by Ella Jade
“I’ve had months to think about it. I’m trying to move forward.”
“That’s a good plan. It’s best for you and Zoey to get on with your lives.”
I was far too close to this situation. Any advice I offered would look like I had an ulterior motive. I do have ulterior motives. After spending time with Kara, my perception had changed. I wanted to get to know my daughter more than anything but I wanted Kara in my life too.
“I’d like to see you again.” I stepped closer to her. “I’m going to leave now.”
“You don’t have to.” When her breath danced across my lips, I realized I was far too focused on her mouth. I had been all night. “I didn’t mean to scare you away. I just wanted you to know this is out of the norm for me.”
“I understand.” That was why I had to leave. She needed space and I had to figure out my next move. I hadn’t expected to develop feelings for her, especially not in such a short time. That wasn’t like me at all. “Zoey likes to read.”
“Yes, she’s advanced for her age.”
Of course, she is. So was I. “I saw the bookshelf in her room.”
“She loves to collect books. We read together almost every day.”
“I sit on the board of a library and I’ve recently helped restore it. They have an amazing children’s section. I’d like to take you and Zoey. We could spend some time there and then we could have lunch.”
“I’m sure she would love that.”
“Would you?” I closed the space between us, deliberately crossing the line I wasn’t meant to cross. That was classic me. I took risks and crushed limits. That was how I always got what I wanted.
She sucked in a breath as she nodded. “Very much.”
“I’ll pick the restaurant this time.” I winked. “As much as I enjoyed The Fun Place, I think we can do better.”
“As long as they have chicken fingers.”
“They’ll have whatever I want.”
“You’re used to getting what you want, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t decided if that’s a gift or a curse.” I ran my finger along her smooth cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow and we can set a date.”
“Okay.” When she dropped her gaze to my lips, I lost my resolve. “Zoey will be so excited.”
“I hope her mother will be too.”
As I tilted my head, she closed her eyes in anticipation. Gently pressing my lips to hers, I kissed her tenderly but I wanted so much more.
Don’t I always?
7
Kara
“Well?” Carla was at my door five minutes after Xavier left. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” I poured two glasses of wine and settled on the couch. “He’s a dream. Such a good listener and you should see him with Zoey. She fell asleep on the couch and he offered to carry her up to bed. He’s so sweet.”
“And then what happened?” Carla placed her glass on the coffee table. “I didn’t expect him to leave so soon.”
“That might have been my fault.”
“Why?” She tossed the throw Zoey had used during the movie over her legs. “Did you turn him down? I don’t blame you. You did just meet him and Zoey was asleep upstairs. Billionaire or not, you have to have standards.”
“It was nothing like that. He’s so polite and endearing. I know what we read about him being savage about his business and a lot of people don’t like his tactics but when he’s around me, he’s not like that.”
I thought about our encounter in the kitchen. How he took my hand when I talked about Josh. And, then, again in the hallway before he left. He’s been so supportive, telling me Zoey and I were better off.
“How did you scare him away?”
“I brought up Josh a few times.”
“Why the hell would you do that?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, realizing how stupid I’d been. “He’s so easy to talk to. I feel comfortable with him.”
“So, he’s in the friend zone?”
“It’s too soon to tell but we’re seeing him again.”
“We?”
“He’s taking me and Zoey to some library he helped redevelop.”
“Helped?” Carla scrolled on her phone, deep in research mode.
While she was occupied with her search, I sipped my wine and thought about the friend zone. Why would X be interested in me as a friend? Had I given him the wrong message when I told him I hadn’t brought anyone around Zoey? Or, maybe he got the wrong vibe when I brought up Josh so many times. What was wrong with me? Why would I bring up my ex?
“Do you think I screwed up by talking about Josh?”
“Well, you might want to back off with that next time. Maybe you could ask him about his life?” She held out her phone. “He’s modest.”
“What do you mean?”
“The library in question had a flood. He had the whole place renovated and replaced all the books. He recently had the building dedicated to Elaine Hightower.”
“Who is that?” I asked as I read the article.
“She was a socialite with a huge trust fund.”
“Was?”
“She died a few months ago in an accident aboard. It was on a yacht.” She took back her phone. “I’ll look her up. I don’t remember all the details.”
“What does she have to do with X?”
“She came up in the search engine when I looked for him.”
“She was beautiful.” There was something hauntingly familiar about the woman Carla had shown me. I didn’t know her but I felt like I’d seen her before. “Did you find anything?”
“She was linked with Xavier years ago. It looks like they may have dated. They’re pictured at a few events. This one was from seven years ago.”
“He looks the same.”
“He knows how to wear a tux.”
“There’s nothing more recent. Well, not anything leading up to her death. I don’t think they were together then.”
