True. She didn’t have to do it, but a part of her wanted to. “You shouldn’t have to make excuses for me. It’s only dinner, like you said. If I can handle you leaving, I can handle pretending you never did—for your mother.”
“I know it’s not honest, but it’s a good way to avoid questions we can’t answer.” His mouth twitched and she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been staring. He seemed pretty pleased with her cooperation. The fact it made him want to smile gave her butterflies. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” she said as he closed the door behind him. Funny how among everything else that had happened, she had now committed to eat dinner with her mother-in-law.
And all she’d really wanted from Jack was a phone call….
***
Though moving back into the house was only a small triumph, Jack felt like he’d conquered a massive obstacle.
Though he had to sleep on the other side of the house, it was a start, and a hell of a lot better than living in the apartment.
There were no guarantees, but as Jack lay on the bed that night, he couldn’t help but worry if things didn’t work out this time, and soon, he would lose Grace forever.
He hadn’t been certain she would agree to dinner, but he was certain Grace would rather stick pins in her eyes than give the impression to his mother she might have been right. That the two of them wouldn’t last and their getting married was a mistake. Jack never listened to the forewarnings, and he reminded his wife numerous times his mother’s opinion didn’t count. Nevertheless, Grace couldn’t get his mother’s frank pessimism out of her head. He also thought his mother’s doubts had sunk in a lot deeper in Grace than he’d initially understood, and when things between them got worse, those doubts kept her from him.
Grace thought he cared about his mother’s high-handed opinion where their relationship was concerned, but he didn’t. Although he loved his mother, she was always wrong about his love life, preferring he “marry with his head, not his heart.”
Jack had always thought he was using both when it came to Grace.
***
April waved a hand and snapped her fingers in Grace’s face. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Grace shook her head, blinking. “Sorry, what?”
“I owe you a penny. No seriously. What’s with you today?” her friend asked as they lunched at one of the picnic tables outside the studio.
“Oh, nothing. I’m just tired.” She groped for her iced tea. It was true. Grace had barely slept the night before, the knowledge that her husband was in the house instead of on the other side of the city, had kept her wide, wide awake. She decided to keep Jack’s stay a secret until she knew exactly what it would lead to.
April spread out her hands. “So, how was your weekend away? You did take my advice, right?”
Grace almost choked on her drink. “Uh, it was….” Ruined because Jack showed up, tried to make love to me, reminding me of what I don’t, but could, have. Then she’d walked in on a teenage burglar, which led to Jack moving back in overnight. The facts were overwhelming, and lunch was too short to get into all of it. “Fine,” she finally answered. “The weekend was fine.”
April wrinkled her freckled nose. “That’s it? It was supposed to be therapeutic.” She reached across the table to squeeze Grace’s hand. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”
Besides act like everything was right in her marriage to save face in front of his mother? “Not really. But it’ll come to me.”
Her workday ended in plenty of time for her to get ready for an evening with Jack and Claire. She’d brought fresh clothes with her so she didn’t have to drive home, and changed in one of the dressing rooms. She wore a simple, cream-colored wrap dress and heels, arranging her hair in a high bun. As she slid on a nude lip gloss in the mirror, she remembered the last time she’d worn this dress was during their weekend in Santa Barbara. They had grand plans to go out, but instead of heading to the wine tasting as scheduled, they’d made slow, intense love next to the fireplace in their hotel room.
Grace turned away from the mirror, closing her eyes as the night replayed through her mind. She recalled the heat from the fire while she lightly scraped her nails down Jack’s muscular back as he rocked inside her with loving sensuality. Their bodies were slick from the heat and exertion, moving, grinding against one another. The taste of his sweat on her lips as she licked his chest. Turning her back to him and rising on her knees as he cupped her breasts, sliding her hands over his, moaning his name. How he’d buried his face in her neck, thrusting inside her with a rhythm so sweet it made her spine curl. He’d whispered a lover’s devotion, holding her tight as she climaxed on a near sob….
It had been a perfect night.
