by Virna DePaul
Her father straightened and swiped at his face. “Promise me you’ll stay away from him.” He grasped her chin with a heavy hand. “Promise me.”
Slowly, Lily nodded. Her father closed his eyes and sighed with relief.
Chapter 12
Apartment 206. Two days after freaking out in her father’s living room, Lily stared at the numbers on Carmen’s apartment door. Despite her unease at Lily’s request, Dr. Tyler had passed along Lily’s message and Carmen hadn’t responded until this morning. But at least she’d responded and had even offered to cook them dinner tonight.
The door opened and Lily almost reeled back at the sight of her friend, all grown up but looking young and vital in a KAPPA sweatshirt, boxers and droopy sweat socks. Her hair was braided in two low pigtails, adding to the picture of a college coed. Her blue eyes remained steady.
Neither one of them said a word, but Carmen opened the door wider and motioned her inside. She’d been expecting anger or hurt. She’d been hoping for forgiveness. She felt an odd combination of relief and disappointment that she received none of those things.
“Would you like to sit down while I finish the spaghetti sauce?”
“Um—can I help you? Or just watch?”
Carmen nodded and led the way to her small, galley kitchen. She picked up a glass from the counter. “Would you like juice or water? I’m afraid I don’t have anything stronger.”
“Water’s good. Thank you.”
Filling another glass with water, Carmen handed it to her, then stirred something aromatic that simmered on the stovetop. On any other day, the smell of fresh tomatoes, garlic and rosemary would have been comforting. Now it just made her nauseous. The silence was awkward and heavy.
“It’s good to see you,” Lily offered. And she meant it.
Carmen let go of the spoon. Her eyes glazed with tears. The next thing Lily knew, she was squeezed tight in her friend’s arms. She wrapped her arms around Carmen and let out a shaky laugh. “Oh, thank God. I thought you’d be angry I came.”
Carmen pulled back and they smiled at each other. Lily kept hold of her hands, refusing to lose the fragile connection she’d just found again. “So you’re a doctor now?” Lily asked.
“And you’re still an artist. Funny that we both work with kids, isn’t it.”
“Yeah, it is.”
An hour later, Lily sipped coffee, luxuriating in being with her friend again. She’d been grilling her for the past hour and couldn’t seem to get enough information about her. “You never married?”
Carmen’s smile wilted, making Lily instantly tense. “No. I thought I’d found the one but it turned out to be wrong. Again. I’m not sure what happened. Things were good with us until one day Lucas just—” She shook her head. “Let’s not talk about that.” She looked at Lily closely. “You?”
“No.” Lily bit her lip. “I saw your mother. Things between you are better?”
Carmen shrugged. “My mom and I still have issues, but I know she does her best. I know she loves me.”
“And John.”
“Yes. And John. They still have their issues, too. He got it in his head that she didn’t trust him. She thought he’d had something to do with your mom—”
“That’s ridiculous.”
Carmen nodded. “John was devastated.”
“Of course he was.” Despite her initial anger that he could think her father a murderer, she’d calmed enough to know he was doing his best with what he had. A part of him must hate her family for all the trouble they’d caused him.
“I want to talk to you about John, Lily. I want you to know I never told him how you felt about him.”
Lily tilted her head, confused. “I never thought you did.”
“But I wish I had.”
A startled laugh burst out of her. “Why? What would that have accomplished?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it would have changed how things happened that night.”
How many times had she wished things could be different? Every day. Every hour. Every second.
It hadn’t changed a thing.
“He wanted to be with you, Lily. He didn’t want to leave you.”
For a second, Lily couldn’t believe her ears. She stood, the legs of her chair scraping loudly against the laminate flooring. “Don’t.”
Slowly, Carmen stood, as well. “I’m not lying.”
“He didn’t care about me. He made that abundantly clear.”
“He didn’t have a choice. He was four years older and leaving town.”
“He laughed at me, Carmen! Told me I looked—looked like a tramp. He kissed Stacy in front of me.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, but I don’t appreciate it.” She stood up, ready to gather her things, wanting to toss them against the wall and yell out her grief.
Carmen grabbed her arm. “Listen to me. After what happened…John came to visit. I heard him arguing with your sister’s boyfriend. Aaron told him to stay away from you.”
Lily dropped her bag on the floor and sat down hard, almost falling when she missed her seat by several inches. “Aaron?”
“And John told him not to worry. But Aaron said he knew John was attracted to you. Reminded him what he’d said before. He’d said someday he wanted to be with you.”
Nothing seemed real anymore. “Why—why didn’t you tell me this before?”
Carmen’s eyes filled with tears. “When was I going to tell you? You—you were trying to get better. You had both moved on. Without me.” Hesitantly, Carmen reached out and took her hand. “And I’ve missed you so much, Lily. I’ve needed you.”
Lily stared at the fingers covering hers. Her heart pounded so loud she could barely think. Slowly, Lily curled her fingers around Carmen’s. “I’ve—I’ve needed you, too.”
