But then he retreated and stepped away. His voice was husky when he said, “Marry me, Leah.”
Stunned, she backed up a few steps. “You’re not serious.”
“Yes, I am. I want to take care of you and the twins.”
She shook her head. “I can’t marry you. I won’t be someone else’s burden. I’m going to take care of the twins myself.”
“Be reasonable.”
“I am being reasonable. Duty isn’t a good basis for marriage.”
His eyes sparked with desire. “We have more.”
One of the babies started crying then.
“I have to look after them,” she said as an excuse to end the conversation. But as she turned, he caught her arm.
“This discussion isn’t closed, Leah.”
She could see the determination again in his eyes, but she knew she would never marry him for anything less than the happily-ever-after kind of love she’d always wanted and dreamed of. Maybe Jeremy didn’t think the discussion was over but she knew it was, and she could be just as determined as he could.
A short while later Jeremy brought her a sandwich and a glass of milk as she sat on the sofa feeding Brooke. When Adam began fussing, Jeremy picked him up and held him on his shoulder as he walked around the room and ate a sandwich of his own.
“Do you have a pacifier?” he asked.
“On the dresser in the bedroom.”
As he went to get it, Leah realized there was something about Jeremy holding the tiny baby on his strong shoulder that made her stomach somersault and a warm feeling squeeze her heart.
During the rest of the afternoon and evening, Leah tried to forget about the kiss, tried to forget the feelings it evoked, tried to forget she didn’t want someone taking care of her. The babies slept through supper, and Jeremy didn’t return to the subject of marriage. Rather they talked of Sara and what had happened to her and how they hoped both little girls would be safe now. Yet they knew Jenny and Sara wouldn’t be truly safe until the kidnappers were caught.
After supper, Leah read a child-care book while Jeremy insisted on doing the dishes by himself. But then both babies became fussy and the two of them rocked and cajoled and paced until the infants finally settled down around midnight. The bedroom had warmed up, too, from the heat of the stove, and Jeremy carried the cradles into it. After making sure both babies were sleeping, Leah changed into her nightgown and robe, then stood in the doorway watching Jeremy page through the child-care book by the light of a battery-operated lantern he’d bought that morning.
As if sensing her there, he turned. Rising to his feet, he carried the lantern with him and stopped in front of her. “You’d better sleep while you can. I’ll keep the fire going.”
“I want to thank you again for what you did for me last night…for what you did today. I’m very grateful.”
“I’m a doctor. I would have helped any woman in the predicament you were in last night. And today…well, I’m the twins’ father. I’ve wanted kids for so long—” He stopped abruptly, and Leah thought she saw pain in his eyes. Deep pain.
“Anyway,” he said, “I’ll keep watching the stove. You keep watch over the babies and if you need me, yell.” Then he tipped her chin up and put the lightest of kisses on her lips before moving away.
Leah held her fingertips to her lips for a few moments and slid into bed, thinking about Jeremy on the sofa.
Bedlam broke loose two hours later when both twins began crying. Leah didn’t feel adept at feeding two babies at once, besides the fact that she wanted to give them individual attention. Already she realized that Brooke was the faster eater, so she picked her up first. When she looked up, she saw Jeremy coming into the room, the top button of his jeans unfastened, his bare chest drawing her attention as she put Brooke to her shoulder.
Assessing the situation in an instant, Jeremy picked up Adam and the pacifier. “I’ll change him and walk him until you’re finished with Brooke.”
She was amazed at how easily Jeremy handled the twins. Was it because he was a doctor? As she heard Adam still fussing in the living room, her stomach tied up in knots. She felt helpless with both twins needing her at the same time. She’d have to get used to it, but she was incredibly grateful that Jeremy had stayed.
Leah fed and soothed while Jeremy walked and talked to the twins as if they could understand everything he was saying. Neither of the babies wanted to go back to sleep and both cried, but somehow Jeremy and Leah worked together through the dead of night, giving each other encouragement, learning together what worked and what didn’t. When the twins finally fell back to sleep, it was after 4:00 a.m.
“Quick, you’d better climb into bed and get a nap before they wake up again,” Jeremy teased.
She smiled, but as her gaze fell on his bare chest, she suddenly wished she could be held in his arms. Yet that wouldn’t be a solution to anything. Desire couldn’t be a substitute for true bonds and deep love.
Yet as Jeremy’s gaze traced the vee of her pink silky nightgown, then moved up to her lips, she realized the one night they’d shared had been more than desire-filled on her part.
The silence in the house intensified the vibrations between them as Jeremy reached for her— Then he dropped his hand. “I’ll check the stove. You get some sleep.”
When he would have turned away, she asked, “Have you been around babies much? You seem to know exactly what to do.”
He looked down at her, and she again sensed deep pain inside of him. But then the unguarded moment was gone and he smiled wryly. “Little people aren’t all that different from grown-up people. Good night, Leah.”
The twins were still sleeping at daybreak when Leah heard Jeremy stirring in the living room. She noticed her alarm clock was flashing and realized the electricity must have come back on. After she donned her robe and brushed her teeth, she found Jeremy scrambling eggs in the kitchen.
