“They sound gorgeous. Show me.”
Raina brought Clare over to a large mahogany sideboard and glass-fronted hutch that she used to showcase several of her better pieces of china. She slid open a drawer and removed a tissue-wrapped package. Her hand shook a little as she remembered the last time she’d handled the doilies, and how she’d almost used one to mop ice cream off the front of Nolan’s trousers. A smile curved her lips at the memory. How much further had they come since then? Raina unwrapped the tissue and spread the doilies on the gleaming wooden surface of the sideboard.
“They’re rather beautiful, don’t you think?”
Each one had a round, finely woven linen center and a painstakingly created lace edge. There were four in total, each one slightly different in pattern from the other but with a floral theme that took Raina’s breath away every time she looked at them. Such craftsmanship, such patience. She envied the woman who’d created them because she doubted she would ever have been able to have produced such exquisite work.
“They’re gorgeous! And they’re perfect. Thank you. I should have known you’d find exactly what I needed,” Clare said on a note of relief.
“It’s my job to make sure you do.” Raina smiled back at her. “Clare, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you don’t seem yourself. Is everything okay?”
“Oh, it’s nothing in particular. I’m just really stressed with the reorganization of the neonatal unit at the hospital. I’m sure the pressure will drop a little once the new wing is open next month. It’s been a tough year.”
Raina nodded. “But we’re getting through it.”
Clare looked at her and smiled. “Yes, we are. We’re nothing if not determined, right?”
Raina smiled back. “Would you like me to gift wrap the doilies for you?”
“Would you? That would save me the bother, thank you.”
“Come on over to the counter...unless you’d like to keep browsing?”
“Maybe I’ll come in some other time and have a good poke around. Perhaps a day when I’m a bit less distracted,” Clare laughed.
“Good idea,” Raina agreed and walked over to the counter where she rewrapped the doilies in fresh tissue and put them in a gold box that she covered in a vibrant Christmas paper. “There you are,” she said as she finished tying a red bow around the box.
“That looks far better than anything I would have done,” Clare said admiringly.
“I get a bit more practice. I’m sure you can still diaper and swaddle a baby faster and more effectively than I ever could.”
“You could be right,” Clare conceded. “How is JJ?”
“He’s doing really great, thanks. Of course he can barely sleep for counting the nights until Christmas.”
“Good thing there are only two more to go.”
“For my sake as well as JJ’s,” Raina agreed vehemently.
A thought occurred to Raina. She knew Clare was about the same age as Nolan and probably went to the local high school at around the same time as he would have. She’d told herself she wouldn’t probe into his past, but with the opportunity presenting itself, maybe it was time she did a little poking around.
“Say, do you remember Nolan Dane?”
“Nolan? Yeah, sure. Why?”
“You know he was working on behalf of Samson Oil, don’t you?”
Clare’s mouth twisted into moue of distaste. “Yeah, I know. Seems like Royal is evenly divided about whether Samson Oil is a good thing or not.”
Raina nodded. “I know. But he resigned from that position. He’s going back to family law.”
Clare’s face brightened. “Is he? That’s great. I know everyone around here was so shocked when he left. Of course, it was totally understandable after what he’d been through but no one really expected him to leave. He’d always been so woven into the fabric of Royal, y’know? Excelled at high school—popular and great at sports. It didn’t matter what he put his hand to, he did it brilliantly. Our Nolan was quite the golden boy but never arrogant about it. Everyone liked him.”
“What he’d been through?” Raina prompted, even though her stomach curled at what she might be told. Being nosy like this was wrong on so many levels—what if she didn’t like what she heard? Raina forced herself to clear her mind of anxiety. Yes, this was Nolan’s tale to tell, but to be honest, she was done with waiting. She wanted to know. And she’d have to take whatever she heard and deal with it.
“Oh, you don’t know, do you? I keep forgetting that you didn’t grow up here. That’s a compliment by the way,” Clare said with a warm smile. “Like I said, Nolan was always a high achiever but so was Carole, his high school sweetheart. They went to college together and then on to law school. Once they got their degrees they came back to Royal and married, and a year later they had a little boy, Bennett. Nolan and Carole were the couple everyone wanted to emulate. They were successful, sure, but they were also so in love. You couldn’t look at them without feeling it.”
Raina felt each one of Clare’s words as if it was a physical blow but she tried hard not to linger on the pain. He’d had a life before she’d met him. So what on earth had gone wrong?
Clare continued, oblivious to the turmoil Raina was going through. “Carole returned to work soon after Bennett was born and I think he was about eighteen months old when it happened.”
Raina hesitated to ask but couldn’t help herself. “What happened?”
“It was awful. Apparently Nolan used to take Bennett to day care each morning as part of their routine. This particular day he heard that one of his clients had been severely beaten by her husband the night before. She called and asked him to come into the hospital to see her early, so he did. Of course that meant that Carole had to take Bennett to day care. Trouble was, she was in the middle of some really important negotiations her firm was handling at the same time and apparently she got paged while she was driving. She called her office and completely forgot Bennett was in the back of her car. They think he’d probably fallen asleep, too. Carole drove straight to her office and went to work. It was July and her car was parked in direct sunlight. Bennett died of heat exhaustion.”
