by Rye Hart
When at last, both of our orgasms had subsided, Carter held me there against the wall, our bodies motionless as we struggled to find our breath. I felt high, as if I was floating on air, so when Carter set me back down on my feet, I almost crumpled to the floor.
He caught me before I fell, and he held me against him, my head resting on his chest as he stroked my hair. After a few moments of silence, he whispered into my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine.
“God help me,” he said softly. “But Vanessa, when I'm with you, I feel like I want to be a better man. You make me want to be a better man.”
I looked up to see if he was serious, and when I looked into his eyes, I saw that he was.
“Then why don't you be one? For me?” I asked him.
He kissed the tip of my nose before continuing. “Because you've said it time and time again, I can't have you,” he said. “And if I can't have you, I feel empty. Like I have nothing else in the world, so might as well get wasted and fuck things up. You're like the counterbalance to all of my negative, self-destructive impulses. You hold off the darkness that's inside of me.”
“So you're saying you're only like this because you can't have me?”
He shrugged. “No, not completely,” he said, not meeting my eyes. “I'm always going to be a troublemaker. That's just who I am. Who I've always been. You know that. You've always known that,” he said. “But the drinking, the drugs, the bimbos – honestly, all of that is me trying to get over you.”
“We were never really in a relationship, Carter,” I said, pushing a strand of his long hair from his face. “I don't get it. As far as I knew, I was just one of many women who shared your bed.”
“You're not like any of them. Never have been. You're special to me, Vanessa. You've always been special to me, and you don't even realize it,” he said. “What we have is amazing. You and I fit together like we were made for each other. When I'm with you, it's like pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. Don't you agree? Don't you feel that way?”
I couldn't deny that what he said was true. Because it was. It was a truth I'd long denied to myself but standing there, our bodies pressed together, the feel of his seed still warm inside of me, I couldn't continue denying it.
“Yes,” I choked out. “It is. And I do.”
“So why don't we just say fuck it all and admit that we have feelings for one another?” he asked. “Why can’t we just be together, and just live our lives the way we want for a change? We're grown adults. We can do that, can't we?”
His words sent a lance fear shooting through my heart. Yes, I wanted that. I wanted it more than anything. But there was no way my father would ever allow it. And part of me feared that Carter couldn't keep the drinking and drugs under control if we couldn't be together. Hell, there was a small part of me that feared he couldn't keep them under control even if we could.
“What do you say, Vanessa? You and me? Let's make a go of it for real this time,” he said.
I so badly wanted to say yes, to believe that he could be a better man for me. But I wasn't sure it was that easy. I wasn't sure he could just flip a switch and be the man I wanted him to be; the man he thought he could be.
“Carter, I need to think about all this before I say anything,” I said softly. “My emotions are running high right now, my head is all over the place and I just need to think.”
Carter looked a bit disheartened, but he nodded. “I understand. And I need to prove it to you too, I guess,” he said. “I need to show you that I mean what I'm saying. That I can be a better man.”
“That wouldn't hurt either,” I said with a soft smile.
CHAPTER EIGHT - CARTER
Vanessa needed proof that I could change. And with her father's campaign fundraising gala scheduled at the mansion, I knew I had the perfect opportunity to prove it to her. I dressed in a suit and tie and even got a haircut. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol since the night at the club.
After we'd gone separate ways that evening, I was determined to become a man Vanessa could see herself with. A man she could be proud of. And deep down, maybe there was even a bit of desire in me to be the type of man I could be proud of.
When I got over to my parent's house, I saw Vanessa first. She was dressed in an extravagant emerald green gown that complemented her beauty and accentuated her gorgeous curves. I stared at her for a long time, trying to get myself under control. My heart was beating a staccato rhythm in my chest and my hands were trembling. It took a little while before I worked up the courage to walk up to her.
I sucked in a breath as my eyes traveled up and down her body – she was absolutely stunning. The floor-length gown was form fitting, not hiding that hot little body underneath it, and the neckline showed off just enough cleavage to be a tease. She caught me staring and smiled at me, her cheeks flaring with color, then turned away when Dylan Montgomery, one of the political strategists, stepped up to talk to her.
Dylan looked my stepsister up and down, and I could tell he was admiring her. Being a bit older than Vanessa, I didn't think I had to worry too much about him. But as I walked over to them and the closer I got, the more I feared perhaps I wasn't welcome there after all. My stepdad saw me and did a double take, his face darkening, before he seemed to get himself back under control as he walked over to me.
“My, don't you look nice, Carter,” he said, holding a glass of champagne. “I wasn't sure if you would be joining us tonight.”
“Yeah, I decided that I should probably make an appearance, and maybe do some good for a change,” I said.
Mitch said nothing. He simply looked at me as he sipped his glass of champagne, his eyes seeming to dissect me, take my measure, and weighing me, and the expression on his face very clearly saying that he'd found me wanting. As much as I despised my stepfather, I knew I had to play nice. I had to play my role and not be such a contrary asshole to him. Especially if I ever wanted a shot at dating Vanessa.
“I was actually just going over to talk to Vanessa,” I said.