They enjoyed each other’s company for several more minutes before Lily couldn’t put it off any longer. “Carmen, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You saw me afterward, in Ravenswood. Did I say anything to you? About my father maybe?”
She frowned. “Say anything? You couldn’t talk for so long.”
“But afterward. When I could talk? Did I say anything about how I got drunk? Who gave me the drugs?”
Carmen shook her head. “No. I’m sorry, there’s nothing.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. Why?”
“I just—there’s so much I don’t remember. So much I need to know. I feel like I’m walking in the dark. I’m having so many doubts.”
“Tell me,” she said quietly.
And she did. Lily told her about her dreams. About the voices she’d been hearing. About what John had said about her father and the lie-detector test. And about the disturbing feelings she’d had while she’d been with her father and Barb.
Carmen listened quietly and then she nodded her head. “I think you should do it.”
“The lie-detector test?”
“Yes. I don’t know much about them, but I do know John cares about you. He wouldn’t ask you to do something unless he thought it was important.”
“But my father—”
“Do you think your father killed your mother?”
“No, but—”
“Then that’s your gut reaction. Listen to it, Lily. You want the truth. That’s why you came here asking me questions. But I can’t give them to you. Maybe John can.”
Carmen rushed to a small table and grabbed her phone.
“Who are you calling?” Lily asked in panic.
“John.”
She shook her head. “No. He’s after my father. I can’t trust him.”
Staring into her eyes, Carmen whispered, “He’s the only one you can trust, Lily. Let him help you. Please.”
Lily licked her lips. Really thought about who she trusted and didn’t trust. Then held out her hand. “I’ll do it.”
Chapter 13
Something had changed between them. From the moment John ha
d gotten Lily’s message, he could feel it. He’d been shocked when he’d seen Carmen’s phone number on caller ID and had known she was somehow responsible for Lily’s dramatic turnaround. He hadn’t brought it up to Lily, however. He didn’t want to do anything to destroy the feeling of hope inside him.
“I trust you,” she’d said. And she was certainly acting like it. Quiet but calm, she didn’t protest as he led her into the Bureau of Law Enforcement, where his friend Brian worked. He rubbed his thumb against her knuckles, his touch both casual and proprietary. Despite what he’d told her about intimacy being a conflict, he didn’t care who saw them.
Surprisingly, she didn’t seem to mind, either.
Once inside, he led her up several floors and into a room where Brian was fiddling with a computer laptop. At the sight, John’s resolve only grew stronger.
He intended to turn over the test results. He would do what he needed to stop The Razor. He’d arrest Doug Cantrell if he had to. But he wouldn’t jeopardize Lily. Not her life. Not her freedom. Until he knew the test results, he wasn’t taking any chances, which is why he’d asked for Brian’s help.
He’d known Brian for years. Trusted him. Trusted him enough to let him question Lily. And trusted that he wouldn’t reveal the results or the fact of the test to anyone without John’s permission.
Whatever mistakes he’d made in the past, Lily was his priority now. He wasn’t losing her again.
“Thank you for getting this together so quickly, Brian.”
“Is this her?” Brian asked, peering at Lily like she was an alien under a microscope. She twisted her hands together. “Ma’am, if you could just take this seat.”
“Of course.”
He had her fill out some paperwork and went over the exam procedures. Lily seemed surprised when Brian started reviewing the interview questions.
“It’s not like in the movies,” John explained. “No surprises or trick questions.”
Lily nodded, but he could tell she was still nervous.
“You ready for the next step?” Brian asked.
She glanced at John and he winked at her.
“Yes.”
Brian wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm and the rubber tubing around her chest and abdomen. “These are the pneumographs I told you about. They’re just rubber tubes filled with air. Nothing dangerous. Try to relax.”
Lily gave a nervous laugh. “So, uh, where’s the spotlight?”
John grinned.
Brian frowned. “Spotlight?”
“You know. The one you’re going to shine in my eyes.”
Brain stared at her blankly.
Lily waved her hand. “Sorry. Bad joke.”
John placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.
“Can I have your left hand, please?”
She lifted her hand, and Brian placed a band on her index and ring finger. “The fingertips are one of the most porous areas on the body. These are called galvanometers. They measure the sweat you release under stress.”
Lily cleared her throat. “Never let them see you sweat, huh?”
When Brian gave her another blank stare, John caught Lily’s eyes. She raised a brow and he shrugged.
“All set,” Brian said.
Their playful connection vanished and he saw panic fill Lily’s eyes. “Wait. I thought you were going to ask me the questions?”
John took her hand, the one unfettered by wires. He ignored the way Brian shifted in his seat. “I’m not certified to give the exam. Brian is. But I’ll stay right here. I promise.”
She didn’t look particularly comforted.
Brian fiddled with some more wires before cursing and looking down at the pager hooked through his belt loop. He shot John an apologetic look. “I’ve gotta get this.”
Brian left, closing the door behind him.
He couldn’t stand the nervous way Lily looked at him. He swore if she twisted her hands together one more time he was going to have a heart attack. He didn’t remember her doing it as a kid, and he knew it was something she’d developed after the murder. To keep herself protected.
