She may be sitting directly across from me but she is blatantly not looking at me. She’s trying to appear like she’s watching what’s happening out in the black abyss outside our elevator. Really, she’s just looking at anything other than my direction. With our fancy new jewelry on, we can actually see each other enough that she can’t hide from me. I think not looking at me is as close to hiding from me as she can get.
I’ve dreamed of having a chance to be alone with her again and to tell her what happened but I also know that telling her the truth about what happened could hurt her in an entirely new way and I’d rather her only be disappointed in me and not somebody else that means so much to her.
If there was ever a time, this is it, but I just can’t bring myself to hurt her more than I already have. I’ve heard a lot of rumors since I’ve left town, but I’m not sure how much she knows or believes.
We sit in silence for what feels like forever but when I pull my phone out of the inside pocket of my blazer it says it’s only 6:23. Time is crawling at a glacial pace and the lack of communication is already about to do me in so, I take the control away from her and start talking.
“So, how have you been, Reece?” I ask myself.
“Thanks for asking, Rachel. Things have been good. Crazy, but good,” I reply to my own question.
“That’s nice. What have you been up to for the last twelve years?”
My fake conversation with her gets her attention and she shoots a glare in my direction crossing her arms but still not saying a word. So, I take the opportunity given to me and keep talking.
“Wow, the last twelve years. That’s a good question, Rach.”
Turning away from me again she better be careful or the fire coming from that side eye of hers is going to etch right through the glass.
“A lot has happened, I mean a lot. But the trajectory of it all started twelve years ago when my life changed in an instant.”
This gets her attention and a slight look in my direction that says she’s interested but refuses to admit it.
I continue.
“Life was great. High school had just ended, I was living life to the fullest with my best friends and the love of my life.”
She shakes her head and curls up within herself a little, wrapping her arms around her middle, bracing herself, yet sticking to her stubborn decision to ignore me.
“It was just a few weeks before we were all getting ready to move on to college and I couldn’t wait. I mean, I had gotten into Duke and my girlfriend would be at North Carolina. We’d be close and nothing would have to change. Life was perfect until it wasn’t. I was eighteen and put into a situation that believe it or not was somewhat life or death. If I had not made the decision I did, it would have had detrimental consequences for my family, and I had to make a decision I never should have had to. I had to put my family ahead of myself and unfortunately, my girlfriend too.”
She glances at me but doesn’t ask for more.
I continue.
“So, life changed in an instant and off I went to school. Alone. Heartbroken. Angry. Confused. This girl, the one that I had been in love with since the sixth grade, was twenty minutes away but she wasn’t mine anymore.”
Her head whips around and her lips, gleaming pink from the light around her neck, start to form words but she stops herself. If it wasn’t so dark, I swear I’d be able to see steam coming out of her ears.
“That first semester sucked pretty bad. I couldn’t focus on school and I spent way too much time driving around her campus hoping for a glimpse of her but I never found her. Not sure why I bothered. What if I had found her with someone else? What if she was happy without me when I was so damn miserable? No, I think it’s good I never found her.”
She’s back to looking the other way.
I continue.
“I finally got my shit together and got serious about school. I did nothing but live and breathe my classes. Combine my obsession with studying and all the college level classes I took in high school I was able to finish my undergraduate degree in three years. I spent the next four years in medical school where I met lots of women and dated my fair share but never found anything serious with any of them. There isn’t exactly a lot of free time when you’re in medical school but I did spend a summer in Europe with one of my classmates. She was great, but I was always comparing her and every other woman I met to my first love and none of them ever compared. I guess I never really got over her,” I say, confessing my feelings for her in the only way I can think to without basically saying I’m still in love with her.
Her hand comes up to her face and if I’m not mistaken, she’s wiping away a tear that I’m sure she would rather I not know she’s shedding.
I continue.
“Once the trip was over so was whatever was left of our relationship. With my four years of medical school finished, it was on to my residency. I was lucky enough to complete this last step in my education in only another four years. I was close to home at Oregon Health Sciences University, but so busy I didn’t make it home nearly enough. I’ll always regret not visiting more since I lost my sister the last year of my residency.”
No longer able to hide her tears I hear a quiet sob from her corner of the elevator as this memory takes her back to thoughts of my sweet sister. Kayla and Rachel were close. At her funeral a couple of years back was one of those times that Rachel forgot she hated me. The Crew all got together after spending the day mourning with me and after a few drinks she kissed me.
I don’t acknowledge her tears and continue my story still watching her as various emotions cross her pink features. I haven’t taken my eyes off her during any of my story and have no intention of doing so.
