by Ruby Rowe
“Wait, did you get your chest X-ray?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it.”
“No, come in. I only need a minute to see my guest out.”
Regretting my decision to show up here, and wondering why in the hell I did, I step inside and wait in her small foyer. I hear voices in the living room before a man comes down the hallway with Nicole. Not stopping for introductions, he glares at me and leaves.
“Nicole, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. He’s the Wall Street guy I was telling you about. The one whom I suspect is stringing me along. He can afford to get a little jealous.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That a friend needed me.”
“Thanks.” We walk to the living room, and she turns off her television.
“So, what brings you here?” Sitting sideways on the sofa, she tucks one of her legs under her and motions for me to sit, too. I notice she’s wearing skinny jeans and a long mustard-yellow sweater, instead of her dress clothes, and it makes me curious about her job.
“Are you still in finance at that holding company?”
“Elliott…” She rolls her eyes. “Yes, I’m still employed there. What happened with your test?”
Finding it hard to breathe, I lean my head back against the cushion. Nicole will be the first person I tell, and I guess I’m needing to share the news with someone who won’t take it so hard.
“I likely have lung cancer.”
Covering her mouth, she moves across the sofa until she’s next to me.
“No, the test has to be wrong. You’ve never smoked, right? And you’re young and healthy. Well, you don’t look so healthy now, but you were.”
“Non-smokers get lung cancer, too, and my father smoked, so I was exposed to it secondhand. In addition to the X-ray, I had a CT scan and saw an oncologist today. He believes the tumor’s malignant.” Entwining our hands, Nicole nervously rubs mine with her thumb.
“I’m so sorry. What did Jake and Sailor say?”
I lift my head and look away from her.
“They don’t know. I’ve been killing time, not wanting to go home.”
“This isn’t something you can keep from them.”
“I have to until I know what the outcome will be.”
“No, you need to tell the people who care about you so they can be there for you.”
I jerk my head to look at her. “I can’t tell them, OK? Sailor’s pregnant.”
Releasing my hand, Nicole twists her long hair and holds it up in the back. She rubs her forehead, and she’s making me nervous, too.
“Wow. Um, does she know who the father is?”
“No, but if Sailor finds out I’m sick, she’ll be upset, and it could harm the baby.”
“It’s unlikely that would happen.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand. You came here because you wanted someone to confide in. Talk to me.”
“I can’t discuss the past today. I have enough emotions wrecking me. It’s like they’re another cancer, eating me up inside. I fucking hate it. What I will tell you is that Sailor can’t lose this baby. She won’t survive it, and I won’t have that on my conscience.”
“She won’t forgive you if you hide this, either.”
“If it’s cancer, I’ll tell her, but I need to know how serious it is first and what the treatment will be. I can’t tell my mother or Jake, either, and I don’t feel close enough to my other friends to let them in on the news. You already knew I was getting the X-ray, so my first thought was to come here.”
“I’m glad you felt you could tell me.”
“I don’t deserve to lean on you, and that’s why I was going to leave after I rang your doorbell.”
“I’d like to think we’re friends, and friends should be there for each other. So, what happens next?”
“I’m scheduled to get a scan that will show if the possible cancer has spread. I also have to get a biopsy of my lungs. That will be the definitive test.”
“You need someone to support you through this.”
“I can handle it on my own.”
“If you truly believed that, you wouldn’t have come here. If you’re not going to tell Jake and Sailor yet, then you’re going to let me be there for you. I mean it, Elliott. I’m going to those appointments.”
“You’ll have to miss work.”
“I have flexibility on my job.”
“What about your mom?”
“She’s healing great. Stop looking for excuses, and let me help.”
***
I open the front door, and Sailor jumps from the couch. It looks like she and Jake have been watching television.
“Hi, why are you home?” She gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m going to take a day or two off work to rest. I’m not feeling so great.”
“Yeah, I see that. When are you going to the doctor?”
“Soon. I made an appointment.”
She covers her chest. “Thank goodness you’re finally going. Dr. Raynard needs to stop writing you scripts for antibiotics when you don’t even know what the heck’s wrong.”
“I’m heading upstairs to rest.”
“OK… I was going to tell you about the baby, but it can wait.”
Fuck, how could I forget to ask? This illness is already interfering with my life, and she looks like a wounded puppy now.
“Shit, Sailor, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you about the appointment earlier today. Come upstairs and fill me in. I want to hear all about it.”
She grins, and I’m relieved she’s not upset with me.
“Hi, bro,” Jake says. “Sailor, make sure you show him the photo.”
“Oh, right.” She walks to the chair and digs in her purse. “We have a picture of the baby.”
“Already?”
“Yep. I mean, it doesn’t look much like a baby yet. Let’s go to your room so I can tell you about it while you rest.”
She follows me to my bedroom, and dropping my duffel bag on the floor, I remember I need to take my medications inside it before I go to sleep tonight. Sailor waits on my bed while I change into a pair of pajama pants.
“You’re so thin, and I don’t like those dark circles under your eyes. I’ll be glad when you see your doctor.”
