B*E*A*S*T* of Burden

by Rebecca Goings

  "Rogan. Rogan,” she panted against his lips.

  "What?"

  "I want ... I want..."

  "What, baby? Tell me."

  Reaching between them, Marlie grasped his hardened flesh, stroking gently. “This. I want this."

  Rogan's sharp intake of breath echoed throughout the small bathroom.

  "Shh,” she whispered, smiling at him.

  When he opened his eyes, they were golden flames flashing at her. A few days ago she would have been frightened to see his shifter side emerging, but now—tonight—it only excited her more. Rogan growled, pressing her against the wall. Luckily there was a metal hand-hold that she was able to rest her weight on.

  "Open your legs,” he commanded, his voice gritty and rough.

  Marlie obeyed without question. Stepping closer, Rogan grasped her hips and thrust forward, burying himself deeply within her. Marlie cried out when he pulled her head back by her hair and kissed her savagely. His thrusts were long and deep as he held on to her thighs to steady her. Marlie couldn't help the short little cries that escaped her each time he was fully sheathed, but he felt so damn good inside of her that she strained against him for the release she knew would come.

  His hand was still tangled painfully in her hair and his tongue possessed her mouth with force, but she didn't care. She matched his ardor, grabbing her own handfuls of his hair and holding on tightly. When Rogan finally came, he made a sound much like a howl. Marlie didn't think long on it as he thrust sharply forward in his passion, bringing her to climax right along with him. Locking her legs behind him, she made sure he couldn't go anywhere as they leaned against the wall, panting at their exertion.

  "Christ, that was good,” he growled into her ear while he simultaneously thrust once more.

  More shudders ripped through Marlie's body, and she continued to clutch onto him. “You ... howled,” she said, running her fingers through his hair.

  He gave her a wicked grin and kissed the tip of her nose. “I know."

  "Probably woke the whole house,” she said, chuckling.

  "Mmm, I hope so."

  She gasped. “Why?"

  "Because I want all these shifters to know you're mine. And right now, they'll be able to smell it."

  Marlie gave him a quizzical stare.

  "Mating releases heavy, thick scents that are hard to miss, sweetheart. You'll smell like me for days."

  She blushed. “So they're all going to know that we..."

  "Yup.” He grinned from ear to ear, finally pulling away and allowing her to stand once more.

  Marlie's eyes went wide. “Well, you don't have to sound so damn smug,” she said, socking him in the shoulder.

  "Why the hell not?” he retorted. “I want them all to be jealous."

  "One thing hasn't changed about you,” she said, rolling her eyes.

  "Oh? And what's that?"

  "You're still a man."

  Rogan threw back his head and laughed.

  * * * *

  Once they'd showered and crawled into the second fold-out couch in the living room, Marlie snuggled close to Rogan in the darkness. She could hear Wade's deep, even breathing from the other side of the room and had to grin.

  "I'm not as tired as I thought I would be,” she said.

  "Me neither,” Rogan replied. “But we did get some rest from the Canadian border."

  "True. It'll be dawn in a couple of hours."

  "Mmm-hmm.” Rogan draped his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to his warmth.

  Marlie sighed and hugged him tightly. “I love you,” she whispered, feeling him squeeze her tighter. But he said nothing in reply.

  Marlie bit the inside of her lip. After all they'd shared, she felt closer to him than ever, yet he still hadn't admitted to being in love with her. He wanted her to wear her wedding ring and change her name to Wolfe, but did he love her? Were his feelings due to some primal, possessive need to make her his mate again simply because she had once been his wife? She decided just to ask him outright.

  "Rogan?"

  "Yeah?” He ran his hand up and down the skin of her arm.

  "Do you love me?"

  He drew in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before expelling it. “I ... I don't know."

  A sharp pain stabbed through Marlie's heart. “You don't know?"

