by Amy Field
“Boys, you remember Miss Martha don’t you?”
“Yes, hello Miss Martha,” they both answered in unison.
“This is Samuel,” he said pointing to the older looking boy of the two who had the same curly blond hair and green eyes of his father. He appeared to be around seven. “And this little trouble here is Jonathan,” he finished pointing to the younger of the two who though he had curly hair it was brown in colour and his eyes were more hazel than green.
“It is a pleasure to meet you both,” Martha beamed at them earning smiles that were equally as pleased as hers.
“Boys I am going to be out in the back garden talking to Miss Martha if you need me. When I get back we can share this wonderful pie she made for us, okay?”
At the mention of pie both boys nodded with pleasure and Martha’s heart lifted in jubilation to be able to bring such happiness to the precious little boys. She was already imagining mornings rising to prepare their meals and watching them bounding cheerily into the kitchen eager to taste her cooking and to receive a compliment from her. Mark would then walk in and place a kiss on her ready lips before taking his position at the table to compliment her cooking like he would do every day.
“So what is on your mind Martha?” he asked as they strolled side by side through the meadow that surrounded his property. She ran her hand over the tall grasses marvelling at their inflexibility even as she internalized her approach to the situation.
“I thought about what you said last Sunday,” she started after a moment of them just walking listlessly around. The setting sun cast the last of its rays on the vegetation, painting the landscape in a deep orange hue flecked with purple and red. The array of colours reminded her of the many colours of the rainbow. Wildflowers of different assorted colours combined with splendid hue created by the sun to radiate a palette of new colours.
“And I gather you have an answer for me?” he asked, his voice sounding anxious.
“Yes I do,” she replied as they stopped under an oak tree at the edge just where the forest began. She turned her attention fully on him.
“My answer is yes, Mark, I would very much like you to court me because I too have grown very fond of you and I can’t seem to stop myself from thinking about you. I feel like a school girl again and maybe I am too old to be feeling this way but I just can’t help it,” she confessed, feeling herself starting to blush.
“Hey, don’t say that,” he comforted finally placing a hand over her cheek. “I find it cute that I make you feel that way,” he continued in a pleased tone. “And you aren’t old, you’re just perfect,” he finished staring intently into her eyes, the truth in his words reflected there.
Suddenly he bent his head and captured her lips in a kiss. It caught her off guard but it was also very pleasant and sent a jolt of current through her body causing her a slight buzz as his warm lips molded over hers seared her with heat. She was again caught by surprise when she felt his hand elsewhere but then he quickly pulled away from her his face showing his embarrassment.
“I am so sorry Martha. I don’t know what came over me,” she apologized. “Forgive me?” he earnestly pleaded.
“Of course,” she answered in a light tone to let him know all was forgiven.
The only thing was she had felt a sense of disappointment when he chose to stop and with the absence of his hands and his lips she felt empty. It had been quite a long time since he had experienced anything close to affection, and that hadn’t been with Matthew.
It had been from her adventures with Stephen.
Her husband had only been content with getting his own pleasure. No touching or kissing had been necessary for him. With Mark she could tell that it would be different however – maybe even as good as what she had shared with Stephen. It made her excited about a union between them even more.
“However I am not at all an innocent woman, Mark so you needn’t feel too beat up over what happened. I imagine when we are married you won’t be apologizing ever so often for the things that you will do to me,” she finished trying to lighten the mood. Her comment elicited a smile from him and she was truly happy that he seemed to have a sense of humour as well.
“I like the sound of that, when we are married; because trust me I can’t wait to do more things with you that I won’t have to apologize for,” he joined in her jesting. This caused heat to rush up her neck and flush her cheeks even as her body responded to the double entendre of his words.
“Let us get back, it seems to be getting dark,” he said holding out his hand for her to take. As soon as her fingers folded over his rigid arm shocks of pleasure travelled through the tips and up her arm. The smile she still sported seemed to have become a permanent fixture and she could not remove it even if she tries.
“I will be coming by tomorrow after work so that we can have a stroll,” Mark offered as he held the reins of the horse after helping her get situated in the buggy.
“That would be lovely Mark,” she beamed down at him. “Please bring the boys, I can prepare a meal for us all and it will be no trouble as Leah will watch them while we go out.”
“Ok,” he agreed smiling up at her before handing her the horse straps and slapping her horse’s side prompting it to move off.
That night Martha lay in her bed unable to sleep as she anticipated the arrival of day. She felt silly at her reaction but like she told Mark she really could not control it. She felt like the teenager she had been many years ago who fell in love with the gangly teenager who shunned authority but knew how to make her body come alive with excitement. The feelings she felt for Mark were similar but unlike Stephen, Mark was mature and responsible things she always wanted in a man. For that reason she was appreciative of Matthew as he was reliable in that sense.
But Mark was a mixture of the two combined. November couldn’t come quick enough as she was sure they would be taking that leap together then. She was eagerly looking forward to the explosive time they would have together if the sexual tension they felt around each other was anything to go by.