Ignoring her concerns, I get in bed and exhale a long breath. It feels good to be home. I was exhausted today as I killed time before I could go to Nicole’s. I hung out in two different coffee shops when all I wanted to do was go to bed.
“OK, show me this photo.”
Sailor holds it in front of me and points.
“That’s our baby. See the little stubs for his or her arms and legs.”
Dammit, I want to cry, but I refuse, so I manage a smile instead.
“That’s remarkable.”
“I know. We even heard the heartbeat. I can’t wait for you to hear it, too. We have to make sure you can go to the next appointment.”
I was at the oncologist’s office while Sailor was learning about our baby. I bet she and Jake were both choked up by seeing this on the screen and hearing the heartbeat.
Fuck cancer.
“I’m nine weeks pregnant since they count back to the first day of my last period, and my due date is the thirteenth of September.”
Pulling Sailor on top of me, I hug her, not wanting her to see how torn up I am. What if I’m not here in September? What if Sailor’s left to have another baby without me? God, don’t let me die. If not for me, do it for Sailor.
She lifts her body and eyes me. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah.” I pinch the corners of my eyes. “I’m just really happy. We get another chance at having a family.”
“I was worried you’d be angry I was pregnant since you didn’t want kids.”
“I told you months ago that I wanted to have them with you.” I move hair off her pretty face so I can soak in the image and carry it with me for days to com
e. “Lie next to me. I want to hold you for a while.”
“I’ll sleep in here with you.”
“No, you should sleep with Jake. My coughing will only keep you up, and you need a lot of rest for the baby. Besides, what if I’m contagious?”
Even though it’s not true, I want to believe it.
“I would’ve been sick months ago if that were the case.”
“Sleep in his bed for me, all right?”
“You keep saying you’ll be fine, but my gut tells me something different. Please, don’t cancel your doctor’s appointment.”
“I won’t, baby. Now, lie here with me. I need to feel your skin against mine.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jake
“Are you sure that’s the best way to handle this?” I ask Elliott in the kitchen.
“Yep.” He fills a glass with water and downs a handful of pills.
“What if the baby’s yours? Are we supposed to spring that on the Lockwoods after the birth?”
“Yep.”
“Could you please give more than one word answers? This is a serious matter.”
He scratches the back of his head. “Sailor shouldn’t get stressed out while she’s pregnant. If she tells her parents she’s seeing both of us and doesn’t know who the father is, they’ll make her feel like shit. She’ll cry and feel guilty, and neither one is good for her or the baby.
“Trust me on this. They’re already going to have a difficult time hearing that Sailor’s pregnant out of wedlock … again. The last thing we need is for them to find out I’m in the picture, too.”
He points at me. “Oh, and you better lay on the charm thick with her mother. Since you’re not approved pedigree, it’s the only chance you’ve got at being accepted.”
“Way to build up my confidence, bro. Fine, we’ll give them the news in doses, but someday we’re going to have to tell them about you.”
“Maybe,” he replies, “or maybe not.”
“What does that mean?”
Walking out of the kitchen, he mumbles, “Nothing.” He’s been acting so strangely.
***
I try to straighten my arms as I grip the steering wheel. This tan blazer is tight at my elbows, and my navy pants are squeezing my nutsack.
“You’re fidgeting, which means you’re nervous,” Sailor says from the passenger seat.
“I’m hot.”
“It’s eighteen degrees outside.”
“OK, I’m hot and fidgety because I’m nervous.”
She rubs my shoulder. “It’s going to be fine, but if it’s not going well, we’ll leave. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve walked out on my parents.”
“That makes me feel so much better.”
“You’ve been asking since November to meet them.”
“That was before we had to tell them you’re pregnant, as well.”
“We don’t have to share the news tonight. I can do it over the phone another time.”
Taking her hand, I bring it to my lips and kiss it.
“No, I want to tell them in person that even though I don’t have money, or an Ivy League education, I will always be there for you and our baby. They don’t have to like me, but I’m not leaving until I say those words.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Pulling into a parking garage off Madison Avenue, I hand the keys over to the valet, and Sailor and I begin our short walk to the restaurant.
She grips her navy dress coat more snugly around her neck, so I pull her closer to my side and think about how she coordinated her outfit to match mine. This is the first time I can recall her doing it, so I’m curious if she dressed the part to please her mother.
I hold the door open to the restaurant, and once inside, I discover it’s a classy establishment. Thanks to my aunt and uncle, and Thatcher, too, I’ve dined at some upscale places, but this restaurant exceeds them all.
“I see they’re already seated,” Sailor mumbles before she speaks to the host. I take in the twenty-foot ceilings, white moldings, and the ornate light fixtures that dangle over the tables.
Since this is not my kind of place, I need to ask Sailor how much she enjoys the lavish lifestyle compared to the one she lives with me. Of course, she didn’t eighty-six me when I took her to Walmart. That has to mean something.
I follow her and the host to our table. Her father stands to shake my hand. He’s in his mid-fifties with salt-and-pepper hair. He’s also average height, fit and sophisticated, and I imagine he’s sizing me up, as well.
