It dawned on me that Suzanne was still in there, probably still in her robe.
My new companion didn’t give me any time to dwell on it. “Hey,” Benny said as he pulled me from the trailer. “Let’s go eat something deep fried and spin on something scary till we puke.”
It was almost closing time when Daddy and Suzanne caught up to us. I was carrying a massive pink bear that Benny had won for me at the ring toss. It barely fit in the backseat with me when we drove to the diner to pick up Mama.
There were bags under her eyes as she slumped in the passenger seat. I knew she was dead tired. She’d worked double shifts for at least two weeks straight. She caught a glimpse of me in the rearview mirror, her face hard as she spotted the stage makeup I still wore. “So how did it go?”
Daddy glanced at me too. I knew he wanted me to share our enthusiasm and our success, but it almost felt like a betrayal to prove her wrong. “It was good,” I finally answered, keeping it short and sweet. “I wish you could have been there.”
Her sad eyes fell away from mine. “Me, too,” was all she said.
She was asleep by the time we made it back to the trailer.
Chapter Two
Mama never made it to the fair to see us perform. Nor did she make it to many of the other gigs we got, with Suzanne and without, over the next two years. She met Suzanne exactly once, which seemed to be enough for both of them. It was a well-known secret by then that Daddy was having an affair. But he was getting constant work, which helped ease the financial burden, giving them one less thing to fight about.
It didn’t make Mama or Daddy any closer or any happier. But after two years of earning my stripes on stage, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was really kind of her fault. If Daddy had said it once, he had said it a hundred times. If we were there for him, he’d be there for us. He was ready to try if she was. But the more work we got together, the more Mama froze him out, to punish him for setting me down the road to ruin.
It was hard to take her dire warnings seriously. Her life didn’t have to be mine. I wouldn’t make the same mistakes she made. Hell, I was still a virgin and had never really been kissed. I was all about the music, as anyone who actually spent any time with me could attest. Sadly, that wasn’t Mama. The more successful we got with the music, the more she distanced herself from the both of us. As the years crawled by, that was getting harder and harder to forgive.
So what if she had a shitty marriage? Did that give her some kind of pass to become a shitty mom?
I found myself leaning more and more on Suzanne myself. She had a teenage daughter that she had to share custody with her first husband. When Barbara Jean, or BJ, was in town, I was at their three-bedroom home almost every weekend. We bonded like most teenaged girls do, over boys and school and shared dreams for the future. BJ didn’t sing, she was more into cheerleading, and she would teach me some moves I could use on the stage.
She was the best friend I’d ever had. So when I had my first crush at school six months ago, she was the first one I called. She promptly declared that we should have a party so that I could get a little closer to the object of my affection. BJ was the life of the party and completely boy crazy. It seemed unthinkable to her that I was already fourteen and never been kissed.
I’d never met anyone I’d wanted to until I sat next to Christopher Witt at a pep rally. He would lean in close to talk to me so that I could hear him over the band and the cheerleaders. We traded numbers and he had called me almost every night since. We clicked instantly over music and he was endlessly fascinated that I was a singer who routinely performed on local stages, even those dark and gritty dive bars Mama had warned me about.
And Mama had no use whatsoever for Christopher. She said there was nothing a sixteen-year-old boy would want from a silly fourteen-year-old, except to get me into bed. She tried to put a stop to it immediately. She knew when she met him that he was nothing but trouble. He was tall, blond and beautiful, with eyes so blue I thought I might actually plunge right into them like a sparkling pool.
I said as much to BJ, who decided to take matters into her own hands. She organized a pool party. Suzanne generously offered to spring for it, even though she and the rest of the band were heading to Dallas for an overnight gig. Since BJ was a more mature and responsible sixteen, both Daddy and Suzanne felt they could leave both the house and me in her hands.
I was both titillated and terrified. BJ squashed such fears with the contents of a liquor cabinet Suzanne had conveniently forgotten to lock. I had taken two shots of hard liquor by the time the first guests began to arrive. The house and back yard filled with people that only BJ knew. They brought more booze and blasted all the new pop music over Suzanne’s expensive sound system.
