by Sarah Tork
“Well, the brotherhood doesn’t think so. We don’t tolerate that kind of behavior and he’ll be lucky to get within a hundred feet of her without one of us there to kick him back where he came from? Asshole-ville.” Jenna sneered. “Don’t bring Dana back Annabelle. She doesn’t need to use the same logic as you did in your love life with hers. We all saw how wonderful that turned out, didn’t we.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.” I whispered, grimacing.
“I’m not going to tell you again Anna,” She smiled ‘sweetly’ at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You worry about you, and the Swim team will worry about Dana.”
“Why are we talking about Dana? What happened in the cafeteria wasn’t what it seemed.” I gulped. “He cornered me in the restaurant and pulled me to his table. What was I supposed to do?”
“Okay.” She shrugged, emotionless.
“Okay?” I repeated, confused.
“Yeah, ‘okay’ as in, I don’t care anymore.” She sighed, sounding exhausted. “I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you want. But, when he screws you over again, don’t come crying to me again, I’ve had enough of your crap.”
My eyes widened. Who was this person? “I didn’t do anything with him!”
Her jaw clenched and some of that indifference left her ‘bored’ eyes, quickly replaced with a look of disgust and sadness. “I won’t pick up the pieces Anna, not this time.” She murmured, sounding hoarse as she said ‘not this time’.
“But nothing’s happened.” I hissed, exasperated.
Why wouldn’t she believe me?
She inhaled through her nostrils and shook her shoulders as if she were shaking bad mojo off of her. “Then good for you,” She nodded, going back to her indifferent, bored look. “Anyways, I gotta go, Swim practice starts in forty-five minutes.”
“Can we talk later?” I asked, hoping she’d say ‘yes’. She could Swim off her frustrations, and when she’d get home later, we could actually have a rational conversation about what actually happened.
Silence. She just stared at me, like she didn’t know what to say.
Finally, she exhaled. “I’ll probably be too tired, so, yeah….”
“What?” I cringed, not getting her behavior at all. Best friends weren’t supposed to treat each other like this. Best friends were supposed to stick together no matter what.
No matter what.
Did she forget already or was I just not ‘up there’ in her long list of friends anymore.
She glared at me, disappointment blazing from her expression. “Sometimes…actions have consequences, Anna. Anyways, I gotta go.”
She left me stranded in the middle of the hallway, bewildered and deeply disappointed. I didn’t know if it was mostly at her or myself. Why did she have to make me feel like I was letting her down?
I did nothing wrong….
Right?
Or have I?
I feel like every ounce of energy has been drained out of me. Feeling like crap, I headed to my locker. After exchanging a few things, I slapped the door shut and let my head linger against the cool surface.
For a little too long might I say. I was out in the open, alone and vulnerable. Somebody stopped to halt right behind me, nudging my side with what felt like steel, but it wasn’t, it was just his hand.
I knew who it was.
Here’s the part where I tell myself to breathe and stand strong before…..
“Where were you?” James murmured from behind, the scent of his body wash and cologne invading my senses.
And I’m too late…..
NO!
It’s never too late!
Fight!
Even if his scent is intoxicating, keep strong, you’re no pushover.
I plugged my nose and moved down two lockers. Once I was free of his scent, I answered. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I left the room to go find some peace and quiet.”
“Why didn’t you text me?” He asked.
“Why would I need to text you? You’re not my boyfriend.” I said, beginning to walk away, but he grabbed my arm delicately and pulled me into his chest, hugging me.
Oh great….now his smell conquered me….
God, his scent was so….hypnotic, deadly, powerful….soul destroying, at the same time made my knees weak.
“The shop teacher blamed our side for the argument, so we couldn’t leave the cafeteria until the bell rang. I would have raced out the second I could, but I was stuck inside.” James murmured, as if it made a difference.
It totally didn’t.
I mean, it’s not like I was waiting for him to come running down the hallway, yelling my name in worry.
So yeah….
“Whatever,” I answered, sounding bored.
His face, without permission went into my neck. “Baby, you know you belong to me.”
I took a deep breath, not that it did any good. “Why now?”
“What?” He asked.
“Why didn’t you act like this when we were actually together? That’s all I’ve ever wanted and you couldn’t give me that back then.” I murmured back, leaning my forehead against his chest. “Why now?”
Silence.
“Is it really because I look different?” I asked.
“No, it’s complicated.” He answered.
“It’s not complicated James.” I pulled away and he let me go. “It’s not, because I’ve figured it out. I look more like one of you guys now, like someone who could stand next to you. You’re not stressing right now, right beside me, touching me in public, in front of everyone. You weren’t like this before.”
He took a step closer, but I took a step back.
“I’ve been crazy about you since I met you, can’t you see that?” He murmured, as if he were in pain. His eyes exuded that pain especially. But I needed to disregard everything sad looking about him like my life DE…PEND….ED on it. That was his ammo…..and it usually worked.
