With a conscious effort, I moved my hand from the hilt of my knife and looked to my parents. I hesitated just a moment before speaking, slipping back into my old pattern finally.
“Forgive me,” I said with a slight bow of my head that I hoped would indicate chastisement. “It has been a fraught few days and I am beyond exhausted. I spoke flippantly and without thought. I am concerned for my… friend and would like to ensure she is okay and get some rest, then I will speak to you at length about what happened.”
My mother crossed her arms and her brows knotted as she glared at me. Clearly, she was upset and fighting the urge to shed some tears which would truly annoy me, so I hoped she would hold off on that for now.
Bryan, my father, and leader of this group nodded thoughtfully as he scrutinized me. He saw something, of that I was sure and he wasn’t quite ready to understand what that was. But he seemed to see the need to give me some space.
“Go to your… friend,” he said. “We’ll let you rest and see you in a bit. Be warned though, the man you just assaulted is the father of those two poor young men and wants answers.”
“He shall have them fully later,” I assured them. “For now, I was not being flippant about the undead. Hundreds followed us from Dumfries and will be at the gate in a short time.”
“We’ll secure it,” he said before he turned away. My mother, features clouded by sorrow, followed him without a word.
As they moved away, they chivvied the crowd to go with them. A quiet word here, a promise of answers later there, and a quiet authority that had them believing in him.
“Well, that could have gone better,” I muttered to myself as they began to disperse.
“It’s your own fault,” a woman's voice came from behind me and I spun to face her, hand dropping to my knife.
The woman, young and perhaps in her mid-twenties, with a baggy shirt and brightly coloured long skirt, tilted her head as her gaze fell to my hand on the knife hilt without apparent fear. “You thinking you need that?”
“You never know,” I told her but removed my hand as her eyes met mine, just for a moment, but that was apparently enough for a spark of something to flash between us. What? Was my confused reaction.
“That was quite an entrance,” she said. Apparently, she was unperturbed by my blood soaked appearance or the threat I posed. “You’ve certainly stirred things up here. But I don’t think you’ve made any friends.”
“You’d be surprised at how many people dislike me,” I said with a grin. “By far, the majority of all the survivors I’ve met really don’t like me.”
“You seem okay with that.”
I shrugged and winked at her, “It would likely also surprise you how little I care what people think about me.”
She stood, hands on hips as she studied me with a small smile, playing around her lips. Her head bobbed slowly as though in agreement as she said, “Perhaps it would.”
“Well as fun as it’s been to upset my parents and everyone else in this place, I need to go and find my way to my friends.”
“Nice meeting you,” she said as I turned away and I shrugged in response. It might have been for her but it was just confusing for me and I was too tired to think about why. With weary steps, I went in search of Lily.
****
After some insistence from Lily I had cleaned myself up as best I could and disposed of my ruined clothing. I’d also taken the time to shave away the dark stubble that covered my face and clean my knives.
Dressed in a plain grey t-shirt and equally grey tracksuit bottoms, I sat next to her bed in the crowded room and felt somewhat relaxed for the first time in days. Jinx lay beside me, her head on my lap and a mournful expression on her fur covered face. Her wound had been cleaned and sewn up and I’d been instructed by my annoyed sister, to keep her from bothering the wound.
Cass had taken five minutes away from holding onto her brother, to insist he clean himself up too. He’d returned freshly shaven, wearing a multicoloured t-shirt reminiscent of the kind worn by new age hippies and skinny jeans with an embarrassed expression.
“It was all they had in my size,” he muttered as he joined his sister and Pat by the window.
“You look good mate,” Pat said and smirked at his friend's discomfort while Cass gave him a playful smack on the arm.
“You’re all done,” Evelyn said. She’d ignored the rest of us as best she could as she’d cleaned and re-dressed Lily’s wound. She then handed her a packet of pills and instructed her on how many to take and how often with a stern look that told her she better not forget.
“Thank you,” Lily said and my sister nodded as she rose to her feet and gathered all the medical supplies up before dropping them back in the bag.
“You should thank my brother,” she said with a flick of her eyes towards me. “He’s the one who got the medicine, at such cost.”
“I know,” Lily said and looked at me in a way that made me uncomfortable though I didn’t know why.
My sister left the room and the brittle joviality of my friends faded into a silence that was comfortable for me but seemed to make the others restless. They kept sharing glances between one another and more than once, one of them would open their mouth to speak only to change their mind.
“What happened out there?” Lily asked and I was about to reply when her eyes narrowed and she raised one hand. “Not you. I need to hear from Gregg. Everything.”
“Ah… right,” Gregg said and glanced at me. I shrugged, I’ve nothing to hide.
He began haltingly, speaking of our choice to take the road alongside the river Nith and through the village of Glencaple. He spoke of the brief fight and the deaths of the two men followed by the argument at the edge of the village.
The faces of the others were expressionless as he spoke and when I glanced at Lily, her eyes glittered and I had the distinct impression she was sitting in judgement over me. It was not a comfortable feeling.