BJ dragged me to her room, where she tossed me a couple of bathing suits that she had outgrown. Like her mother, she was curvy and unafraid to show it. She had a throng of male admirers, and had already gone all the way with one of them.
The way she had described it made my fantasies of Christopher even naughtier than usual. I couldn’t imagine doing some of the things she told me that she did.
“When it’s with the right person, it’s the most natural thing in the world.”
I sure hoped so. It wasn’t like I was gunning to lose my virginity. But after six months, Christopher had vaulted into the ideal. He was sweet and good looking, smart and funny. His parents had just bought him a brand new car, but he never looked down on me for living in a trailer park. In fact, he thought it was amazing that I’d still pursue my lofty dreams.
His voice was in my ear every night, which gave me some pretty R-rated dreams. Just thinking about that body made me flush all over. I ended up taking two more shots to give myself the courage to kiss Christopher for the first time, something I hoped would happen during this party.
By the time Christopher got there, I was feeling no pain. BJ linked arms with the both of us to herd us out to the crowded pool. I wore a pair of shorts, which BJ stripped in no time flat before she pushed me into the pool in my skimpy two-piece.
Christopher jumped in after me. When his arms wrapped around my waist, I thought I might literally pass out. Christopher Witt was holding me! I could feel every contour of his body, for real this time, and not just in another fevered daydream. He had made me feel in ways I had never felt before… from the first time he held my hand, to the first time he whispered my name over the phone. So when he held me in that pool, I grabbed his shoulders and held on tight. It only made him chuckle. “Afraid of the water?” he asked softly.
I shook my head but my jaw shivered. He dunked me immediately. “How about now?” he asked as he looked at my lips. “What are you afraid of?” he asked softly.
I wanted to recite some iconic line from a cheesy romantic comedy, but I couldn’t speak. I licked my lips and tried desperately to regain my control of speech. It was a losing battle. I gasped as his head tilted toward mine. His warm mouth covered my lips and I felt fire race through my veins as his tongue gently invaded my mouth to deepen the kiss. He held me even tighter as he lifted away. “I’ve been waiting to do that for six months,” he said with a grin.
“What took you so long?” I asked with a brave tilt of my chin.
He shrugged as his eyes swept over my face. “You know. You’re young.”
“I’m not that young,” I protested. He wasn’t convinced.
“You’re young,” he repeated as he started to pull away. “I’m out of my mind to even be here with you. Your mom will have me by the balls.”
I felt cold the instant he let me go. If I didn’t act fast, he’d leave me entirely. “She won’t say anything. She lets me live my life my way,” I added the lie bravely. “I’m a star after all.”
His eyes swept down over my wet skin, exposed by the tiny bikini top I wore. I had filled out a lot in two years. I spilled right out of that top. It drew him back to me, taking me into his arms again. His hand slipped down to cup my ass in his palm.
“You should perform for me, Lacy,” he said.
“You want me to sing for you?”
His lips lingered by my ear. “I want you to do everything for me.”
I trembled violently in his arms. He took me by the hand and pulled me from the pool, where he wrapped me in a towel so big I nearly got lost inside of it.
He led me inside, through the throng of people neither of us recognized. We went first to the den, but it was occupied with several couples either dancing to music or making out on the sofa. The kitchen and the first two bedrooms had the same. Finally we escaped into Suzanne’s master bedroom. It was as loud as she was, with zebra print on the bed and a faux fur rug on the floor. He hopped on the bed. “This is more like it. Like being lost in the jungle,” he added with a grin. I attempted to join him on the bed but he shook his head with a smirk. “Uh uh. You promised me a show, remember?”
“Really? You actually want me to sing for you?”
“Why not?” he shrugged. “I’ll pay you if you want. A song for a kiss.”
The soft way he spoke made my insides melt. “Okay,” I said softly before I clutched the towel tighter and started to sing.