Until now that is.
“Well, you have a weird way of showing it – no sorry – a horrible way of showing it.” I said. My hand was beginning to shake, so I hid it behind my back.
“Baby, I love you.” He whispered, using that voice. “How can that be horrible?”
Oh my God….why was he doing this to me? Literally his words were THIS close to totally dismantling me….THIS close.
Stay strong.
“I saw everything good about you, that mouth, the way you’d tell me off, always riding my ass for saying something stupid.” James murmured, taking a step into my space and placing both of his…sigh….beautiful, strong hands on each side of my face. His rough fingertips felt soft as they caressed each cheek in short strokes. “You’re my everything.”
“I’m your everything in private, you mean.” I breathed, looking deep into his eyes as they were only a couple of inches away. I pulled his hands away from my face, and took another painful step back. My back was against a locker, so I had nowhere else to go. I held my arm out, insuring a little distance between us.
His breathing quickened and his nostrils flared at the sight of my overstretched arm. I could practically see the fire blazing from the steam he was exuding.
He didn’t like the distance I’d created.
Tough!
“I told you, the crew I roll with here, it wouldn’t have been a good idea to mix you with them.” James explained, not that it made any sense anyways.
“Then why is it okay now?” I asked.
James sighed. “Because life’s a bitch, that’s why.”
“You’re not making any sense!”
“The reality of the situation is nasty. My girl right here, she can go toe to toe with any of those crazies the entire Baseball team likes to hang out with. Not that you weren’t beautiful before, but now you make them all look like nothing. And they hated you before, now they really hate you.” James explained.
“Donna?” I asked.
“Donna wants to tear your guts out. That g
irl’s been after me since summer.” James explained.
“Did you sleep with her?” I asked and then mentally slapped myself. Wrong question, Annabelle, wrong freaking question.
James shook his head. “No. We’ve kissed only twice, once at Peter’s party and once at the game last week. Why would I want her when I can have you?”
“I don’t know James.” I shook my head. “I can’t get over the way you’ve treated me, keeping me hidden like I embarrassed you. I don’t think I can get over that. In fact, I probably won’t.”
James’s jaw clenched. “I was protecting you.”
My eyes widened. “Protecting me?”
He let out a deep breath as if he were exasperated. “I told you before, the girls we hang out with, they’re not all there. They attack and they don’t give a shit who they hurt, just as long as they get what they want.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not scared of any of them.”
“Now, but not before.” James said.
“I’m still the same person.” I reminded him.
“You’re not. Not these last few days baby. Stop kidding yourself. You know you got it, that’s why you walk into school every day moving your body differently.” James said.
“I don’t.” I said.
“You do,” James murmured, taking a step closer. “You’re driving me crazy.”
My eyes widened. “Stop talking to me like that.”
He pulled me into his embrace. “Trust me baby, I wish I could but it’s been a whole week since I’ve felt your lips on me, your body on me.”
“If you think I’m ever going to kiss you, or do anything else with you, especially after Monday and Tuesday’s fight, then you’re crazy.” I said, placing my hands against his chest so that mine wouldn’t touch his.
“You were just as much to blame as I was. It’s about time you took responsibility for your actions too.” James pouted, pushing his chest into my hands.
Excuse me?
He did not just say that to me!
“What the hell am I responsible for?” I asked, flabbergasted.
“You called me out first.” James reminded.
“And you had no problem coming back at me on more than that one occasion,” I reminded him. “You attacked me the next day, in front of the entire school, in the cafeteria.”
James curled his arm tighter around my waist. “We were being watched. Donna was still pissed after your friend called her a slut in front of everyone.”
I snorted. “That’s because she is one.”
“Look who’s all nasty now? Maybe you two aren’t so different aft all.” James sneered.
Silence.
What did he just call me?
He did not just compare me to Donna!
“So why aren’t you scared now, you’ve been talking to me all day, even dragged me to sit with you and the rest of your ‘special’ friends? You weren’t scared about Donna today. So your entire argument can go to the dogs. You’re full of crap.” I told him.
James shook his head slowly. “Donna doesn’t run things anymore.”
I snorted. “That’s funny, because she seems to think she owns the Baseball team.” I told him.
“Let me tell you something Fireball, she owns squat since last Friday.” James said. “We’re all free now. We don’t have to worry anymore.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked him.
He lets go of my waist and takes a few steps back. “I gotta go, Baseball practice.” He turned and walked away, leaving me dumbfounded.
What was with all these coded words? He was confusing the hell out of me.
I headed to the washroom, entering my favorite stall. I needed a few moments of uninterrupted silence and since the school seemed to be emptying, it was the perfect place to go for a hundred percent solitude.
Or so I thought.
“Who does she think she is?” Donna’s screech echoed into the washroom before she barraged inside. Unfortunately the moment of clarity I desperately wanted was cut short as Donna and her hot girl crew came traipsing inside.
Loudly.
