She swallowed as I squeezed her fingers. “Good.”
I couldn’t help the bitter undertone as I looked to her left and asked, “Who’s this?”
“This is Craig.”
He held out his hand. “Hey. Nice to meet you.”
I offered a single nod. “Hey.”
Nicole was the first to speak next. “It’s nice to see you again, Jade.”
Jade looked uncomfortable. “Same here.”
“Are you staying long?” I asked.
“Our mother’s condition took a turn for the worse. I couldn’t stay in New York any longer. I asked for a leave of absence.”
How come she didn’t tell me?
I wanted to ask her that so badly but couldn’t. Our eyes locked, and I knew she could sense my question, even though I hadn’t verbalized it.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Nicole said.
“I really wasn’t expecting to come home so soon, but I needed to be with her.”
Nicole leaned against me. “I totally understand that. You won’t regret that decision.”
Jade looked like she was about to tear up, and it was fucking breaking my heart. I wish I could have gotten her alone for just five minutes. More than that, I wish I knew who the fuck this ginger-haired guy was.
The mood was very somber during dinner. I knew Chelsea and Jade’s mother wasn’t doing well, but I guess I didn’t realize just how bad it was.
Jesus Christ, I had no appetite but forced the food down just to distract myself from looking at her. Her eyes were filled with sadness. Her flowery scent from across the table was driving me mad.
My chair skidded against the floor as I got up to head to the bathroom. I couldn’t help myself. I opened up Messenger and typed.
Tyler: Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?
I knew she might not have been able to answer me, but the question had been killing me. There was so much I needed to know, namely, whether she was dating Craig. I knew I had no right to be jealous, but damn it, I was. And that was really fucking eye opening.
When I returned to the table, she was staring straight into my eyes, and I knew that she’d read the message when she mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I mouthed back. I’d sincerely meant that. Making her feel guilty for not telling me she was coming was not my intention. She had way more important things going on and shouldn’t have had to feel like she owed me an explanation.
After she got up to go to the bathroom, I could feel my phone vibrate. I knew she’d sent me a message. My heart was once again palpitating. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead because being unable to read it was killing me. This was not a normal reaction to have to a message from your “friend.”
Even though my feelings had been developing over the past several weeks, it was only at this moment that I came to a realization. Emotional cheating felt even more destructive in some ways. The lack of physical contact meant there was no way to let everything out. It was all pent-up. It was like a constant, looming rainstorm that would never develop. Without the downpour, it was never able to pass. It was just always there, like an ever-present hint of thunder in the distance.
And I was waiting for lightning to strike.
JADE
I leaned against the bathroom sink and typed.
Jade: It was truly a sporadic decision. My friend, Craig, agreed to accompany me so I didn’t have to fly upset and alone. The understudy is gonna take my role indefinitely until I get back. I’m here for the long haul.
I didn’t think he’d be able to respond, so it shocked me when those little dots appeared about a minute later.
Tyler: I’ve been worried about you. I’m glad you’re home.
Jade: Me too. It was time.
Tyler: Who’s Craig?
Jade: I’ve known him for years. He’s like a brother to me. We’ve been in a few shows together, but I met him early on after moving to the city. He’s originally from Sacramento. He’s headed there tomorrow to visit family then flying back to New York in a few days.
Tyler: Where are you staying?
Jade: Here at Chelsea’s.
Tyler: Okay.
Jade: Where are you messaging me from right now?
Tyler: The kitchen.
Jade: You should go back to the table.
When I returned, I saw he’d done just that. Nicole was leaning her head against his shoulder. It killed me to see him with her, even though I had no right to feel that way. Tyler had no clue how strong my feelings for him had become. I didn’t tell him I was coming home for the sheer reason that I was hoping not to see him right away. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that on top of everything else. I guess I should have known better than to think I could hide from him when we were—in his words—practically family.
Now, having to sit across from them while she was leaning into him was a harsh reminder of what I’d been trying to avoid.
I made small talk with Nicole throughout dinner, which was extremely awkward for me. Thankfully, Craig saved the day when he began telling stories from the early days of our theater careers.
Tyler had snuck looks at me all night, and the tension in the air remained thick.
By the time he and Nicole finally left, I was emotionally spent.
My sister snuck up on me as I was pouring the last of the wine into my glass in the empty kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I took a sip.
“I can tell something is up with you.”
It was truly impossible to lie to Chelsea. She was my one confidante, and I could always tell her anything. But Tyler and I had promised each other we wouldn’t discuss the fact that we’d been communicating. Nevertheless, I could feel myself breaking down.
“Where is Damien?” I asked.
“He’s taking a quick shower.”
“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to tell him.”
“Why?”
“It involves Tyler.”