After a few minutes, he stood to join me. He pulled the towel from my clinched hands, letting it fall away from my shoulders. He took me into his arms to dance slowly as I sang. I felt his body come alive against me, which made me lose my place in the song. “Sorry,” I muttered.
“For what?” he wanted to know. “For being beautiful? For being talented? Don’t ever apologize, Lacy. You’re exceptional.” He brushed the backs of his fingers along my arms. Goose bumps erupted over my flesh. “Finish your song.”
I shuddered and he held me closer. I could barely think as his hard-on arched toward me. I looked into his eyes as I finished, my voice trailing off as I watched his supple mouth inch toward mine. This time I deepened the kiss, which made him shudder against me. His hand curled behind my neck to pull me closer. Before I knew it, we had inched toward the bed. He landed on top of me as we fell together.
He explored my mouth liberally and I responded to each and every kiss. When his hand cupped my breast, I gasped but didn’t move away. I knew we were off the rails, but it felt so good to be touched, to be held – to be loved.
It dawned on me it had been a long time since either of my parents had even given me a hug. They were too embroiled with their own drama. And Daddy, well most of the time he was probably here in this bed with Suzanne instead of at the trailer with us.
That thought hit me like a bucket of ice cold water. I shot up, wrenching myself out of his arms. “What’s wrong?” he asked when I sprang off the bed and grabbed the towel.
How could I explain it to him? “Oh, nothing much. We’re just in the love nest my dad shares with his mistress. No biggie.” The thought gave me a case of the willies something fierce. I didn’t want to know anything about my parents’ sexual exploits. It was enough that I knew they no longer made any noise whatsoever from the bedroom, even fighting.
All I could say was, “I’m sorry,” but then I cringed. He had just told me never to apologize. I darted from the room before I could apologize for apologizing.
I caught up with BJ by the pool. “I gotta go,” I said.
“But I thought you were going to spend all night?”
I thought about Christopher, half-naked on Suzanne’s bed. I shook my head. “Not anymore.”
BJ gave me a hug, which oddly comforted me more than Christopher’s. She grabbed a cover-up and her keys while I slipped my clothes over my wet swimsuit. I was home within the hour. The trailer was empty, no surprise. I changed into my favorite jammies and crawled into bed with a romance novel I could barely read now that I had kissed a boy for real.
Every word reminded me of Christopher. I felt like an idiot that I abandoned him like I did. He probably chalked it up to my being young. What he really meant was that I was a virgin, which made me a virtual baby in his world. And maybe he was right.
I took off my T-shirt top, revealing just the lacy bra underneath, before approaching the mirror. I queued up a sexy song, which I began to sing to my reflection. The harder I tried to be sexy, the more ridiculous I looked. I was about to throw the brush through the mirror when my cell phone went off. It was Christopher.
“Everything okay?”
I looked around my room. I was alone, half naked and there was no way we’d get caught if I invited him over now. And I wanted to invite him, but the words wouldn’t come. “It’s complicated,” was all I could say.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I figured it might be.”
It immediately made me feel bad. So what if I was a virgin? That was a condition I could easily change. Just one evening and I’d just the ranks of other kids my age, who had enjoyed doing the nasty before their sweet sixteen.
I wasn’t the first fourteen-year-old to contemplate having sex. I knew I wouldn’t be the last. Why was I allowing myself to be defined by some arbitrary number? I was much older than my years. Hell, I was even on birth control to help regulate my painful crams and heavy periods.
At least that was my mother’s official story. I suspected there was a part of her that didn’t trust me around all the male musicians. She was playing defense now, to protect me from the mistakes that she and my grandmother both made.
It was easier and cheaper to pay for a birth control than diapers.
I turned my attention back to Christopher. “I’ll make it up to you,” I promised, even though I had no clue whatsoever what I was promising.
