Gay nodded. “True.” She hesitated only the briefest moment. “But he wants the both of you.”
My stomach dropped. “What?”
“He’s got a single female act already. He wants a band that can appeal to both sexes. Blaze is it.”
“’Blaze’ is not a band,” I argued. “Blaze is me. He hadn’t even been on stage until today,” referring to Jonah. Yes, he was good. But that didn’t change the fact he was fresh from the farm.
“That’s why he needs a few months to see if…,” Gay hesitated. “To see if you both can be molded into a product he can sell.”
I stared at her, open-mouthed. It all felt painfully familiar. And it was as grossly unfair as the last time I had been screwed over by Gaynell Hollis. I spun on my heel and stalked toward the dressing room to change out of the ridiculous dress that felt like a lie. I wasn’t Blaze, I was Lacy. That’s all I ever wanted to be.
I was practically in tears as I covered myself head to toe. I grabbed the first bouncer that passed the door and made him walk me to my car. I didn’t want to see Jonah yet. He must have known that because he didn’t try to call.
By the time I arrived at Southern Nights the next day, I was ready to apologize for my childish behavior. It wasn’t his fault that Jasper gravitated to him. From what I could tell, Jasper preferred two specific prototypes. He wanted his male stars to be sex gods, and his female stars to be sexy nymphs. Clearly I didn’t fit the mold, unless, apparently, I was onstage with Jonah. I had transformed into Jasper’s favorite kind of girl the minute I slipped into that slinky dress and gyrated next to the hot guitarist.
My first impulse was to tell Gay and Jasper where they could shove “Blaze.” But as I stared into the sleeping face of my son, I knew that more than my ego was on the line. I owed him the life that he couldn’t get from Tony Paul. It was all on my shoulders to buy the things he needed, to save for his future so that he had something more to look forward to than schlepping at some bar and living in a trailer. He deserved more.
Jasper Carrington was the best shot we had.
So I was resolved as I headed back to Southern Nights the next day. I fully expected to sign away my soul away on yet another dotted line. But after researching what Ariel Arcadi had made in her first year with Carrington Entertainment, it was worth my piddly soul. I was still able to do what I loved most and provide for my child. Maybe it was worth a few more years, paying my dues, establishing my name so that I could do what Giovanni Carnevale had done. He had broken from Carrington years before, moving to the West Coast and reinventing himself as a family man and a music icon courtesy of the talent show, Fierce. He still played a sex god onstage, but had better control over his brand where it mattered – with his wife and his family.
I almost wished I could call him and talk to him about these choices, but he wouldn’t remember some bartender he met once a million years ago.
Instead I would confide in Jonah. He was my new friend after all, and clearly we were in this together. We could figure it out together, since he was even greener than I was.
I hoisted my backpack on my shoulder and headed into the club, where I found Jonah Riley on stage, sitting on a stool, singing a Poco song. Well. He even hit those impossible falsetto notes. His deep, rich voice rose in the air, lilting and perfect. Everyone in the joint stopped what they were doing to listen… including me.
Our eyes met. He looked instantly guilty, which only pissed me off more.
I made a beeline for the dressing room. He was hot on my heels, forcing himself into the room behind me. “Lacy, listen, we need to talk.”
Now he wanted to talk. “Fuck you, we need to talk! You sing? Was this the plan all along?”
He shook his head, shutting the door behind him so we could speak privately. “I didn’t want to sing. I didn’t even want to play. You’re the one who signed me up for that, remember?”
“Convenient,” I said as I spun around to face him. “So… what? You’re going to take my place?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I want at all. It’s just a gig.”
“To you!” I exploded. “This is my life. This is my dream!”
“Who says it can’t be both?” he asked. “We work well together. Let’s get something out of it.”
“And because I won’t sleep with you, I have to share my stage with you?”
His jaw clenched. “Is that really what you think?”
“I don’t know what to think,” I shot back. “You appear out of nowhere two weeks ago and suddenly I went from a solo act to a duet. You tell me.” He looked as helpless as I felt. “I’ve wanted to do this since I was twelve fucking years old. I’ve done my time in every dive bar in Austin. You don’t get to just come in off the farm and walk into a contract. That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”
His voice was soft. “Then how come it is?”
My brain scrambled. There was something more going on. There had to be. “Are you screwing Gaynell?”
He was immediately offended. “Is that what kind of man you think I am?”
I looked him over. From the spiked hair to the stubble he refused to shave, and the clothes that made him look more like a rock star than some bouncer from the sticks, he had become someone new to me in less than twenty-four hours. And now he was a singer? A musician, just like me? He was everything I had been taught my whole life to avoid. “I don’t know what kind of man you are.”
His jaw clenched. He stalked over to where I stood and grabbed me into his arms before I knew what was happening. I was too stunned to say anything, so his hold tightened around my forearms. I lost myself in those eyes, and gasped out loud when his hooded gaze drifted to my slightly parted lips. His head lowered and his mouth covered mine. Each and every nerve ending caught fire when he parted my lips with his tongue.