“Once again, I immersed myself in work and saved what little money I could and finished as fast as I could. I got a job at Good Samaritan in downtown Portland and had a small apartment that didn’t cost too much so I could try to make a dent in my student loans. I had been working in the ER for about fourteen months when we lost my grandmother. I was heartbroken to lose her and once again my life changed. Since my grandfather had already been gone for some time and my sister had passed my grandmother left everything to me. They may have lived in a tiny two-bedroom house but what nobody knew was that there was no debt, but lots of stocks, savings and their land was worth hundreds of thousands. My grandparents worked hard and built up their fortune and they left it all to me.”
Rachel looks at me with her mouth hanging open but still doesn’t speak.
I continue.
“I was working and making a decent living for the simple life I lived. My student loans were paid off and I had plenty left over just sitting in the bank. I, of course, kept the house. There are just too many memories there to sell. Not only were there memories of my youth with my sister that came along with the house, but there was the private road that led to the rest of my youth. It was the path that led us to The Jumps and the fields where all of our bonfires happened. It was where so many of the best moments of my life took place. I don’t think I could ever sell it.”
Accepting the fact that I’m watching her while I talk, she nods her approval at not selling Pop’s and Gram’s place. I think their land means as much to Rachel and everyone else in our little group as it does to me.
I continue.
“My life had changed, and I was free to follow through on the promise I made to my sister before she passed. She told me that one day she wanted me to find a way to use all of my schooling and skills to help abroad and not just here at home. She had always been fascinated with the Doctors Without Borders program and when the opportunity in Uganda came about, I sat down with my boss telling her what I wanted to do. She was more than understanding and told me to go keep my promise to Kayla. My job would be there when I got back. I left a few months later and I’ve been in Africa since.”
I can see a small smile on her face as she stares into the blackness of the hotel. Behind her I can see some activit
y in the elevator closest to us, but I pay it no mind. I have her attention and she hasn’t reminded me that I promised not to talk. Progress.
I continue.
“How’s Africa, you ask?” She rolls her eyes but I see her shoulders move and I think she might actually be laughing. Finally. “There really aren’t any words to describe the place or its people. The people we help are prideful and it’s hard for them but they are also humble and appreciative. To think the shots we give to them or their children could save their lives really puts things in perspective. We take so much for granted here and I love what I’m doing there. It’s heartbreaking and to see so much death and despair will stay with me for a lifetime but I’m so glad I’m there.”
“Kayla would be so proud of you. I know she’s watching you and she’s so happy that you’re there. I know she is.”
Her words, the sentiment and the tears falling down her face have me uncharacteristically welling up right along with her. She knows how much my sister meant to me and even though we didn’t talk about it much at the time she knows what losing her did to me. Rachel is still my person, whether she knows it or not.
“I sure hope so, Rach.”
Wiping my face, I take in a deep breath and feel my body sag from the relief of getting all of that out. It’s not everything, but it’s enough for now.
“So, that’s how my last twelve years have been. My dating profile says I’m single, I like long walks on the beach, bonfires at The Jumps and I can’t wait to get a dog once I’m back from Africa. I’m hoping to get a job near Eastlyn so I can move into Pop’s and Gram’s place. The question is, am I’m going to renovate the old house or build a new house on the land? Not sure yet but I’ll figure it out.”
She nods again. But stays quiet.
What feels like another twelve years go by before she finally speaks and when she does her voice is shaky but it causes my heart to thump back to life.
“I’m really proud of you,” she says sounding like she’s trying not to fall to pieces. Her whispered words fill me with pride. My parents, my sister and this woman are the ones who have always mattered to me. The ones who I care what they think.
She’s proud of me but something seems wrong.
“Rach, you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just cold.”
“Here take my jacket,” I say, standing to my feet expecting her to reject the offer but not being met with any protest.
CHAPTER 6
Rachel
With the help of the purple glow light around his neck I watch him stand and make his way to my side of the elevator.
Am I cold? I have no idea.
I’m not sure if it’s the stress and fear of being stuck hundreds of feet above the ground in complete darkness or if it’s the fact that if I heard him correctly, I do believe the only man my heart has ever truly belonged to just told me he’s never gotten over me. I may be cold but it’s the surge of adrenaline coursing through my body at the mention of him comparing other women to me and to never getting over me that has me quivering.
It’s all too much given our current situation. My nerves are on edge and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with it all. Hence, the shaking.
His six foot plus frame stands over me. “Lean forward for me.”
Without giving it a second thought, because my brain can’t handle any more, I lean forward and he slips his jacket over my shoulders blanketing me in his warmth and his clean manly scent instantly calming me. Calming me to the point of not even flinching when he sits down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and tucking me into his side.
“I’m trying really hard not to panic, Reece,” I say, hoping he doesn’t hear anything more in my words than my fear of being trapped in this dark birdcage and plummeting to our death, and not the fear building inside me because I’m afraid if I let him talk anymore I might fall again and I’m not sure my heart can handle the destruction he could surely unleash on it again.
His arm squeezes me to him and he kisses me on the top of my head whispering, “We’re gonna be okay, Rachel. I got you.”