Over the next several minutes, I proceeded to tell her the entire story of how Tyler and I first started talking and how we’d grown closer, well, as close as two people could become being thousands of miles apart from each other.
Chelsea seemed upset with me. “I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just better if no one knows so they don’t misunderstand what’s going on.”
“Misunderstand? I’m pretty sure I understand exactly what’s going on.” She shook her head slowly. “Holy shit…you’re having an affair with Damien’s brother.”
Suddenly feeling flush, I shook my head. “It’s not an affair. It’s different.”
“It’s different, alright. It’s called an emotional affair, except have you also seen the way he looks at you?”
“He won’t leave Nicole. He won’t.”
“He told you that?”
“We’ve discussed the fact that the two of us could never actually date.”
“Why is that, exactly?”
“For one, he lives here. I live in New York. But more importantly, he’s like family, and it’s too risky to get involved with someone you’ll always have to see at family functions and so forth. But again…he has a girlfriend.”
She lowered her voice. “Well, between you and me, I don’t really see him ending up with her.”
Even though I was desperate for it, I wanted to the smash the false hope that was brewing inside of me. “Why do you say that?”
“It’s just a sense I get. She’s a little superficial and fake. As much as he likes to portray himself as the flashy actor type, I think, deep down, he’s more like Damien. He wants to settle down, have the type of connection their mother and father had. Their parents were deeply in love before their dad died, you know.”
“Are you forgetting that I’m not exactly wife material, Chels?”
“Says who? Your job is crazy, maybe, but you’re one of
the most loving, non-superficial people I know. Ironically, you’re the perfect woman because you look like the type of person whom someone wants to have an affair with, but you’re more the marrying kind at heart.”
“Thanks…I think? Are you saying I look like a slut?”
Chelsea laughed. “No, I’m saying that most men with a pulse can’t resist you. It’s something I’ve observed my entire life.”
“And that’s gotten me into a lot of trouble lately. I’m done getting involved—even accidentally—with people who are taken. And I most certainly am not going to end up getting hurt by someone who still has feelings for another person. I don’t want another Justin and Amelia situation. I won’t be able to survive it. She even looks like Amelia. It drives me nuts.”
Damien walked into the room. “Who’s Amelia?”
We both turned at the same time to find him looking at us suspiciously. His hair was wet from the shower.
“No one,” I quickly said.
“How was your shower?” Chelsea asked, trying to seem nonchalant.
“Well, I was nice and relaxed until I overheard my brother’s name.”
She tried to play dumb. “What do you mean?”
“Are you forgetting about my supersonic hearing?”
My sister sighed. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough to know that Tyler’s about to get his ass beat.”
Shit!
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I insisted.
“Yet,” Damien said.
“This is exactly why we never said anything about connecting online. We knew you’d misunderstand.”
“Oh, I understand perfectly clearly. My brother has wanted to fuck you from the moment he first saw you. End of story. And as much as I believe that the two of you may even be compatible, I just don’t trust his intentions right now.”
“This isn’t his fault. I was the one who contacted him. I…accidentally friended him on Facebook, and that’s sort of how this all started.”
Damien chuckled, “How do you accidentally friend someone?”
Chelsea placed her hand on Damien’s arm. “Okay, I think we’ve done enough prodding for one night. Jade and Tyler are adults. I think it’s best if we stay out of it.”
He must have realized how upset this conversation was making me, because his expression suddenly turned serious. “I didn’t mean to stress you out even more, Jade. It’s hard for me to not slip into the big brother role when it comes to Ty, and now when it comes to you. You’re both very important to me. In the end, it’s none of my fucking business, and as long as he doesn’t hurt you, he’ll keep his nuts.”
I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Thank you, Damien.”
Late that night, as I sat up in bed in the guest room, my Messenger notification chimed.
Tyler: Hey…you awake?
Jade: I am. Hi.
Tyler: Hi. :-)
When I didn’t write anything else, he typed again.
Tyler: I’m sorry if tonight was awkward.
Jade: Not at all.
Tyler: …she says with sarcasm.
I’d been pondering the situation all night. The words were in the pit of my stomach. I needed to let them out.
Jade: I think it’s best if we stop talking to each other. It just really hit me tonight that it’s wrong to be keeping things from the people we love. You love Nicole. You shouldn’t be talking to me every day if she doesn’t know about it. I haven’t been thinking straight lately and have been acting against my better judgment. So, again, I think it’s best if we stop our messaging.
There.
I said it.
Tears were pouring down my cheeks.
It wasn’t what I really wanted. I didn’t want to stop communicating with him. In fact, I felt like I needed him more than ever. But I knew this was the right thing to do. Tonight was proof that I was getting way too attached, and I needed to just rip the Band-Aid off.
It was taking him forever to respond.
