Tate dropped a letter above my plate as he walked out. Dixie snatched it before I had a chance to read the return address.
“Whatcha got there, Dixie?” Wiley asked.
Her eyes scanned the return address. “Cass has a letter here all the way from California. It’s from someone named Kip.”
I ripped the envelope from her hand and pushed back from my plate. My body still didn’t feel right, I didn’t feel like eating. I pushed the screen door and stepped through. Before I walked away I heard Dallas scold his friend. “Why’d you do that, Wiley?”
“Sounds like it’s from her real boyfriend. I figured you’d want to know.”
I heard Dallas’ chair screech back, but I turned the corner before he could see me. I walked to the far side of the lodge near the kitchen staff cabins and sunk down against a towering cedar. I tore open the envelope and read the letter.
Dear Cassidy, (hard to write that). I wanted to let you know that the wedding is in eight days and I expect you to be there. I included the invitation so you have a viable excuse. I have everything you want to know about Jackie. I need to know you won’t run off and do something that gets you shot again. Also, I looked into the background of every victim. No connections that I could find, but it was interesting to me that three of them were survivalists, two of the men and the last woman. The men had actually competed in it, a month in the woods with nothing but a knife. I couldn’t find anything that would help you. I did look up crimes involving blood and it was interesting to note that a medical facility in Pocatello was robbed two months ago, two weeks before the first attack. They stole blood typing kits, IV equipment, and some other medical stuff I can’t spell. It had to do with blood, so I printed the article for you. Might be nothing though.
Take care of yourself and I’ll see you in a week,
Kipper
I folded the letter and slipped it in my back pocket for safe keeping. I pulled out the article and skimmed over the paragraphs. It matched Kip’s description in his letter: equipment lost, and no money taken or damage caused. The only part that he’d neglected were the suspects’ name, Miles Tennison and an unnamed associate. I wished there was a picture, and I wondered why Kip hadn’t thought to find one for me. I made a mental note to either look up the name myself, or find a way to ask Kip to do it.
I shoved the article in my pocket and pulled the last item from the envelope. It was Kipper and a red headed bride to be. She was a little thicker than I’d imagined for someone as rail thin as Kip, but his goofy smile said he’d found the one. That was good enough for me.
“Good letter?” I looked up to see Dallas standing above me. He crouched down and kicked his legs out in front to sit nearby. He ducked his head when I didn’t answer and said, “So you do have a boyfriend back at your fancy school?”
I handed him the wedding announcement as I said, “Ex-boyfriend. It’s been, gosh, seven years almost.”
As Dallas examined the photo, his apprehension faded. “You dated this schmuck? I’m feeling better about my chances now.”
I snatched the invitation back and tucked it in the envelope. “He’s a good guy.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t marry you while he had you.”
“He probably would have if he thought I’d say yes. He knew me better than that.”
“Are you going to the wedding?”
“If Tate can spare me.”
“You need a date?” he asked with a suave tilt to his head.
“Not this time.” When he feigned shock, I shrugged. “He didn’t give me a plus one.”
“So he can have someone new, but you can’t?” His boots bumped against my arm.
I nudged him back. “Isn’t that how exes go?”
That earned me a soft chuckle. Satisfied with my explanations, his eyes turned soft. “You’re looking better. How are you feeling?”
“A little jumpy,” I said. I nodded my head toward Wiley and Dixie as they left the dining room together. “They’re getting close.”
“They were in there talking about the trip like it’s a date. I figured we were all supposed to go out together, so it couldn’t be a date.”
I laughed at his logic. “We could beat them at their game and go out on our own date.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dallas agreed, but I could see that he was only teasing.
“Pick me up at seven?” I asked as if we were teenagers again.
“I’ll be out on errands all day in town, but yeah seven sounds good.”
I started to wonder if we were still playing, but lacked the nerve to ask.
He pushed himself to his feet and extended a hand down to me. “We better get to feeding, or everyone is gonna get on our case.”
