by Amy Clipston
“Thank you,” she said, gathering up her purse from the floorboard. “See you tomorrow in church.”
“Have a good night,” he said.
As she climbed the stairs to the second level of the house, Lindsay smiled, thankful that she’d made a good friend.
She found the family room empty, and on the way to her room, she heard the television sounding from Trisha’s room. Glancing at her bed, she found her notepad. Although she’d had fun with Taylor, she couldn’t stop thinking about Matthew. She felt the urge to write him a letter but wasn’t quite sure what to say.
While it was easy to write to Katie and Lizzie Anne, writing to Matthew was very different. She missed him but didn’t want to sound too eager. Lifting her pen, she began to write:
Dear Matthew,
How are you? I’m enjoying my time here in Virginia Beach, but I do miss home.
Aunt Trisha is doing much better and is progressing with her therapy. I’ve gotten involved with the youth group at my former church and I’m volunteering at a nursing home. I’m very excited because I was able to help a patient who speaks Dietsch. She’s from Pennsylvania too.
How’s work? How are your sister and her family?
Katie mentioned that you’ve been going to singings. I’ve been able to see some of my old school friends, which is nice.
Aunt Trisha’s house is on the beach, and every day I go for a walk and a swim. It’s relaxing to be outside by the waves.
I hope you’re doing well. Please write back when you can.
Sincerely,
Lindsay
As she sealed the envelope and addressed it, Lindsay hoped that he’d write back.
20
Three weeks later, Lindsay burst into the den holding the certificate high above her head like a balloon. “I did it!” she yelled to Trisha. “I passed! I got my GED!”
“Yay!” Trisha yelled. “I knew you could do it. Give me a hug.”
Rushing over, Lindsay enveloped Trisha in a tight squeeze. “I’m so relieved. I was so certain I was going to flunk it.”
“I told her that she doubts herself too much,” Frank said, tossing his truck keys onto the coffee table. “I knew she could do it all along.”
“I agree,” Trisha said. “This calls for a celebration.”
“I agree,” Frank said with a grin. “Let’s go to dinner.”
“Dinner?” Lindsay said, studying Trisha. “But I thought you weren’t thrilled about going out on crutches.”
Trisha waved off the thought. “Hopefully I’ll get my walking cast on Monday. The doctor said that I should get good news at my next appointment. I can hobble around to celebrate this momentous occasion.”
Lindsay smiled. “Great. Let’s go!”
After a delicious dinner at Trisha’s favorite Italian restaurant, Frank drove into a shopping center and parked in front of a cellular store.
“What are we doing here?” Lindsay asked.
“We wanted to get you a nice gift since you worked so hard to get your GED,” Trisha explained. “Go in with Frank and pick out a phone.”
“What?” Lindsay asked. “You’re getting me a cell phone?”
“Yes,” Trisha said. “Go in the store and pick it out.”
Lindsay shook her head. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Come on,” Frank said, wrenching open his door. “If you don’t come with me, I’ll just pick one out for you.”
Lindsay followed him into the store and stared at the sea of complicated looking phones. She felt as if she’d walked into another world, a world that was foreign and strange to her after living with the Amish for four years.
“What do you think?” Frank asked. “Do you want internet access or do you just want the ability to text?”
Lindsay shook her head. “I have no idea.”
He pulled out his rugged-looking phone and flipped it open. “I don’t use internet really, but I text pretty often. Here. Take a look at it.” He handed it to her. “What do you think?”
“Honestly,” she said, turning it over in her hands. “I don’t have the need for a phone, and I hate to see you spend the money. My friends and family back in Pennsylvania don’t use them, and I’m not sure how I could keep it charged when I go back.”
“But you can use it while you’re here with us,” he said. “You can call your friends, like Taylor and Vicki.”
Lindsay considered his suggestion. She’d gone to the movies with Vicki and Heather last week, and Taylor took her out for ice cream. She could call them to make plans, but she could also use the house phone for that.
