by Rye Hart
I had cancer. A rare form of brain cancer that caused my headaches and vomiting. It wasn’t yet advanced, but it was so rare that the oncologists weren’t sure how to proceed. After Dr. Anderson gave me the news, he brought in two oncologists who talked to me about my diagnosis. I barely heard anything they said. My mind was spinning.
Nothing felt real. For days after my diagnosis, I walked around in a fog. I hadn’t yet told anyone about my cancer. The fear of what was happening to me was too real to face. I preferred to push it away, pretend like it didn’t exist and instead focus on other things. The only problem was, I couldn’t focus on anything. I was so foggy and distracted that I let things slip through the cracks.
My last PT session with Caleb was a mess. I barely remembered what we did. When he left that night, I knew he was angry with me, but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything. He had a check-up with Dr. McGee the next day, and I missed it. Caleb told me about it a week ago, but somehow, it slipped my mind, and I didn’t show up. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I’d missed it.
I felt like shit about myself. Not only was I failing at my job but I was failing Caleb, who was the most important person in the world to me. I hated how confused he must have been. He didn’t know about my cancer, and I didn’t want him to. Still, I couldn’t just let things fall apart between us because I was sick. I refused to let that happen.
I took off work early and picked up some Chinese takeout. It was Caleb’s favorite, and I knew he’d love it. As I drove toward his apartment, I thought about what I would say. I couldn’t tell him the truth. Not yet. Instead, I had to explain my behavior without outright lying to him somehow. It wouldn’t be easy, but I was determined to try. My heart was racing as I walked up to his front door and knocked softly. I could hear his footsteps inside, and when the door swung open, I smiled.
It was my first genuine smile in days. Seeing Caleb was enough to ease my fears for just a moment. He frowned when he saw me, glancing down at the takeout containers in my hands.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Dinner,” I said, holding up the food. “You interested?”
“Sure.” He shrugged and moved aside.
I walked through the door and sat down on the couch, arranging the takeout containers on the coffee table. Caleb walked over to join me. He wasn’t using his crutches. Instead, he was moving slowly. I gasped when I saw him.
“Where are your crutches?”
“Dr. McGee says I’m doing well,” Caleb said. “My check-up yesterday was great.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” I said softly. Caleb just shrugged, so I pushed ahead. “What exactly did he say?”
“He thinks I’ll be back to normal in another month,” Caleb said. “He wants me to pick up the PT a bit. He said he sent his recommendations down to your office.”
“Oh,” I said, nodding. I didn’t remember if I received anything from Dr. McGee, and that made me feel even more guilty. “Well, that’s really great.”
“It is,” he said. “It’s great.”
“I know I said I would be there,” I said. “I just got distracted with work and time got away from me.”
“It’s probably for the best,” Caleb said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He sighed and sunk onto the couch beside me. He shook his head slowly from side to side. I frowned at the look on his face. I’d never seen him look so serious.
“I had a conversation with your father,” Caleb said. “Well, he had a conversation with me.”
“What the fuck did he say this time?” I asked, my anger already boiling to the surface. With everything I had going on, I didn’t have the patience to deal with my dad’s bullshit.
“He wants me to stay away from you,” Caleb said. “Same shit as before.”
“I don’t know why he keeps doing this,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m an adult. This is ridiculous.”
“He’s worried about you,” Caleb said softly.
I searched his face, surprised to see that there wasn’t a trace of anger there. Instead, he just looked sad. Normally, my father pissed him off more than anyone. Caleb could rant about my dad for hours without getting tired. It was often his favorite subject, and yet, he didn’t seem interested.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I didn’t realize how bad things were for you when I left,” he said. “When I left for military school, I thought you would be fine.”
“I was,” I said defensively. It was a lie. I wasn’t fine. Not at all.
“Don’t lie to me,” Caleb said.
“I was hurt,” I admitted. “But it was ten years ago. It doesn’t matter now.”
“It does to your father,” Caleb said. “That’s the whole reason he wants to keep us apart.”
“No, it isn’t,” I said. “He wants to keep us apart for the same reasons he wanted to ten years ago. He doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to be together.”
“He doesn’t think I’m good enough,” Caleb said. “And after what he told me, I’m not sure he’s wrong.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
“It means that I hurt you, Tara. I broke your heart. I left, and you were destroyed. That’s not okay.”
“You didn’t have a choice,” I said. “He sent you away.”
“I could have fought him,” Caleb said. “Maybe I should have.”
“We tried to,” I said. “We were going to run away together, remember?”
“But I changed my mind to protect you,” Caleb said. “Trust me, Tara, I remember.”
I fell silent. My eyes stayed locked on Caleb’s face, and I didn’t know what to say. My father didn’t have a right to bring up the past, especially not to Caleb. It was all so long ago. I never wanted to think about that time ever again.
It had broken my heart. I was destroyed, but that was over now. There were more important things to worry about, like my illness. As I looked at Caleb, I thought about telling him the truth. I knew he would be there for me. He would take me in his arms and ease my fears, but I was too scared. I didn’t even know how to face my cancer myself yet, how could I expect him to handle it?
I sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry about my dad,” I said. “He was wrong to bring up that shit.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” Caleb said. “The past and all.”
“Let’s not talk about the past,” I said firmly. “It’s over.”
Caleb nodded and finally smiled. It was the first time I’d ever seen him truly vulnerable. Even when we were teenagers, he was always so hard and closed off. He opened up to me when he felt like it, but that wasn’t often. We loved each other so much, and now, ten years later, I still did. I loved Caleb more than I ever had, and I didn’t want to be away from him again.
Still, I felt conflicted. My illness changed things. Not only was this cancer serious, but it was also damn near incurable. The doctors didn’t even know how to start my treatments. The hope for my recovery was almost nonexistent. How could I let Caleb get close to me again when I might die? How could I risk letting him in, falling in love with him all over again, when my time might be limited?
Caleb and I ate dinner and talked lightly. We laughed, and things felt like normal between us, but I was preoccupied the whole time. My dad had been warning us to stay apart for years, but I’d never paid him any attention until now. With my diagnosis in mind, I wondered if my father was right. Were things with Caleb meant to continue? Or was this cancer a sign that I should pull away from him for good?
I didn’t have an answer, and I knew I wouldn’t for a long time. I loved him deeply, but I was sick. Dying. That wasn’t something I could ignore any longer.
Unable to hold myself together, I said good night and fled. I barely made it to my car before I was overcome with sobs. They wracked through my chest, tearing themselves free and overwhelming me. I tried to get home before another headache set in, but I didn’t
make it.
I drove the final few minutes in a haze of fear and pain.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - CALEB
I still didn’t know what was going on with Tara. She left my apartment quickly, barely saying goodbye before she fled to her car. I watched her leave, confused and frustrated. She said everything was fine. We talked about her father. We even discussed the past. It hurt me to think about that time, but I was glad we finally talked about it. When I left town, I didn’t think I had a choice. Darren was going to do everything he could to keep me away from Tara. No matter what we did or how hard we fought him, I knew we would never win.
We were kids, not even eighteen yet. Tara wanted to run away together. It seemed like the perfect plan. I was ready to start my life with her but then, I couldn’t do it. Tara was fucking brilliant. She graduated high school with a 4.0 and got accepted into one of the best colleges in the country. She was bound for amazing things and me? I would have held her back. There was no fucking way I would let that happen. So I gave up. I gave in to Darren’s demands and let him ship me off to finish high school at the military academy.
It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing. Tara flourished. She found success in her career. My decision was hard, but I was still glad I made it. That was until I realized how much I hurt her when I left. I thought I was protecting her, but instead, I broke her heart. I felt like an ass, like the worst kind of man. As I thought about things, I wondered on and off whether Darren was right. Maybe, Tara really would be better off without me.
I couldn’t let myself dwell on that, though, not when Tara was pulling away from me. Something was going on with her, something serious. I knew it wasn’t about me. After she brought over Chinese food, I was reassured that her distance had nothing to do with our relationship. She was going through something, something that was very real. It held her attention no matter what she was doing and yet, she wouldn’t tell me a thing. I tried to get the truth out of her but I couldn’t. She said she was fine and changed the subject.
It was frustrating, but I was determined to find out the truth. It was her day off from the PT building, so I decided to take her out for the night. I called her, excitement brewing inside my chest. Just the prospect of seeing her was enough to bring a smile to my face.
“Hey,” I said when she finally answered. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing,” she said. Her voice was weak. “No plans yet.”
“Let’s go out,” I said. “I’m going stir crazy being locked up in my apartment like this.”
Tara laughed, and I felt my chest swell. “Stephanie’s bar?” she asked. “Eight o’clock.”
“Sounds great,” I said. “You drive.”
“No shit.” She laughed again, and the sound sent waves of desire shooting through my body. God, I wanted her.
That night couldn’t have arrived fast enough. When Tara finally pulled up outside my apartment, I was already waiting outside. She grinned when she saw me. I hurried toward her, using my crutches. I climbed into the passenger seat, and she leaned over to kiss me. The kiss lasted longer than I expected. She lingered on my lips, lighting tracing my tongue with hers. It was a kiss of longing, full of undefined emotion.
When we pulled apart, I felt my cock grow in my pants. I was excited to spend the evening out, but I would have been just as happy to stay in and explore Tara’s sexy body some more.
“Maybe we should skip going out,” I began, but Tara shot me a look.
“Behave,” she said.
“Fuck that,” I said. “Misbehaving is so much more fun.”
She laughed, and I grinned at the sound. Her laugh was beautiful and sexy at the same time. It brought a smile to my face and made my cock twitch with desire.
We drove into downtown and parked down the street from Stephanie’s bar. Tara led the way. We stepped inside, and Stephanie squealed. She ran around the bar to embrace Tara. When she turned to me, she looked me up and down with a stern look on her face.