“Even if they weren’t, it must have been tragic for him to lose a friend or whatever she was to him.” I stared at Elaine’s photo, wondering who she was to X. Did he still mourn the loss? “The yacht caught on fire?”
“Six people were on board. They were celebrating her birthday.”
“That’s awful.”
“He doesn’t appear to be seeing anyone now.” Carla scrolled as she fiercely hunted for any dirt on X. “He’s never pictured with a love interest. Do you think he’s gay?”
“What? No.” I laughed. “Just because he’s not photographed with a woman doesn’t mean he’s gay.”
“You said you can’t tell if you’re in the friend zone.”
“I don’t feel like I’m in that zone.” I bit my lip. “Entirely.”
“What does that mean?”
“We had a moment, I guess you could call it that, earlier tonight.”
“A moment?”
“He did kiss me before he left.”
“What kind of kiss?” She poured herself some more wine. “Why are you just getting around to telling me this now?”
“Because I’m confused.” I swirled my drink around my glass. “The kiss was gentle and sweet but it ignited some serious passion within me. Even though he was being careful with me, there was an intensity in his delivery. I think he was holding back because he doesn’t think I’m ready.”
“Maybe he’s apprehensive because of Zoey?”
“I thought that too. I told him I didn’t bring men home and that I’m careful around her.”
“He’s being respectful. That’s kind of hot.”
“He has a lot of hot characteristics.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
“So you can hit him up for money for your latest fundraiser?”
“There’s that.” She smirked. “Why don’t we do dinner? Me, you, X and Keith? I’ll make reservations someplace swanky in the city.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Not yet.�
� I wasn’t sure where X and I were headed. “I haven’t even gone on a date with him.”
“You went to The Fun Place.” She rolled her eyes. “He came back. That’s impressive.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Then let me watch Zoey and you could go on a date.”
“Maybe.”
“Ask him out.”
“I’m not that forward.” I would like to spend some time alone with him so I could get to know him better. “Let me see how the library thing goes and then I’ll go from there.”
“Don’t chicken out.”
“I won’t.” I might. “We may not even be compatible.”
“You won’t know that until you have sex.”
“Carla?” I was nowhere near ready for sex. I’d been with one guy. My jerk of an ex-husband and to say he was boring in bed might be too kind of a description. “I can’t think that far ahead.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“Have you seen him?”
“Okay, get the date squared away and we’ll go from there.”
“I’ll try.”
“What am I going to do with you?” She hugged me. “We need to get you back in action and Xavier is just the man to do it.”
That’s what scares me.
Xavier
As we walked inside the library, Zoey skipped along holding both mine and Kara’s hands. To anyone observing us, we looked like a family. A happy one at that. In one weeks time, this little girl, my little girl, had totally captivated me.
She and Kara had on matching leather boots that stopped at their knees. They both wore dresses and had curled their hair. I imagined them giggling as they got ready for our lunch date. The two of them made a perfect pair but I wanted to fit into their equation. I wanted to be there when they got ready. Tucking Zoey in at night, and then having a glass of wine with Kara as we discussed our day seemed like an attainable goal. One that I had never seen for myself until now.
My attorney was not thrilled with me at the moment. But during our last meeting, she had said that I didn’t have many rights when it came to Zoey. Because my name wasn’t on the birth certificate, I had no rights to custody, visitation, or paying child support. Plus, there was the matter of establishing paternity. There was no doubt in my mind that Zoey belonged to me but legally, we needed a DNA test.
The whole process of DNA, custody, and establishing my parental rights seemed too lengthy of a process. It could take years to set it all straight. It also seemed too disruptive for Kara and Zoey. In my heart, I knew the truth. Did it matter if Zoey never really knew who I was? Couldn’t we forge forward from here and start our lives together? I could still be the only father she ever knew.
According to John, if I were going to go that route, I’d have to relinquish control. He wasn’t convinced I’d be able to do that when it came to Zoey. He was probably right but given my options, I didn’t have solid footing when it came to my daughter. Not yet.
“Do you like my new boots?” Zoey stuck out her foot to show me. “They’re just like Mommy’s.”
“They’re perfect,” I said. “You look beautiful.”
“Mommy looks beautiful too, right?” Zoey asked.
“Zoey,” Kara whispered.
“Mommy looks stunning,” I admitted.
“Stunning,” Zoey repeated. “Does that mean pretty?”
“Yes.” I stared into Kara’s eyes. “It does.”
“Thank you.” She quietly looked away but I noticed the blush in her cheeks.
Had I embarrassed her with the truth? I had to find a way to navigate our relationship. Was she interested in more than a friendship? Was she overly cautious because of her daughter? How could I explain to her that I would never hurt them? Telling her the truth might be a good place to start.
“Look at all the books!” Zoey exclaimed.
“Shh.” Kara pressed her finger to her lips. “We’re in a quiet space, remember?”