She looked up and saw the excitement in Frank’s eyes. She knew she had to let him get her the phone, but she felt as if she would disappoint Rebecca and Daniel if they found out she had one. Cellular phones were a gray area in some Amish districts, but the bishop in the Kauffmans’ district didn’t allow them except for business or special circumstances. What would she tell Daniel and Rebecca if they found out she’d gotten a cell phone?
However, on the other hand, she couldn’t bear the idea of hurting Frank and Trisha either.
“Okay,” she finally said, moving over to a display of phones. “Which one do you think is best for me?”
Twenty minutes later, they walked to the Suburban with a phone that included a keyboard, complete with a hot pink cover. Lindsay climbed into the back and fastened her seat belt.
“What did you get?” Trisha asked from the passenger seat.
Lindsay handed her the pink phone. “The salesman said it’s the best for texting.”
“Great!” Trisha said, examining it and then handing it back to her. “Good choice.”
“Thank you,” Lindsay said, slipping it into her purse.
Frank discussed work on the way back to the house, and Lindsay stared out the window, contemplating her time in Virginia and wondering how everyone was back in Bird-in-Hand. She wished that she could go back soon. Although she enjoyed being with Frank and Trisha, she couldn’t stop the feeling that she didn’t belong here. The cell phone seemed to be a symbol of how much she didn’t fit in.
The Suburban bounced into the driveway at the beach house, and Lindsay hopped out. She yanked open Trisha’s door and held out her hand, which Trisha grasped.
“You need to call Jessica,” Trisha said as Lindsay helped her climb down to the driveway. “She’ll be so proud of you when she finds out you got your GED. You can call her from your new cell phone.”
“Good idea.” Lindsay nodded. “I will.”
Frank appeared with the crutches and assisted Trisha on her journey to the door. Once they were inside, Frank hoisted Trisha up in his arms and carried her up the stairs while Lindsay followed behind them with the crutches.
Frank carried Trisha into their room to help her change into her pajamas, and Lindsay slipped into her own room and sat on the bed. She pulled the phone from her purse and studied it.
She then kicked off her shoes and headed outside through the kitchen to the deck. She descended the stairs and crossed to her favorite spot on the sand. Staring across at the waves she couldn’t help but think that the beach calmed her. Sitting on the sand was relaxing for her, much like sitting in the porch swing back home at Daniel’s house.
Lindsay dialed Jessica’s cell phone number and waited for her to answer.
“Hello?” Jessica asked, sounding confused.
“Jess,” Lindsay said. “It’s Lindsay.”
“Lindsay?” Jessica asked. “Where are you calling from? I don’t recognize this number.”
“It’s my new cell phone,” Lindsay said, crossing her legs at her ankles.
“Your new cell?” Jessica exclaimed. “You, my Amish wannabe sister, got a cell phone? How’d that happen?”
Lindsay rolled her eyes at the sarcastic comment. “It was a gift from Trisha and Frank to congratulate me on getting my GED today.”
“What?” Jessica said. “You got your GED today?”
“Yes,”
Lindsay said with a smile. “I did it.”
“I’m so proud of you! That’s fantastic. Mom and Dad are smiling down on you.”
Lindsay looked out at the waves. “I hope so.”
“You must be flying high,” Jessica said. “I wish I were there to celebrate with you. Did Trisha and Frank take you out to eat or anything?”
“Yeah,” Lindsay said. “We ate at Little Italy and then went to get the phone. I’m so glad that all of that studying paid off. I really worked hard for more than a month.”
“See? You’re good at school,” Jessica said. “You just don’t give yourself enough credit, and you used to give up too easily. Now you can start looking into college. Maybe you can come to Richmond and go to school with me. I could set up an interview for you with the admissions person, since I know her personally.”
Lindsay bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath to calm her frayed nerves. Her sister was doing just what Lindsay had feared—taking her GED achievement and turning it into a reason to nag her more about college.
“Jessica,” she said, fighting to keep her voice calm. “I don’t want to go to college, and I want you to drop the subject now.”