Gregg continued with the blocked road and our need to cut across the university grounds, the huge number of undead and the refusal of my brother to come with us. He included his own initial fear and seemed embarrassed when he told Lily he hesitated.
“You did nothing wrong,” she said and the others murmured their agreement.
He continued in a stronger voice, as though buoyed up by their understanding and described the chaos of fighting the undead and our seeking refuge in the halls of residence. He seemed to emphasise that we were trapped until the drone appeared, drawing away the undead.
His description of Charlie and Reece was verbose and his cheeks coloured as he told of spending the night there, though for some curious reason he felt no need to say whose bed he’d stayed in. With a quick glance around at the rest of us, lingering for a moment on the knowing smile his sister wore, he rushed on.
The field of bones before the hospital, the crawl across the still ripe bodies stacked around the field and the curious behaviour of the Ferals. He trailed off with a sheepish grin and explained he’d left then at my instruction to try and find a car with Reece.
“What happened in the hospital?” Pat asked me and it was my turn to be on the receiving end of all their stares. Even Gregg was curious because neither Charlie nor I had spoken much when we got in the car.
“A lot of death, signs of the chaos at the end,” I began. “Charlie led me up one flight of stairs and only then pointed out the supply rooms were at the far end, past the Children's wards.”
“Oh god!” Cass said as colour drained from her face and her hands went to her belly and the baby growing within. Pat put one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.
“I made the girl stay out of sight and cleared the wards,” I said and paused a moment as the memories of that flashed in my mind without the usual pleasure attached. You’ve changed too much, that spiteful little voice in the back of my mind whispered.
“After that, I gathered up all the drugs I could and headed back. Had to fight a Feral
that was acting strange…”
“Strange how?” Lily interrupted me to ask.
“Moving slowly, sniffing the air as though searching for a scent, the usual,” I said. “The dog helped me kill it and then we left the hospital.”
“The dog helped?” Gregg said with a smirk.
“I was exhausted,” I said and his lips twitched in a smile at how defensive I sounded. “We were almost back to the road when we were seen and the Ferals gathered together into a pack before chasing us.”
“That’s weird,” Pat said.
“Not a great sign if they’re working together,” Cass agreed.
“After that, we drove away as fast as we could,” I said.
“We lost Charlie's wheelchair so need to get her another,” Gregg added.
“You said they followed you?” Lily asked quietly.
“We intended to get ahead of them and turn off the road when they couldn’t see us but the road had cars and debris we had to drive around which slowed us and then just before the road split, there were two cars across the road.”
“Ambush?” Pat asked and I shrugged.
“No idea. Either an accident or a barricade, it didn’t matter, there was no one there and it blocked our way.”
“We only had time to push one car out of the way,” Gregg said. “So we chose the one that blocked the road to here because it was the easiest to move. I don’t think we could have moved the other in time and we couldn’t go around.”
“It’s okay,” Lily said as she heard the defensiveness in his voice. “Not your fault.”
“Then we ended up here,” I added. “Drove right on in with no checks and that guy attacked me and here we are.”
“That guy is the father of the two men you killed,” Lily said and exhaled a sigh.
The others shared looks between each other again and once more, I had no idea what the problem was or why they were sharing those looks. I glanced at Lily and saw her watching me in return. She noted my bewilderment and sighed once more.
“Did you stick to your promise?” she asked softly.
“We should leave,” Cass said and Lily held up her hand.
“No, this is something we all need to know,” she said before nodding to me. “Well?”
“Of course I stuck to the promise,” I said. She doubts me?
“The two men you killed, did you need to?” she asked and I saw tears glisten wetly in her eyes. “Were they an inconvenience or a real threat to you right then?”
“They were a threat,” Gregg said and all faces turned to him in surprise.
“You’re sure?” Lily asked.
“I am,” he insisted. “I saw it as well as Ryan did. They weren’t going to let us past and they were eying our packs. At best we’d have been robbed, at worst they’d have tried to kill us.”
Lily turned her attention back to me and her face bore relief? Maybe.
“I wouldn’t break that promise,” I said and she nodded.
“You’re flexible with it though aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Perhaps if you’d been there I’d have allowed for more time to try and convince them to let us past or even leave, but you weren’t. You were here, dying or dead as far as I knew and I needed to get past them.”
“What about your brother?” Cass asked. “We’ve seen the bandage and he told Becky what happened.”
“I wouldn’t have killed him,” I said. “Maybe.”
“Oh Ryan,” Lily said. “He’s your brother.”
“He was wrong,” I said. “Those villagers recognised him I guess and that’s why they came here?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Which is why I was going to kill them. The damage had already been done with the deaths of the other two and if they were the type we suspected, then the rest of their group was likely the same. I would have killed them to ensure they wouldn’t retaliate later.”
I looked around at each of my friends, finally settling on Lily. “I was right and the insistence not to kill, not to fight, that my brother and the others here have is what will get them all killed. I wouldn’t allow that stupidity to get you killed. Any of you.”