I let him pull me up, but I didn’t drop his hand. Little traces of Cassidy seeped free of my lips. “Are you going to cash in that rain check yet?”
He knew exactly what I referred to. “If I ever get up the nerve.”
My pulse jumped at the thought of kissing him again and because of it, I let him hold my hand on the way to the hay stacks that sheltered my hidden knife.
♦ ♦ ♦
I hated working with Alexis. She was abrupt to the point of rude. She often shoved me to get me out of her way, rather than issue a polite word. I thought she and Isabelle would get along well if they had the chance. She wanted to take the rides and I was happy to have her gone. Instead, I spent the morning with the wheelbarrow and manure.
The day didn’t go right. Someone had scheduled more riders than we had horses to suit, and two came up lame and unable to be ridden. Alexis returned from her midday ride and screamed at me until veins popped out of her neck. I felt tears pull at the corners of my eyes until I couldn’t blink them back. Even after she left with the riders we could fit, I wondered where the break in my steel walls had come from. I didn’t cry, Cassidy didn’t cry and yet it was as if I was someone else, some strange hybrid I didn’t understand.
I explained the mix-up to the visiting guests and they got their money back. I returned to the wheelbarrow and the mess that had been made in the scuffle. As I tried to push a saddle to the top rack without any luck, I crumbled and sat in the dirt. It was too much. I was no closer to solving the case, my legs hurt, my back was still screwed up from being thrown from a cliff, and I’d developed strong feelings for two separate men, neither of which could ever become a real relationship. The final thought occurred to me as an afterthought, And I’m still diseased.
I’d almost forgotten. My symptoms had all but vanished in my time at the ranch. I wasn’t sure if it was the horses, or if I had convinced myself that Cassidy Billings didn’t have multiple sclerosis. Either way, it wasn’t a part of my life for the first time in five years and I’d never felt so free.
♦ ♦ ♦
I went back and forth all day on whether the date was real or not. When Dallas didn’t show up for dinner, I decided he’d been joking all along. I fed the horses, took a shower and changed into my yoga pants and a vintage tee. I’d come to think of Cassidy’s clothes as my own. I took a few minutes to admire my toned figure in her tight jeans from time to time. I understood why Cassidy wore the things she wore, because I couldn’t wait to put them on in the morning. My time in her skin had awakened a vanity within me that I’d never known.
I took out a notebook to scribble down a few thoughts, but ended up distracted as I sat on my mattress. I left my door open to my cabin, despite the warning from Tate to keep it closed and locked. The four inch blade I’d hidden under my mattress gave me an unrealistic confidence. After all, I was a good shot, but I’d never fought with a knife before.
I listened to the crickets and frogs for a moment, content with the sounds of nature and the darkness around me. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift.
Boots on the landing of my cabin step brought my head back and ripped my eyes open. Dallas leaned against the doorway and let his knuckles knock twice. “It’s seven. Is that what you’re wearing?”
>
I looked down at Cassidy’s yoga pants and then gaped back at him. “You were serious?”
A space appeared between his lips as he tried to think of something to say. “And you weren’t.”
I scrambled to my feet and started shuffling through my dresser. “Five minutes, all I need is five minutes.”
Laughing, he let himself lean diagonally in my doorway. “You probably already ate, didn’t you?”
I grimaced as I turned back to him. “But you didn’t.”
He shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”
Diving back into my drawer I held up a finger behind me. “Five minutes.”
“Or we could stay here. Two-Bit and Phoenix are watching a movie in their cabin. They said we could come if we wanted,” he suggested.
I slammed my dresser drawer shut and smiled broadly. “I’m fine with that.”
His boots echoed against the cabin floor as he reached out for me. “Come on then.”
