by Ali Parker
"I can't imagine having a strong woman like her above me." He inhaled slowly. "She's beyond brilliant. I really wish we could have gotten her attention a few years back when she was looking."
"Did she interview with you guys before coming to San Francisco?" I stopped outside the closed door beside him, and gave him my full attention. None of us knew anything about Elizabeth other than she was in charge and not someone any of us really wanted to disappoint.
"She did. She was a different woman back then, but I almost think I prefer the old her." He chuckled. "Ironic what tragedy can do to people. It either fortifies us to become someone new and capable of withstanding tomorrow, or drops us in a dark hole."
"I don't know that woman. I've only known her since she came to San Francisco. Is she from here?" My interest was bordering unhealthy, but pulling back seemed damn near impossible. I needed to be asking Lizzy these questions, not some guy who sort of kind of knew her from the past.
"She grew up here, went to school, graduated at the top of her class. She taught at Washington State for a while, and then decided to join us in the corporate world. We worked to swipe her up, but she went through what appeared to be a bad divorce at the time, and needed to get out of Seattle to save her sanity.
"Who was her husband?" A cold shiver ran down my spine. She was married before? What caused the divorce? Her or him?
"He was the DA for the state. Brilliant man. Bastard and a half." The guy shook his head. "Anyway, we've decided to take Elizabeth's advice, and will be selecting your firm to help us with our next ad campaign. I think she's onto something with the third ad you proposed. Let's have a look at all of it and let the group share their thoughts with you." He paused. "You'll relay it to Elizabeth? We're incredibly proud of her."
"Of course." I followed him as the whole idea of who she was and what she was protecting herself from shifted deep inside of me.
She'd been hurt. Badly.
The thought made me want to tear down the city and break someone's teeth. Not good.
*
My phone buzzed as the airplane touched the ground, and though I'd rather have swallowed rocks than talk with Janice, I answered the call in case it was about the kids.
"Hello?" I pressed the phone between my shoulder and cheek as I unbuckled and gathered my things.
"Nate. I've been thinking a lot about everything, and I want you to know that I'm sorry." Janice's voice was soft, caring. It was something I'd been waiting to hear again for years, but now it did little to nothing. The image of her getting fucked in our bed raced over me and my stomach turned. All those years of being faithful and praying for a new phase to start, and yet she was sleeping around on me.
"I'm sorry that you ruined our lives too." I nodded to the pilot before jogging down the steps to the plane. As badly as I wanted to find Lizzy, she wasn't my priority. My kids were.
"Is there anything we can do to rebuild it? I don't want to lose you or the kids. I don't have anything without you." She started to cry.
I stopped by my car and let out a long sigh as I glanced up at the sky, seeking answers to questions I didn't really want help with. "No. Text me where you're staying so I know where to send the divorce papers."
"Nate. I'm at the house. I'm not leaving." Her voice hardened.
I got into my car and started it. "Why am I not surprised by that? You bring some nasty mother fucker into my house while I'm working myself to death to put food on the table, and you're wanting to keep the house that I paid for? Typical. This is who you are. I'm at a loss for words over all of it. All those fucking years of loving you and hoping you would wake back up and love me too."
"I do love you."
"No, you don't, and if this is how you love someone, then keep it to yourself. I'm done. Get out of the house, or I'll have the cops come and evict you." I hung up the phone and tossed it into the passenger's seat, expecting my thoughts to dwell on the overwhelming realization that I wasn't good enough for a woman like Janice. If that was the case, I had no chance at all with Lizzy.
My thoughts didn't stay there though. They moved back to our night together. She wanted to be dominated, to be owned by someone capable of not only bringing her more pleasure than she could imagine, but loving her before and after it was all over.
The loneliness I'd seen in her eyes was real. She was hurt, and something told me that her story was a lot like mine. Her husband had cheated on her. I would have bet my chances in her bed again that he had.
*
"How was the trip?" My mother pulled me into a hug as I walked into her kitchen. She was a good foot shorter than me, but I was used to her long hugs. They were a staple from childhood.
"It was good. We got the job from the new client, so Elizabeth will be happy." I kissed the top of my mom's head before walking into the dining room. "Where are the kids?"
"On the tractor with your father. Having a blast." She chuckled and sat down. "Sit down and talk to me."
I pulled out the chair closest to her and dropped down into it, letting out a long sigh. "Pat's out there with him too?"
"Yep. He's a young man when he's trying to be cool, but his papaw has a way of turning him into a giggling five year old again. He's been riding that darn tractor all day with your dad." She smiled as she reached out and touched my hand. "I know you know this, but just in case you don't... Janice cheating on you isn't your fault. It's hers."
"I know, but that doesn't make you wonder why she would feel the need to do this to me? It had to be something I did or didn't do." I shrugged, not crazy about the idea of opening up to anyone, not even my mother.
"I know, but I'm telling you that this is about her. She's a selfish young woman and thought she could find something in the arms of someone else. That never works out, Nate. Hear me." She squeezed me before sitting back. "Now, tell me when you're filing for the divorce."