Allowing myself to accept his comfort I turn into him resting my cheek against his chest and letting my hand slide across his trim waist grabbing on to what little material there is in his tailored shirt so I can hold on to him for dear life.
The cadence of his heartbeat picks up with my touch while his arms cradle me, his chest lifts me up and down with his heavy breaths.
We’re quiet and I can only imagine what’s going on in his head because mine is a total mess. Flashes of a charmed childhood that always included him and the other six of our group who are down there in the dark hopefully, not trapped like we are. Not only am I seeing all the happy times but all of the pain and loneliness also flitters across my thoughts.
His breathing has leveled and the beat of his heart has regulated itself as his hand has found its own soothing rhythm up and down my arm. I’m relishing the moment while it lasts, afraid if I talk I’ll ruin whatever this is, especially after everything he’s already shared.
His deep baritone voice penetrates the silence. “How about you? What have you been up to these past twelve years?”
My natural instinct, when it comes to my high school sweetheart, is to push him away. This may be my usual reaction but nothing about being trapped in an elevator with Reece Evans is usual. He hasn’t answered all of my questions but he’s given me a lot already. Maybe it’s time to play nice and let go of all the hostility. Well, maybe not all of it, but I think I’ve held onto things long enough.
“Let’s see...the last twelve years.”
His body relaxes as soon as I begin to talk. I’ve been consumed with my own reactions to being in such close proximity that I hadn’t even noticed the stress coming off him. It’s clear my willingness to share means something to him.
“Well, twelve years ago I too had just finished high school and had been having a pretty epic summer with all of my best friends and my high school sweetheart. There were bonfires and road trips. Make out sessions and underage drinking. I felt like the whole world was ahead of me and then the rug got pulled out from underneath me. All of my plans changing in an instant.”
He lets out an audible breath that flutters over my hair and tickles my face. This is hard for both of us but he had his chance and now it’s mine.
“You see my boyfriend showed up on my doorstep one afternoon and out of nowhere told me he thought it was best that we go our separate ways since we were leaving for school. Apparently, he didn’t want to be committed to anything other than his studies and he didn’t see himself having time for me once he got to Duke. The thing is…” His hand on my arm stops its calming motion in anticipation of what I’m going to say next. “...Not only had I just given him my virginity two nights before he dumped me, but I could have gone to school in-state and saved my parents a lot of money. Not to mention I would have been closer to my friends but no, I wanted to be close to him and Duke was his dream and since there was no way I was getting into Duke I got as close as I could. Enrolling in a school that was only twenty minutes away. Oh, and since we were going to drive his car across the country, I sold my car for living expenses.”
“I am so sorry, Rachel.” His words are low and full of remorse. I don’t need to look up at him to know what I’ll see. It hurts him and I know earlier he said something happened and he had a decision to make and it seems as though it was a tough one, but I think it’s only fair he hears all of this, so I keep sharing.
“I was devastated and barely got out of bed for the next couple of weeks. The last thing I wanted was to move across the country all by myself but that’s just what I did. I was a shut-in the first week but, my roommate, who is now one of my best friends, only let me hide away for that one week and then she drug me out. She made sure I not only went to class but that I had fun. Lola was from North Carolina and had lots of friends from home there and they became my people. They took care of me on the nights when
I would drink too much and cry on their shoulders because as happy as I was, my heart was still broken and I still didn’t feel quite like myself.”
He squeezes me to tell me he’s glad I found a tribe to take care of me while I was away from everyone else I loved.
“Even though it all worked out and in the end, it was good that I left Eastlyn I would never admit that to my ex.” This time I do look up at him and flash him a smile to let him know I really was okay, but he doesn’t return my gesture. There’s a seriousness about him that even the glow from his bejeweled neck can’t soften.
“Keep going,” he says looking straight ahead.
I can’t help but think I’ve been way too hard on him all these years.
“Hey, Reece?” I try to sit up but he holds me in place slowly shaking his head back and forth. “Reece, I’m really sorry about the way I’ve treated you all these years. I was hurt and I’ve been childish making it awkward for not only you but everyone. I’m really sorry.”
He finally looks at me but there’s no emotion on his face. “Don’t be. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t.”
He really didn’t.
We were kids.
My behavior would lead most to thinking I still am.
“Keep going.”
Here comes the hard part.
“Toward the end of my senior year, my mom flew out to visit unexpectedly. She was leaving my dad and wanted me to hear it in person. It turns out my daddy, you know the mayor of our home town, was actually a cheating, low life criminal.”
Reece’s heart comes to life under my ear and he stiffens. “What?”
“It turns out my dad not only cheated on my mom for most of their marriage, but he paid the local cops to cover for him and his dirty little secrets. He was quietly arrested for money laundering, though I think there’s more to that story that I’ll never know, but he pled and got a lighter sentence. They had been investigating him for over a year it turns out.”
Blackout: A Romance Anthology Page 80