  "Marlie, I have deep feelings for you. I know that much is true. I know I loved you long ago—I can feel it. And I remember the way you taste, every inch of you. I feel a closeness with you, Marlie, a deep bond. I want you with me, to be my mate. But ... but it might be a little soon for me to say I love you for sure. Before a few days ago, you were nothing to me but a shade of a memory."

  Tears filled her eyes and she tried hard not to sniffle, but she should have known Rogan could smell her change of mood.

  "Damn it, Marlie,” he said, turning her over to look down at her. “I didn't mean to make you cry."

  "I know,” she said, angrily wiping away the tears. “I had just hoped that you ... that...” With a sigh, Marlie rolled over, giving Rogan her back. “Just forget it. Let's get some sleep."

  "No. Now I want to talk about this."

  "Why? There's nothing to talk about."

  "Well, what about you?"

  Marlie rolled over to glare at him. “What about me?"

  "You say you love me, but do you really? Do you love me—Rogan Wolfe—or do you love the man you remember, Matthew Silver?"

  "I love you. And him. I love you both!"

  "Do you?"

  "You know that I do. How can you say that?"

  "Sweetheart, you told me that we've known each other for years. That you gave your heart and soul to me. But, Marlie, you didn't give those things to me. You gave them to him."

  "But you are him,” she cried, her tears falling into her hair.

  "Not anymore."

  She sniffled before she said, “Are you sure you want me to take Wolfe as my last name?"

  "Only if you're sure you love me, the man I am now and that I will be for the rest of my life. I'm never going to be the man you married."

  Marlie tried hard not to break down into sobs at the thought that Rogan didn't love her.

  "Then why are you so determined to claim me as your mate?” she asked. “Why do you want me so much if you don't love me, Rogan?"

  He sighed once more. “Because you are a beautiful, passionate woman, and you're the one thing I still have that B*E*A*S*T* couldn't take away from me. I don't ever want to lose that."

  Marlie was silent for a few moments before answering him.

  "Being your mate means nothing to me without your love,” she whispered, rolling over once more.

  "Marlie..."

  Rogan sighed in the darkness and touched her shoulder, making her flinch. But he didn't try to embrace her or pull her close or kiss her tears away. Instead, the springs of the mattress bounced as he rolled over as well, facing the other way. Marlie couldn't help her sniffles. She knew he could smell her sadness, but she didn't care.

  Apparently, he didn't care either.

  Twenty Six

  Marlie couldn't sleep, and the sky was lightening with the dawn before she finally heard Rogan's breathing even out in sleep. They'd shared some incredible sex not more than a few hours before, and here she was silently lamenting her decision to stay with her husband.

  Hearing him tell her he didn't love her had crushed her heart. What she'd told him back in Alaska was the truth—she loved him with everything inside of her. But his words had some truth to them as well. She couldn't believe that her husband wasn't dead and had come back to her. Accepting him for the shifter he was now seemed insignificant against the realization that he wasn't dead.

  But he didn't remember her. All the memories they'd made together were gone. Rogan couldn't remember their wedding day or the day he'd climbed over the fence to impress her as a teen. That knowledge alone was enough to make Marlie sick to her stomach. He was a different man
now.

  The problem was that she could remember. She knew every detail about him, about the man he used to be. But she had no idea who he was now. Was he right? Were her feelings for him merely an extension of her love for Matthew?

  Sniffling, Marlie knew it was true. But there was absolutely no way for her to separate him in her mind. Rogan was Matthew and Matthew was Rogan. She didn't care what he'd been turned into. The fates had returned him to her. Even if he was a changed man, she could no more fall out of love with him than she could sprout wings and fly.

  As soon as she had that thought, she chuckled to herself. Some of the shifters in B*E*A*S*T*'s repertoire could in fact do just that, including Rogan's good friend Justin, who'd died at the hands of Sean.

  With a sigh, Marlie rose from the pull-out bed and walked to the window, glancing over her shoulder at Rogan. He seemed so peaceful lying there. Perhaps she should give him his space. She'd admitted that she loved him, but she could barely remember a time in the past few days when she hadn't been cuddled up next to him. If he didn't love her, then the last thing he needed was to be smothered by her. She'd only push him further away.