"Later this week." I rubbed my fingers over my lips, getting lost in my thoughts. "Mom, do you think people that have been cheated on have the need to protect themselves? I mean, like really protect themselves. Almost by becoming hardened and callous to the chance of love again."
"Of course they do, and you can see why." She shook her head. "It breaks my heart that anyone would have to wear a mask to keep others away just so they don't hurt ever again. Don't you ever do that?"
"Not me, but a friend of mine." I let out a long sigh. "How do I reach her and pull her from that lie?"
"By loving her just as she is, Nate. People open up and love again when they first trust. Get her to trust you." She smiled. "It's your boss, isn't it?"
"How did you know?" I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to relax.
"I just do." My mom smiled.
I couldn’t help but worry over why Lizzy ran off again.
Was she protecting herself, or was something really wrong?
And if so... what?
Chapter 15
Elizabeth
The flight home was at five in the morning, and to say I was tired would have been an understatement. I got in my car at the airport and drove in complete silence to the convalescent home where my mother had been for the last few years. After she packed up and left Seattle to join me all those years ago, her illness seemed to get worse. She'd been in the home for the last two years, slowly losing her memories of me and everyone else.
A hot ball of regret lodged in my throat as I parked outside the large ornate building and thought about hurting Nate. I didn't want to, but with my mother dying and me soon to lose the last thing I felt I was clinging to, I had to protect myself more now than ever. Love could come later. When I was stronger. When I was ready.
"He's still married, you idiot." I got out of the car and took a deep breath, steadying my heart for what I was soon to face. There was nothing easy about watching your own mother try to figure out who you were. Having no siblings only made the burden to help her remember worse.
I walked to the front door and smiled at a male nurs
e as he opened the door and helped a few ladies out onto the law.
"It's beautiful out here today, hmm, Mildred?" He winked at me and turned his attention to one of the women, who had stopped just outside the door and lifted her face to the sky as if she were entertaining angels.
I walked into the foyer and tried to shake the notion that I was turning my back on something epic with Nate. I didn't need to focus on him or me at the moment. The next few hours would be about my mother and nothing else.
"Well, hello, Miss Elizabeth." The guy at the front desk stood and smiled at me.
"Vince. How are you today? Handsome as ever, I see."
He blushed. He was beyond cute and could have been my grandfather, but his sweet disposition and positive attitude always made me feel alive again.
"Aww, now, keep your compliments to yourself. I worked my whole life to get a woman like you to notice me. Now I'm just looking forward to retirement, lunch and a nap." We laughed as he lifted a key in the air. "Your mom isn’t awake yet. It's not been very fun lately. So just prepare yourself, okay?"
I nodded and walked down the hall as sadness rolled over me in great waves. I stopped outside of her door and pressed my hand to it as my knees buckled.
"She's fine. Stop this. You're okay. It's going to be fine." Devastation lodged in my chest and I took a shallow breath before pushing on the door. My mother was alone, her eyes closed and breathing deep and peaceful.
A smile touched my lips as a million memories ran across my vision. She'd been a great mother, a best friend and someone I could lean on at each point in my life. During my divorce, she was the reason I didn't run and hide in a dark hole.
Tears blurred my vision as I walked toward her and opened the windows. Five years. It had all started five years before with Steven cheating on me, and my divorce. My father died a year later, and my mother got sick shortly thereafter. Over the last two years, I'd basically lost her. She knew nothing. No one. Not even me.
I pulled the stool up beside her bed and picked up her hand, pressing my cheek to it as I let out a shaky cry. "Hi Mom. I'm here. If you can hear me. I love you so much."
There was no reason to wipe the tears from my cheeks. They weren't going to stop until she woke up and called me by name.
"I met someone. Well, not recently." I laughed, letting my guard completely disintegrate with her. She was my safe place, my welcome home no matter where we were. "He's been working for me for the last five years, and he's going through a divorce soon. I shouldn't want that to happen, but he's such a good man, Mom."
"I think he's the one, but that scares me... so much." I brushed my cheek against her hand again and squeezed. "Can you hear me?"
Nothing.
"Has Melba been taking good care of you?" I laid her hand down and reached up, brushing her white curls from her forehead and praying that she would open her eyes and give me a smart-ass remark. Where she didn't know who anyone was around her, she was still very much my mother. Funny. Bold. Sarcastic to a fault.
"Elizabeth." Melba stood by the door, a grim look on her face.
"What? Why do you look like that?" I got up and walked toward the older woman. "What's wrong?"
"I don't think we have much longer with her. They want to move her into hospice this afternoon." Tears filled the other woman's eyes as I whispered my response.
"What? No. Why?" I moved back to the bed, gripping my mother’s hand hard. "Wake up. Wake up, Mom. Tell them that you're fine. Tell them."
"Sweetheart." Melba gripped my shoulders from behind. "She's not responding to anything."
"She's breathing." I pulled from her and spun around as deep sobs rolled out of me. I was cracking. No, I couldn't. I wasn't sure how to put myself back together again. It took so long the last time.