“We get that mate,” Pat said. “This was a pretty grey area though. Could have gone either way.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Gregg snapped and we all looked at him in surprise.
“Why doesn’t it?” Cass asked.
“We’ve all seen the sort of people that have survived the end, and most of them are the biggest bastards out there, right?” The others nodded slow agreement and he continued, “Those people we both fought and believe me, I would have killed one of them if Ryan hadn’t reached him first, they were a threat. More to the point, the rest of them are here and are pissed off. You don’t think they won’t try something?”
“We aren’t… no, we can’t be, judge, jury, and executioner. It’s not our place to do that,” Lily said.
“Someone has to,” I said and she turned her face to me. Sweat glistened on her brow and I knew she must be in a lot of pain since she’d refused the strong pain relief I’d brought with the rest of the drugs. “You’ve said before that I’ve been changing?”
“Yes.”
“You’re right. I’ve denied it, tried to fight it, but I have. Do you think a year ago I would have cared if Charlie had seen the horror that was the children's ward?”
“No,” she said and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
“A year ago I would have slit both their throats as soon as they were no use to me,” I said. “Any changes in me are down to you.”
“You made a promise,” she said as if that were the only possible reason I’d changed.
“And you don’t think I could wriggle my way around that promise without breaking it if I really wanted to?” Careful, you have done that and don’t want her to realise it.
“You could,” she agreed.
“The lives I’ve saved, the people back at the island in the lake district, Charlie, Reece, and all the others… I saved because of you.”
“Because it pleases me?” she asked and I shook my head.
“At first, because you wanted it. But now, now I just seem to do it and I can’t help it. It’s really rather perplexing at times.”
“A change for the better mate,” Pat added quietly.
“Perhaps,” I agreed and Lily smiled at my refusal to admit that still. “The point is, for whatever reason, I can’t seem to go back to being the way I was. You’ve given me a purpose in this new world of ours and if I kill, it is to serve that purpose.”
“To protect others,” she said and I nodded, colour heating my cheeks. It was bad enough that I had to say that out loud, but to do so in front of others… it was beyond mortifying.
“Even if that means killing your brother?” Cass asked and I shrugged.
“I’ve not changed so much that it would bother me,” I said with a grin.
Chapter 19 – Lily
It seemed that no matter how weary I was, the pain from my stomach wouldn’t let me sleep. Not that the noise helped, that overly loud sound of people moving from one place to another, hushed voices filled with fear and more than a little anger.
I glanced down to see Ryan sleeping, curled on his side beside my cot, sleeping the deep sleep of the truly exhausted. I don’t think he’d slept since I’d been hurt. The smile that came was entirely natural and faded slightly as I reminded myself to talk with him about Emily, the girl who’d stabbed me.
Not that I thought he’d do anything, but still, it was probably best to get that confirmed by him rather than just assume.
A fresh burst of pain stole my breath as I shifted on the cot and I was reminded once again of why I shouldn’t try to move. While I knew it was foolish and entirely out of my control, I couldn’t help but feel truly useless and I’d never been one to sit around while others did all the work.
Jinx looked up from where she lay beside him and my smile for her
was warm and genuine. Her tail wagged once, twice and a third time before she laid her head back down beside him and closed her eyes.
It was weird that I felt such kinship with the gorgeous Alsatian, but we both had one thing in common. Our love for the strange man curled on the floor between us. I settled back against the cushions at that thought, my smile slipping a little.
Our conversation of earlier had reassured me a little but I still held some doubts. That he’d changed, was changing still, wasn’t one of those doubts. But of how loose his definition of not-innocent, certainly was.
The door to the office that was my recovery room opened with a low creak and both Ryan and Jinx were on their feet before it was fully open. A knife in his hand and a snarl from her. Georgia poked her head around the door, face lit by the candle she held in one hand, and they both visibly relaxed.
“Am I interrupting?” she asked. Her gaze was fixed on the knife in his hand and a light smile played around her lips.
“Just my sleep,” Ryan muttered as he lay back down and I grinned.
“Come in. Ignore him.”
“Can’t stay,” Georgia said with a hesitancy that I’d not noticed in her before. “Just came to tell you, the undead have arrived.”
I glanced over to Ryan but he’d curled back up on the floor, knife still held in his hand and his eyes closed. “Aren’t you going to go and check on them?” I asked him.
“Why bother,” he murmured, sleep thick in his voice. “Wake me up if they make it through the gate.”
Georgia raised her eyebrows questioningly as she looked from him to me. His lack of concern a surprise to her. “Is he for real?”
“He’s had an exhaustive few days.”
“No doubt, but there’s hundreds of those zombies out there.” She shook her head in bemusement. “The whole place is panicking and we’ve got prayer groups forming and he wants to sleep.”
“They’ll get in or they won’t,” he muttered. “Don’t need to get up for the former and will act when and if it’s the latter.”
“There you go,” I said with an indulgent smile for him. “Nothing we can do about it right now. Might as well wait until morning.”
Killing The Dead 9 (Season 2 | Book 3): Family Matters Page 14