“Just sing to me,” he suggested softly. My voice softened as I complied. I glanced in the mirror, awed at the transformation taking place right in front of me. Gone was the awkwardness and sheer cringe-worthiness. Singing for Christopher made me sing like a woman. In fact, it was like another person altogether. It was a powerful feeling that stuck with me for days afterward, even after Daddy came home.
I guess that was why I finally mustered the courage to confront him about his affair with Suzanne upon his return. As luck would have it, he provided a golden opportunity as we were on our way to rehearse for another gig.
“Once we could get into Southern Nights, we’re gonna be golden,” he said happily. That was his newest holy grail. The owners of Southern Nights were star-makers, so one good set there and all of Austin knew who you were. More than one had made the transition to a national stage, courtesy of Ty and Gaynell Hollis, the owners of the club. “No more dive bars. No more getting paid peanuts. It’s only champagne and roses from here on out, baby girl.”
I nodded as I considered my words carefully. “Champagne and roses for everyone?” I asked. “Or just Suzanne?”
He slid me a sharp look. “What does that mean?”
“I’m not an idiot, Lucas,” I said, calling him by his given name at his request. After I grew out of the novelty “isn’t she cute” kid phase, he decided that I needed to craft a more mature, professional image. Calling him “Daddy,” apparently didn’t fit into this new branding. “I know you’re sleeping with Suzanne.”
He nodded as he turned his attention to the road. “Heard that from your mother, I suppose.”
“Yeah, right. More like through the wall.” He couldn’t face me. I forged on. “Look, whatever, okay? Your marriage is between you and mom. But don’t you think it’s only right you pick a side? Why stay with Mama if she doesn’t make you happy?”
“I love your Mama,” he said softly. “That has never changed. But you live with her, too. You know how hard she makes it to love her. She’s been isolating me for years. She doesn’t support my dreams, even if she spends the money it makes, no questions asked. Suzanne…,” he trailed off. “Suzanne is my friend. My colleague and support. It’s because of Suzanne I can stay with your mother. She simply fills the needs that your mother refuses to.”
“And how is that fair to her?” I demanded.
“How has it been fair to me?” he shot back. “I told her forever, better or worse
. I’ve never beat her. I’ve never left her. I’m still here. For both of you,” he added. He sighed and took my hand. “Do you really think she’d let me see you if I left her for someone else? Think about it, Lacy. If I decided to run off with Suzanne, she’d never let you come with us after that. Not to rehearse. Not to perform. Do you know how much it would kill me if we couldn’t sing together anymore? We’re partners, you and me. And there’s nobody I love more.”
I fell silent. I hadn’t thought about it like that. Maybe he was simply sticking it out so he wouldn’t lose me. I knew he wasn’t wrong. If he had left us for Suzanne, for the music, there would be no way she’d ever let me see him again. She’d rip me away from my own dream to ‘protect’ me. I knew that because she threatened it on a weekly basis.
“Your grades slip below a B, you can’t perform anymore.”
“You get in trouble with school, you can’t perform anymore.”
“You don’t maintain your chores and responsibility, you can’t perform anymore.”
“Music is the reason I lost your dad. You can’t perform anymore.”
He pulled into the country club parking lot, where we were supposed to perform. All of Austin’s elite, including the Hollises, were coming together in one spot for a charity benefit. It was our “golden ticket,” he said. We had a week to polish and make it perfect, and then maybe, just maybe, Mama would see it wasn’t a waste of time or a stupid pipe dream.
Then, just maybe, she could be the supportive wife that Daddy needed, so he wouldn’t need to stray.
One thing was certain. I didn’t want to lose the music. It had always been my safe haven, and that was never truer now.
Daddy turned to me. “Don’t give up on me, Lacy. And I won’t give up on you. I promise.”
I nodded and let him pull me across the seat for a rare hug. “Hey, listen. I got a big surprise for you,” he said as he pulled away. “Doyle Quinlan is going to check out our rehearsal today. It’s not quite Ty Hollis, but I bet he’ll call next once he gets wind of Doyle’s interest.”
Southern Rocker Chick Page 3