The man is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, and he’s meeting his daughter’s detective boyfriend. Why was it, again, that I wanted to meet them?
“Hello, I’m Randall Lockwood, and this is my wife, Carolyn.”
“I’m Jake Callister, and it’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Once I’ve shaken their hands, Sailor smooths out her skirt and takes a seat. After helping to push in her chair, I sit beside her.
Yes, I asked Thatcher for pointers, and yes, I’m dropping his name. His mom is still my aunt, so I think I have the right. I’ll do about anything to make this evening run smoothly.
“Jake, do you drink scotch?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Call me Randall,” he says before he orders my first drink and at least his second.
“You look lovely, sweetheart,” Carolyn says as she examines Sailor.
“Thank you.” My girl looks more like her father, inheriting his dark eyes and hair color. Her mother’s eyes and chin-length hair are a lighter, golden brown. Mrs. Lockwood did pass on to Sailor her small facial features.
“What did you think of the Super Bowl, Jake?” Randall asks.
“Seeing the Giants bring it home with that kind of point spread was fantastic.”
Giving an approving smile, he says, “I couldn’t agree more.” At least we both like football. I look at the menu, which isn’t much of a menu at all. It’s only one-sided, and I have no clue what some of the items are.
What is foie gras?
I lean over to Sailor and whisper, “Direct me to the beef.”
Giving me a sweet smile, she points to one item on the menu. Excellent. If I have meat, I’ll be happy.
“What’s your profession, Jake?” Carolyn asks.
“I’m a homicide detective for the 6th Precinct in Greenwich.”
“Interesting,” she says as she and Mr. Lockwood exchange looks.
Aaand, now I’ve lost them.
“I have deep respect for Jake’s ability to handle such a gruesome job. I can’t imagine…” Sailor says.
“Neither can I,” Carolyn adds with her hand over her chest. “Are your parents accepting of your career choice?”
“My father’s a cop, so yes, they approve. Uh, Sailor told me you’re into art. My mother owns a pottery shop in the Village. Her work is incredible. You should drop by sometime.”
“Oh, no dear,” she replies with a clipped laugh. “I’m into performing arts: the ballet, symphony, and Broadway shows.”
“Yes, but you and Dad collect paintings and statues, as well,” Sailor interjects. “I think one of Jeanine’s pieces would look great in your house.”
“I don’t get to Greenwich often, seeing as how someone doesn’t invite me over,” Carolyn replies with her eyebrows raised at her daughter.
My drink appears at the perfect time, and as much as I want to down it to ease the tension in my gut, I refrain. We place our orders, and I recall Thatcher telling me not to insist on paying for dinner. He said it would be an insult to Mr. Lockwood.
Why are there so many goddamn rules for the wealthy? It’s like they apply in public, but what happens behind closed doors is another story. In my eyes, that means they’re no better than middle-class people like myself.
Sailor grips my hand under the table, and I notice hers is sweaty.
“We need to rip off the Band-Aid. I can’t take the wait,” Sailor whispers.
“Hell, no. I think
we need to wait until we’re about to leave this joint. They don’t even know me yet.”
“It’ll be OK.” She sits up straight. “Mom … Dad, we have some news. I’m sure you’re not going to be pleased, but I’m hoping you’ll be supportive. Jake and I are expecting a baby, and we couldn’t be happier about it.”
Silence.
Stares.
More silence.
Fuck.
“Was this planned?” Mrs. Lockwood asks as Randall tosses back his scotch.
How did you let this happen again? is what I imagine Carolyn would rather ask, but Sailor claims her parents won’t acknowledge her first pregnancy.
“No, it wasn’t planned, and we were careful,” Sailor replies. “The doctor believes the herbal tea I’d been drinking interfered with the effectiveness of my birth control pills, and I wasn’t aware that could happen. It’s my fault.”
She clamps down on my hand, and I know it’s to remind me that she actually feels it’s my and Elliott’s fault since Sailor was drinking the tea to prepare her body for anal sex. We didn’t tell her to do that, but I know better than to dispute it.
“Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do then. We need to plan a wedding,” Mrs. Lockwood replies. “Don’t you agree, Randall?”
She looks at him, and he looks at me. OK, he glares at me, and oh, shit.
“It appears so, and the sooner the better.”
“Just because Jake and I are having a baby doesn’t mean we have to get married right away.”
“Yes, it does,” Randall says sternly.
“Mr. and Mrs. Lockwood, I want you to know that I will always be there for Sailor and our child. That will not change regardless of our relationship status.”
“Yes, well, our status is in jeopardy here. I’m in the public eye, and no daughter of mine is going to have a baby out of wedlock, especially with a…”
“With a what?” I reply. “A middle-class guy from the Village?”
He grips his empty glass while looking around for someone to replace it with a full one.
“Since you’re dishing out judgment,” Sailor says, “I have some of my own. I found out you two have known all these years that I was not driving the car when Rebecca died.”
“Sailor!” Carolyn snaps. “How did you find out about that? No, don’t tell me. This isn’t the place to discuss it.”