Light and color exploded in my brain as he took full possession of my mouth. I couldn’t have stopped him even if I wanted to. In fact, my body promptly betrayed me as his hands drifted down my back. I moaned as he cupped my ass in his hands, drawing me closer to his hard body.
I felt him strain against me with a muffled moan of his own. I melted against him like butter on the tongue. His arms tightened and I had to pull myself out of the moment before I did something I knew I would regret. I didn’t want to resist… but I knew I had to.
I put both hands on his chest and pushed him away. He was quick to let me go, which only confused me further. Was he really a decent guy? Or was this some other part of the plan? I couldn’t risk it either way. “Don’t you ever do that again! I told you I can’t belong to you.”
He stood close but we didn’t touch. We didn’t have to; I was feeling the full effects of his embrace even minutes after it had ended. “But you want to. And that’s why you’re so pissed.”
I turned away from him so he couldn’t see how truthful his statement really was. It was no use. I felt him approach me from behind, his fingers toying with my hair. It sent a jolt through my scalp that danced gleefully over my entire body. He leaned closer, his hot breath against my neck. “I’m a man who wants you, Lacy. I want you more than I want to be on that stage.”
Oh, how I wanted to believe that. For once in my fucking life, I wanted those words to be true. I turned to face him. “Then quit.”
He said nothing for a moment. Instead his hand lifted and he caressed my face with his fingers, trailing fire behind his gentle touch. “Then what? Will I have earned your favor then, Lacy?”
Yes. I looked away so he wouldn’t see me lie. “I told you. Nothing can happen between us.”
His hand dropped and I opened my eyes to stare into his face. “We all have things we can and cannot do, darlin’,” he drawled. “And I can’t quit, not even for you. See you at rehearsal.”
I could only stare after him as he left the dressing room. Part of me wanted to chase after him, to pull him back, to taste his kiss again and again until I believed the things he said.
But I
knew I couldn’t. I was done playing the fool. I picked up my backpack and headed for my car.
Chapter Sixteen
I drove around the city most of that afternoon, aimless and frustrated. I considered all my options, but they all left me dissatisfied. I could stay at Southern Nights, sharing the spotlight with a newbie, praying that we could get him up to speed to secure a record contract with one of the most important men in music. It was a calculated risk at best. Jasper already liked what he saw. Maybe I could shape Jonah from a simple country boy to a rock god in mere weeks. All the raw material was already there. He was talented, he was pliable and he definitely had the right look.
My eyes closed and my breath caught as I remembered what it felt like to be in his arms, so close to that handsome, rugged face and those amazing eyes. I knew girls the world over would fall at his feet. God knows I nearly did, and I had been steadfastly celibate for years. No one had turned my head. No one had piqued my interest. No one had made me question my lonely existence. Not until Jonah. It made him the most dangerous man on the planet, and the biggest obstacle I faced staying with Southern Nights and Gaynell.
Could I really last a few more months working that close to someone that tempting? I almost dragged him to the sofa in the dressing room that afternoon. He awakened the sleeping beast that got me into so much trouble with Tony Paul.
Could I really risk going down that road all over again?
The only good thing that had come from that was Cody. Ironically he was the one reason I couldn’t just walk away from Southern Nights altogether now. I owed my son. I owed him big time. How could I let the very same mistake that robbed him of half of his family force me to forfeit the best chance I’ve ever had of being discovered?
I could keep it in my pants, for fuck’s sake. I’d done a bang-up job of that for four years.
What I couldn’t do was find someone else of Jasper’s caliber, willing to offer a life-changing contract in a matter of months.
I turned the car around and headed back to Southern Nights. Neither Jonah nor Gaynell were at the club. I asked one of the servers where they had gone. She shrugged and told me to ask Jacinda.
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I needed to know if I still had a gig or if I’d been replaced. I walked to the bar where Jacinda worked, preparing for the evening ahead. “Where’s Gay?”
Jacinda didn’t even bother looking at me. “Out shopping with her new boy toy. Apparently she’s going to turn him into the biggest star Southern Nights has seen since… well… since Tony Paul.” Her eyes leveled on my face.
I sighed. I didn’t want to have this fight with her. I knew she thought it was my fault that Tony Paul had run away, thinking I had driven him away. There was no convincing her otherwise. I turned to leave but her words stopped me.
“Does it hurt, Lacy? To be replaced so quickly? You were only here, what? A month? But it’s not like you didn’t know how fickle music fans can be.”
I turned back to face her. “So this is what we’ve devolved to? Trading catty insults? We were friends once upon a time, you know.”
Her eyes were hard, unforgiving. “That was before you screwed over my brother.”
“Your brother screwed himself over. He made all his own choices.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, right. Admit it, Lacy. You lied to him. You told him you were using protection and you clearly weren’t. The minute he got something going, you ended up pregnant.”
“And I suppose you completely missed the part where I dropped the child support process.”
“Till he comes home,” she shot back.
I opened my mouth, tempted to tell her that her own mother was the one delaying that process now. But it served nothing to say it. “Whatever. You’re going to believe what you want to believe, no matter what I do or say.” I turned and again her words stopped me.
“I just hope Jonah knows what he’s getting into.”