“Oh yeah?” Mitch turned and looked at his daughter with a smile. “If you don't mind, let those two talk for a bit. Dylan has expressed an interest in her and I want to let that play out. Let them get to know each other a bit better. I think they'd be a good match. Don't you think they'd make a powerful couple in this brave new political world?”
I clenched my fists at my side and tried to control myself. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, silently, gaining control of my tongue and the sarcastic answers that wanted to come flying out.
“I suppose so,” I said evenly. “But, don't you think he's a bit too old?”
“Nonsense,” Mitch laughed, patting me on the back. “Age is nothing when you're as powerful and well connected as Dylan is. I think they can both do a lot for one another's political careers.”
And that was Mitch in a nutshell – feelings and things like love were afterthoughts. For him, the best pairings were those who could further each other's careers. He hadn't married my mom for love – I knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt. He'd married her because they were mutually beneficial to each other. They'd helped further each other's ambitions. And now, he was trying to get Vanessa to think about love and relationships along the same lines as he did. And it pissed me off.
I looked over at them and noticed Vanessa was smiling and laughing, seeming like she was enjoying herself, and Dylan's company. Maybe a bit too much for my liking. I watched as she touched his shoulder, sharing a joke with him as she sipped from her glass of champagne. Dylan looked at her like a power-hungry wolf ready to pounce.
“I'm going to find my mom,” I said, walking toward Vanessa and Dylan instead.
“She's in the library, Carter,” Mitch called out after me, but I wasn't listening.
I walked up behind Vanessa, and sneakily grabbed her tight little ass. She squealed and turned around, almost like she wanted to slap someone, but when she saw me, her eyes softened and she smiled, shaking h
er head at me.
“Carter, what – wow, you look good. Really good,” she said. She ran a hand down my shirt, pretending to straighten my tie, but I could tell she was feeling me up. “Umm, you've met Dylan Montgomery before, haven't you?”
“I have,” I said, reaching out to shake the other man's hand. “But I'm not sure if he'd remember me.”
“How could anyone forget you?” Dylan said, gripping my hand tightly, an inscrutable expression on his face. “You're quite memorable.”
“Memorable? And what's that supposed to mean?” I asked, still feigning a smile.
“No offense intended, I just meant, well, you're always the life of any party,” he said, smiling wide. “It would be difficult, if not impossible, to forget someone like you.”
Dylan's smarmy grin made me irrationally angry and I had to bite back the urge to punch him. I knew he'd meant to insult me. But for Vanessa's sake, I let it slide. I needed to prove to her that I could keep it together, that I could rise above and be a bigger man who didn't get upset about petty insults and petty men.
Dylan was a nice-looking man, I couldn't deny it, even if he was at least ten years her senior. With graying hair and a fit body, he certainly had a distinguished, elder statesman look to him. I had no doubt women found him attractive. My only question was, did Vanessa? Was she being taken in by his charm? And did she realize that to him, she was simply part of a political calculus designed to further his own agenda and ambitions?
“Can I speak with you for a moment, Vanessa? In private?” I asked, still smiling pleasantly.
I wanted to do anything I could to get her away from Dylan, to show her why she'd want to be mine instead of his.
“Uhh sure,” she said.
She excused herself from Dylan before the two of us slipped away to her father's office
“What did you want to – ” she started to ask.
I cut her off by quickly closing the distance between us and pressed my lips to hers. I actually was trying hard, but Vanessa's siren song was so strong and so powerful, that I was absolutely failing to keep myself completely in check. I did, after all, warn her that I would always be a bit of a troublemaker. It was in my damn DNA.
She kissed me back as I pushed her down onto her father's desk. She pulled her gown up and wrapped legs around me. As she ground herself against me, a flirtatious little smile on her lips, I felt my cock growing hard against my dress pants.
“Did you really think I wanted to talk? Especially after seeing you looking like that?” I muttered, nibbling her neck. “You're absolutely fucking stunning, Vanessa. I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“Mmm, call me naive, but yes, I actually did think you wanted to talk,” she said with a laugh. “Because we shouldn't be doing this, Carter. Not here. Not now.”
“And why not?” I asked. “Don't you think it's hot?”
“Well – maybe a little,” she chuckled, reaching down and stroking my cock through my pants. “But I need to get back out there soon. I'm scheduled to make a speech on my dad's behalf – ”
My tongue was in her mouth, literally stopping her mid-sentence. Nothing in this world mattered more than her in my mind. And perhaps that was my biggest weakness. My biggest blind spot. And maybe it was naïve of me, but I figured that maybe, just possibly, she felt the same way about me.
“Carter, please – ” she said, still smiling and laughing. “Can we do this later? You know I love being with you, but I really need to – ”
The door knob to the office turned, and both of us froze, my heart pounding, a shot of adrenaline shooting straight into my heart. We turned and watched as the door started to open. It was like slow motion as Vanessa pushed me off of her and climbed down off the desk.
We both watched in horror as a man I didn’t recognize stepped inside, seeing us in an obviously compromising position that turned him bright red.
