Stronger

by Blue Ashcroft

  Josh shakes his shiny blonde hair out of his eyes and grins at me, clearly more interested in me than my companions. It sends warmth down to my toes. It’s so fun to see people you haven’t seen, especially boys you had a crush on. It’s fun to be able to have a second chance at what might have been. And it’s the perfect time for the universe to remind me of what kind of boy I should really be with, before I do something stupid like falling for Geoff.

  Josh takes my hand and looks into my eyes with his deep turquoise ones. People write sonnets about those kinds of eyes.

  “Man, Amy,” he says, looking me over. I brace for a compliment, hoping Geoff hears it and gets a lesson in how to actually talk to a lady. “You’ve filled out,” he says, smiling down at my body before coming back up to look in my eyes.

  My face drains. I can actually feel it drain of color, can feel the nervousness at the table as all the boys soak in Josh’s starting comment. I suddenly feel fat. I want to knock the root beer float off the counter and run out of here and disappear into a bush somewhere and hide until everyone leaves. I’m so mortified.

  I refuse to look at Geoff.

  Then Josh clears his throat. “By that, I mean you’re so beautiful. I had no idea you’d be even sexier than when I left.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, but who can be mad at that angelic face? “So that’s what you meant?”

  He nods, taking both of my hands in his.

  Beside me, Geoff clears his throat. “That’s funny, some women would take that to mean you think they’re fa—ouch, what was that for?” He rubs his rib, while Logan beside him sends us an innocent smile.

  “So Josh, what brings you back to town?” Logan asks.

  Josh turns to him as if really seeing him for the first time, and I feel uncomfortable for all of us as I watch his eyes travel down over Logan’s clothing, up to his hair, and around the diner we’re in. He takes a breath and lets it out, and then seems to decide that speech is unavoidable. “I’m back for school. I was admitted to Berkeley.”

  “Fancy,” Logan says.

  I wonder if he’s unaware of the judgment I can feel in Josh’s stare. He might not be saying anything, but I can hear it all the same. Do I come across like this? This snobby?

  But then Josh smiles, and once again, makes it all better in a way that leaves me wondering if he’s really a nice guy or not. “I guess so. It’s what my parents wanted.” He gestures to Logan’s arm. “Nice tattoo, where’d you get it?”

  Logan grins. “Did it myself.”

  “Nice. It’s very good.”

  He and Logan start up a conversation, and he releases my hand with a wink and a side glance. I put my hands in my lap, blushing.

  He is different than I remember. I’m not sure what to feel about him. Maybe I’ve changed, and so I notice things about him I didn’t before. How many of my friends are a bit snobbish? But, watching him with Logan, I can be proud he’s at least trying. This isn’t his usual crowd, or mine for that matter, but he’s being kind and polite. I stare at his face and feel myself zoning out at his beauty.

  A rude snort from Geoff next to me pulls me out of Josh heaven. “What?” I snap, not wanting his distraction from my target.

  “Kind of a douche, isn’t he?” Geoff mutters, pushing my float at me. “You gonna eat that?”

  Josh’s ears perk up at that. “You go ahead,” he says. “Amy doesn’t eat stuff like that. Too unhealthy.”

  My eyebrows shoot up into my head, and I put my fingers to my temple to rub away an oncoming headache. Does he think I’m fat, or not? I push the float at Geoff. “You can have it.” I turn to Josh. “And you don’t get to say what I don’t eat.”

  He flushes and his eyes fill with concern that wipes my anger away instantly. “Amy, I’m so sorry. It’s just, I thought you didn’t eat junk. You didn’t use to. Can I buy you ten, to apologize?”

  “I’m not really in the mood anyway,” I say, pushing the float to Geoff, who tries to push it back to me.

  “Eat it anyway,” Geoff says. “Put some meat on those bones.”

  Logan and Brent are both watching, looking from Josh to Geoff, so I do as well.

  The two men are staring each other down. Josh is wearing a pale blue polo that matches his eyes. It’s crisp and expensive. He’s tan, with slim, toned muscles down his arms. He’s wearing a Rolex, and clean blue jeans. His blond hair is softly coiffed to the side, with a few pieces over his forehead. His face is beautiful and elven.