For some reason, maybe it was the topic they were “intellectually” discussing, I think it’s about me. I’ll be quiet as they continue to discuss ‘whoever’ it is that they’re discussing. Maybe I’ll find out some top secret stuff.
“I mean, come on!” Donna exclaimed again. “She thinks she can walk into school, dressed like one of us and get away with it.”
“Yeah!”
“She’s got another thing coming if she thinks she can copy our style!”
“We should totally have a word with her. Tell her she can’t just do that.”
“She wants to take one of your spots at the table.” Donna screeched. “We can’t let her do that.”
“No way!”
“We’ll crowd the table and push her off if she tries to sit with us and the guys again.”
“What was James thinking hooking up with her?”
“They’re probably on their way to getting back together now.” Latisha informed, nonchalantly. “They’ll become official in no time.”
“No way!” They all screeched, minus Donna and Latisha.
Way! Well…not really way, but still….almost!
“But Donna, what about you and James?”
There was no Donna and James, and there never will be.
Wait….what?
Why would I say that?
All of a sudden the sound of someone trying to catch their breaths over took the entire washroom. “She’s ruining my life.” Donna whimpered loudly.
“Don’t cry!”
“We’ll figure out something.”
“She won’t get away with it.”
Latisha snorted. “She already has. He’s crazy about her. He was practically eating her face in the hallway just now.”
Donna groaned loudly. “What kind of a friend are you? You’re so insensitive to my feelings!”
“I’m telling the truth, stop deluding yourself that it’s going to be something more. It’s not. You’ve been trying since summer to hook up with him. He’s not interested in you.” Latisha shrieked.
“Oh really,” Donna screeched. “Like you and Roy hooked up. Oh yeah, didn’t he blow you off for Dana?”
“They were broken up and we did hook up.” Latisha exclaimed. “I can’t believe you brought that up. You’re so insensitive!”
The door opened and their heels clacked loudly as they rushed out, taking their little fight with them. And it couldn’t have happened a second sooner because I was struggling not to laugh. I let out a few light chuckles, just in case they decided to come back inside. I also waited a few more minutes, just in case they were hanging outside the washroom. It would be a nightmare if I exited and they were there with their scowls and pointy fingers, thinking I was eavesdropping on their conversation.
Which I was…but that didn’t mean I wanted to get caught.
Now that the washroom was hot girl free, perhaps now I could have my moment of clarity. After ten, beautiful seconds of silence, my phone beeped. I checked the screen, expecting to see a text from James with another coded sentence about how things were different now. But it wasn’t from him. It was from Dean.
Dean?
I thought things between us were over for good?
Dean: Having a good day?
Annabelle: Sort of, why?
Dean: Just wondering. So how’s life?
Annabelle: Since yesterday, when I spoke to you last. It’s been tolerable.
Dean: That’s good. I was wondering if you wanted to go for some frozen yogurt after school. Maybe chill a little?
Annabelle: Sorry can’t.
Dean: Why? I’m sorry for the way I acted before. It caught me off guard and I should have just talked with you alone. Can we try again? I promise to be good.
Annabelle: I can’t. I don’t want to mix things up again. My heads all over the place.
Dean: How is that poss
ible, I just spoke to you yesterday? Don’t tell me you got back together with that asshole?
Annabelle: I’m not back with anyone.
Dean: He’s an asshole Anna. That guy thinks his shit doesn’t stink. What are you thinking!
Annabelle: I’m not lying. Besides, weren’t you just on a date with Raina last night?
Dean: So it’s going to be like that huh?
Annabelle: Dean, I realize I hurt you and I’m sorry for that. But you know what, its better like this. We go to different schools, this would have been impossible. Enjoy your life.
Dean: He doesn’t deserve you Anna.
I know…..but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him…still…..
Wait…what? Where the hell did that come from….WHY! I was killing myself with these thoughts!
I needed to find Jenna….
*~*~*
Swim practice usually ran for an hour, then the team would take another twenty minutes to shower and get changed. I wanted to text Jenna, but it was better to speak face to face. I’ve never seen her that way….it was not normal.
I waited outside our pool’s change room, eyeing the time on my phone. I didn’t want to go inside, because this needed to be done in private. Walking into a change room filled with angry/scorned girls was not something I wanted to do. I’d wait outside patiently.
“She’s not here.” A voice called out. I glanced up from the floor to an open change room door. Dana and Tina were coming through, eyeing me deathly.
“But Jenna said she was going to Swim practice earlier.” I told them as they came to a halt, exuding attitude right in front of me. Dana’s long hair was still wet and in a tight bun, but the tightness of it had nothing to do with the look of disdain on her face as she glared at me. Tina, another loyal to the core member of the Swim team also had her hair in a tight wet bun. She stood beside Dana, and her arms were crossed over her chest. Both girls were sporting the Royal Heights High track pants and jacket set. They wore the Swim team logo on their clothing with pride, like it stood for more than a high school sports team.
