She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
I place my violin on my shoulder and play along. My bow moves across the strings at a rapid pace as I lose myself in the song.
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
My hand strums to the beat, trying to catch up. Focusing on the music, I let a few tears fall as Finn’s voicemails replay through my mind.
“We need to talk…”
“It’s not what you think…”
“Please call me back…”
“I’m coming to you…”
When I listened to the last message, I turned off my phone and hid at Reese’s apartment until this morning. It was obvious Finn had been here because of the flowers leaning against the wall and the note that lays unopened on my table.
I force myself to focus and start over as the song starts again. After two more tries, I’m physically exhausted from the concentration of learning the beats and tempo.
When I open my eyes, I scream and drop my violin on the floor. Tripp, Declan, and Ember are standing in my living room, staring at me in wonder.
“What the hell?” I scream.
“Sorry, babe. You didn’t hear me knocking.” Tripp sits next to me and picks up my violin, placing it on the coffee table.
“So you let yourself in?” I wipe my damp cheeks and try to stop my lips from quivering.
“Come here.” He pulls me to his chest.
“What are you doing here?” My voice is muffled in his shirt.
“I knew it was bad, but had no idea it was ‘Better Man’ bad.”
“It’s a great song,” I defend.
“Presley, we don’t know each other well, but you do realize I’m a career musician, right?” Declan raises an eyebrow.
“Of course.”
“So you probably know that I’m familiar with actual music, including the great Pearl Jam. That song has several interpretations, including abuse, longing, and searching for love. Under no circumstances do any of those apply to you, and you don’t need to search for love because you’ve already found it.”
“We’re ending this shit,” Tripp announces.
I stiffen. “What shit?”
“You have to talk to him. He’s a fucking mess.”
“I’ll talk to him, but I need time.”
“No!” Ember interjects. “You don’t need time… time is evil. It causes uncertainty and makes people do crazy things. I know from experience.”
“No offense, Ember, but I’m unsure why you’re here at all. If I remember correctly, you had the opportunity to stick up for me. During Raven’s diabolical rampage, you were quiet as a mouse.”
“I regret that every day,” she replies sadly.
I look at Declan, who is eyeing me with sympathy. He runs a hand though his hair and bites on his lip ring nervously. “I’m here because I lived through what you think you know happened. Finn Black is one of the best men I know, and he’s hurting. My wife, who is my fucking life, messed up. She’s devastated, and I don’t do well with her hurting.”
“Guys, I appreciate your allegiance to Finn, but—” I sit up, disengaging from Tripp’s hold.
“There is no but in this scenario. Tell us what’s going on in your head so we can help work through it.” He looks at me with determination.
I think about blowing them off and throwing them out, but don’t have the energy. Dodging Finn and trying to heal the wound that Raven caused is exhausting.
“I don’t blame him for loving her. She’s beautiful and fun. But her words and insinuations cut deep, and I’m not sure I can be with him under her scrutiny. She’s one of his best friends. They have a long history.”
“It pains me to say this, but that woman in the camper Saturday morning was not the Raven we all know. She doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body. She wasn’t thinking clearly, and she’s jealous.”
“Jealous? What the hell about?”
“She’s jealous of you, Presley,” Ember says softly. “She’s always been the baby girl to the group. Her bond with Finn is incredibly close.”
“I had some major fuck-ups in our relationship, and Finn was always there for her,” Declan adds. “When he met you, his entire world took on a new focus. She was crushed that he didn’t tell her himself. When she realized how much you mean to him, she lashed out in an unkind way. This isn’t about you. It’s about her feeling left out of his life.”
I take a second to let his words sink in, searching for my own response. Then something in me cracks and anger bubbles to the surface. Before I can stop myself, I leap up and start pacing.
“Let me get this straight. From the first time I met her, she’s made me feel unwanted and low-class. She accuses me of using Finn, insults my life, and indirectly insults my allegiance to helping raise my niece. All because Finn didn’t tell her he had a girlfriend? That is the most immature, greedy, selfish, callous, infantile, pitiless, self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic, BULLSHIT I’ve ever heard! Grow the fuck up!”
Declan growls as Ember drops her head. Tripp rubs his hand over his face, covering his mouth, but I catch his lips twitching.
“Be careful what you say here, Presley. I understand you’re upset, but that’s my wife you’re slashing apart. It’s been a year of change for us.”
“For fuck’s sake, Declan. I know all about your year of change. Finn’s told me about the mansion you bought, the arrival of your perfect and healthy children, and the postponement of your tour to stay home. I also know about your mammoth support system and the unwavering amount of love and friendship. I don’t discount that twins can be a challenge to new parents, and the shifts in your life can throw you off-balance.
“You know how I know that? Because I hauled my ass to North Carolina at twenty-two years old to help my brother raise his daughter. The same fucking brother I buried in the ground almost two months ago!”
The three of them stare at me in shock, and Tripp’s smile disappears. Then there’s a shift behind me, and their eyes go over my shoulder. I know he’s here; I can feel him in my bones, but I’m too wound up to stop my tirade.