Raina gasped in horror. She’d heard of forgotten baby syndrome and, while she’d never understood it, she could only imagine how unbelievably awful it would be to have it happen to you.
“Did no one at the day care call to see where the baby was?” she asked.
“Apparently they had a new staff member on and they failed to figure it out at first. It wasn’t until lunchtime that someone mentioned him. By then it was too late. Of course, the police were sympathetic but they had to bring charges of manslaughter and felony child abuse. It was just an awful time and it divided a lot of the people here.
“Poor Carole, she couldn’t live with what she’d done. Before their case even got to court she took her life. Six months after that Nolan was gone, too—to LA, where he’s been ever since.”
“No wonder he didn’t come back,” Raina sympathized. “It must have been awful for him to lose them both.”
Clare nodded. “It was a sad time for everyone who knew them but, of course, most of all for him.”
The old grandfather clock near the front door chimed the hour and Clare glanced at it in consternation.
“Oh, heck, is that the time? I really need to get going. Thanks so much for the help with the Christmas gift, Raina. I really appreciate it.” She cocked her head and looked at Raina with a funny expression on her face. “You know, you actually look a bit like Carole. Same coloring and similar features. You could almost have passed for sisters. She was beautiful, too. Thanks again!”
Clare was gone in a whirlwind of movement, leaving Raina alone with her thoughts. Her heart ached for Nolan’s loss. She didn’t even want to begin to imagine what it would be like to lose JJ; just
thinking about it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. But hearing Nolan’s story brought a lot of things into sharper focus. Like his confidence and ability with her son and his patience. Those were all characteristics of someone who was used to being with a child.
She could almost understand him keeping his past to himself, but for one thing—her similarity to his late and obviously much beloved wife. Was that why he thought he was falling in love with her? Was it simply that she and JJ represented all that he’d lost? Were they merely substitutes for the wife and son that had been torn so tragically from his life?
It was impossible to know for sure, at least until he really talked to her. But how could she encourage him to do that? And what would she do if her fears were well-founded? Could she turn him away? It would break her heart if she did, and wouldn’t she be breaking his all over again, too? He’d already lost his wife and son. But, she asked herself, could she live her life with him, knowing that he didn’t love her for herself, but instead loved her for what she represented to him?
She’d promised herself to never again put herself last in a relationship—that things needed to be on an equal footing or no footing at all. She wouldn’t settle for being second best. Which left her where, exactly, with Nolan?
Raina groaned out loud and squeezed her eyes shut. What on earth was she going to do?
* * *
Nolan walked up the path to Raina’s house on Christmas Eve, ready to collect her and JJ to take them to the service at the nearby church. He’d debated with himself, long and hard, before accepting Raina’s invitation to go with them. The last time he’d been here in Royal at Christmas, both Carole and Bennett had been alive. Bennett had been a year old and had been a complete handful in church. Not quite walking but active enough to want to be kept busy through the entire service. The memories were still so bittersweet and painful and yet, today at least, thinking about that time didn’t bring the searing shaft of pain it used to. He missed them so very much, but he’d learned he needed to move forward with his life a long time ago. The irony that his moving forward had brought him full circle, and back home, wasn’t lost on him.
From the other side of the front door, Nolan could hear JJ’s excited chatter as he and Raina got ready. After he rapped his knuckles on the door, JJ’s excited shout of “No’an!” came through clear as a bell. Nolan felt his lips turn up in a smile that dispelled any of the lingering doubt or sorrow he’d felt about attending the service tonight. He couldn’t help but admit it. It was more than nice to be wanted.
And he wanted in return. Raina opened the door wearing a vibrant red wool coat that complemented her fair skin and dark hair perfectly. He took in her appearance and a jolt of lust rocked him. Since he’d left her in her bed last Saturday, he’d been walking around in a state of semiarousal that had tormented and excited him in equal proportions. He’d wanted nothing more than to make love with Raina that night, to stay wrapped in the comfort of her arms and her body through the dark hours and to wake with her in the morning and know that she was his. But he felt their relationship was still so new, so tenuous, that he’d needed to at least try to take things slower. To allow her time to ease into what he hoped would be their future together before taking what he knew would be an almighty step for them both.
Raina had been hurt before, badly. And he’d hurt her, too. He knew it and regretted it with almost every waking thought. So it was up to him to re-earn her respect. To give her space and time to know that she could love him as much as he already knew he loved her. Which, in a nutshell, meant a whole lot of self-denial on his part. Still, he reminded himself, it didn’t hurt a man to be prepared. He patted his jacket pocket and felt the small parcel there. He’d carried it around for a couple of days now, debating when would be the right time, keeping it with him always should the opportunity present itself.
“No’an!” JJ launched himself through the front door and off the top step straight into Nolan’s arms.
Nolan caught the little boy and swung him in the air, laughing even as Raina chided the boy for not saying hello properly. After whirling a giggling JJ around Nolan tucked him up on one hip and smiled at Raina.