“Oh, right.” She looked up at me. “Sorry.”
“I get excited when I see all the books too.” I tapped her nose with my finger. “When I was a child, we didn’t have a lot of money, so I spent much of my time in the library.”
“Our library is much smaller than this one,” Kara explained. “Zoey’s gone through most of those books.”
“I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening here.”
As we continued into the main entrance, Penelope came toward us. Her mother was good friends with my brother and his wife. Her goal was to obtain a degree in Library Sciences. Getting her the job here was a good fit. The only problem was…
“X.” She kissed my cheek before giving me a hug, holding onto me a little longer than she should. “They told me you were coming.”
Penelope was a great kid. She was intelligent, determined, and worked hard. She was good at pursuing her goals. Too bad she thought I was one of her goals.
“Hi.” Penelope beamed at Zoey. “You must be here for the tour.”
“I love books.” Zoey took my hand again.
“Me too.” Penelope glanced at Kara.
“Penny,” I said. “This is Kara and Zoey Cartwright. “
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Penny.” Kara smiled at her.
“Nice to meet you too.”
Kara seemed sincere. Penny not so much.
“Are you friends with X?” Penny spoke to Zoey.
Zoey nodded as she moved closer to me.
“You’re lucky.” Penny grinned at me. “He’s great.”
“We have lunch reservations in about an hour,” I informed her. “I’d love for you to show Zoey the children’s library before that. She’s an avid reader. I thought you could make some recommendations for her. “
“I’d love to.” She touched my shoulder. “You know I never mind doing a favor for you.”
I caught Kara smirking as she pretended to read some titles on a display bookcase across from the circulation desk.
“Lead the way.” I motioned toward the children’s section.
“Would you like to walk with me, Zoey?” Penny asked. “I can show you some really cool stuff on the way.”
Zoey gazed up at Kara, seeking permission.
“You can.” Kara swiped the hair from Zoey’s face. “We’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay.” Zoey let go of us, took a step forward but then turned back and grabbed my hand and placed it in Kara’s hand. “Now I can go.”
“Great.” Penny’s voice was flat. “Let’s go.”
Zoey walked next to Penny, instantly taking to her as they held a cheerful conversation about princesses, unicorns, and ponies.
“Sorry.” Kara tried to remove her hand from mine. “Zoey’s very comfortable around you.”
“No.” I continued to keep her hand in mine because when our hands touched, a charge flowed through me. A surge that brought me to life. I hadn’t felt this alive in years. I wasn’t supposed to want this but I did. I wanted her. I wanted it all.
I shouldn’t but the more time I spent with Kara, the more I seemed to want. I wanted a relationship with my daughter but her mother intrigued me. More than she should. Instead of taking my lawyer’s advice and stepping away before I complicated matters any more than I already had, I decided to do things my way. I didn’t become the man I was today by not following my gut. For now, this was the path I had put myself on and now I had to see where it would lead me.
“Penny is quite taken with you.” Kara broke my thoughts of dishonesty and betrayal.
“Penny is a little young for me.” Penny and Zoey entered the children’s library as Kara and I took a seat on the couch across from the spacious area. “She’s twenty-one. I’m not interested.”
“Glad to hear it.” She crossed her legs. “I’ve been down that road.”
“Ah, yes, your deadbeat ex.”
“I thought about what you said and you’re right.”
“I like being right and it happens often.�
�� I smirked. “But what am I right about?”
When she laughed, I realized how much I liked making her happy.
“We are better off without him and I’ve decided not to dwell on him any longer. If he doesn’t want to be in Zoey’s life then that’s what’s meant to be. He doesn’t have to be her father. That’s a privilege not a right.”
“Exactly.” It’s my right. “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
“Thank you.” Her face wasn’t as bright as it was a few moments ago.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve come to the right realization about Josh but now I have to make sure I do everything I can to make Zoey’s life as good as it can be.”
“You’re already doing that,” I assured her. “I’ve never seen such a well-rounded, advanced four-year old.”
“Sometimes I think that has more to do with biology than environmental.”
“What do you mean?”
“Since meeting you, I’ve given this some thought.”
“Me?”
“I never really gave Zoey’s biological parents much energy. I’ve always considered her my daughter even if I didn’t give birth to her. Everything was done through an attorney. I never met them.”
I knew all of this but where was she headed?
“I have some health history on the biological mother’s side but not much about the biological father. I have a feeling he wasn’t in the picture.”
“Why?”
I had to swallow back the bile in my throat, trying to control my emotions. What I wanted to say was, don’t you think he would have been involved if he could have been? It wasn’t his fault that no one bothered to tell him he was going to be a father. Maybe if someone had, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I was in at the moment. Take a breath, I reminded myself. None of this is Kara’s fault.