“You,” she said.
“Nice to see you too, Stephanie,” she said.
“I still don’t like you, and I’m not sure I trust you,” Stephanie said. “But if you’re drinking, I’m pouring.”
“Bourbon,” I said.
“Red wine,” Tara said.
Stephanie nodded and went back around the bar. She poured our drinks and slid them over to us. I paid, and Tara led the way to a booth in the back corner. It was far enough removed from everything that we could talk. I was glad, still determined to find out what was going with Tara.
“She still wants me,” I joked, jerking my head toward Stephanie.
“She would kill you if she could get away it,” Tara said without hesitation.
I laughed, and Tara joined in, but she quickly fell silent. I tried to pull her into conversation a few more times, but her attention never stayed on me for long. She was trying, I could tell, but something was still weighing on her mind. No matter how much I tried to make her happy, she stayed standoffish and distant.
She smiled and laughed, but it never reached her eyes. She let me hold her hand and even kiss her a few times, but she never initiated anything. By the time the evening was over, I was incredibly worried. Whatever was keeping her from enjoying herself must be fucking terrible. She could barely meet my eyes, and when she did, her own were glazed over.
We said goodbye to Stephanie and got in Tara’s car. She was silent the entire drive back to my apartment. She parked and turned to face me, an apologetic look on her face.
“I think I should head home,” she said.
“No,” I said firmly.
“No?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Not until you tell me what the hell is going on,” I said. “Come on, Tara, this is getting ridiculous. Just talk to me.”
She sighed and shook her head. I could tell she wanted to let me in, but she didn’t know how. When she locked eyes with me, a sense of dread filled my stomach. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the truth.
“Listen,” she said. “Things are insane right now. My clinical rotation is kicking my ass. I just had a patient lose his leg after months of PT. I was so hopeful for his recovery, and then, he just deteriorated. Everything went to shit. I’m stressed out, Caleb. I’m stressed as hell, and it’s killing me.”
“That’s it?” I asked. “It’s just stress?”
“I haven’t been feeling well,” she said slowly.
“From the stress?” I asked.
Her eyes found mine, and she paused. I could see the wheels turning in her mind.
“Yeah,” she said with a small smile. “It’s just the stress.”
“In that case,” I said, grinning. “I know the perfect way to relieve that?”
“Oh yeah?” she asked playfully. “How’s that?”
“Come inside,” I said. “I’ll show you.”
Tara grinned even wider and let me lead her inside. I was still on my crutches, but I barely needed them. When we stepped through the front door, I threw them to the ground and turned to grab Tara around the waist. We kissed long and slow. I could feel the tension in her body melt away.
When I slid down to my knees, reaching under her dress to remove her panties, she gasped and moaned. I stayed down there with my lips pressed against her pussy while she writhed against my living room wall. I licked her clit relentlessly, reveling in the sound of her moans and lapping up her sweet taste.
If nothing else, I knew this would ease her stress. I shoved two fingers deep inside her pussy, rocking them back and forth while I continued to suck on her clit. She came hard, slamming her head against the wall and screaming out my name.
I slowly got to my feet while she reached out to me. We kissed frantically, both desperate to get to the bedroom. I fucked her slowly that night, taking my time to make sure she enjoyed herself. I wanted to watch all her stress melt away. I wanted her to be so full of pleasure that she didn’t have room for anything else. I wanted to know that, wh
en I was done with her, she was satisfied and exhausted.
My hips rocked against hers in a slow rhythm while I kissed her lips. She’d come once already and was shaking beneath me. I pulled away just enough to stare into her eyes. They were wide pleasure while I took her gently. My thrusts were deep, slow, and meaningful. She stared at me while another orgasm rocked through her body. Her pussy clenched around mine, and I couldn’t hold myself back for another second.
I shot forward and buried myself in her. She cried out and moaned, panting and clinging to me. I watched her fall asleep that night, a peaceful expression finally on her face. For the first time in days, she seemed like Tara again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN - TARA
My alarm went off early the next morning. I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in the pillow. Caleb stirred beside me but didn’t wake until I clicked the side of my phone, stopping the alarm and leaving us in the middle of an early morning silence.
I sighed and rolled onto my back. I looked over at Caleb who was groaning. He shifted uncomfortably and rubbed his face. His eyes flickered open and found mine, overwhelming me with their green depths.
I grinned as he slowly adjusted to consciousness. He smiled back and leaned forward to kiss me.
“Good morning,” he said when we pulled apart.
“Good morning,” I said. “I’m sorry my alarm woke you.”
“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “Had to wake up sometime. Are you working this morning?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I have a session in an hour.”
“Fuck that,” Caleb said, laughing. “Blow it off.”
“I can’t blow it off,” I said. I rolled my eyes and pushed myself out of bed. “Imagine if I did that to you, for your session tonight.”
“I don’t have to imagine,” he said, his voice dripping with a cocky confidence. “You’d never blow me off.”
