by Rye Hart
My stomach was tied in knots all night after I saw Caleb. He wanted me to stay the night but I wasn’t ready. Telling him about my illness was a huge step. My instincts were still screaming at me that Caleb was lying about his medicine. Too much was going through my head for me to stay the night with him.
Instead, I went home and tried to sleep. It wasn’t easy. My night was filled with fitful dreams and uncertainties. I woke up every hour, sweaty and crying. I was terrified that if I didn’t sleep, another headache would arise, but the next morning came without any pain. I stayed in bed for a couple hours, just staring out the window and trying to make sense of my life.
Being sick wasn’t something I ever thought about. I was young, not even twenty-eight yet. It wasn’t right that I would develop some rare form of cancer. Yet, here I was.
Not for the first time, I wished I had patients to take my mind off things. It was my day off, and I knew I didn’t want to spend it in bed. Instead, I got dressed and drove into town. I walked around, sipping an iced coffee and staring into shop windows. The weather was nice, and the stores were full, but nothing was powerful enough to take my mind off things.
I spent the rest of the day hiding out at home, watching movies and avoiding my phone. By the time night fell, I was going crazy. I needed to get out of my apartment and not to walk aimlessly through town.
I jumped in my car and drove to the first place that came to mind: Stephanie’s bar. She was working tonight, but it was the middle of the week, so I knew the place wouldn’t be busy. She would have plenty of time to talk, which was exactly what I needed.
“Hey!” Stephanie said when I walked up to the bar. “What are you doing here?”
“Drinking,” I said and tilted my head. “You pouring?”
“You know it.” She grinned and poured me a shot of whiskey.
She slid it over to me, and I drank it down in one gulp. Her mouth twitched when I silently asked for another. She filled my glass without a word, watching me closely as I sipped it slowly.
“Fuck this week,” I said softly.
“What’s up?” Stephanie asked with a frown.
I sighed and shook my head. I still wasn’t ready to tell her about my diagnosis. My father didn’t know yet, and Stephanie was emotional. She would freak out, and I couldn’t deal with that right now.
Instead, I decided to tell her about Caleb.
“I love him,” I said. “I can’t deny that anymore. I love him so damn much, but he keeps losing his pain pills.”
“Losing them?” Stephanie asked, her eyebrows raised.
“So he says.” I rolled my eyes.
“You don’t believe him?”
“Would you?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Stephanie sighed and leaned against the bar. “I don’t know him like you do.”
“That’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t want to believe he would use, but he does have a past. He did drugs when we were teenagers, remember? That was a huge part of why he went to military school. I thought he put all that shit behind him but maybe not.”
“What did he say about it exactly?” Stephanie asked.
“That he wasn’t abusing his prescription,” I said. “He said he lost the bottles. I pushed him, and he flipped out. He got pissed and tore into me. We didn’t talk for a few days after that, and when I saw him again, he claimed he hadn’t taken anything but Tylenol in three days.”
“It is possible that he lost them,” Stephanie said with a shrug. “It happens.”
“Not often,” I said. I finished my glass of whiskey and shook my head. More than anything, I wanted to believe Caleb. Doubting him only made me feel worse and yet, I couldn’t help it.
“You need to talk to him again,” Stephanie said. “Calmly this time. Don’t accuse him. Don’t fight. Just let him explain what happened.”
“Do you think that will do any good?” I asked, slightly surprised that she was being supportive.
“Well, you’re about to find out,” Stephanie said, looking behind me.
I frowned and spun around on the barstool. Caleb was walking toward me with a determined expression. My stomach flipped at the sight of him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Looking for you,” he said. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”
“You have?” I frowned and looked down at my phone. I’d been so distracted by my own issues that I hadn’t bothered to check my phone. Sure enough, I had four missed calls. “Sorry about that. I’ve just been out of it today. What’s up?”
“Well,” he said, glancing nervously at Stephanie. She got the hint and turned around, walking quickly to the other end of the bar. “I was worried about you. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” I said. “Really. I feel fine today.”
“Good.” Caleb sighed, clearly relieved. “I also wanted to tell you that I found out what happened to my pills.”
“You did?”
“My mom threw them away,” he said. “She was at my place cleaning, and she didn’t realize what they were, so she tossed them.”
“How did she not know what they were?” I asked suspiciously.
“I put them in my old matchbox container so I wouldn’t lose them again,” he said. “She thought it was junk.”
I stared into his eyes while he spoke and I believed him. It hit me suddenly, but once it did, I couldn’t believe I’d ever doubted him. Of course he was telling the truth. Of course he just lost them. Caleb wasn’t the same messed up kid he used to be. He was a man now. A gorgeous, sexy, intelligent man who I could trust.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” I said.
“With everything you have going on, it’s understandable.”
He smiled, and I felt all the tension leave my shoulders. My stomach tightened, and my body leaned into his. We kissed, and it sent desire shooting through my body. I moaned against his lips.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
I waved goodbye to Stephanie and let Caleb lead me outside.
