by Quinn Ward
“But what if he only likes me calling him Daddy and doesn’t want the other stuff, too?”
I felt like I was drifting into a weird twilight zone, where Matt wanted me to be the expert on a topic I was still trying to figure out for myself. Until Jayden pushed me to open up to him, my secrets were something I swore I’d never be able to show anyone. And there were still things I wanted to try that I hadn’t, because even Jay had to have a line he wouldn’t cross.
I sat quietly as I took a few more bites of the sundae. Matt wasn’t eating, so I picked up his spoon, scooped some out, and handed it to him. He needed to help me eat it or I would get sick later. “Does Brandon know you’re little, or does he think it’s just role playing and him giving you rules?”
“Um, mostly that last part.” Matt’s cheeks were bright red, his voice quiet and uncertain. Now he was the one nervously looking around the room. He cleared his throat a few times. “I’m scared if he knew all of it, he wouldn’t like me anymore. I can’t lose him, Chase. We’ve been friends since we were little. Maybe it was stupid to think we could be a couple, too.”
“If you’ve been friends for that long, he might not be as clueless as you think.” I’d read a lot of blog posts and stories about Daddies and their boys who stumbled into the lifestyle. Maybe that was how Matt and Brandon were. “And he might not be grossed out if he knew. What are you scared about? How little are you?”
“Huh?”
In public was a bad place to talk about this stuff. And because of my stupid phone, I couldn’t even pull up the websites I had bookmarked until I got back to the room where I at least had Wi-Fi. But I didn’t want Matt confused and distracted, either. If Jay was here with us, he’d know what to do.
“Do you want to come to my room, and I can show you my stuff?” I offered, only thinking after the fact about the implications. If he said yes, there was no turning back. Somebody, other than Jay and I, would know there was little stuff shoved into the bag under my bed. He was trying to get me to leave big Pika and my blankie on the bed, saying they wouldn’t seem out of place, but they were my special things. Even if no one would have known, I would and that wasn’t okay. But Matt needed a friend who could help him bad enough it was worth the risk.
“Only if you want me to see,” Matt hedged. His words didn’t match the sparkle in his eyes that made me feel like the offer was a present he loved.
“I do,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. I was still scared, but Jay would tell me I was brave and a good friend for doing this. “Are we really going to finish all this ice cream? I don’t want to waste it, but my tummy already hurts.”
Matt’s eyes widened by the childlike reference to my stomach. My guard was dropping. I wanted to be happy about that, but I worried being friends with Matt would make me forget I couldn’t be Ash around everyone. Matt saved the day when he stood, grabbing the sundae dish. “Me too, and Da— Brandon won’t be happy if I’m too full for dinner.”
I waited until we were outside and there was no one around to put Matt’s mind at ease. “You know, if it’s easier for you to call him Daddy, you can. I won’t care.”
“But you don’t call Jayden, Daddy,” Matt pointed out. “I thought maybe that is something you can only do when you’re with him.”
“That’s because Jayden isn’t my Daddy.” A lump formed in my throat when I said it. No matter how much I wanted him to be, he wasn’t. But I didn’t need a Daddy I could call Daddy as long as I had my Jay. We had a special bond and it worked for us. That was all that mattered, like he always said.
“But you said… And I hear him at night. He tells you you’re a good boy when you get ready for bed and he reads you stories.” I was not going to run away. I did, however, start praying for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow me.
“He’s my Jay,” I stated, shrugging like it was nothing big.
“Do you want him to be your Daddy?” Matt didn’t look at me as we slowly made our way back to the suite. He glanced at my pocket a few times. I probably wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding that there was something in there. “Can I see?”
I nodded. I didn’t mind showing Matt my little Pika, but I couldn’t out here where everyone could see it. “When we get home, I’ll show you. My Jay got it for me to help me feel safe when he’s not there or when I’m scared.”
“Were you scared today?”