"She's barely breathing, and for some reason, she's not willing to wake up. We had her on several machines last night, Elizabeth." She closed her eyes and let her head drop. "Let's see if hospice can help."
"Hospice? People go to hospice to die, Melba. They don't go there to get better." I was yelling at this point.
Vince appeared at the door, his warm eyes filled with pain. "Lizzy. You know we've done all we can. Spend some time with her, take off a few days and we'll get you a room. It's not going to be long."
"Right." I stepped back and lifted my hand to my face, wiping at my wet nose as I tried to figure out what the fuck I was supposed to do with the idea of my mother dying. "I'm going to grab some clothes, and then I'll be back."
"Let me drive you." Melba reached out and touched the side of my face.
"No. I need to be alone. I'll be back in a few hours." I turned and walked over to my mother, leaning down and kissing her head a few more times. "Wake up. Please. I can't do this without you. I have no one, Mom. No one."
I pulled myself together and turned, walking through the door without another word. I drove home in stony silence, packed my things and stopped by the bay before heading back. I needed to sit by the water and process how things had gotten so bleak again. I'd worked so fucking hard to make sure they never would, and yet here I was again.
At the edge of a cliff with loneliness pushing at my back full force.
I got up about the time I didn't think I could stand it anymore, dried my face and drove to the office in the darkness. It was already past eight and the building would be empty, but I could leave a note for Nate and my boss and get out of there without having to talk to anyone.
Then I could go sit beside my mother until she too left me.
Chapter 16
Nate
I couldn’t shake the fact that I needed to see her. It was greedy and fucked up, but my insides were tight, and my heart full of sorrow over knowing that she'd been through some bad shit, and was likely going through it again.
"Where are you, Lizzy?" I murmured as I headed up to the office. My kids were tucked into the spare bed at my parents’ house, and I promised my mother that I would be back in time for breakfast that next morning, but I had to see her.
I parked and jogged toward the building, more than surprised to see her Lexus in its usual spot. She was at work. Good. I needed to lay eyes on her. To touch her and force her to let me in. It wasn't about sex, but about wanting to offer her warmth, acceptance, fuck - reassurance that she was every bit of the woman I believed her to be.
The elevator took forever, and worry drove through me that she would have gotten in the other one and rode it down as I was riding up. I punched in my code at the door and walked down the hall, letting out a sigh of relief to see her light on and door open.
She was bent over her desk, her white button up shirt opened at the top from her current position. Her breasts bulged out of her bra, and though I knew it wasn't the time, my body hardened at the thought of pressing my mouth to her. I regretted not turning her over and bathing her breasts with the attention they deserved the night before.
"Elizabeth." I stopped by the door and tried to act relatively casual. "I'm surprised to find you here."
She glanced up, and I could see the puffiness around her eyes. It softened me immediately. I wanted to be anything she needed me to. Lover. Friend. Employee.
"Hi Nate." Her voice was hard. "I was just leaving a few notes. I'm going to be out for a few days."
"Something come up?" I had to ask. I wanted to know so fucking bad what was going on with her. I walked into her office and pressed my hands to her desk as she glanced up, her facade locked so tightly into place that I marveled at her acting skills.
"Yep. Did we get the deal in Seattle?" She picked up a piece of paper and walked around me, leaving me to follow her if I wanted to talk. Her skirt fit her snuggly, and damn if I wasn't undressing her by the time we walked into the large office at the end of the hall.
"Yes, and they said to tell you how proud they are of you. For who you've become." I pressed my hands to either side of the door, forcing her to stop in front of me as she tried to exit again.
"They
don't know shit about me." She glanced up, her eyes cold.
"No one does." I leaned down and brushed my nose past hers. "I haven't stopped thinking about you since you hauled ass out of my room last night. What are you scared of, Elizabeth?"
"Everything," she whispered and tucked under my arm, leaving me weak and working to get air in my lungs. A crack in the surface of her strength was exhilarating and I hated myself for wanting to tear away the walls. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet.
"You need me to focus on anything while you're gone?" I turned and walked back down to her office. The thought of not seeing her for a few days left everything dismal and gray. It was weird how much she affected me, and we've yet to break through being anything more than co-workers with a lusty desire for each other.
She stood by the window, glancing out. She was holding herself together by a string.
I walked up behind her and pressed my hands to the glass in front of her before leaning down and kissing her neck softly. "Let me take you away from this."
"Where would we go?" She turned and looked up at me. "And how long could we stay before reality set in?"
"Let me in." I reached down to touch her face as she jerked away and walked toward her desk.
"Focus on wrapping up this current project and see if you can get the board to review our final video from earlier this week. I want to lock all of this down when I get back on Monday." She didn't glance up, but I didn't need her to.
I walked to the door and locked it before moving in behind her and running my hands over her shoulders. "You're tense."
"Life sucks most days of the week, and I'm in charge of the largest ad agency in the world. Of course I'm tense. Stop pointing out the obvious." She started to relax as I worked my fingers against the strong muscles of her shoulders.