  He stares at Geoff with a calm, serene expression that is still somehow intense, and Geoff returns it with a glare. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, rolled up at the cuffs to reveal tan forearms, and a leather cuff watch. His skin is much tanner than Josh, and his hair is thicker, more messy, as if styled by a woman’s hands rather than a blow dryer. His features are handsome, but rougher, as if carved by a much bolder hand. He frowns openly at Josh, saying something to him with his eyes that I don’t understand.

  I thought Geoff wanted him to come here. He’s the one who encouraged it. I told him he grew up with me, he should have known what to expect.

  Geoff pushes the float towards me once more, not taking his eyes off Josh, and to dispel the tension, I take it. “Oh fine, it’s just a stupid dessert anyway. Both of you stop being weird.”

  Josh sits back with an apologetic smile. “Sorry Amy, I just don’t like men who try to push women around.”

  Geoff scoffs, and is about to lean forward when I interrupt. “Me neither,” I say, giving Josh a warning glance. He shrugs.

  Geoff smiles when I take a sip of the float, like he’s just won some battle I didn’t know about.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve given offense. I truly love how you look, Amy.” He sits back in the booth with a sigh. “I’m messing everything up. I’m sorry, I was just really nervous to see you again.”

  Relief goes through me at his admission. Of course he’s just nervous. We both are, and my friends aren’t making this any easier on us. “I was too.”

  “Maybe we could get out of here?”

  Logan and Brent are talking again, but Geoff perks up at this. “We haven’t even gotten dinner.”

  “I’d like to take Amy out, just us, if that’s okay. There’s a place I would have taken you if I hadn’t moved,” he says, taking my hand as he stands to leave the booth.

  I blush. “I’d like that. But I promised my friends I’d eat with them.” I won’t be rude, and I don’t know why he is. It’s not like him. Maybe he doesn’t like my new friends, but he doesn’t need to be so obvious about it.

  Geoff snorts, making me regret taking his side. Josh sits back down reluctantly just as a waitress comes back for orders.

  Geoff orders a burger, and Josh makes it a double, glaring at him as he does it. Logan and Brent share a smile, and I just order a salad and pretend I didn’t see that brownie sundae on the last page. Mmm.

  Josh asks me what I’ve been doing since he left, and I fill him in, on the water park, and college applications, and taking a year off. For some reason, I don’t mention beauty school. I notice Geoff watching me as I talk, and for some reason he seems displeased, but I ignore him.

  When our food comes, the way Josh and Geoff eat their burgers sets them even further apart from each other. Geoff shoves his in his mouth as far as it can go and tears it off. Josh opens his and starts rearranging the toppings with his fork. Logan and Brent are now arguing about the best way to beat a new computer game. I put my head on my hands and study my unappealing salad.

  “Here, have half of my burger,” Geoff says, pushing it over. “I’m not that hungry.” The other half of the burger appears to still be in his cheeks.

  Josh’s lip curls in disgust, but Geoff doesn’t see it because he’s focused on me. “No, take mine, I haven’t even touched it yet.”

  I shake my head and stab my salad with my fork, taking a bite and giving everyone a fake smile. “Mmm, good.” I chew it and swallow it, promising myself cookies at home.
r />   Geoff frowns at me, but takes his burger back, and Logan doesn’t look any more pleased to take his back.

  “So Geoff, what do you do with yourself?” Josh asks condescendingly.

  I wince and focus on my salad. Geoff will have to take care of himself.

  “I’m a lifeguard,” he says.

  “No, I mean, like what are your plans?” Josh asks, cutting his burger into clean halves. The meaty smell wafts over to me, and I take a quick bite of salad, hoping to capture the flavor while it’s still in my nose.

  “I plan to be a lifeguard.”

  “No, I mean, long term,” Josh says, looking frustrated that Geoff won’t play.

  Logan nudges Geoff. “Well, you know, this guy had a full ride to UCLA, but he turned it down to stay around here.”

  Josh stares, wide-eyed at Logan, and then Geoff, and then laughs, and Geoff laughs too, sending Logan an angry glare.