Taking his hand, I followed him from my cabin, closing the door behind me. Two-Bit’s cabin was closer to the lodge and I enjoyed the moment to hold Dallas’ hand and remember what I’d once been. There had been a time when I didn’t worry about the inevitable end, where I didn’t take stock of every symptom I’d felt that day as a way to evaluate exactly how much time I had left before the ‘big one’ struck. There had been a time when I’d been happy, truly happy, and on that walk to Two-Bit’s cabin, I was happy again.
♦ ♦ ♦
We stayed late at Two-Bit’s. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what the movie was about because I was focused on Dallas. The way his left arm pulled me close as we sat on the end of Phoenix’s bed and the way his right hand linked with mine. Every now and then I felt his lips brush over my temple as if he couldn’t help himself from being close to me. The nineteen-inch TV put out meager light in the dim cabin, and I was happy for the sense of privacy. Near the end of whatever we watched, I turned my face to his. Light flashed over his features as some action sequence unfolded on the screen. With deliberate caution, he pressed my hand over his heart. The thumping inside his chest bounced back against my palm, not racing, but strong.
I nodded and whispered, “Me too.”
There was no other interaction between us for the rest of the movie. I couldn’t help my disappointment. As the credits rolled, Dallas pulled me to my feet. We said goodnight to the other two and I tried to ignore the knowing smile that Two-Bit shot me. I feared we weren’t as sly as I’d thought.
“It’s not even cold out here,” Dallas said as we stepped off the porch. “You know, my phone actually worked for a little bit in town today, and I was able to see the weather for the next couple weeks. It’s supposed to get hot.”
“How hot?” I asked.
“Nineties next week, and possibly over a hundred after that. They’re calling it record setting temperatures.”
I let my head fall against his shoulder as we walked and I felt his head rest against mine for a second.
“Here’s hoping they’re wrong.” Despite the warmth of the night air, I pulled close to Dallas. “Thanks for tonight. It was really great.”
“I’m glad.” The gentle light of the crescent moon caught his sweet grin.
There was something special about him, a timid confidence I wanted to pull free so that he could be the man I had a feeling he wanted to be. As we stopped at my stoop, I kissed his cheek on impulse. I felt his hands at my arms, tight and tense, as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to push me away, or pull me close.
With his lips only five inches from mine I asked, “Do you want to come in for a minute? Dixie’s gone.”
“Yeah, I’d like that,” was music to my ears.
I pushed open my door and flipped on the light. My mattress took up most of the room, so I offered Dixie’s bed as a place to sit. Dallas didn’t take the offer, instead he walked around the room, taking in all of the trinkets and pictures Dixie and I had put up in our three weeks together. His gaze found my mattress on the floor.
“You know that goes up top, right?”
I pulled a face and shrugged. “I like it on the floor.”
He wasn’t willing to let it go. “Why?”
I fought the urge to chew on the inside of my lip and laced my fingers in my hair instead. “I’m claustrophobic, and the ceiling is too close up there.”
“Why don’t you take Dixie’s bed when she’s gone? I use Wiley’s all the time.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
As Dallas sunk onto the edge of Dixie’s bed, his stomach growled loud. I remembered his lack of dinner and my mouth fell open. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving,” he said, “but it can wait. I’d rather be here with you.”
“I’m sure I have something in here.” I ducked into the space underneath my empty bunk bed and started shuffling through my things. Dallas rose from Dixie’s bed and knelt on mine. I heard his stomach again and I dug deeper.
My hand wrapped around the shiny wrapper of a granola bar at the same moment that the ringtone sounded. It’d been so long since I’d heard my phone make any sound, I didn’t recognize it. By the time I did, Dallas had it in his hand.
“How do you get reception here? I haven’t had a call all summer.”
I didn’t want to lunge at the phone because it would be impossible to explain. For the same reason, I couldn’t rip the phone from his hand. I could only wait and spin lies as I needed them.
“Hello, Cassidy’s phone,” Dallas said in a sing song voice. He waited and said, “Actually, she’s busy.” I stuck my hand out for the phone, but Dallas ignored me. “Cousin or not, she’s busy.”