“Good evening. I take it you’re both ready?” he said on a laugh.
“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Raina said and smiled back.
“No’an! Santa’s coming tonight!” JJ squealed excitedly.
“So I hear,” Nolan replied, giving the little boy his full attention. “Have you been a good boy all year, JJ?”
For a moment JJ’s forehead wrinkled in a frown, then his expression smoothed. “Yup!”
“Then I guess tomorrow morning will be a whole lot of fun for you, won’t it?”
“Yup.” JJ leaned a little closer to Nolan and cupped a small hand in front of Nolan’s ear. “Mommy has a present for you,” he whispered loudly. “It’s a secret.”
Nolan looked at Raina, who was rolling her eyes.
“JJ Patterson, what did I tell you about secrets?”
“That you’re not suppos’ta tell other people?”
“That’s right.”
“But No’an’s not other people,” JJ protested.
Raina’s eyes met Nolan’s and the look they shared deepened into something else. Something that made Nolan’s heart swell on a note of hope.
“No, honey. Nolan’s not other people. He’s much more than that.”
Silence stretched between them. Nolan wished he could do nothing else but kiss Raina right now. Long and hard and deep. He wanted to demand from her what “more than that” meant to her. But he had to satisfy himself with waiting. Down the street, they heard the church bells begin to chime.
“We’d better get going.”
He carried JJ toward his SUV but Raina remained on the front path.
“Shouldn’t we take my car? I have JJ’s seat in there,” she said.
Nolan opened the rear door of the SUV and gestured to the new car seat he’d had installed a couple of days ago.
“You bought a car seat?” she asked, her voice incredulous.
“I thought I ought to,” he said simply. “Brand-new and ready for a test drive. How about it, champ?” he asked JJ. “You ready to hop in?”
In answer, JJ scrambled into the car seat and waited to be buckled in.
“You want to check he’s secure?” Nolan asked Raina, who was standing on the sidewalk, a bemused expression on her face.
“No, it’s okay. I... I trust you.”
The words were simple enough in their expression but they meant the world to Nolan. Now he had only to prove to her that she could trust him in all things—not only with her precious son, but with her heart, as well.
The service at the nearby church was well attended and, given that the congregation was primarily young families, it was kept simple and sweet and involved the children for much of it. He didn’t miss the pointed glances Raina received from several people when they saw her at his side. The only sign that she’d noticed anything was the faintest of blushes on her cheeks.
But when the service was over, it was the words of one of the older parishioners that really made her blush.
“Raina Patterson, good to see you’ve seen sense and have found yourself a decent young man,” the old woman said as they left the church with JJ holding both their hands between them.
“Mrs. Baker, Merry Christmas to you,” Raina replied courteously, but Nolan could see she was embarrassed by the attention. “This is Nolan Dane. You might have heard of his father, Howard Dane?”
The old lady eyed Nolan up and down as if he was a prime cut of meat before smiling and giving him the benefit of the twinkle in her eye. “I remember teaching your father. He was quite the rascal in his day. Are you a rascal, young man?”
Nolan heard Raina’s sharp intake of breath and laughed before
replying. “Only when absolutely necessary, ma’am.”
Mrs. Baker snorted. “Humph. Cheeky. Just like your father.” She leaned across and whispered in Raina’s ear. “I’d hold on to this one if I was you, young lady. Good men are hard to find.”
Raina was clearly speechless and could do no more than nod. Nolan reached down and gave the old lady a kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Baker. I’ll pass your regards on to my dad.”
“You do that, young man. You do that.”
By the time they left the church and headed home, JJ was still wide-awake and more pumped up than ever. As they arrived at Raina’s place, she turned to Nolan, her blue eyes troubled.
“I’m sorry about that, back at the church.”
“What for? I enjoyed it.”
He held her gaze and watched as the concern faded from her face.
“Hot choclik time!” JJ announced from the backseat.
“Are you coming in for a hot drink?” Raina offered.
“Just try and hold me back.”
Inside, Raina put on the TV and tuned in to a channel showing Santa’s progress from the North Pole. JJ sat and watched the radar blip on the screen as if his life depended on it.
“Straight to bed after your hot chocolate, JJ.”
“Can I stay up and see Santa, Mommy. Please? I be good,” JJ pleaded.
“Hey, champ, Santa’s a bit of a shy guy. He won’t come unless you’re tucked up in bed and fast asleep,” Nolan answered.
“He won’t?” JJ’s eyes grew huge.
Nolan assumed a solemn expression and shook his head. “Why don’t you come up here and sit with me and tell me what you want for Christmas.”
Raina threw Nolan a grateful look. “I’ll be right back.”
Nolan watched her go through to the kitchen, his eyes caught by the gentle sway of her hips as she walked. Her skirt was not so tight as to be indecent, but not so loose as to hide the perfect shape of her either.
“No’an, you listening to me?” JJ’s voice broke through his thoughts.
Lone Star Holiday Proposal Page 14