Things were looking up – she was getting a second chance at happiness.
Martha and Mark had been courting for the past three months and things could not be any better. From their stolen kisses and surprise picnics and family dinners where his boys and Leah were included, everything was truly looking up.
“Martha, walk with me?” Mark asked after she had just shared desert for his boys and her daughter.
“Sure,” she replied adjusting her prayer kapp over her hair and smoothing out the apron she wore over her blue tunic as she waited for him to rise from his seat. “Leah, can you take care of this?” Martha asked gesturing to the dishes packed in the basin by the door that needed to be washed.
“Yes mother I will,” she promised before Martha and Mark slipped through the back door.
The two walked until they came to the forested area at the edge of her property. There was a partially dense area where the trees formed a thicket blocking them from prying eyes.
“Why are you so serious Mark?” Martha asked him after they had come to a halt under a walnut tree. For the entire time they had been walking he had not said a word and his face was made up as if he was in deep concentration.
“I’m sorry if I scared you Martha,” he apologized. “I just really wanted this moment to be perfect and I fear that I might trip over my words,” he confessed.
The breath caught in her throat as she realized what was happening and instinctively her hand went to her neck an action she did whenever she was gobsmacked.
“My intentions are the same as before Martha, and I truly believe that we are ready for the next step. So if you are willing to have me, I want you to become my wife.”
Instead of answering she found herself jumping into his arms which caught him by surprise and made him imbalanced. They both fell to the grass covered ground with her atop him and she began to rain kisses over his face before she answered his question.
“I have been waiting for you to ask since the day I accepted your courtship,” she replied to a smiling Mark.
“Well I’ve been itching to ask long before that,” he commented and earned an even bigger smile from her.
Martha lay her head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart even as he placed a hand on her back and rubbed soothingly. She revelled in the attention loving the feel of his hand over her clothed flesh and eager to feel the direct heat from his large calloused hand.
The announcement of their impending nuptials was made public knowledge at the church the following week to much applause and congratulatory hugs and handshakes. Most persons were happy for them but a few were a little put off, especially the women who had been interested in him.
The most evident displeasure came from Anne.
“I do hope you are able to keep yourself for your husband, Martha as it was a dying shame what happened between you and that heathen,” Anne spoke after an opportunity presented itself for the two of them to in the same vicinity and away from listening ears.
“Hello Anne,” Martha answered pleasantly though she was far from it. “Is there a reason you followed me all the way out here?”
“I just wanted to congratulate you on yet another marriage,” she answered innocently.
“Then why do you bring up the past?” she asked seriously staring into the vindictive woman’s eyes daring her to be straight with her.
Her stomach roiled with the possibility that Anne could cause mischief for her and Mark and she truly wanted to know what her angle was now.
“Oh, I truly wasn’t trying to offend you,” she replied with a sly smile. “I am simply concerned about you and Mark. I remember the state of your marriage to Matthew back then but I was not able to do anything to help you get back on the right track. But we are neighbours, you and Mark and I.”
Martha wanted to scoff at her response but refrained from doing so as she waited for the vile woman to continue.
“I just want you to remember the good bible says we should not covet thy neighbour’s property and that we should not commit adultery. Those two are truly heinous crimes,” she shuddered. “Don’t you agree?”
“What do you want, Anne?” Martha asked sternly her patience having worn out.
The woman turned her sky blue eyes on her with a conniving smile on her lips.
“Oh, just to inform you that your former lover, the heathen is back in town. Word has it he’s coming back for good to take over old man Walkin’s furniture business.”
At the mention of Stephen Martha felt her heart beat erratically and the air whooshed out of her lungs as her mouth parted in fear and surprise.
“Wh-what?” she stuttered as she placed a hand around her neck in disbelief. Of all the times for him to show up why did it have to be now?
“You heard me. He’s taking over his father’s company,” she reaffirmed.
“I would hate to see poor Mark be led into something that will only cause him pain in the end…” Anne droned on but Martha wasn’t listening; she was a blubbering mess. Without a word Martha turned and made her way to Mark who had promised to take her on an evening stroll after service.
“Are you alright?” he asked with concern etched on his face as she approached him looking ashen and scared.
“No, I think I need to go home,” she replied.
Without another word he steered her towards the buggy and after helping her up he informed Leah that they were leaving and that she could come when she was ready with the boys.
“Is it something that you ate?” Mark asked when she was finally situated in the living room of her home with her back propped against a pillow on the sofa.
“No, I didn’t eat anything. It’s nothing like that,” she assured him. Martha looked at the man who had brought life back into her life and thought about how much she had grown to love him. The truth was she was still in love with Stephen as well and she wondered if she was strong enough not to succumb to his charms and fall back into the pattern they had developed the last time he had been back. She truly did not want to hurt Mark but the situation was not as cut and dried as it was with Matthew.