My mouth went dry as I realized Ryder was on the other end of the line. “Dallas, let me talk to him a second.”
Dallas pushed himself to his feet and walked to the other side of the cabin. “Look, man to man, I’m working on something here. Can’t she call you back tomorrow?”
I went to Plan B and calmly pulled the phone from his grasp. I pressed the granola bar into his chest and set the phone to my ear. “Ryder?”
There was a deep sigh. “I wasn’t sure if something had happened to you. Who was that?”
I felt guilt press in on me. “That was Dallas. He works here.”
Dallas’ eyebrow shot up as if to say, “I think this is more than coworkers.”
“It’s nearly ten. I thought you’d be asleep, not entertaining guests.”
“We were watching a movie,” I answered. “I’ll go to bed soon.”
Dallas scoffed. “Is he your mother or something?”
I pressed my finger to my lips to shush him, but Ryder heard him anyway. “Look, I was worried about you. Mom told me not to call. She said it would distract you, but obviously you have distractions already.”
There was so much I wanted to say to him, a reminder about who had moved on first, or how badly I’d felt the last time we were together, but I couldn’t with Dallas in the room.
“Can I call you later?”
“Tell me you’re safe,” he said after a pause.
“I’m safe,” I said and the line went dead.
The familiar pain that accompanied Ryder’s voice seeped back into my chest. Dallas moved to my side and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I’m sorry,” he said into my ear. “I didn’t mean to mess that up.”
My forehead pressed into his collarbone with the weight of my day. “You didn’t, my cousin and I have been pretty messed up for awhile.”
“Still, I’m sorry.” He pulled back and frowned. “I should go. We both need sleep.”
I nodded and followed him to my door. He paused at the doorway for a moment and turned back to me. “If there was someone else, you’d tell me, right?”
“Yes,” I lied. “But there isn’t anyone else.”
He ran his tongue over his bottom lip before he said, “But there was someone else, wasn’t there?”
My thoughts drifted bac
k to the moment on the bluffs outside of Ryder’s lighthouse. It felt like another life, a different Lindy.
“Be honest with me,” Dallas said.
Honest. I couldn’t begin to think about what that meant anymore. I’d told so many lies that they’d all become truths. I couldn’t find my way out and worse yet, I didn’t want to.
“There was someone else, but it’s over.”
Dallas took my hand, squeezed it, and pressed his lips to my cheek for a second or two before he said, “Goodnight, Cassidy.”
Once he was gone I locked my door and slid to the floor. For once I wanted Dallas to say, “Goodnight, Lindy.”
Chapter 20
The next day, as I stood in the pouring rain and waited for guests to return from their photography excursion in the valley, I really doubted Dallas’ warning about an impending heat wave. It’d been sunny when we’d left on the trip, but just about the same moment we descended into the valley, the clouds burst. My family of seven thought it was fun, but I knew it was only a matter of time before they changed their mind.
We’d been overbooked again, but not in horses, instead in wranglers. Normally a group of seven would be assigned to two wranglers, but because of the shortage of staff, it was left up to me. I hurried them back to their horses as the newest deluge broke overhead. The water felt warm as it fell, but my wet clothes released a shiver in my body. I swung up onto Toby and reined him back to the trail. I had a full set of riders behind me, and I checked back periodically to make sure they were all in line. The ride back was always shorter. The horses were eager to return to the corral and their dinner. I tried to listen to the mother, Helen, as she told some mundane story about the PTA, or some such nonsense, but I found it hard to focus as Toby pranced from side to side. I could feel his tension, and kept the reins taut out of fear that any sign of freedom would send him tearing up the trail at breakneck speeds.
“So I told Madeline that if she wanted the crepe paper flowers…”
Helen droned on behind me and I nodded dutifully. Thunder cracked directly overhead and Toby leapt sideways into the bushes.
Saddles & Sabotage Page 19