I nodded again. Matt draped an arm over my shoulder, giving me a quick hug. “I’m sorry I made you scared, Chase. I didn’t mean to. Daddy says I have to think more about other people sometimes. I think he’s right.”
“You were excited to know someone like you. It’s okay.” If I didn’t have the history I had, I might have felt the same way when I realized I had a friend who lived so close to me. “We won’t tell your Daddy or my Jay about me getting upset, okay? Some things can be just between us.”
“Thank you. I don’t want them mad at me.” Matt hunched his shoulders and crossed his arms. I didn’t like seeing him upset, so I stepped in front of him and gave him a hug. Maybe it was strange for two college students, but I wasn’t worried about what other people might think right then. I just wanted Matt happy again. When I released him, he smiled and said, “Thanks. I needed that.”
“Anytime. Jay says cuddles make everything better. He’s smart so he’s probably right.” Even with the phone problems, this afternoon had turned into a really good one. I felt lighter as we walked into Talbert, like I was finally able to drop a little bit of the weight I’d been carrying around now that I had Matt to talk to.
12
Jayden
“Buddy, I know you’re nervous but there’s no reason to be,” I reminded Chase as we gathered up everything we’d need for the weekend. After a month of being miserable when I went home, I finally convinced him nothing bad would happen if he came with me.
I hated being away from Chase. I found myself worrying about if he needed me, almost as much as I worried that he’d take care of himself the way he had before we’d gotten together and realize he didn’t need me.
“But what if I slip up and do something dumb?” He picked up his binkie and popped it into his mouth as he neatly rolled big Pika in his blankie before stuffing them into his backpack. “I don’t want your mom to hate me or think I’m some weirdo.”
And that was the moment I broke. He’d been doing so good ever since the day he and Matt opened up to one another about the fact they were both little, but all week he’d been dwelling on what it would mean to meet my mom and what she’d think about him.
I thought back to one of the many conversations I’d had with my uncle. He was becoming a valuable mentor to me, and it wasn’t even awkward anymore when I needed his advice. Discipline was something I wasn’t sure how to handle, so I’d called him.
Never raise your voice. If you’re angry, calm the fuck down before you talk to him. I took a few deep breaths.
“Come here, Ash.” My voice sounded scarily calm, even to my own ears, so I wasn’t surprised to see him flinch. I held out my hand before sitting down on the edge of his bed. While I didn’t want him to associate his safe space with punishments or bad feelings, there was no way in hell we were going to talk about this on my side of the room where nosy little ears could be listening from the other side of the shared wall.
I scooted back as Ash climbed up next to me. He buried his face against my chest, still sucking on his binkie. I closed my eyes and let the rise and fall of his chest calm me. I hated getting upset with my buddy but, even more, I hated hearing him calling himself weird.
“You’re perfect,” I told him, kissing the top of his head. “You’re crazy smart.” I gave him another kiss. “You’re silly and fun.” One more kiss. “There is nothing weird or dumb about you. I thought you understood that by now, but obviously you need a reminder. No one talks bad about my boy, and that includes you. Got it?”
“Yes, Jay.” My heart cracked when he sniffled a few times. “But I’m—”
“I swear, if you even think about finishing whatever you were going to say, I’m going to put you in the corner.” He hated corner time. I knew he worried I would leave him there and forget to come back when he was serving his punishment, which was why I never moved from my bed or desk on the few occasions I’d had to put him there.
Sometimes, he’s going to need a reminder that you’re there for him. He will feel better if he knows you care enough to follow through.
“You’ve had plenty of warnings, buddy, so now I’m going to have to punish you for breaking the rules again,” I explained, rubbing his back slowly to help him stay calm. “It hurts me when I hear you talk about yourself that way because that’s not how I see you. Knowing you still struggle makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to make sure you know how special you are.”