Dramatically, he rubbed his hands together and took several slow steps toward her, then leaned down until his nose almost touched hers. “So, small fry. I think I’ve finally got you where I want you.”
She snorted. “In your dreams.”
John grinned at Lily’s saucy reply. Sauciness was so much better than the nerves and panic she’d been trying to hide since they’d arrived.
“Besides, I thought you didn’t know how to use this machine.”
“Oh, I know how to use it.” He slid his fingers across the top of the open screen, careful not to fiddle with any of the buttons or wires that Brian had set. “I just said I’m not an expert.”
She waved her hand in challenge, sat back and crossed her arms. “Go for it,” she said.
He raised his brows. “I can ask you anything?”
“Like I could stop you,” she said drolly.
He grinned again. “True.” Tapping his finger on his chin, he pretended to give it deep thought. “I know. How many lovers have you had?”
Her face turned red. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t say I was going to ask you anything about the case, now did I?”
She pursed her lips as if trying to hold back a smile. “I’ve had hundreds. Thousands.”
“Huh.” He felt the corner of his mouth tip up. “You couldn’t tell it from the way you kissed me. You seemed…hungry.”
Her mouth fell open and he barely suppressed a full-on laugh. Straight-faced, he said, “I could help you with that, you know.”
Now she laughed. “Too bad I’m not interested.”
Humor fled. Suddenly, all he could think about was making her eat those words. He stepped forward until she had to crane her neck to keep their gazes locked. The position exposed her creamy neck like a column of ivory. He had the overwhelming urge to mark her. To force her to admit she wanted him. He leaned down so he could feel her gasps for breath against his cheek.
Trailing his fingers across her throat, he whispered, “Now, now. I don’t need a machine to tell me you’re lying. It’s written in your eyes.”
Her pupils dilated and the irises sparkled amber. Wanting to taste her again, he leaned even closer.
Brian walked into the room.
“Sorry about the interruption.” He looked at them. “Uh, anything wrong?”
John took a seat at a nearby table to hide his boner. “Nope. I’m good. How about you, Lily?”
He grinned when she flushed, which of course yanked her chain.
“Clever move,” she said sweetly.
“What’s that?” he asked even though he knew.
She glanced at Brian, who didn’t appear to be listening to them. John knew better, but Lily bought it. “Distracting me so I wouldn’t be so nervous. I knew exactly what you were doing.”
“Did you now?”
“Yep.”
Instantly serious, he said, “Then you’d know everything I said was the absolute truth, now wouldn’t you?”
She fell silent, apparently not knowing what to say to that. Once the questioning started however, she answered calmly and succinctly in one-word answers, just like she’d been told.
“Is your first name Lily?” Brian asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you thirty-one years old?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know who stabbed Tina Cantrell?”
Lily glanced at John. She looked rattled but resolute. He couldn’t help feeling proud of her. Despite her initial reluctance, it was clear she was determined to do the right thing. “No.”
She and John watched as Brian jotted down some notes.
“Were you born in Sacramento?”
“Yes.”
“Did you stab Tina Cantrell?”
Again, she looked at John, but answered without hesitation. “No.”
“Between August 1 and August 31,
1997, did you stab anyone with a knife?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Do you live at 375 Moss Lane?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know a man named Chris Hardesty?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe Hardesty killed your mother?”
“Yes.”
“Have you lied about your memory loss?”
“No.”
“Do you suspect anyone other than Chris Hardesty of murdering your mother?”
Lily hesitated. It was barely noticeable, but John caught it. She licked her lips. Then said, “No.”
“Did you see Mr. Hardesty on the evening of your mother’s death?”
“Y-yes.”
“Did you talk to him about the fight with your mother?”
Lily paused. She raised a hand to her temple and winced. Then she shook her head. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”
Brian glanced at John, who nodded for him to continue. Brian adjusted some dials, then said, “I’ll go back one. Did you see Mr. Hardesty on the evening of your mother’s death?”
Again, Lily answered yes.
“Did you talk to him about the fight with your mother?”
She took a deep breath, and John fully expected her to say no. She didn’t. Instead, she stared at her hands, swayed in her seat, then slowly lifted her gaze to his. “John—?”
He leaped out of his seat and rushed toward her.
* * *
Lily heard John calling her name and tried to speak. To reassure him she was okay. But she could barely think past the words bombarding her.
You’ll be rewarded for your kindness.
Like a video on fast-forward, scenes sped through her mind. The images were accompanied by surround sound. She heard Hardesty ask her why she was crying. Saw him lying in the grass with his ball cap over his head. She felt the burn of liquor that he’d given her and the way he’d stiffened when she hugged him.
Gasping for air, her body shaking, she closed her eyes and let the memories flood her.
August 28
8:20 p.m.
Sacramento, CA
In the park a few blocks from her house, Lily shivered with cold and tears. Sitting in the huge concrete tube that served as a play structure for neighborhood children, she wondered if her mother had gone on her date or if she’d even bothered looking for her.