“For three days, I’ve cried, screamed, doubted every minute I spent with Finn because of her disapproval. She made me feel like a lecherous reject out to sink my invisible talons into her precious best friend. Get over it!”
I suck in a deep breath, stop pacing, and will my racing heart to slow down. Never in my life have I ever been so brash.
“See, my girl’s vocabulary can get colorful when she’s pissed.” Finn comes to stand beside me. “Think it’s time you guys left.”
Ember looks like she may argue but nods and walks over, throwing her arms around me. “No one thinks you’re a lecherous reject. In fact, we think you’re amazing. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Remind me to never piss you off.” Tripp leans in with a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m not sure about a few of the words you used, but it was totally hot.”
Declan comes to stand in front of me, his expression remorseful. “Please accept my apologies for Raven’s behavior and making you feel so unwelcome. We’d like to get to know you better. The sacrifices you’ve made for your family are honorable. Finn’s a lucky son of a bitch. Don’t be too hard on him.”
They walk out, shutting the door and leaving me with Finn. The enormity of what I just did comes crashing down, and I sway as my knees buckle. Finn’s in front of me in a flash, picking me up and sitting us on the couch.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe the things I said. That was the mother of all hissy fits.”
“Like Tripp said, it was hot.”
I drop my head as mortification creeps up my back. “That was
psycho. I’ve never lost my temper like that before. How embarrassing.”
“Look at me.” He gently tilts my head up, giving me no option to hide. “That wasn’t embarrassing. That was passionate, and it was also true. When I walked in and heard you, it gave me hope.”
“How long have you been here?”
“The whole time. I was already here when they drove up. Hid around the corner and watched them let themselves in. Pretty sure Tripp saw me, and that’s why he left the door cracked.”
“You were here? How’d you know I was home?”
“We’ll get to that in a minute. There are other things we need to discuss. First of all, I’m sorry Raven made you feel unwelcome. I’m even more sorry her words hurt you to the point of questioning our time together. No one’s more surprised at her actions than me. She’s never been this way before.”
“Are you defending her?”
“Hell no, I’m telling you the absolute truth. But I took care of it. She knows where I stand.”
“Where is that?”
The hand holding my chin moves around my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair. “Wherever you are is where I’m going to be. She pushes you away, she pushes me away. When I heard what she said, the way she said it, and the way she insulted you, I went ballistic. The thought of losing you was like a scorching knife slicing through my heart. For the last three days, I’ve been drowning in a pool of misery. Knowing you believed her was the worst part, because you don’t know the whole story—a story I never wanted to tell you. But she’s forced my hand. So, while I wallowed in misery, I’ve watched you come and go, trying to figure out how to explain things. I couldn’t sleep at night without knowing you were either here or with Reese, safe.
“Then last night it hit me, exactly what to say. That’s why I was here this morning.”
“What are you going to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“It flew out of my head when I heard you say ‘you cried, you screamed, and doubted every minute with me’. The scorching in my chest exploded in rage that she’d had that kind of influence.”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes, but you already know that. What you need to understand is the way I love her.”
“I don’t think I need to know. It stings.”
“You’ve got an idea in your head, and it’s the wrong idea.”
“You had a life before me. I get that, but I’m not strong enough to be second choice around her and your friends. You loved her, she chose Declan, you moved on. But I’ll always know I was second choice.”
His eyes narrow, and his mouth forms a thin line. He searches my face with a guilty expression. “Raven and I have been friends forever, and we’ve always been close. A few years ago, after she had gotten together with Declan, she was kidnapped. It scared the shit out of me, and something changed. I felt the need to protect her from anything and anyone that could hurt her. Declan made some ill-informed decisions while trying to launch Sayge into the national music scene. Those decisions drove Raven away to Paris. I got on that plane fully convinced I was in love with her and I had eight weeks to show her.”
I flinch as my gut twists. His free hand moves to mine, lacing our fingers together. He lifts them to his mouth, kissing each knuckle. The tender touch and the look of regret brings tears to my eyes.
“I’m not going to lie. We had a wonderful trip, but she was hopelessly in love with Declan. I knew where she belonged, so I put her on a plane and stayed behind to work. Hell, I even called him to tell him she was coming back and not to fuck up again. Within a few days, they were back together. Not long after, they were re-engaged, then a few weeks later, I was asked to be in the wedding.”
“That’s ballsy,” I mutter.
“No, it wasn’t, because we realized I loved her, but in a different way. Not once after she boarded the plane back to Nashville did I regret my decision. I never thought about it again until a few days ago when you drove away. I had a nagging feeling all day that something wasn’t right. Then when your parting words replayed in my head, I felt like the ground had been snatched out from under me. Once I knew what happened, anger and disappointment blinded me.
