by Amy Field
By the time she arrived home, she had collected herself and forced a smile, hoping that he wasn't upset that she never came home. To her surprise, Dustin wasn't home, which caught her by surprise. It wasn't like him but she figured that he probably needed some time since he met Dr Stevenson today. She set down her bag and took out her phone to call him. He didn't answer. Again, not like him. She sat down, frowning, and thought about which of his friends he could have gone to visit. An hour later, she was starting to panic just as she heard the sound of the lock. She ran out into the living room to see Dustin standing there with Chinese takeaway. He smiled at her and set down the packets on the dining room table.
“Sorry baby, my phone was on silent and so I missed your calls,” he said, kissing her apologetically.
“It’s all right, I was just worried,” she said and hugged him.
She felt relieved that he was okay.
“I figured you had a rough day so I just got takeout.”
“That’s nice of you, saves me doing dinner.”
“You okay?” he asked, looking at her.
Bonnie was afraid of that. Dustin was very observant, and she was sure that he would see through her.
"Yeah, I'm good, just a tough day."
“Was it that new client?” Dustin asked as he started opening the food.
“Yeah, he was tough to work with,” Bonnie said and didn’t elaborate on how tough. She wasn’t about to tell her boyfriend that her client had flirted with her and that she had almost lost it completely. It wasn’t like Bonnie to get upset by men who make silly passes. She was usually much more refined and demure.
She took the plates from the cabinet and almost jumped when Dustin wrapped his hands around her waist.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again.
She looked up at him and plastered a smile on her face, “Of course I’m fine, nothing I can’t handle.”
“If you say so…” he regarded her.
“How as you visit with Dr Stevenson?” she asked, opting for a change of subject.
Dustin took the plates from her and shrugged, “It was okay; he just said that I had to accept what happened and attend regular sessions and work through the trauma. He also prescribed some PTS meds.”
Bonnie heard the anger and frustration in his voice and stood on her toes to give him a small peck on the cheek.
“We’ll get through it together,” she said comfortingly.
“I know, I am so lucky to have you with me,” he said and hugged her close.
She sighed into his chest and eventually stepped back and started to dish up the food. They chatted happily over the food, and Bonnie could feel her tension melting away. That was the effect that Dustin had on her. But sadly, it didn’t completely go away. Something kept nagging and reminding her of Nate Woodrow. He had been arrogant and stubborn, but somehow she felt attracted to him. She caught herself imagining him naked but immediately flushed it from her memory. Somewhat hoping he would disappear altogether.
After dinner, they spent a little while watching TV and then eventually headed to bed. Dustin was overly touchy feely and soon enough Bonnie was captured by how lovingly he caressed her. He was always so delicately as if she was a precious flower whose petals would be swept away by a subtle breeze. She loved the caring way he kissed, and the slow way he made love to her. He always insisted on always placing her pleasure before his.
She eventually fell asleep in his arms, and the last thing she thought of before she dosed off, is that tomorrow would be better…
It turned out to be worse.
For the first time in a long time, Bonnie woke up late for work. Dustin had woken her up, but she had fallen right back to sleep. He had to come back and wake her up and knowing that she had overslept, she rushed out of the house without breakfast. She also ended up having to skip her morning coffee and was agitated by the time she arrived at the office.
She knew the moment Mark gave her that questioning look, that he sensed her mood and luckily for both of them, he didn’t waste any of her time. He went through the schedule with her and then thankfully left her to her own devices.
She was busy working through some memos when her door flew open, it was Mark and he had a four cups of coffee, two in each hand, stacked on top of each other.
She couldn't help but laugh, he knew her so well and clearly, after this morning he clearly thought she needed an extra dose of caffeine.
“What’s this?” she asked as she rounded her desk to take two of the cups, and set it down.
“You were looking worse for wear this morning, figured you could use some extra coffee,” he grinned.
“You’re a life saver, thank you,” she said and eagerly took a sip of her first cup, “I overslept this morning, so I never got around to getting coffee.”
"Oh, by the way, Winston's PA called earlier, she said that Nate Woodrow has agreed to do business with us and wants you to be his account manager. He doesn't want anyone else because he was impressed by you. See, you were worried about nothing!" Mark exclaimed and waved his hand theatrically through the air.
Bonnie paused with her coffee cup halfway to her mouth. She hadn’t expected him to actually want to work with her. She had wanted the opposite. If it wasn’t enough that she wasted a whole day on thoughts about him naked and the way he looked at her in the meeting, she was now going to have to deal with him on a more regular basis.
“Darling, who stole your poppers?” Mark asked, cocking a brow.
Bonnie shook her head.
“Uh… no, that’s great, did she say anything else?”
Mark shrugged and said; “Only that he’ll be setting up a meeting with you later today, but he hasn’t called yet.”
She pulled her lips into a sideways out and scrunched her nose, “Just check with me before you pencil any appointments down.”
“Sure,” he said and pushed his second cup of coffee towards her, leaving her with three to finish, “I’ll leave you to it then.”