“Why don’t you want to go?” Jessica asked, sounding annoyed. “You just proved to yourself that you can set a goal and achieve it. College is the exact same way. Is it the money? You know Mom and Dad set up a trust for us.”
“But not everyone wants to go to college.” Lindsay sat up and mustered all of her confidence from the pit of her stomach. “It’s like Taylor told me —he has friends who went away to school, and he has friends who decided to get a job and work. Taylor is going to go to TCC because he’s not sure what he wants to do. Not everyone is going to follow your path, and I’m really sick and tired of you pressuring me.”
Jessica blew out a loud and dramatic sigh. “Lindsay, your whole problem is that you don’t see your own worth.”
“No, that’s not my problem,” Lindsay fired back. “I miss my family and friends back in Pennsylvania. I don’t want to go to Richmond with you.”
“So then go to community college back near Lancaster,” Jessica said simply. “You could go to school during the day and still live with Aunt Rebecca. She’d never kick you out. You can still have the family and the friends but also get an education. I want to see you succeed. It’s my job to look out for you. I care about you.”
“Jessica, you just don’t get it. Or maybe you’re not listening to me yet again.” Lindsay held her breath for a moment and then she shook her head and let the truth seep through her. “Jessica, the truth is that I want to be Amish. That’s why I don’t want to go to college. I’m happy and I’m content with the life I’ve built with Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Daniel. I want to be Amish, so you can just drop the college lecture.”
Jessica was silent for a moment, and Lindsay’s heart pounded in her chest. The revelation and saying the words out loud made her feel a little light-headed. She’d finally figured out where she belonged, and the knowledge seemed to set her free from the burden of her anxiety.
“Well, I have to go,” Jessica finally said. “Kim is ready to head out. We’re having dinner with Eddie and some of his friends. We can continue this conversation later.”
“Fine,” Lindsay said standing up and brushing the sand off her jumper. “I don’t think there’s anything else to say. I’ll never be like you, and I’m tired of you trying to change me. As I’ve said before, if you can’t respect me, then we have nothing to talk about.”
“Lindsay, don’t take it that way,” Jessica said. “You know I only want what’s best for you.”
“Look, I gotta go too,” Lindsay said. “Have fun with your friends.” She disconnected the call and climbed the stairs leading back into the kitchen, where she found Frank scooping vanilla ice cream into a bowl.
He faced her and gave her a concerned expression. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Lindsay said, pulling the sliding glass door closed with a whoosh.
Frank held up the scoop. “Would you like some?”
“Sure,” Lindsay said, placing the cell phone onto the table. She opened the cabinet and pulled out a white bowl. She contemplated her conversation with Jessica and her revelation while Frank filled the bowls with ice cream and then smothered it with chocolate sauce.
“I hope you like a lot of chocolate,” he said, carrying the bowls to the table.
Lindsay fetched two spoons from the drawer and sat across from him. “Thank you.”
“Did you call Jessica?” he asked, nodding toward her phone.
“Yeah,” Lindsay said, frowning despite the delicious dessert.
Frank gave her a suspicious expression. “You don’t look happy. Did Jessica give you a hard time about your GED?”
Lindsay shook her head and studied her bowl of ice cream. “She told me she was proud of me and then she started nagging me about college again. I’ve had enough of her constant criticism. It’s time she stopped hassling me about it.”
Frank scooped more ice cream into his mouth and then swiped his sprouting goatee with a paper napkin. “I’ve never told you this, but my older brother is a lot like Jessica.”
“Really?” Lindsay placed her spoon in the bowl and studied Frank with surprise. “I had no idea.”
“That’s part of the reason why he and I don’t talk much,” he explained. “Dean had ideas about what I should do with my life, and I had my own ideas. He never understood why I didn’t join the family business and stay in Roanoke or have children like he did. But Trisha and I wanted different things. It was our choice not to have children, and it was our choice to build a house here at the beach. I got to the point where I couldn’t stand his comments and I stopped answering the phone when I saw his number come up. I also avoided visiting my parents’ place when I knew he was there.”
