Jason was sleeping when I got home, but Alice explained what had happened that day so I went down to see him. He looked so innocent as he slept, like he didn’t have a care in the world. It was nothing like how he looked when he was awake, always walking around like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I ran my hand through his soft brown hair and wished…well, I wished I had been distracted for the reasons Rachel had suggested. There was no doubt that I thought Jason was attractive, but he was also very wounded. Mentally, emotionally and physically wounded.
I didn’t think he’d be able to commit to an actual relationship until he sorted through some of his problems. I couldn’t have a relationship with him until he sorted through some problems. Maybe once he at least told me some of what was going through his head on any given day, I would feel like he was ready for something…more.
He stirred in his sleep and I realized he was having a nightmare. He was obviously tired enough to sleep through me coming into his room. Or he recognized my footsteps even in his sleep and realized there was no threat. But now he was tossing and turning, groaning as if in pain before sitting up suddenly with a yell. “Jason, you’re okay,” I soothed as he looked around the room frantically, breaths coming in heavy gasps.
He jumped when I sat on the bed next to him and started rubbing his back gently. It took several minutes, but he finally started to relax and his breathing went back to normal as he looked up at me. “Thanks.” His expression of gratitude turned into confusion. “What are you doing down here, Hannah?”
“Alice told me what happened today, so I wanted to check on you. I was only down here for a little while before you started having a nightmare. Are you okay?”
Jason shrugged; his eyes shadowed in the dim light coming from the hallway, making them seem hooded and secretive as he quietly said, “Yeah.” He rubbed his hand over his eyes wearily. “What time is it?” he asked.
“It’s around seven,” I answered. “What were you dreaming about?”
He glanced around the room for a few seconds and rubbed his face again, standing quickly. “I should probably eat something. Kinda skipped supper in favor of a nap.”
“Sure,” I said, letting my question go as he headed up the stairs. Not like I had a choice. Any attempts to push would be ignored, or if I kept pushing, would result in anger. My anger or his, it didn’t matter. Either way it wouldn’t end well. For now, I’d have to let it go and hope he at least let Dustin know about it at their next session.
I glanced around the basement room that held so many memories. I picked up the picture that sat on top of the desk. “What can I do, Gran?” I asked quietly. “He won’t talk to me anymore.” My grandmother’s influence was still prevalent in the small basement room, Jason’s things only taking up a small portion. Another sign he wasn’t completely comfortable with setting down roots. He hadn’t gathered much other than some new clothes and a few textbooks. It seemed like he was trying to keep to his rule of only keeping what he could carry with him, just in case he had to run again.
Sam was different. He gathered toys, books, and more clothes in preparation to have a normal life. And Jason let him. He could let his little brother have a normal life, one where he didn’t have to run or fear for his life, but he seemed incapable of imagining such a life for himself.
I shook my head and reminded myself that he was here. He was staying with us, and going to school, and trying to get over what had happened. Eventually he’d allow his lifestyle to mesh with his current situation. Once he realized we weren’t going anywhere and he didn’t have to either, he’d figure it out.
“Are you coming up tonight?” Alice called from upstairs. “We’re going to watch some TV and just relax for the evening,” she continued as I walked up the steps to join her. “Sam will be going to bed soon; he has school in the morning.”
I smiled. “He must be looking forward to that. It’s been a while since he’s been around other kids his own age.”
As I spoke I could hear Sam talking excitedly from the living room, and I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face at his happy tone. There had been too little of that around here, and it was nice to hear. Alice and I joined the brothers who were sitting next to each other on the couch, Sam bouncing around in elation at the idea of going to school the next day.
Jason seemed uneasy with his brother’s happiness, but was trying to hide his discomfort. I couldn’t figure out why Jason would be upset about his brother being happy. Logically, he should be pleased his brother was able to get past what had happened enough to be happy about going to school. But of course, logic had little to do with emotional states.
He ignored my questioning glance and kept listening to Sam go on about how much he was looking forward to school, and I hoped it would be everything he was anticipating. Sam was open and friendly, not afraid to express his opinion. But he didn’t have the same kind of background as the other children, and I knew kids could be cruel. Still, it was hard not to get caught up in his optimism.
“Hannah! I’m going to school tomorrow! It’s gonna be awesome! The others aren’t as sure, but I know it will be. And I’ll see them at recess, except Paul. He’s at a different school, but he’ll be coming to pick me up after we’re done every day, so I’ll see him a lot too!” Sam exclaimed.
“Breathe, buddy,” I said with a laugh. His entire dialogue had been without a breath. “It’s almost time for you to get to bed.”
“Aw, man. Do I have to?” he whined.
“Hannah’s right, bud; the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you get to go to school,” Jason agreed.
Sam crinkled his eyes, unsure. “Really?”
Jason shrugged. “No way to know for sure without testing it, right? Let that be your first lesson, young one,” he joked. “Go on, kiddo, I’ll tuck you in when you’re ready.”