“Good morning,” he said.
His hair was damp and she suspected he’d gotten a shower. “You didn’t have to make breakfast.”
“You need your energy if you’re going to handle twins by yourself today. I have to get to the hospital for morning rounds, but I can come back afterward—”
“No.”
He glanced over his shoulder at her.
“I mean, I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I have to learn to handle the twins by myself. Your being here last night was a great help, but now I have to take over.”
“I see. So you want to prove to yourself that all they need is a mother?” His voice carried an impatient edge.
She couldn’t tell him he was wrong. “If I leave Montana, I have to be able to cope on my own.”
Her words hung between them as they quickly ate breakfast. When Jeremy would have done the dishes, she insisted that she would do them herself. He looked in on the twins before he put on his jacket, and she followed him to the door. Leah could see a single lane had been plowed up the street, but Jeremy would have to dig his car out.
“I have a snow shovel out back,” she offered.
“I have one in the Jeep. It won’t take me long to dig out. The snow’s light.”
As he looked down at her, his eyes became as deep a green as she’d ever seen them. “I know you want to stand on your own two feet, but there’s a time to be proud and a time to put pride aside. You might not want to marry me, but that’s not going to affect the kind of father I intend to be. Babies change quickly and grow too fast, and I’d rather not miss any of it. So whether you want my help or not, I’m going to be checking in every day to make sure you’re all right and to make sure the twins have everything they need. And I want you to call me if you need me. Will you do that?”
She would do what was best for her babies and if that meant calling Jeremy, she would. “I’ll call you if I need you.”
Taking her chin in his hand, he bent his head. His lips sealed to hers in a fiery kiss that reminded her she had needs as a woman. Abruptly ending the kiss,
he broke away.
She felt dazed as she gazed into his eyes.
“I’ll stop in again tonight,” he said.
She just nodded.
Turning, he left her house and started for the Jeep.
Leah closed the door wondering if all women felt confused after childbirth, wondering if all women felt as if their world had been turned upside down.
Monday passed in a blur for Leah. Adam was fussy all day and hardly slept. While she fed Brooke, her son cried and she felt guilty for not being able to give him the attention he needed. When she fed him, he still fussed and cried, and she began to worry. There was no break for a nap, and it seemed as if she hadn’t slept in a week. Bessie stopped in after working a shift at the trading post, but Leah didn’t want to burden her with caring for babies. Still, Bessie took care of her later in her own way by sending a casserole over for Leah’s supper.
Around 8:00 p.m., Jeremy called to tell her he’d planned to be there by then, but something had delayed him at the hospital. Leah assured him she had everything under control…but she didn’t. She was up all night with Adam and, by Tuesday morning, she was exhausted and worried sick. When she called the pediatrician who had checked the babies before they’d left the hospital, she learned he’d gone away for the Christmas vacation. Another doctor was covering his practice. But a few hours later, he hadn’t returned her call and Adam was still crying.
It was around two in the afternoon when she called Jeremy, telling herself not to sound like a hysterical new mother. Trying to stay calm and composed, her voice catching only slightly, she told him she was worried about Adam and didn’t know what to do.
After listening, Jeremy responded immediately. “I’ll call in a favor. Hold tight. I’ll get right back to you.”
He was as good as his word. In five minutes her phone rang and she answered it with Adam on her shoulder. Jeremy said, “Dr. McGruder will be there in an hour. He’s a gastroenterologist and good with kids. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Leah had never expected such special treatment. “I don’t know how to thank you…” Her voice broke.
“You don’t have to thank me. They’re my babies, too,” he said to her. “We’ll get this worked out.”
Grateful when Dr. McGruder, a balding gentleman in his late fifties, knocked on her door, she answered all of his questions about her diet, as well as questions about Adam. He was examining her son on the kitchen table when Jeremy arrived.
“Well, George, what do you think?” Jeremy asked him.
Speaking to Leah as well as Jeremy, the doctor said, “I think we should put him on a special formula. And from the looks of this young lady here, it won’t hurt to have him on a bottle so someone else can feed him.”
“Are you sure that’s what’s best?” Leah asked, hating the idea of not breast-feeding Adam.
“Adam has already benefited from your breast milk. And you can give your son just as much attention as your daughter. It will simply be different. If Adam takes to this formula, we’ll know it’s what he needs. Let me write it down for you.”
Jeremy took the slip of paper from the doctor’s hand. “I’ll go into Whitehorn and get whatever you need.”
Too frazzled to argue, Leah felt like having a good cry, but she wouldn’t give in to the urge. She didn’t want Jeremy to think she couldn’t cope. Before the doctor left, she told him to bill her for the visit, but he shook his head. “Jeremy and I are friends, and we do each other favors when we need it. Don’t you worry about it.”
For more than an hour, Leah rocked and walked Adam until Jeremy returned with the special formula and bottles that had nipples designed for infants who were breast-fed. He’d also bought a breast pump. Somehow Brooke slept through all the commotion. After they readied a bottle, Leah sat in the rocker with Adam. It took him a while to catch on to sucking from the bottle, but soon he did. Not long after, he fell asleep in her arms.