  “UCLA, that’s great. That’s a really tough one,” Josh says. He wipes his eyes. “And it is far away.” He leans forward. “No seriously though, there’s a community college around here right? You could start there, maybe move up. Maybe I could ask my mom for contacts at the lesser UCs around here.”

  “So your mom got you into school then, too?”

  Josh’s eyes narrow and Geoff gives him a polite smile that I can easily interpret as wanting to kill him, and bites his burger like he’s tearing through Josh’s jugular.

  “He was also accepted to Stanford,” Logan says, laughing at Josh’s face as he tries to figure out if he’s joking. Of course he is.

  Geoff glares at Logan and shakes his head, and Josh relaxes and laughs at the two of them, with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He finishes his burger and grabs the check when it comes before Geoff can. When we’re all done eating, and Geoff seems to be in a darker mood than anyone else, Josh leads the way out of the restaurant. I follow at the back, and at the door, I realize Geoff isn’t behind us anymore. He’s talking to the waitress. She smiles and nods, looking my way.

  He waves and motions for me to go outside, and I do.

  Josh is rubbing his arms because it is cold outside. “So much colder than So-Cal, I don’t know how I’ll get used to it.”

  “You’ll toughen up,” Geoff says, coming up behind us and setting his leather jacket around my shoulders. “Stay warm, Dollface.”

  I nod and pull it around me. It’s warm and smells nice. Josh gives me a weird look but then smiles politely at Geoff.

  “Can I have the pleasure of taking you home, Amy?” Josh asks, nodding to his car. It’s a Mustang, silver, very bland to my taste.

  I look at Geoff. He shrugs. “Okay, that would be nice.”

  “I’ll keep the yearbook,” Geoff says. “We can talk about it later.”

  Josh looks between us, a question in his baby blue eyes, but Geoff just smiles, gives me a side hug, and takes his friends to his car. They pull off, and Josh watches them go. When they’re out, he sighs. “I guess we’ll be off then.”

  A moment later, the door to the diner opens and the waitress comes running out. “Oh no, he left already. And he already paid.”

  “For what?”

  “This,” she says, holding out a to-go container. “Are you Amy? It’s for you anyway.” She hands it to me, then folds her bony arms and whistles. “That boy sure does tip well. That’s gonna set me up for like two weeks. Insanity, if you ask me. Do you think it was a mistake?” She asks, wiping stringy hair out of her face. I look over her face, see the lines there, how tired she looks. I feel undeservedly lucky, and realize why Geoff hates when I’m snobbish. Because it’s being blind to just how much I have when others have so much less.

  “No, I don’t think it’s a mistake,” I tell her. Geoff can be so sweet and unexpected sometimes.

  The takeout container has a note on the top.

  “Sorry, Dollface.”

  So it’s to make up for earlier then. I guess he must have realized I’d be leaving with Josh and wanted to make sure he got an apology in. I open it and smell chocolate. How did he know I wanted the brownie sundae? I close it quickly before Josh can pass judgment on it.

  “What’s that?” he asks. “Smells good.”

  “Just something I ordered earlier.”

  “Why was she looking for Geoff?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “She wasn’t the best waitress. Maybe she’s mad I didn’t tip that well, but she wasn’t that great. If you’re that tired, just stay home. Seriously.”

  I swallow back the words I’d like to say. I don’t want to admit my childhood friend is a douchebag. Maybe he’s just being defensive. Maybe this isn’t who he really is. I set the sundae at my feet where I can keep it from sliding and pull out my phone because it just beeped.

  I flip it open as Josh pulls out. “Enjoy the sundae, Dollface.”

  I grin and put the phone away as Josh starts talking about what he’s going to study at Berkeley. Then, bored, I pull it out again and type a message to Geoff.

  “Sorry Josh was a bit weird. He’s not usually like that.”

  My phone beeps and I open it. “That’s good. :P”

  I grin and text back. “See you tomorrow then?”

  “Sure, we got work.”

  “Are you even listening?” Josh says, cutting in.

  I drop the phone, then pick it up nervously. “I’m sorry, I was distracted. Text from my mom.”

