latisha. Don’t mess with me. The Baseball team comes with me at the end of the day.” Donna declared.
The Baseball team came with Donna at the end of the day? How was that possible? It’s not like she owned them. If James wasn’t interested in her advances, why would she assume she controlled who he hung out with?
The door opened and the washroom became quiet again. I peeked again through the gap of the stall door and once I affirmed that the room was empty again, I slipped out quickly and exited the washroom. My heart continued to beat rapidly as I mixed into the newly crowded hallway.
I was at a standstill. I had no idea what to do. Class was going to start in ten minutes. I had two choices, go to class and get a good seat far away from James. Or I could find Dana and tell her what I heard Latisha say in the washroom.
The idea of making it back to English at the last minute and having to sit next to James was enough to push me to choose the selfish option and head straight to class. I could text Jenna the news, and since she had first period with Dana, she could be the one to tell her. I made it inside English, breathing a sigh of relief. I quickly scanned the room for every available seat and blinked in shock. The room was full, except for two seats in the back next to the window.
I didn’t get it. In all my other classes those seats were usually the first ones snapped up. But in this class, the seat next to the window was always empty. It’s like James had them on reserve indefinitely, like the class knew not to sit there, just so they wouldn’t upset him.
I always knew he had power, just never to this degree. I didn’t care what power he thought he had. I took the seat next to the window, just like yesterday.
BOOM!
Fighting back!
I pulled out my phone and texted Jenna, discretely from inside the security of my backpack.
Annabelle: Are you with Dana right now?
Jenna: Yep, I’m her body guard. The rest of the team are more or less her security team today. Roy hasn’t been able to be within a few feet of her without the brotherhood getting into his face. You should have seen what happened fifteen minutes ago. It was awesome, and I will explain in detail during lunch.
Annabelle: Is Dana upset?
Jenna: She was, but she’s getting better. Hopefully this time she’ll be able to ignore Roy forever from now on.
Annabelle: I watched the video last night and in my opinion I think it was all Latisha.
Jenna: What are you talking about Anna? It was the both of them. His arms were all over her.
Annabelle: He was trying to pull her back nicely. She was obviously drunk. Didn’t you see the look he gave his boy’s afterwords. He looked annoyed.
Jenna: Where are you going with this Anna?
Annabelle: I think he’s innocent. Besides I heard some crazy things in the washroom just now, right out of Latisha’s mouth. I’ll explain it to you and Dana at lunch.
Jenna: I hope you’re not going to try and pull her back into being in love with Roy. She’s getting over him Anna, don’t ruin that!
My forehead creased, why was Jenna so determined to keep Dana away from Roy?
Annabelle: The truth is the truth Jenna. I’m sure Dana deserves to know the truth. Right?
Jenna: Whatever, class is about to start. Talk to you at lunch.
I didn’t text her back. I didn’t get why she was acting like this. And she didn’t even mention the last bit of the video, Donna’s horrible rejection. Maybe they didn’t even watch that far, turning it off as soon as Latisha pulled away from Roy.
I don’t know….about anything anymore.
I buried myself into my backpack, waiting for the bell to ring and class to start so something else could occupy my mind.
“Hey.” A familiar voice murmured next to me, making my heart beat faster. I felt his callused fingertips brush briefly across my bare arm, resulting in an intense shiver I had to supress.
“You’re not even going to say hello?” He murmured after a few seconds of silence. I wished I could do more than say hello to him, but things weren’t the same between us. We weren’t the type of people who said hello to one another anymore.
And it was all his fault!
I kept my face hidden beneath the shield of my forearm, pretending I wasn’t aware of his presence.
“Did you see the video?” James asked, quietly. My eyes snapped open and my heart started thumping one long beat at a time. The video that proved his innocence had not left my mind, but it still didn’t make a difference. I couldn’t forget what had happened on Monday.
And Tuesday.
And Wedn
esday.
His chair squeaked and I assumed he was leaning towards me. “Answer me,” He whispered.
I sighed and pushed myself up, leaning against my chair. I stared at him, as beautiful as ever, smoothing his hair back beneath his backwards Baseball cap. He wasn’t allowed to have it on during class. I wanted to inform him of that. He probably already knew the rules, but chose to ignore it anyways, thinking he’d get his way because of who he was.
One of the star athletes
I stared deep into his eyes, not even blinking. “Why do you care?” I asked him, lifelessly.
His forehead creased and his hand grasped the edge of the desk. “You know why.” He whispered, looking sad.
“I don’t know, honest.” I shrugged.
Stay strong Annabelle! You have to fight with everything you have.
He exhaled and looked away, shaking his head. “That’s bullshit.” He muttered.
I didn’t respond and sat silently, ignoring his pleading eyes as they returned back to me with motive.
“I know you watched it,” James stated, quietly. “I told you I was innocent.”
I glanced away from his hypnotizing stare and focused on my fingers twiddling with my bag strap. I wished the proof that the video gave me was enough to wipe the slate clean with him, but it wasn’t enough. Our demise had to do with so much more than him enjoying a weekend away with his friends.
A lot more.
I sighed and met his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Before he could tell me he didn’t believe me again, the bell rang. Mr. Doors shut the front door loudly, signalling everyone to stop talking and pay attention.
“Alright, everyone pull out a piece of paper and a pen, it’s time for that midweek quiz I promised last Friday,” Mr. Doors chuckled and started erasing the blackboard. “And for everyone else that decided to skip last Friday, making last weekend an unofficial long weekend, you should have been here for class, we covered a lot that’ll be on today’s quiz. So tough.”