Tyler: I don’t know what to say, except that it’s your decision. Just know that if you ever need to talk, I’m here.
TYLER
The rottweilers jumped all over me after I let myself in. Their barking echoed throughout the otherwise quiet space.
“Hey, Dudley. Down, boy. Hey, Drewfus. Okay…okay. I love you guys, too.”
As Chelsea approached carrying my nephew, Little D pointed his index finger at me. “Dick!”
I rustled his curly, blond hair. “That’s right. How’s it going, buddy?”
I’d decided to stop by Damien’s place since it was on my way home from rehearsal. I hadn’t been there since the night of the Jade encounter.
“Where’s Damien?”
Chelsea adjusted her grip on Damien Jr. “There’s a leak at one of the apartments. He went to go take a look at it.”
My brother owned the building where he and Chelsea lived. Occasionally, something would go wrong, and he’d always try his best to fix it himself before hiring outside help.
“I’m just going to put him down for his nap,” she said. “Be right back.”
As Chelsea walked my nephew to his bedroom, I took the opportunity to scope out the place. The room Jade would have been staying in was empty. She wasn’t home. My pulse slowed after realizing I wouldn’t be seeing her.
When my sister-in-law returned, I asked, “Where’s Jade?”
“She’s spent the last couple of days with my parents in Sausalito. Mom is doing worse, so it’s best that one of us is there.”
“I’m sorry, Chels.”
She nodded silently then asked, “Everything okay with you and Nicole?”
Chelsea was acting strange, and I was now certain she knew something.
I lifted my brow skeptically. “Any particular reason you just asked me that?”
“No.”
My sister-in-law was a horrible liar. It was one thing for Jade to keep things from her when they lived across the country from each other. But they were living together now. I was certain they had spoken about me.
“What exactly did Jade tell you, Chelsea?”
She blew out a breath in defeat. “Everything.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Really?” she asked incredulously.
After a long moment of silence, I said, “Well, there’s nothing going on anymore. We haven’t been in touch in weeks. That was what she wanted. But you probably already know that.”
“It’s not really what she wanted, but it’s the way she feels it has to be.”
The phone rang, interrupting our conversation. I could hear that Chelsea was talking to Jade.
“Jade…speak slower. I can’t understand you.” She blocked her ear with her finger to hear better. “I can’t come get you now. I just put Little D down for his nap, and Damien is fixing a broken pipe in the building.”
Suddenly, my heart started pumping.
I interrupted, “Does she need a ride?”
Chelsea covered the phone with her hand. “Yes. She’s at my parents’. She’s having a bit of a panic attack and was wondering if I could come get her. I think being there for two days straight has been a bit much for her. She doesn’t have a car yet. Damien had dropped her off.”
“Tell her I’m on my way. I’ll just need you to text me where to go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She resumed talking to her sister. “Tyler is going to come get you.” It was clear that Jade wasn’t too happy about that when Chelsea again had to insist, “Jade…I’m sending him to get you. He’s here anyway. He’s on his way.” She paused. “Okay, I’ll tell him.”
Chelsea ended the call, “She said to just beep the horn when you’re out front and she’ll come out. She doesn’t want my dad to ask questions. I’ll message you the address.”
“Okay.”
As strange as it was going to be to pick her up under these circumstances, I couldn’t help the feeling of excitement in
my stomach.
As I walked to my car, I remembered that I had something in my trunk that I’d bought to show Jade months back. My original intention was to take a picture of it and send it to her on Facebook. I never had the chance since she’d stopped communicating with me. But since I’d be seeing her today, I’d get to use it.
I wasn’t sure if anything could cheer her up under the circumstances, but I was damn well going to try.
JADE
The door to my mother’s room was closed. She was sleeping more and more lately as result of the morphine they’d been giving her to dull the pain.
The past two days had been a reality check. I felt even more guilty for all of the months I’d been away. But I needed a breather. It was too much to see her suffering like that.
My father came up from behind me as I stood wiping my tears by the window.
“I’m sorry, honey. I can only imagine how hard it is to see your mother like this. She’s always been our rock, hasn’t she?”
“I’m sorry I can’t be stronger for you, Dad.”
“Your leaving New York was a big sacrifice and showed tremendous strength. Just take care of yourself, pumpkin. That’s all you need to worry about. This is equally hard on all of us.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow, first thing in the morning.” I felt the tears forming again. Not wanting Dad to see me cry, I said, “A friend is picking me up. I’m gonna wait outside and get some air, okay?”
“Of course,” he said as we embraced. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Outside, the sun was beginning to set. I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I sat down on my parents’ steps. Listening to the sound of my neighbor’s wind chimes, I rested my head on my knees and cried harder as my tears wet the material of my leggings.
Jaded and Tyed Page 3