“I need to tell you something,” she said looking into his green eyes that showed only his love and concern for her. Her heart broke at the possibility that the same eyes would come to reflect only hatred and disdain for her after what she had to tell him.
“What is it?” he asked eager to know how he could help her.
Martha sat up straight and offered him a seat beside her.
“There is something I have to tell you and it isn’t very pleasant,” she started. “When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend. We loved each other very much but he wasn’t compliant with the Ordhung and so we kept our relationship a secret.” Martha turned cautious eyes towards Mark to see that he was listening to her intently. She averted her eyes, afraid she wouldn’t be able to continue if she saw them transform before her.
“I lost my virginity to him but then he left the community. He left me and I was heartbroken. My father pushed me to marry Matthew even though we didn’t love each other. After a time I got used to the routine that my life had become especially with the birth of my children. But then he came back and I couldn’t resist him because the love I had for him was still present.” This time she turned to look him straight in the eyes as she finished what she had to say.
He was still staring at her but his expression was unreadable and she cringed inwardly as she imagined what could be going through his head.
“I committed adultery Mark,” she revealed as the tears stained her cheeks.
“What is his name?” he asked after some time of silence, his voice flat and void of emotion.
“Stephen Walkins,” she replied softly.
“The Stephen Walkins that just came back to the community?” he asked and she couldn’t force the words to leave her mouth so she simply nodded.
Mark let out a heavy breath before turning away from her to look ahead and her heart plummeted to the bottom of her stomach.
“Do you still love him?” he finally asked.
She sat for a while thinking about her feelings for Stephen.
“I don’t know, maybe,” she responded honestly. “I will understand if you no longer find me suitable Mark,” she responded as she arose ready to grant him his wish to leave if he so chose.
Sighing he rose and came to stand before her and took her hands in his. Martha looked up at him confused as she was expecting him to shun her.
“I’m not mad at you Martha,” he confessed. “You were young and your father should not have done what he did. I’ve lived for quite some time now and I know for certain that it isn’t always easy to give up on someone just because they aren’t a part of what you believe in. I also know that it can cause you to become confused. I won’t judge you for that for I am sure you have been in turmoil over it long enough.”
Martha stared at him stunned by his response. How could he not want to call her out of her name and cast judgement at her feet like she was sure the whole community would have done if they knew.
“The only thing I am now concerned about is where your heart lies. I will give you some time to think about it and when you are sure about your response you can let me know,” he spoke giving her hand a slight squeeze before turning and retrieving his hat and jacket.
“I want you to think about what will make you happy and not what will make the other person happy Martha, or you will never truly feel free and committed to your faith,’ he said before leaving her alone with her thoughts.
For the entire week, Martha remained at home fearful of running into Stephen. Mark had not visited either and it left her feeling lonely as she missed the evening strolls they went on and the meals they shared as a family with his two boys and Leah.
She had finally been warming up to the idea of what the word 'family' really meant but now it seemed like it was being taken away from her. On the other han
d, maybe this was a chance for her and Stephen to rekindle their romance and finally take a leap of faith together.
If Stephen truly loved her, then he would want what’s best for her, and not force her into doing things against her will. He would understand her need for commitment, and not secret rendezvous in old dilapidated buildings and thickly forested areas.
Her chance to attain what was his true intentions towards her came one day while she was at home doing some washing. She heard a loud knock on the front door which surprised her as she wasn’t expecting visitors. Drying her hand on a towel she went to open the door. Before her stood Stephen, tall and strapping with the most vibrant green eyes that had always been her kryptonite.
“Hello Martha,” he greeted her with a huge smile on his face.
“Stephen, you’re here,” she replied flustered.
“In the flesh,” he smiled once more displaying the dimples on either side of his cheeks. “I brought you some peaches,” he said holding up a pail full of the succulent fruit.
“Please come in,” she ushered him inside and he gladly obliged.
Stephen followed her into the dining room and placed the pail on the table as she stood nervously watching him. Without warning, he turned and embraced her. Instinctively her hands went around his neck taking in his male scent. Finally catching up on herself she released him and put some space between them.
His green eyes followed her actions keenly.
“So how have you been?” she asked trying to keep her mind focused and to pull off a less than nervous attitude.
“I have been good,” he replied still watching her. “I heard you were engaged to a deacon,” he continued in a careful conversational tone.
“Oh yes,” she quickly responded. “Mark is a lovely man…”
“Do you love him?” Stephen interrupted her.
Looking him straight in the eyes she replied, “I do love him.”
“More than how you love me?” he challenged.
At this Martha cringed as she had no clear response for the question. She knew that she loved them both but to whom she felt more affectionate she could not say. Perhaps if he had come back a few months ago, without a doubt she would have been able to tell him that no one could hold a candle to the love she had for him. But it was different now. She genuinely loved Mark and the love she felt for him was on equal standing with what she felt for Stephen.