“I'm sorry, for some reason I thought this was the bathroom,” the man said.
“It's two more doors down, Mr. Gomez,” Vanessa said with a friendly smile. “Do you need me to show you?”
“No, I think I can find it,” he said, waving her off. “But thank you, Vanessa. You really look lovely by the way.”
“Doesn't she?” I added.
The older man shut the door behind him, and I quickly moved back toward Vanessa. But this time, she was ready for my advance and pushed me away a little harder, a little firmer, and with a little more force.
“I said stop, Carter,” she said, her voice rising. “We were almost caught just now. Do you know what would happen if we got caught fooling around in here?”
“By who? By that old man?” I laughed. “Like he'd remember it even if he came in and found us straight up fucking. Vanessa, he couldn't even find the restroom.”
“That's Jorge Gomez, one of our special guests for tonight's fundraising event,” she snapped. “Or do you actually even know what tonight is all about?”
Her voice stung as she yelled at me. But her words didn't hurt me nearly as much as the look on her face.
“Vanessa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult anyone,” I said. “I'm just not as into all this as you are.”
“Obviously,” she said. “Because if you knew or cared about anything other than yourself, you'd know how important tonight's event is for me. Yet you come in here, treating our home like some sort of sleazy nightclub when we have some of the biggest names in politics in the other room. Do you know what this would do to my career if someone had seen us fooling around?”
She started to leave the room, but I grabbed her arm. She turned to me, a look of pure anger on her face, and in that moment, she reminded me of her father. She looked exactly like he did when he was pissed off. She'd always had a temper, and this wouldn't be the first time I was on the wrong side of things, but I'd hoped that I could at least apologize and try to make things right with her.
“Listen, I'm sorry. I'm trying here, Vanessa. Believe it or not, I really am,” I said. “I'm sorry.”
“Sorry isn't good enough, Carter,” she snapped.
“Wait a minute,” I said, getting angry now too. “You pulled me onto that desk, you wrapped your legs around me.”
“And it was a mistake. All of it was a mistake,” she said in return.
She pulled her arm free and left the office in a huff, slamming the door behind her as she left me alone with my thoughts, and a raging hard-on. Pulling myself together, I waited for my arousal to subside before I stepped back out into the throngs of people. I looked around and once again, found that Vanessa was out there , chatting it up with Dylan. He had his arm around her waist and pulled her in close, whispering something in her ear. Whatever it was that he'd said made Vanessa blush and giggle. She leaned in closer to him and said something only he could hear.
They were getting awfully cozy. As I stood there looking at her and all of the people around us, all of my own doubts and fears about myself came crashing down over me. How could I have ever thought that I'd be good enough for her? Especially when someone like Dylan was in the picture. Someone who not only had his shit together, but somebody who understood her ambitions in life. And somebody who had the connections to make things happen for her.
Fuck, I was such an idiot to think I ever stood a chance. Coming there and trying to prove myself to her had been a huge fucking mistake.
But it proved one thing. I was indeed the black sheep of this “family” and I would forever be on the outside looking in. I could never give Vanessa what she truly wanted. To keep trying to be a better person for her, to be somebody I wasn't, was simply an exercise in futility.
The realization was liberating.
I was free to be me.
CHAPTER NINE - VANESSA
“If you think your father is successful,” Dylan said, speaking low so as to not be overheard by any of my father's fans. “You're going to blow him out of the water, Vanessa.”
I blushed and leaned closer, “Thank you,
Mr. Montgomery. But I – ”
“Please, call me Dylan,” he said, his eyes twinkling as he spoke about my future career potential.
I'd never met anybody like him before. Oh sure, I'd been around plenty of political types, coming from this family, it was impossible to avoid. But I'd never met somebody whose sole job was to identify people they thought had talent and potential, and then groom them to be future politicians. And what blew me away even more was that he got so excited when it came to me talking about running for office in the future. His entire face lit up and he looked like he was barely containing his excitement.
“You're planning to run for Congress next term, correct?” he asked. “Take over your father's old seat in the House once he's in the Senate?”
“Well, I thought about it, briefly,” I said. “But I – ”
“No buts,” Dylan said. “We are going to make it happen. Vanessa, you are the future of not just this Congressional district, but this country. I can see your talent and ambition, and I'm not afraid to say that I already believe in you.”
I was dizzy with excitement and felt like I was walking on air. Yet, even with such high praise making my head buzz, I was distracted. I kept thinking about Carter and what I'd said to him. Sometimes, I could be too blunt and harsh for my own good; a not entirely wonderful trait I'd picked up from my father. And even though I knew that while he tried to hide it, Carter was sensitive. I knew that deep down, he felt inadequate and that one of his biggest fears was that he couldn't live up to the family's reputation.
And everything I'd said to him in my father's office only reinforced that notion in his head. I couldn't have felt like a bigger asshole if I'd tried. And knowing Carter like I did, even though he might not show it on the outside, I knew he was taking it hard.
I scanned the crowd, but saw no sign of him among the throngs of people. I was so distracted looking for him that I didn't even notice my father standing beside me until he tapped me on the shoulder.