“Never in my life have I experienced the range of emotions I’ve felt the last few days without you. Not even when Robbie was hurt and we lost our friends. The thought of losing you had me in knots. When I heard you today, playing that song, it crushed me. It was then I knew what it felt like to be completely and utterly in love.”
The air swoops out of my lungs, and I tremble in his lap. Did I hear him correctly? Does he love me? There’s scorching in my chest as my vision starts to blur.
“Presley, take a breath,” he says softly, leaning in to rub his lips across mine.
I inhale sharply, still stunned.
“Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”
I can’t move.
“Baby, I love you. I’m in love with you. I understand if it’s too soon for you.”
I shake my head, trying to clear the fuzziness and formulate words. My hands fly to his face, and I press my mouth against his, kissing everywhere.
“I lost my mom when I was fifteen years old. One of the last things she told me was to never settle for anything but true, heart-pounding, earth-shaking, devotional love. She used to say my dad was her soul mate. He never recovered from her death. Even through the years when dating, he’s never gotten serious. She told Simon and Johnny the same thing, and they thought she was crazy, but not me. I knew it was out there, and I felt it the night you kissed me at the symphony event. I told Reese the next day you had the ability to destroy me.
“That’s why I reacted like I did to Raven’s declaration. I couldn’t take falling madly in love with you to be second choice. It crushed me.”
“Presley, you’ll never be my second choice. I promise you that.”
My heart leaps for joy, and my stomach starts flipping. I launch myself toward him, taking us both back on the sofa, my body covering his. He grunts in surprise as I slam my mouth to his, kissing him hard and deep. His fingers thread through my hair, gripping tightly as I grind against him. Our tongues dance together, and I moan in appreciation when he moves his hands to cup my ass.
“Your choice, bed or couch, but in about five seconds, I’m going to be inside you. I’m going to fuck the memory of the last few days out of your head,” he rumbles against my mouth, bucking into me.
“Here, now.” I force myself back and yank my shirt over my head. His eyes land on my hot pink demi-cup bra, and there’s a growl from his throat.
He jackknifes up and switches our position, his body now over mine. We move frantically against each other. Our hands, arms, and legs tangle as the remaining clothes and shoes end up thrown in every direction of my living room. My fingers loop at the edge of my panties to slide them down when he stops me.
“Don’t move.”
I freeze as he rakes his eyes up and down, licking his lips in appreciation. A full body shiver rocks through me. The air thickens with sexual tension as I remain still, my own eyes appreciating his hard, sculpted body. It seems like Thursday night, on his bike, was a lifetime ago. His dick rubs lightly against the lace of my panties, teasing me as my stomach clenches with need.
“Finn—”
“Shhh,” he hushes me while gliding his hands up my torso. “This isn’t going to work.”
I yelp when he leaps up, bringing me with him, then throws me over his shoulder, stalking to my room.
He flips me back, and I bounce on my mattress with another shriek. “What are you doing?”
There’s no answer but the sound of my panties ripping through the room. Without a word, Finn positions himself between my legs and gives me a cocky grin before swiping his tongue against my center. I squirm on his mouth, my hands flying to his head.
“Oh my God.”
His tongue delves deep
er into me as he presses down on my thighs, holding me in place. He licks up and down, slowly moving back every few strokes to kiss a path around my swollen and aching lips. The stubble on his cheeks rubs roughly in contrast to his gentle nips and kisses. A hand slides around my thigh, and he easily slips a finger into me.
I moan in ecstasy and arch up, already on edge.
“Come for me.” He flicks my clit, and I scream his name over and over as the orgasm washes through me.
I fall back to the bed and barely feel him shift until he slowly eases inside as his mouth moves against the skin on my neck. He licks, nibbles, and pecks a path to my shoulder and back again, until he reaches my earlobe.
“I love you, Presley Chambers. You and only you. Anyone and anything that came before you is non-existent as of this moment. You are mine and I am yours.”
“I love you too.” My legs clasp around his waist. “I am yours.”
“I didn’t think it was possible, but fuck if I’m not starting to understand.” He lifts his forehead against mine.
“Understand what?” I’m confused.
“The disease… the damn, fucking disease.”
“Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure we’ve got it bad.”
He gives a moan of approval, capturing my mouth with his. Our bodies move together as he makes love to me slowly. He drives in deep and stops, lifting his head to look me in the eye.
I swallow the lump in my throat at the raw emotion pouring from his expression. His eyes grow misty, a light sheen shining as he moves an arm under my back and drops his head to my shoulder. I hold him close, both of us lost in the moment.
He loves me…
I love him…
This is it. I’ve finally found what my mom wanted me to have. This man holds my heart.
I sniff, fighting back the overwhelming emotions that threaten to erupt and turn me into a sniveling mess.
Finn senses the change and starts to glide in and out slowly, whispering his love in my ear. His strokes become faster with each moan that escapes my lips. The coiling in my stomach starts to intensify, and I suck in a deep breath to stop it. Without warning, I unwrap my legs and twist with all my strength, forcing him to his back and staying connected as I brace on his chest.
Finn Page 16