***
Caleb was gentle with me that night. It was almost like he was afraid to hurt me. He kissed me softly, barely pressing his lips against mine. When he took off my clothes, his fingers were light against my skin. They sent chills down my spine, but I wanted more. I wanted the same rough desperation we’d shared before.
“Stop it,” I said as he slowly kissed my breasts, lightly tracing my nipples with his tongue.
“What?” he asked.
“You don’t have to be careful with me,” I said. “I won’t break.”
“It’s hard to admit, but I’m scared,” he said. He sighed and sat up, his eyes meeting mine.
“You won’t hurt me,” I said. “And right now all I want is to be distracted.”
Caleb kissed my lips, and this time, he kissed me roughly. I tangled my fingers in his hair and held him there, our tongues lashing against each other. My juices flowed between my legs as he rubbed his hips against mine. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him close, shoving my wet pussy against his cock.
He groaned and sat up, rolling me onto my side and lying down behind me. His hands roamed freely over my body while he positioned himself at my entrance. He lifted my top leg and threw it over him. In one motion, he was inside of me.
“God,” I muttered. “I needed this.”
“Me too,” Caleb grunted and thrust his hips harder.
I craned my neck around to kiss him while he gripped my tits in his hand. He squeezed and thrust inside of me, rotating his hips just right to hit the perfect spot. His fingers slid down my stomach to my clit.
“Oh my God,” I breathed as he slowly circled my clit.
“You feel incredible,” he said. His voice was rough, deeper than I’d ever heard it.
I pushed my ass back against him while he took me hard and slow. He wasn’t in a rush. I could tell from the way he moved that he was still afraid to hurt me, but his thrusts were deep and insis
tent. They sent waves of pleasure washing over my body and soon, I was bordering on the edge of an amazing orgasm.
“I’m so close,” I said. “Don’t stop.”
“Never.”
Caleb pushed himself harder inside of me, his fingers speeding up over my clit. I moaned and gasped, feeling every inch of him. I reached up to wrap my arm around his neck while he kissed my shoulder.
Our bodies melted together. I came slowly, the orgasm building more and more with each thrust. Caleb groaned when he felt my pussy tighten around him, and he moved even slower, dragging out my pleasure until I couldn’t breathe.
His own release came soon after, leaving him panting and sweaty. We stayed frozen in that position, neither of us ready to move.
When we finally did, Caleb didn’t let me go far. He rolled onto his back and held me against his chest, placing gentle kisses along my hairline.
“We’re going to get through this,” he said softly. “You’re going to get better.”
His confidence was enough to keep me happy through the night, but deep down, I was scared he was wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - CALEB
My next PT session felt more like a workout than physical therapy. Tara ran me through the usual paces: stretches, walking, and weights. She pushed me harder this time, making me extend my leg further and lift heavier weights. I loved it. For the first time since the fire, I felt like myself again. I felt strong.
“I think you’ll be done soon,” Tara said. “Dr. McGee and I have been talking. We’re in agreement that your progress is amazing.”
“I’m kicking ass,” I said, grinning.
“You’re doing well,” she said firmly.
“Just say it.” I teased. “Just once.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “You’re kicking ass.”
“That’s right!” I cheered. “God, it feels so fucking good to walk without those damn crutches. I can’t even tell you how much I hated them.”
“I know.” Tara laughed. “You never shut up about it.”
I walked over to my usual chair and sat down. As I toweled off my face, Tara stood beside me and looked around the room. Her next patient would be there soon, and I knew she didn’t want anyone to see us together. But as I stared at her body, I couldn’t control myself.
“Come here,” I said, my voice low and husky. I pulled her into my lap and claimed her lips for a kiss. She pulled away quickly, her eyes darting from side to side. “No one’s here. Relax.”
“This is my job,” she said. “I can’t do this here.”
“Shut up,” I said firmly. “Stop thinking so damn much.”
“So you want me to be stupid?” Tara asked, her eyebrows raised.
“You couldn’t be stupid if you tried,” I said, laughing. “I want you to relax. For five minutes.”
She sighed and stared at me. I could see how much she wanted to give in. Her body was wrapped around mine, and she showed no signs of moving. We kissed again, and this time, it was enough to make my dick twitch in my pants. Tara felt me get hard beneath her. She pulled away with a grin.
“That’s my cue.” She stood up and walked away from me.
“Fucking tease,” I said playfully.
She laughed and waved me away. I grabbed my stuff and followed her to her desk. The best part of having Saturday sessions was that Tara was the only PT in the building. The worse part was that she always jammed her schedule. She had back to back sessions all day, leaving us no time to be together.
I hated it but more than anything, I was worried she would push herself too hard. This cancer wasn’t something to take lightly. I saw the effects on her face every day. When a headache caught her by surprise, the pain was evident. She winced and her eyes glazed over. She couldn’t focus on anything. She could barely speak.
Every time I looked at her, I searched her face for a sign that she was in pain. Nothing she said could calm my nerves.
“Have you told your dad?” I asked as she sat down behind her desk.