“Okay.” Sam ran to his room to get ready for bed, leaving me with Jason in the living room. Alice was in her room, probably getting into her sweats in preparation for relaxing in front of the TV.
Jason sighed and leaned into the couch cushions in a gesture of exhaustion. “You all right, Jason?” I asked.
“Fine,” he said wearily. “Just tired.”
He’d slept all afternoon, and was still dead tired. It said a lot for the quality of sleep he’d been getting. It must take a lot out of him to have Kindred take over his mind. “You should try to get more sleep. There will be other times to just relax in front of the TV.”
“Soon,” he agreed absently. “I need to say goodnight to Sam before he goes to bed.”
Alice came back in, dressed in black sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Where’s Sam?” she asked as she looked around the room. “I thought he’d be breaking a hole in the floor with all his bouncing around,” she said with a laugh.
“He’s getting ready for bed. Jason convinced him to test the theory that the sooner he went to bed, the sooner he’d be at school,” I said. “He still seemed a bit skeptical though.”
Jason stayed silent, leaning into the couch as if he were trying to disappear inside it. I could tell Alice wanted to say something, but she held back. He wouldn’t welcome any questions about his well-being right now, and Alice evidently sensed that. We continued talking about random stuff until Sam rejoined us. Jason forced himself to relax when his brother came back out, plainly trying to hide the agitation that had been present since he’d woken from his nightmare earlier.
“Ready for bed, Sammy?” he asked, standing to follow Sam into his room.
“Yeah, I guess. Will you be up in the morning before I leave?”
Jason shrugged as he closed Sam’s bedroom door behind him, meeting my eyes briefly before the door closed all the way.
“What’s going on? Jason’s acting like something else happened,” Alice said, turning her attention from the boys to me.
Like he wasn’t entitled to being upset after what Kindred had done, and was continuing to do. That wasn’t enough? I shot a
look of disbelief at her, my eyebrow raised questioningly.
She frowned. “You know what I mean. He’s more distant, and even Sam’s excitement isn’t helping him feel better.”
I shrugged, letting her off the hook. “He had a nightmare while he was napping. Didn’t want to talk about it afterwards. It’s not really surprising, I suppose. He’s used to dealing with things on his own. It will take some time for him to accept that we’re here to help him through things.”
“Little sis, you may have to accept that he might never want to share certain things,” Alice said gravely. “He has some things in his past that are not pertinent to how you feel about him, so don’t push too hard, okay?”
Jason came out of Sam’s room before I could respond, and he looked even more tired than he had before. “Jas…”
“I’m going to bed. I’ll see you guys soon, okay?” he interjected, going to the stairs before we could respond.
“Goodnight. We’ll see you in the morning,” Alice called as he descended the stairs. He paused for a moment, but continued without responding. “Man, today really took a lot out of him. He seems so tired.”
“Are you any closer to finding and stopping Kindred? Anything to get him to stop hassling Jason?”
Alice sighed, she was also worn out from what was going on, but not to the extent Jason was. “No. No closer. Kindred doesn’t even know what he’s doing to Jason. He seemed surprised by the idea that Jason wouldn’t appreciate what he was doing. But he seems to think that Jason has a good chance of stopping him.”
“Really? How?”
She shrugged. “Not sure. I’m just assuming based on the fact that he keeps warning Jason to stop helping us, but he has no fear of the police. Something about Jason seems to worry him. To me, that is worth having Jason help us. On the other hand, it’s not worth Jason’s life to stop this guy.”
I frowned thoughtfully. “You know, I’m not sure he’d agree with you on that one.”
NINETEEN
Jason
Enough is enough. What had happened with Mason was bad, but what Kindred was doing…that was worse. Mason had wanted another Kindred, someone he could use and control. Kindred seemed simply to enjoy killing. And he was enjoying taking over my mind whenever he wanted for his own amusement. Mason’s assassin had more than repaid his supposed debt to me when he killed my father, the one person who scared me more than Mason. To keep killing…most of the men he killed had deserved prison; they hadn’t deserved to be brutally murdered. Most of them. My father…he deserved exactly what he got.
It wasn’t my fault. That’s what everyone wanted me to believe, but when I killed Mason, Kindred was set free. It was my fault he was out killing people. Besides, with all the awful things that had happened to me in my life, I must have done something to make so many people want to use and hurt me. There was also the fact that I wasn’t so sure that Kindred had the completely wrong idea. The world would be a better place without the criminals he was killing. It saved the courts the time of dealing with trials for all the men he’d gotten rid of, and he saved me the trouble of having to look over my shoulder for my father’s return.
I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, alone in the dark with brooding thoughts that Hannah would slap me for having. She’d helped chase away the nightmare, at least for a few minutes, but this nightmare was my reality. I couldn’t escape it even long enough to enjoy Sam’s excitement about going back to school.
This wasn’t fair to her, or to Sam and Alice. Something needed to change, and I was starting to think it would be best for everyone if I did as Dan suggested: leave town.