Mark left to finish some errands, and Bonnie was left stewing. She didn't expect to have to face Nate again. She could always ask Mr. Winston, her boss, to take her off the project, but then she'd have to explain why. What was she going to tell him? That Nate had flirted with her?
Quitting her job wasn't an option either, she couldn't afford it. Other than the odd jobs Dustin did and the grant he got from the military, she was the sole breadwinner. She sighed and rested her head back closing her eyes, she was going to have to set Nate Woodrow straight from the word go. Whatever preconceived ideas he may have conjured up in that head of his, was going to have to be wrapped up before they started on any project.
The rest of the day was no different to the day before, now only with the nagging worry of dealing with Woodrow. The only thing that kept her sane was the fact that she was meeting Dustin for dinner, which she was on her way to.
Chapter Four
The cosy bistro she was meeting Dustin at was a favorite place of theirs and only a few blocks away from her work. As she approached the bistro, she saw Dustin through the glass front, and instantly she knew that something was wrong. His brows were drawn together and a worried wrinkle was spread across his forehead as he simply sat staring at the condiments in the center of the table. She signed heavily, plastered a smile on her face and headed inside.
“Hi. How was your day?” he asked, as he stood up to kiss her on the cheek.
“Okay, what about you?” She looked at him curiously while she slid into her seat.
“It was okay,” he said, avoiding her gaze.
Before Bonnie could ask anything else, he got up, “What can I get you?” he asked.
She regarded him, “A cup of coffee and a sandwich would be nice.”
“Salami with extra hot sauce?” he guessed.
Bonnie nodded and smiled, but when Dustin walked away from her, she knew something was definitely on his mind and he wasn’t telling her about it.
She was
deep in thought when he came back and sat down, having ordered their food.
“Anything on your mind?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine, just another tough day at work?” she lied.
“You are working too hard,” he said and offered her a compassionate smile.
They skirted around, making small talk until Bonnie could take it no longer. The waitress came with their meals and left, and they started eating. Suddenly, she dropped her knife and fork.
“What’s going on?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked without stopping to eat.
“I know there’s something on your mind. You are not usually this preoccupied. Are you hiding something from me?” she said irritably.
“Look, I don’t want you to get upset…” he started.
Bonnie felt like someone had dropped a bucket of cold water over her head, she knew exactly what was coming, he was going to go on tour again, against his psychologist’s advice and against her begging him to give it up.
Dustin hesitated for a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I was offered a job,” he said tipping and sliding the butter knife through his index finger and thumb, “But it means I would be out of the country for a while.”
She knew it! “Where, doing what?” she insisted.
“Bonnie, you know I can’t tell you that,” he said under his breath not wanting anyone around them to hear.
Bonnie’s eyes shot full of tears, and she ground her teeth. These were not tears of sorrow, but tears of anger and she felt as if she was going to explode from the inside out. She ducked her head down and shielded her face with her hand and Dustin reached for her other hand.
She pulled it away and looked dejectedly at him, “You want to take it, don’t you?”
“Bonnie, I have to take it,” Dustin said softly. “I’m a soldier. This is the only life I know.”
“You don’t have to take it, you have the choice to say no, just admit it,” Bonnie said, looking at him through her tears.
He was quiet and it confirmed her thoughts.
“Why are you doing this to us, to yourself? You don’t owe them anything. You said the day before that you wanted to make a life for us, so why are you leaving me?”
“Bonnie…”
“Don’t give me that! You know what this will do to you! You are already suffering as it is why would you want to make yourself suffer more?” Her voice rose, and some of the customers turned to look at them.
“Bonnie, it isn’t what you think it is,” he said trying to calm her down. “It’s just a mission and it won’t take long. I have to do this, Bonnie.”
“You don’t have to!”
“I do. Bonnie, I have nothing to do here, I have no life. All I do is go to the therapist’s office and collect my payments. I want to do something meaningful.”
“Get a normal job then, where you won’t get shot at! You don’t have to do something that’ll put you back in harm’s way.”
“Bonnie, this will be my last mission. Just this one, then we’ll be okay. This is for us.” He took her hand in both of his.
Bonnie wanted to rant some more, but the look on his face was enough for her. She knew that no matter how long she protested, he wasn't going to change his mind. Bonnie took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling helpless. She knew he loved her with all his heart, but she couldn't fight him on this. She wanted him to be happy, and if going away on yet another tour is what made him feel like he belonged to something bigger, then who was she to complain.
Bonnie sighed.
"It's fine, I guess I'll get used to it."
Dustin’s shoulders dropped as all the tension went out of him, and he finally smiled. The smile was worth it, but she couldn’t stop the resentment inching its way to the surface. How could he have committed to it before discussing it with her first?
“Excuse me for a second, I just need… need to go powder my nose,” she mumbled, deliberately using the corniest line in the book just so that he understood that although she agreed, she wasn’t happy.