“You do, Jay. Every day, you make me feel like I’m the center of the world. But other people—”
I cut him off, unwilling to enable his low self-esteem. “Other people don’t matter. And today, you have nothing to worry about. My uncle’s going to be there, and you’ve met him before. My mom is just like him. They’re both going to love you. I promise. The only thing you need to worry about is my mom trying to baby you. She still struggles with me being on my own, and once she knows your family is hours away, she’s going to make it her mission to take care of you.”
“At least she cares.” Chase was still bitter over his parents not calling to let him know his phone would be down when they switched carriers. They called it an oversight, but he was convinced it was because he was out of sight and out of mind. Having heard bits of the conversation when he used my phone to get in touch with them, I thought he was likely overreacting, but I was always careful to not say anything that would make it seem like I was taking their side. “I’ll be good, Jay. I will try really hard to not say any bad words about myself anymore.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” I hugged him tight before allowing my fingers to slide down his spine and into the waistband of the pants he wasn’t putting back on after I got done with him. He was cute, but he looked like a caricature of what he thought a respectable boyfriend was supposed to look like in his dark-wash jeans and button-down shirt over a plain black t-shirt. I shifted around so Chase was pinned under me, leaning down so my mouth was next to his ear. “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting out of your punishment. You need a reminder all night that you don’t get to talk bad about yourself.”
“Please, don’t put me in the corner, Jay,” Chase begged me. “I’ll be good. I promise.”
“I have no doubt you’ll be my good boy, but you’re still going to need reminders,” I told him as I trailed a fingertip lightly over his chest. “But don’t worry, I have something different planned for you today.”
“Different?” His brow furrowed, then his eyes grew almost as wide as the smile that broke out on his face. “Are you going to spank me today, Jay?”
“Would my boy like that?” I tucked my fingers into the front of his pants. His hips arched off the bed, and he whimpered when the backs of my fingers made contact with his dick. “You’re already making a mess in your undies. I think you like the idea of going out with a red bottom.”
“Please, Jay,” he cried out. I lowered my body on top of him, grinding my erection against his.
I decided to tease him a bit more before letting up. “If you can be a good boy through dinner tonight, I might have a surprise for you later. I’m not going to let you get sticky now, but tonight I plan on make my buddy very, very messy. You might even need a bath by the time I’m done with you.”
“A real bath?” I knew that was something my buddy dreamed about, but thought was out of his reach as long as we were living in the suite. And it still wouldn’t be an all the time occurrence, but I was looking forward to showing him the bath toys I’d picked up earlier in the week just for tonight. “Do I get bubbles and fishes and boats, Jay?”
“Yeah, buddy. You’ll get all of that and then some,” I promised him. My dick ached for release, but I knew it’d be even better for both of us if I denied myself for now. I sat up, leaning against the wall with my legs stretched out in front of me. “But first, I think I’m going to give you that spanking you wanted. Your bottom’s going to hurt tonight when you sit down.”
“But that’s so I ‘member that I’m perfect like I am,” he said as he got up on his knees.
“That’s right. Now, you need to pull down your pants and your undies and get over here.” Chase shivered as I pointed to my lap. The way he moved, I could tell he was still in that floaty headspace where he wasn’t all Chase or Ash. That was fine by me. Either way, he was going to my mom’s with my handprints marking his ass. He stared at me, frozen in place. “Now, Ash.”
I used his little name to help him shed his inhibitions. When he still didn’t move, I leaned forward and flicked open the button on his jeans. He straightened his back, leaning forward slightly as I lowered his zipper.
“Is this what you want? You need me to strip you? Want me to wait until you’re over my lap before I pull down your undies?” I slid the pants down to his knees. He flopped onto his back, lifting his legs in the air so I could finish pulling them off. “Yeah, you need your Jay’s help, don’t you?”
His dick tented the front of his briefs and there was a growing wet spot on the front. I pressed my palm against the dampness. “Look at you. My pretty boy is getting sticky.”