She jerked her head up. Our eyes met, and she shook her head, quickly looking away again.
“Tara,” I said. “You can’t keep putting this off. He needs to know.”
“Why?” she asked. “The doctors haven’t even planned out my treatment yet. They have an idea. Chemo. Radiation. Possibly surgery. But they don’t know anything. I have to go in for more tests, and then I’ll tell him.”
“You will?” I asked. I knew she was lying.
“I’ll tell him when it’s time,” she said evasively.
“And when will that be?” I demanded.
“Caleb, back off.” Her eyes were narrowed and her voice was sharp.
“No,” I said firmly. “Look, you know I’m not your father’s biggest fan. Truth is, I can’t stand the asshole.”
“Caleb.”
“But,” I said loudly, “he’s your dad, Tara. He loves you, and he deserves to know the truth, okay? You can’t hide from this forever.”
Tara glared at me, but I didn’t back down. I was right, and she knew it. Darren was a doctor, for fuck’s sake. If any parent deserved to know their child had cancer, it was him.
“It’s not that easy,” Tara said. “What do I say? ‘Hey dad, I’m dying. Talk to you later.’ Not exactly something you can put on a Christmas card.”
“You tell him the truth,” I said.
“I know this isn’t fair to you,” Tara said. “You’re the only one who knows and that puts pressure on you.”
“You think that’s what this is about?” I asked, taking a step back.
“Well, yeah.”
“No.” I laughed. “God, Tara, I don’t give a shit about that. I just want to help you, and I think your dad might be able to do that. You need people around you. More people than just me. You need Darren and my mom. You need Stephanie and your other friends. This fight isn’t going to be easy. You’ll need support.”
“Why?” Tara snapped. “So everyone can watch me die?”
Her words cut through my chest like a knife. I took another step back and shook my head slowly. How could she even say that?
“That’s not funny,” I said darkly.
“You’re right,” she said. “It’s not funny, and that’s why I haven’t said anything. All this will do is make everyone sad. I don’t want that.”
“What about what you need?” I asked.
“What I need,” she said, taking a deep breath, “is for you to let this go. Let it go and let me get back to work. I have another patient coming in any minute.”
She turned away from me without another word. I stared at the back of her head, watching her while she bent over her desk and shuffled some papers. Her shoulders were tight, and her entire body was trembling. No matter what she said, she needed people around her. She was scared. She was sick. This wasn’t something she could face alone.
I opened my mouth to argue again but the sound of an opening door distracted me. I turned my head to see my mom walking toward us. She was there to drive me home. She smiled and waved as she moved closer to us. When she saw the look on my face, she slowed down. The smile disappeared, and she looked from Tara to me nervously.
“Everything okay?” Mom asked.
“Hey Cathy,” Tara said. She plastered a fake smile on her face.
“Hi honey,” Mom said. She smiled back, but she looked worried.
“Caleb and I were just finishing up,” Tara said. “He’s good to go.”
“Tara,” I said softly. She shot me a warning look, but I ignored it. “You need to tell someone.”
“Not now,” Tara hissed, staring at me with a mixture of panic and rage.
Mom looked from Tara’s face to mine. She stared at us nervously until she couldn’t take the standoff any longer.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Ask Tara,” I said.
“Why are you doing this?” Tara demanded.
“Because it’s time,” I said firmly. “
You can be mad at me, you can even hate me, I don’t care. You still need to tell someone.”
Tara didn’t say a word. She just glared at me while my mom continued to look back and forth between us.
“Tara,” she said softly. “Tara honey, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
At the sound of her voice, Tara deflated. She turned away from me and locked eyes with my mom. I watched as her resolve weakened. I had her backed into a corner, and she knew it. She didn’t have a choice anymore.
“Cathy,” she said. “A couple weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer.”
“Oh my God,” Mom breathed.
“Let her finish, Mom,” I said.
“I was having headaches,” Tara said. “They were getting worse, so Dad insisted I go see someone. I went in for some tests, and that’s when they found it.”
“Does your father know?” Mom asked.
“No,” Tara said. “I haven’t told him, and I don’t want to. Not yet.”
“What?” Mom blinked. “Why?”
“Cathy, he isn’t even speaking to me right now,” Tara said, her voice weak. “How the hell am I supposed to tell him something like this?”
“I know he’s upset with you,” Mom said. “And I’m sure you aren’t too happy with him, but he loves you. Honey, he loves you more than anything. You have to know that.”
“What if he won’t even listen?” Tara asked. “What if I try to talk to him, and he turns away.”
“He won’t,” Mom said firmly. “He’ll listen. If you make him, he’ll listen.”
Tara sighed and shook her head. She fell into her chair and sat there for a few minutes, not speaking. I looked at my mom who was staring at Tara with fear in her eyes. I didn’t realize how hard the news would be on my mother until I saw her face. She was scared to death.
In a way, I was glad. Now, I wasn’t alone with the news. Tara’s illness was something we could all face together. My mom knew, and once Darren found out, we could get her the help she needed. We could stand by her and support her through all of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - TARA