I needed to go into the country, where I could feel threats approaching from miles away, and just disappear. At least for a while. Maybe some time alone would help me get my issues settled…or at least to push them down so they weren’t so plain for everyone to see. I’d already mentioned the possibility of leaving to Sam. And, being the loyal little brother he’s always been, he was ready to come with me. But I couldn’t let him miss school.
My friends would argue against me leaving, and maybe they’d be right, but it was time to do something for me. Maybe Kindred would lose interest if I left. Or at least stop putting the blame on me whenever he killed someone I’d had no previous contact with. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of being on my own again.
It would only be for a short time. I couldn’t leave Sam alone for too long. He would be fine without me, but I needed him. I’d be back.
I waited until I heard Alice and Hannah go to bed and gave them a couple hours to fall deeply asleep. When there was no movement in or around the house, I got up and dressed quietly. I had to go now, before someone figured out what I was planning to do and stopped me. After stuffing some clothes into a duffle bag and grabbing my envelope of emergency cash, I crept up the stairs. I would pick up a cheap cell phone somewhere and call Alice to let her know I was safe. In the meantime, I scribbled a short note and left it on the table, got my jacket on, and slipped out the door, closing it behind me with a barely audible: click.
TWENTY
Kindred
“You’re making him miserable…He doesn’t want your attention.” The detective’s words played through my mind as I tried to sleep. The thought that the Tracker didn’t appreciate my gifts was unacceptable, and it caused me to toss and turn, unable to find a position that would allow me to finally shut down for the night. All I was doing was helping. I took bad people, and got rid of them. Even the Tracker’s cop friends should be thankful for what I was doing. There had been no innocent people hurt by my actions since I’d left Mason’s service.
Except—if the detective was right—my actions were hurting the person I was trying to help. I sat up in bed and frowned at the thought. How could it be? How could he not appreciate me? I’d removed every threat I could find up to this point. Was that not enough for him? Was there something more he wanted in exchange for saving my life? Maybe that was it. Maybe he was simply not feeling safe yet; there were still too many threats.
And even if, as the detective had said, he wasn’t happy with what I’d been doing, my recently discovered sense of gratitude demanded that I continue removing threats to his safety.
Taking over his mind…well, that was self-preservation. And it was just plain fun. As I settled back onto the soft pillows I smiled, thinking about the new levels of control I’d found. I planned to check in with the Tracker in the morning, after getting some much needed sleep. It was exhausting to pay off a debt like mine, but even with all the work still to be done, I needed to sleep.
Plans in place, my body finally relaxed into a deep slumber.
“Don’t worry, James. Everything is going to be fine; your dad will be here soon.” Instead of looking relieved, the boy seemed terrified by the idea his dad would be coming to see him. He stayed silent, fiddling absently with the edge of the bandage on his arm. “Why would you…?”
A sudden ringing woke me from the strange dream, and I grabbed my phone, answering with a gruff, “What?”
A man’s voice came over the line. “I have a job you might be interested in. I’ll pay twenty thousand upfront and another twenty when it’s done.”
“Send the information and payment by courier to the Motor Inn. Have them deliver it to room twenty-one. There will be no names, and no face-to-face, unless you fail to hold up your end of the bargain. Then I guarantee…”
“Not to worry, Mr. Doe,” he interrupted. “There will be no need for that. I will follow your instructions to the letter. The information will be at the Inn later this afternoon.”
I frowned. If I had to start preparing for a job, I wouldn’t have time to check in on the Tracker. Also, “Hang on, how did you get this number?”
The client chuckled. “Suffice it to say I have friends in low places, Mr. Doe. Some of them knew about you when you were with Mason. No names, and no real details, but only the knowledge that there was no one better to deal in death.
Do what you do, Mr. Doe. I will hold up my end.” The line went silent, and I hung up the phone with a slight sigh. It was a distraction, but I couldn’t afford to not take this job.
I had to prepare. The Tracker would have to wait.
TWENTY-ONE
Hannah
Alice and I stayed up for a while after Jason had gone to bed, but we didn’t talk much more, exchanging only quiet ‘good-nights’ as we headed to bed. It was getting harder to deal with Jason’s issues, his problems were upsetting to all of us, but he didn’t seem to realize it. He couldn’t see past his own pain to see how his actions were affecting his friends. I couldn’t blame him, at least not logically. But it was still distressing, and I had no real outlet for my frustrations.
I didn’t sleep well that night. Aggravation at Jason warred with guilt over feeling irritated at something he couldn’t control, until exhaustion took over and I finally fell asleep.
My alarm clock woke me up at seven so I could help Sam get ready for school and drop him off at Dan’s, before I went to a study session for a group project in one of my psychology classes. Alice was right. I couldn’t stop living my life while Jason figured out his. I just needed to let him figure things out, and come to me if he was ready.
“Hannah!” Alice rushed into my room holding a piece of paper. “Did you talk to Jason again last night after he went to bed?” she asked breathlessly.
“No. I went to bed when you did…why?” I stared at the paper in my sister’s hand, knowing it had something to do with Jason, but not sure what was going on. Instead of answering, she handed me the note:
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