She ducked into a cubicle and rested her back against the closed door. She knew exactly how the rest of the evening was going to play out. He was going to pull out all stops on being charming. She knew him all too well; it was how every argument always ended up. No harsh words, no shouting, just silence, and everything unsaid being swept under the rug. After a few minutes, she exited the restroom and joined him at the table, picking aimlessly at her food until it was finally time to head home.
They walked home in silence. At one point, Dustin took her hand, and for a while, she wondered if she was just being selfish. As soon as she opened the door to their apartment, he wrapped his hands around her waist and kissed her. The kiss was gentle but forceful. She knew the motive behind it, but she couldn't help herself. As he kissed her, he moved his hands up along her sides chasing away her angry thoughts and she was reciprocating. His lips found her neck and Bonnie let out a whimper as he slowly removed her clothes. She tugged on his clothes, her own passion and lust for him consuming her.
In a frenzy of kisses and groping they moved to the bedroom. She was too weak to resist him, and too in love to hurt him.
Afterward, she lay in bed, listening to Dustin sleeping peacefully, curled up behind her.
“How long is this going to go on?” she whispered, knowing that he wasn’t listening, the solitude of the night, her only comfort.
Bonnie hated the airport.
She had seen far too much of it than was necessary. Dustin wasn’t worried at all as he checked his ticket against the FIDS overhead. The flight was still another two hours away, but they were outside the boarding gate. She knew that he had to leave to go through security soon and she hated it.
It had been a week since he told her about the mission, and she still hadn’t managed to come to terms with the fact that he had once again put his country and his impossible sense of duty before them. She had tried in vain to convince him not to go, but he simply didn’t listen. All he kept saying was that he had to do this for himself and for the two of them. Bonnie had cried and pleaded to no effect. He was steadfast on his decision to leave her – that was simply how she saw it and right now, all she could do was watch as he did what he had set his heart on.
An announcement rang out, and Dustin got up even though it wasn’t for his flight. He readied his suitcase and turned to her, a sorrowful look in his eyes.
“I know you don’t want me to do this…” he trailed off.
“I am just scared for you,” she said softly.
“I know that, and I don’t blame you for that, but you know I’m going to be okay. I have to do this one last time so that I can come back and we can settle down.”
Settle down. Those were the words that did it. She felt the tears stream down her cheeks as she struggled to stifle her cries. I'm not going to make a scene at the airport, she thought as she composed herself. I never have before and I refused to do so now.
Dustin hugged her and then gently pressed a soft kiss on her lips.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he whispered.
Then his warmth was gone and he was walking away, his back to her. Even as he passed security, he didn’t look back at her. She watched him pass through and stared at the glass wall separating them, wishing that she could go inside and touch him once more. Dustin eventually looked back and waved and she lifted her hand as a heavy feeling of loss settled in the pit of her stomach.
After that, he disappeared down the ramp, and she took a deep shaky breath to fight the tears that threatened to spill.
She wasn’t going to be weak. She was going to be strong and she was going to wait until he came back, and hopefully, they can settle down, just like he promised. With that determination strong in her mind, she turned around and walked away.
Chapter Five
“You are an idiot!”
Bonnie didn’t appreciate the condescending tone Maria had in
her voice. Yet she let it slide as she took a sip of her iced tea the waiter had brought her moments ago. Maria didn’t say anything else as she picked up her own drink and Bonnie finally set hers down and regarded her best friend.
“I am not an idiot.”
“Yes, you are. What kind of person leaves their significant other like that, not even telling you where he’s going?” Maria said.
Bonnie ignored the jibe. “He’s not allowed to give any detail on his mission,” she said lamely. “Let’s eat something.”
“That’s just selfish,” Maria said contemptuously.
Bonnie tried to ignore Maria's harsh words. It was, however, getting on her nerves. Why was she acting like this? She'd been getting more callous and irritable about Dustin, so much so that Bonnie had almost gotten used to it. Well, she thought she had. She loved Maria like a sister, but she didn't have to put up with her attitude towards Dustin. Then again, maybe she did need that wake-up call, but today wasn't the day for it to happen. She needed support while she was still torn up about Dustin leaving. It had been only three days since he left and she was still having trouble adjusting to it.
They ordered salads and waited for the food to come.
“How’s your job coming along?” Maria asked, changing the subject.
“It’s going okay.”
“How’s the new client, Nate? I saw a feature on him in a magazine the other day, he’s a hunk,” Maria said with an interested glint in her eye, winking at the word hunk.
Bonnie stared at her pretty friend who had propped her hand on top of the table so that she could rest her head on the flat of her palm. She’d almost forgotten about Nate and his advances.
Bonnie knew that Maria was fishing for information, and she regarded her friend. Maria had short dark hair, with dark eyes and she was slightly curved in comparison to her. On a few occasions Maria had blatantly admitted that Bonnie was the good looking one, which is why men usually turned a second glance, but on the other end, Maria had this amazing way with people. She was bubbly, funny and always looking at the positive side of life. She deserved a good man to sweep her off her feet, and Nate did not fit the bill.