  The Columbia River was calm as it rushed by the window. Marlie grabbed her shoes and slipped them on. Maybe sitting down by the water would clear her head.

  The rear door of the house opened and shut without a sound. Just as the sun peeked over the horizon, Marlie made her way down by the water, sitting on the shore with her knees to her chest. She absently twirled her wedding ring around her finger and wondered if she should truly wear it on her finger as Rogan had asked her to do. He'd all but admitted that he only wanted her as some kind of trophy, a part of his past that he could still vaguely remember. But she'd told him that her marriage vows stood in her eyes and nothing had changed in that regard.

  However, that didn't stop her thoughts from becoming toxic, wondering if her relationship with Rogan was ever going to turn into what it once had been. Could the same man fall in love with her twice?

  * * * *

  Rogan cracked open his eyes as the sun poured through the window, hitting him directly in the face. Rolling over, he noticed the other side of the bed was empty. Marlie was gone.

  "Shit,” he growled under his breath.

  Kicking off the covers, he bounded off the bed, following Marlie's scent until he came to the back door. He glanced out the window and saw her sitting by the water, her forehead resting on her knees. His heart wrenched inside of him.

  Had she even slept? He doubted it. He knew he'd broken her heart, and he dragged his fingers through his hair painfully. The urge to shift and kill something was strong, rippling through him like an itch he couldn't scratch. He wanted to howl out his frustration; he wanted to run to her and pull her into his arms, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple.

  He cared about her, that much was obvious. And he wanted her something fierce. But was that love? Could he honestly say with one hundred percent certainty that he loved her?

  "Whatcha doin'?"

  Wade's voice in his ear made Rogan jump. How the hell had he sneaked up behind him? Damn, I'm losing my mind, Rogan thought to himself.

  "Ooh, never mind,” Wade said. “I can see for myself. You two have a fight?"

  "Not ... exactly,” Rogan said.

  "You gonna tell me?"

  "It's none of your business, you know."

  "I'm going to find out one way or the other, you know,” Wade countered. “Might as well tell me and save me the trouble of beating it out of you."

  Rogan sighed, but he couldn't help the grin that tugged at his lips. Wade was nothing if he wasn't tenacious.

  "Marlie asked me if I loved her last night."

  Wade nodded nonchalantly until the words registered. Once they did, a look of horror came over his face. “What did you say?"

  "I told her I didn't know."

  "Oh, please tell me you didn't."

  "I did."

  "Oh, Wolfe. Why didn't you tell her what she wanted to hear?"

  "Because I'm not going to lie to my wife.” Rogan turned away to watch Marlie out the window once more.

  "Why not? Husbands have been doing it for years."

  "Not this one. She deserves to know the truth."

  Wade was silent for a few moments before he said, “So, traveling through two countries to find her, getting shot for her, dodging Sean and making love to her, not to mention demanding that she wear her wedding ring again—those are all signs of a man who doesn't love his wife?"

  Rogan exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. “I don't know. Christ, Wade. Quit with the third degree already!"

  Wade shrugged and moved to lean on the kitchen counter not more than a few feet away. “I'm just saying it sounds like you're trying to find a reason not to love her."

  "Why would I do that?” Rogan turned, pinning him with an angry glare.

  "Oh, I don't know. Just in case Sean succeeds in killing her, maybe? You won't have any love invested in her, so you'd be able to write her off."

  "You make it sound like I'm a heartless prick."

  "If the paw fits..."

  Rogan shook his head and growled low in his throat. “If you want to avoid a hole in your face, you'll drop this, Cougar. Right now."

  "No, I don't think I will.” Wade narrowed his eyes. “It's a hard truth, Wolfe, but you gotta face it before you push her away for good."

  Rogan's emotions roiled inside of him. Now more than ever he wanted to shift, if only to teach Wade to mind his own friggin’ business.

  "If anyone's love should be questioned,” Rogan said, “it should be hers."