“Using the pacifier probably helped him adapt to the bottle.” Jeremy gently brushed Adam’s chin with his thumb. “He’s exhausted. And you are, too.”
Tears began rolling down Leah’s cheeks then, and she had no control over them.
Taking Adam from her, Jeremy laid him in his cradle. Then he crossed to Leah and pulled her up from the rocker. “Come here,” he said gently, and folded her into his arms.
His strength seeped into her, and she held on to Jeremy as if he were a life preserver in a stormy sea. Finally she leaned away. “I don’t want Adam to feel neglected.”
“He won’t, and if the formula works, it will be easier on both of you. I’ll stay the night and feed him. You can put Brooke in bed with you and get some sleep. You need a break, Leah. I called Bessie while you were feeding Adam. She’ll take care of the twins so you can get out for a while tomorrow afternoon.”
“But I have to feed Brooke…”
“I promise we won’t be gone long. You can feed her right before we leave. She already seems to be on a schedule. We’ll be back before you have to feed her again, and I have my cell phone in case she needs you sooner. Bessie can call us, and I can have you here in fifteen minutes. Or you can express milk for a bottle.”
“But, Jeremy—”
“An hour and a half…two at the most. They’ll be okay without you, Leah, really they will.”
Her tears had released the tension that had built up inside her from worrying about and caring for the twins. But a different kind of tension started building as Jeremy still held her in the circle of his arms. “Where are you taking me?” she asked.
He smiled. “It’s a surprise. I have to go into my office tomorrow morning, but then I’ll pick you up after lunch. Around one.” Gazing down at her, he suggested, “Listen.”
Both twins were asleep for the first time in more hours than Leah could count. She smiled at him, wondering if he was trying purposefully to make himself indispensable to her.
Because if that was his intent, he was succeeding.
Across from Jeremy in the Jeep the following afternoon, Leah sat quietly. He wondered if she was thinking about the twins or maybe about Christmas only two days away. She’d been quiet ever since he’d picked her up. But she looked rested and relaxed and that’s what was important. She’d slept last night between Brooke’s feedings. When he’d gotten up to feed Adam, he’d looked in on her and couldn’t help standing there watching for a while. She’d been curled on her side, her long black hair splayed across the pillow, Brooke beside her. Finally the deep yearnings inside him had made him turn away and go back to the sofa.
All of his life, Jeremy had wanted a large family. He’d been loved by both his parents, but separately. His mother had remarried and moved to England; his father lived in Oregon. He’d spent winters with his father and summers with his mother. While his parents were married, Jeremy had hated their fights. But after their divorce, he’d hated their coldness toward each other more, and he’d dreamed of a whole family with strong bonds and deep caring that were a glue that lasted a lifetime.
His wife, Gwen, had also wanted several children. She’d wanted nothing more than to stay at home and care for them. If only she’d waited for him to go shopping with her for baby furniture that day. If only…
No more if-only’s. Leah and Adam and Brooke could be the family he’d always dreamed of.
After he turned off the main road, Jeremy drove up a hill and turned into the plowed long driveway. Leah was peering through the frosted window, and he tried to see his home through her eyes. The cedar-sided, multilevel house nestled between cottonwoods and pines. With snowcapped mountains rising up behind it in the distance, there was a rustic country look to the setting that always gave him a sense of peace.
Pulling up in front of the garage, he braked and switched off the ignition. When he shifted toward Leah, he said, “Welcome to my home.”
“Oh, Jeremy, it’s lovely. How long have you lived here?”
“Almost five years.” They’d begun building it soon
after Gwen had learned she was pregnant.
Before Leah unfastened her seat belt, Jeremy climbed out and hurried around the Jeep to open her door. She smiled up at him, and he didn’t think she’d ever looked prettier. She’d braided her hair into one long plait down her back and tied it with red ribbon, her bangs fluffed softly on her forehead. She was wearing a denim skirt and red blouse with boots today, and he couldn’t believe how much he desired her, how much he wanted to keep her in his life.
Offering her his hand, he helped her down, then walked with her to his front door, which was sheltered by a small portico. He unlocked the door and let her precede him inside.
There was the warm glow of polished wood everywhere—from the hardwood floors to the rich-grained wide trim bordering the doors and windows. The main floor was open space. Bookshelves divided the living room from the dining area, and the kitchen lay beyond. The rooms were done in blues and greens and natural colors that blended with the wood. Long casement windows let in bright sunlight. To the right of the foyer, a few steps led downstairs to a family room and upstairs to the bedrooms.
“This is beautiful.”
“Let me take your coat. I’ll light a fire, then give you a tour.”
His fingers lingered on her collar and brushed her neck. She looked over her shoulder at him, and he could see she was as aware of him as he was of her, especially now that they were alone and without their twins requiring attention. He would have kissed her then, but he didn’t want her to think he’d brought her here for that.
After he hung their coats in the foyer closet and set a match to kindling under the log, he motioned to the few steps leading upstairs. Berber carpet lined them and the upstairs hallway. First he showed her the two guest rooms and bath, then he guided her to the master suite.
A Montana Mavericks Christmas Page 12