Lindsay frowned. “So you think I should stop talking to Jessica.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t say that. But I do think that you should trust your own judgment and not let Jessica’s words get to you.”
Lindsay shook her head. “I know I should, but she seems to always upset me.”
“I know.” He folded his arms across his chest. “My brother’s words used to cut me like a knife, but one morning I woke up and realized that I was my own person. We may have the same parents, but we are different people. You and Jessica are siblings, and you share the same DNA. But you’re Lindsay, and she’s Jessica. You’ll never be the same. Don’t let her push you into something you don’t want. Your happiness is what matters.”
She felt some of the tension ease in her shoulders. “Thank you.”
“When you feel yourself getting frustrated by her words, pray about it.” He lifted his spoon. “I believe in the power of prayer. It’s helped me a lot over the years.”
“It’s helped me too,” Lindsay said softly.
“You’re a very special girl,” he said. “Don’t let Jessica’s words damage your spirit. Promise me that you won’t give Jessica the power to ruin the things that matter most to you.”
“I promise.” She smiled.
They talked and laughed about different subjects before finishing their ice cream and heading to bed. After changing into her nightclothes, Lindsay stared at the ceiling and tried to stop Jessica’s words from echoing through her mind. Her sister had managed to take the joy out of her accomplishment.
Closing her eyes, she sent a prayer up to God, asking Him to give her a sign of where she belonged and what she was meant to do with her life.
Both Frank’s words and Lindsay’s decision to be Amish echoed through Lindsay’s mind as she made her way past the line of wheelchairs in the nursing home the following morning. She’d fallen asleep thinking of Frank and Dean and the way that Frank managed to ignore and disregard Dean’s criticism. She wished she had that strength. She hoped that she could squelch the anger and frustration Jessica gave her every time she harassed Lindsay about furthering her educa
tion.
“Lindsay!” a voice hollered. “Lindsay!”
Spinning, Lindsay found Gina rushing toward her.
“It’s so good to see you,” Gina said, sidling up to her. “I think Mrs. Fisher has been asking about you. She’ll be very excited to visit with you again.”
“Good,” Lindsay said. “How is she doing?”
Gina gave a halfhearted nod. “I think she’s okay. She seems to have a bit of congestion and a cough, but I think she’ll be just fine.”
Lindsay and Gina walked to Mrs. Fisher’s room.
“Thank you for spending time with her,” Gina said. “Mrs. Fisher hasn’t had a visitor in a very long time, and I think you’re a blessing in her life.” She patted Lindsay’s arm before heading down the hallway.
Lindsay smiled. I’m a blessing in her life.
She again thought of Frank’s words from last night. No, she wouldn’t give Jessica the power to make her feel worthless. Bringing joy to a woman like Mrs. Fisher was just as worthy, if not more worthy, than pursuing a bachelor’s degree.
Lindsay greeted Mrs. Fisher’s roommate, who was eating a piece of toast and watching television, and then crossed to Mrs. Fisher’s side of the room.
Mrs. Fisher looked up from her dish of scrambled eggs and toast.
“Wie geht’s,” Lindsay said, sitting in the plastic chair next to her.
“Gut,” Mrs. Fisher said. “It’s gut to see you.”
“You too,” Lindsay responded in Dietsch. “How are you feeling?”
Mrs. Fisher shook her head and pointed to her chest. “I have a bad cough, and my chest feels very tight.”
“I’ll tell Gina.” Lindsay stood, and Mrs. Fisher reached out and took her hand.
“Please stay and visit with me,” Mrs. Fisher said. “Tell me about your week.”
Lindsay shared her news about passing the GED and also talked about going to the movies with Vicki and spending time with Taylor. While she was talking, Mrs. Fisher listened and finished her breakfast.
While Lindsay watched Mrs. Fisher straighten her prayer covering, she wondered how she felt about her daughter leaving the Amish community.