  Wade rolled his eyes. “What the hell are you talking about?"

  "She told me she loves me, but how can she? She loves me because I used to be Matthew."

  "True, that's probably some of it, but give the woman some credit. She of all people knows the difference between you and the man you used to be. If she says she loves you as Rogan Wolfe, then you gotta trust that and be damned thankful that she didn't reject you for being a shifter."

  Pushing away from the counter, Wade stood right in front of Rogan and stared him down.

  "Don't you think for one minute that I wouldn't give everything I am to trade places with you, Wolfe. You and Noah both have something I could never dream of—a woman who loves you. A woman who doesn't care if you're a shifter, a woman who's not afraid of who you are. Sure, I pretend I don't care, I pretend it doesn't bother me, but you know what? It does. I wake up every morning wishing I had someone to tell me they loved me. If you let Marlie slip through your fingers, then I'm going to put a hole in your face. And that's a fact."

  He stormed past Rogan, swinging the back door open wide before slamming it behind him. Rogan watched as his friend marched down to the edge of the river and squatted in the dirt to talk to Marlie. A muscle ticked in Rogan's jaw as tears stung his eyes.

  "God damn it,” he whispered to himself.

  * * * *

  Marlie could hear the crunching of pebbles behind her, and she bit her lip. She wasn't going to turn around to face Rogan. She was going to keep her cool and stare out into the middle of the river.

  "Hey there, Marlie. What are you doing out here?"

  Relief flooded through her. It was Wade. Turning to him, she gave him a bright smile.

  "I just couldn't sleep. Thought maybe I'd get some rest out here. It's not as cold here as it was in Alaska."

  "You can say that again,” Wade said with a chuckle. “That's a big river."

  Marlie nodded. “This is the river Lewis and Clark paddled down two hundred years ago."

  "Oh, yeah?"

  "Yup. Saw a documentary about it. They were damned happy to finally see the ocean."

  "I bet."

  A few moments of silence permeated the air until Wade decided to speak up once more.

  "Rogan loves you, Marlie."

  Every muscle in her body tensed. “Did you hear us talking last night?"
r />   "No,” he confessed. “But Rogan's awake in there. Told me what happened."

  Marlie hung her head. “He might ... care for me, Wade, but it's not love. B*E*A*S*T* took that from him along with his memories."

  "I don't think so."

  Swallowing hard, Marlie brought her gaze up to meet his, trying hard to keep her tears at bay.

  "Before we found you,” Wade went on, “he was like a man possessed trying to get to you. The thought of you with another man made his skin crawl. You wouldn't believe how many times he growled at me for even suggesting that you might have moved on after his supposed death. I think his memories of you also include the feelings of Matthew Silver, but he's too damned scared to admit that to himself."

  "But why?"

  "Because of what he is now. He's a man who can shift into a wolf, and he's running from another man who can shift into a grizzly. I think that deep down he believes you'll eventually reject him for who he is. Opening himself up to you fully would leave himself vulnerable to even more pain, and the man has endured more than his fair share. But he does love you, Marlie."

  Tears fell down her cheeks as she pressed her forehead to her knees. “I wish I could believe that,” she said, her voice muffled.

  Wade rubbed her shoulder gently. “He'll tell you sooner or later. He's just stubborn as hell."

  "Yeah, that's my husband for you."

  Glancing at each other, they both chuckled.

  "You can say that again.” He grinned and looked back out over the river.

  Twenty Seven

  It didn't take long at all before the other shifters descended the stairs. Rogan surmised that they must have been awakened by Wade's violent exit. Rogan thought they seemed eager to meet him, the story of how he'd released the shifters at the B*E*A*S*T* compound evidently having already spread throughout the household. Soon, the aroma of bacon and eggs filled the air as the man named Jet started breakfast for everyone.

  "Rogan!"

  Turning to look behind him, Rogan saw Lanie running down the stairs toward him. He'd barely opened his arms before he was tackled by Noah's mate, squeezing the air out of him.