I spun back to face her, but she resumed her duties and virtually ignored my standing in front of her. I stalked back to the stage, where several band members waited for the rehearsal to start. I thumbed through the book and arranged another angry, “Fuck You” set, hoping every single person who needed to hear it, did.
Jonah and Gaynell arrived later that afternoon, carrying a half a dozen bags from designer stores. I knew that there wasn’t one revealing outfit in the bunch, putting his body on display like she wanted mine. It made me even madder. I cued up another song that let him know in no uncertain terms I wasn’t there for his entertainment. He joined me, styled, gelled and stuffed into a tight pair of jeans that reminded me of his earlier embrace. He was so sexy it took my breath away, but I would be damned if I let him see that.
Instead I dug out another slinky halter top and tight leather pants. I went braless out of spite. As we performed, I directed all my angst, anger, frustration and intensity towards him. He took it all, playing off of my cues effortlessly. He may have been new to the stage, but he was immediately at home there.
It only frustrated me more.
I wanted to drive him to distraction, the same as he drove me. Instead he inhaled me with those beautiful eyes and left me even more out of sorts. After the set, I immediately escaped to the dressing room. He gave me a wide berth as I changed and exited the building, stopping only to grab my paycheck on the way.
He walked with me, side by side, up the stairs to Gay’s office, but he didn’t say anything at all to me. It was a mixed blessing. My senses hummed just being close to the man. I didn’t think I could get through another embrace. I just wanted to go home to my baby boy, whose little arms had always been big enough to fill the deep void in my soul. I silently grabbed my check and escaped back down the stairs and out of the club, as far away from temptation as I could get.
I rifled through my purse to call Danielle and tell her I was on my way home, but I couldn’t find my phone. It was either back in the dressing room or it was at the trailer, and I knew better than to go back into Southern Nights. I was simply too worked up. If I went back to that dressing room, with Jonah looking like he did, and sounding like he did, and saying the things he said, I’d be toast and I knew it. My only defense now was keeping my distance. I remembered the hug earlier that day and my body flushed with excitement. If I walked back in that building, I could fall back into those arms. For the rest of the night I could forget how mediocre I was. I could feel sensual and beautiful and powerful, like the Lacy I saw reflected back to me in those amber eyes. I could feel special, like I used to feel on stage.
But if someone right off the bus could walk right onto my stage and steal my thunder, how special could “Blaze” be?
I shook my head and started the car for home. There was one person in the world who thought I was extraordinary and I didn’t have to change one damned thing. I just had to love him, which was as natural to me as breathing.
Only when I got home, neither Danielle nor Cody was there. There was a note right next to my forgotten cell phone, telling me that Cody had come down with a fever, so she took him to the hospital.
I was back in my car like a shot. I broke every speed limit to get to the hospital, where I nearly mowed down none other than Jonah Riley as I raced through the entrance to the ER. “Oh my God! Are you following me?”
He started to say something, but stopped himself. Clearly he saw the state I was in. “No. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I snapped as I pushed past him and raced into the building. I immediately forgot about Jonah when I reached the triage desk. I asked the nurse about Cody. They promptly took me through the double doors to the examination areas. I saw Danielle before I saw Cody. She was chewing her fingernails as she waited. I could hear Cody crying on the other side of the curtain.
“Danielle!” I sprinted to her side. “What happened?”
“He was running a fever,” she explained. “They think it’s an infection.” I opened the curtain, where I saw a doctor and a nurse checking Cody
head to toe. He was raising holy hell as they inserted the scope into his ear. He was crying so hard, his whole body was beet red. He opened his arms out to me immediately. “Mama!”
The doctor moved aside so I could rush to him. “Mama’s here,” I assured him. I glanced up at the doctor. “What’s wrong?”
The doctor withdrew the scope. “Inner ear infection,” he said. We watched Cody tug helplessly on his ear as he wailed. “He’s got a fever of 102, so he’s a miserable little guy.” I nodded as I cuddled Cody close, cooing to him to calm him down. “We gave him something for the fever. He should feel more like himself before you know it. It’s over-the-counter, so you can pick some up on your way home.” I nodded again. “We have some forms for you to fill out, but you should be on your way shortly.”
I was familiar with the forms. We had no insurance, so we paid for these types of thing out of pocket. Cody began having these infections when he was nine months old, so there had been a couple of emergency room visits that set us back hundreds of dollars simply because we couldn’t wait until the next day to head to a clinic.
I filled out the forms, adding one more major expense to our tight budget, before taking Cody and Danielle back to the trailer. The fever had begun to subside, so Cody was asleep by the time I let us into the darkened apartment. I didn’t even bother to put him into his own bed. He would sleep with me, like he always did when he was sick.
I kept checking his forehead with my palm, to see how his fever was doing. I lay awake most of the night just watching him sleep, caressing his sweet round face with my fingers, singing every song I knew softly, hoping it would give him pretty dreams. When Mama got home a little before two o’clock, she knocked on the door to see how he was doing.
“He’s better,” I said. She nodded and walked into the room, to rest her hand on his head.
“Thank God,” she breathed. “I couldn’t get away earlier when Danielle called. It would have left the new girl alone.”
Southern Rocker Chick Page 22