  “Okay.” He doesn’t look totally convinced. I’m a sucky liar. Why am I starting our renewed friendship off with lies, anyway?

  “Sorry, I’m paying attention now,” I say, as he pulls up in front of my house. “Wow, I can’t believe you still remember where I live.”

  “Well, it’s close to me, remember? And your mom’s yard decorations are kind of recognizable,” he says, referring to the two marble rabbits at the side of the porch.

  “Oh yeah.” I smile at him. The car is warmer now that it’s just us. Maybe I’m just imagining it, but it seems like the warm energy from before is back with us. “It’s good to see you again. Sorry I was awkward and made you come out with my friends.”

  “It’s all right, I mean I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s worth it to see you,” he says, putting his arm up around the back of my seat.

  “Oh is it?” I ask flirtatiously, pretending not to notice his arm.

  He leans in closer. “Very nice. You’re even more gorgeous than I remember.”

  “You know, it did sound sort of offensive earlier.”

  “I don’t know if you remember this, but I’m not very smooth around women,” he says.

  I look up into his eyes as he blinks long lashes. His features are so perfect. He could be on the front of one of the recruitment calendars for Yale that’s sitting on my desk upstairs. “I don’t remember,” I say. “It has been a while. You look different too.”

  “I know, I was girly before, huh?”

  “Not in a bad way,” I say.

  “You still into girls, then? Both, at least, right?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “At least I have a chance, even though I look more like a dude now?”

  I laugh and give him a playful push. “Yes, you have a chance.” His body is nice under my hands. Firm and toned. No chest hair showing through the low v of his polo, so that’s nice. Even if I do like seeing Geoff’s…

  “So that Geoff guy, you know him from work?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “You don’t hang out with him alone, right?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” he puts his hand back on the wheel and leans over it, his perfect profile illuminated in the moonlight. “He’s just, kind of a rough type. You should be careful around him.”

  I open my door, grab my brownie, and storm out of the car. “You should be careful about insulting my friends.”

  Josh jumps out and runs around his side of the car to stop me from going further. “I’m sorry. I guess I was a little jealous.”

  “J
ealous?” I ask, clutching the brownie between us. “Why?”

  Josh comes closer, and I can tell by his face that he thinks he looks seductive, rather than creepy. But it’s kind of creepy. “I like you Amy. I was hoping to make a go of it.”

  “Of what?” I murmur, as he gets closer, and takes the brownie out of my hands. I gasp as he tosses it behind him. “Hey wait a minute—”

  Then his lips come down on mine. I can’t believe this is the guy I fantasized about. My poor brownie is probably ruined. This kiss better be better than that brownie would have been. I sigh and open my lips slightly, but he doesn’t put tongue in. Just persists in this weird, open mouthed, lip to lip thing, as his thin hands wander down my side, and then come around in front, towards my…

  “Hey,” I say, pushing him back.

  His face is flushed, and he straightens his shirt. “Sorry?”

  I go to my brownie, thankful it’s still intact inside it’s wrapped container. At least the night won’t be a total loss. “Don’t ruin good food. People would be lucky to have that.”

  He frowns. “I’m sorry, Amy. I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?”

  I feel sorry for him and give him a conciliatory smile. “No, we’ll try again sometime. I’m just not in the mood.”

  He follows me to the door and waits while I get out my keys. “Is something wrong?”

  “No. Well, yes. A lot is.”

  “What is it?”

  I hesitate, not sure if he’s still the friend I can tell this kind of thing. Not after what just happened.

  “Come on Amy, I may have failed romantically, but I’m still your friend.”

  “Okay,” I say, sitting on the porch and unwrapping my treat. He sits beside me, a warm, comforting presence, now that he’s not trying to come on to me. “I guess I got myself a stalker.”

  His eyes widen, and he asks questions. I tell him about Mike, marveling at how easy it is to let him in on it. He seems angry and concerned, like Geoff was, so maybe they’re similar after all. He doesn’t talk about killing people though, which is kind of reassuring. We talk and talk, and then we talk about what happened to him after he moved, and his plans.