“Please, Jay, it hurts again. Fix it?” he pleaded. If we didn’t have anywhere to go, and I didn’t have plans how the night would go, I might have caved when he looked up at me with those big brown eyes. He bucked up when I moved my hand away. “No, helpies. It hurts real bad.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you said bad words about yourself,” I pointed out, even though that wouldn’t have made any difference. I wanted him desperate by the time we had the house to ourselves tonight. “Now Jay has to spank your bottom, so you remember to only have good thoughts.”
“I really am sorry,” he repeated as I tugged on his hands, positioning him over my lap. He moaned and started grinding against my thigh.
I popped him on the hip as I got my wits about me. This wasn’t just the first time I spanked him, it was the first time I’d spanked anyone, and I wanted it to be good for both of us. “You know the rules, Ash. You’re not allowed to play with your winky until I say you can.”
“I wasn’t,” Ash lied, drawing the words out. “I swear, I was just trying to get comfortable. It hurts really bad, Jay.”
“Uh-huh.” I started kneading his backside over his undies. “If you keep lying to me, you might not get your spanking. And because we’re already going to be running late, you’d have to do corner time when we get to my mom’s. You don’t want that, do you?”
“I can’t!” He started to squirm away from me. I held his legs tighter so he couldn’t escape. “You’re so mean, Jay. I just want the owies to stop.”
“Then be a good boy for me,” I suggested. I chuckled as I thought about the threat I’d just made, imagining the look on my mom’s face if I put my boyfriend in the corner as soon as introductions were finished. Chase was so content when he was little, I sort of hoped that he’d eventually feel comfortable enough there to regress when others were around. It might not ever be completely, but I didn’t want him worrying about what others might think if he needed some little time. And knowing my mom, she’d probably welcome Ash with open arms, too. She’d have questions, of course, but she’d be powerless to resist loving him as much as I—
Nope. Not going there.
I pulled down the waistband of Ash’s undies, so they cupped the underside of his butt cheeks. His muscles clenched a few times in anticipation. I continued massaging him to warm up his skin a little bit. “Do you remember why you’re getting a spanking, Ash?”
“Because I was mean to me,” he responded, wiggling around some more. This time, I got the impression it was mor
e anxious anticipation than arousal.
“That’s right.” It was awkward as fuck to fold myself in half so I could press my lips to his skin. Ash moaned when I squeezed his ass. I couldn’t help myself; I pulled his cheeks apart and got my first glimpse of the hole that I’d finally be able to fill tonight. My dick throbbed in my jeans. He was going to be so fucking tight, and I’d be the first person to know the sounds he made as he came. Dinner couldn’t get over with fast enough at that point. “Because you’re a good boy, but sometimes you need reminders. I’m going to start now. Do you need your binkie so you can stay quiet?”
“Yes, please.” I leaned over to grab it, then held it in front of his face. He had to stretch to wrap his lips around it, but then he pulled it out. “Thank you for taking care of me, Jay.”
I had to swallow back the words and emotions threatening to come out. I felt like I should be the one thanking him for trusting me enough to let me do this for him. He could have balked when I first approached him. He could have told me he didn’t want to get involved with anyone he had to see every day, but instead he opened up to me. That was a gift I’d never forget.
Ash’s jaw tensed and I knew he was biting down on the nipple of his binkie as the first blow landed against the fleshy part of his ass. A pink handprint bloomed on his pale skin. I stared at it while I sorted out how I felt. When he looked back at me with such longing in his eyes, I felt bolstered to continue. With every crack of flesh on flesh, I told him what a good boy he was, how sweet and funny and cute he was. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but the corners of his mouth were turned up in a lazy smile.
When I paused, Ash whimpered, lifting his butt in the air. “Does my pretty boy want more? Are you being greedy?”
“Please, Daddy,” Ash begged as his binkie fell to the mattress. His eyes widened and his breathing grew ragged as he realized what he’d just said. He squirmed and I locked my arms around him. He was near meltdown by the time he was straddling my lap. I tightened my grip around his back. “I’m sorry, Jay. I didn’t mean… I know… I’m sorry.”