Grace inhaled deeply, then let it out, opening her eyes. Thinking about nights in the past would only depress her, since she’d firmly placed a no-intimacy rule with Jack. She stuffed her work clothes in her oversize Betsey Johnson tote along with her makeup, and left the studio.
She arrived at the restaurant and prayed the flush from her cheeks had disappeared. Rallying all the strength she’d reserved especially for this evening, Grace plastered on a smile and walked in to the low-lit, five-star restaurant where Jack used to take her. The host escorted her to the table.
When Jack had seen her walk in, his expression was one of amiable politeness, smiling as if greeting a colleague. It crushed her he didn’t gaze at her the way he used to when she walked in a room. How she missed how his eyes would draw her in, as if she were the only woman he’d ever been attracted to.
He rose as she neared the table. “Hi, honey.”
She almost winced at the sound of the endearment. It had been so long since he’d addressed her so. Swallowing on a dry throat, she leaned in, lightly kissing his cheek. He looked darkly dashing in his black suit, a black shirt, and gray tie. “Sorry I’m late.”
Claire rose gracefully and reached out her hands. “Nonsense, we just sat down. It’s good to see you, dear.”
Grace smiled, giving her a brief hug. “Claire. You look amazing.”
“Amazing what a day at the spa can do. Thank you, darling.” Despite her sometimes harsh opinions, Claire was a loving, though reserved, mother-in-law. Grace couldn’t help but admire a woman who carried herself so well. Claire kept her gray mane—clipped by a celebrity stylist—to a clean bob and took great care in her appearance: always polished, neat, classic. Grace hoped one day she would age half as well. It probably didn’t hurt that Claire had remarried a wealthy retiree who spoiled her shamelessly. After all, he’d just spent over a year in Europe and bought them a cottage in Italy, all because Claire had suggested the foreign fresh air was good for his constitution.
Grace sat across from Jack at the table instead of next to him.
“Bring us a bottle of Domaine François Ravenau, please,” Jack said.
“Excellent, sir. What year?”
Jack looked pointedly at Grace. “The twenty-ten would be perfect.”
“Right away, Mr. Crandall.”
Her heart leaped, and she avoided his gaze as the server handed her a leather-bound menu. He’d just ordered her favorite bottle of French wine….and simultaneously reminded her of all the times he’d surprised her with it. The first time they ever made love, the night he proposed. They’d gotten married in 2010 and one of his gifts to her had been a bottle of the wine she loved—with a card informing her she couldn’t open it until their tenth anniversary.
Too bad they’d barely made three years toward that mark.
Although she didn’t think she could eat much on such a nervous stomach, Grace ordered the sea bass. A variety of breads and butter were served along with the wine.
Claire picked up her glass. “What should we toast to?”
Jack lifted his. “To the two beautiful women in my life, of course.”
Both of whom had been miles away from his life, until recently: one
by travel, the other by choice. Grace swallowed the little knot forming in her throat, swept up her glass, and touched hers to Claire’s and Jack’s, hoping neither would see the pain in her eyes. Sitting across from him had been a bad idea. Every time she looked up, he was gazing at her with those intense blue eyes, as if daring her to squirm. She lifted her chin and took a sip of the Chablis. He wasn’t the only one who could wear the cloak of pride.
“Well,” Claire said, breaking the silence, “I’ve been in Europe too long. We have so much to catch up on. How is your promotion going, Jack?”
Grace’s eyes shot to his. “Promotion?”
His left brow rose a fraction. “Yes, the one I received last month. Have you forgotten already?”
A wife who lived with him would’ve known about something significant like this, of course. Grace scrambled to correct her outburst. “Oh, that one. I thought maybe you’d gotten another one you didn’t tell me about.” Lame recovery, but she tried.
Claire laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were promoted all the way to the top. What’s your new title?”
Grace wanted to sigh in frustration. His ladder-climbing was the very reason their marriage hung by a thread. So much of his time spent at work or on the road instead of at home. Though she was guilty of it, too, but mainly because Jack had started working like a madman.
“The promotion happened more or less due to default,” he explained. “The position had opened up unexpectedly, and I agreed to take it on. I’m an executive director now. They want me to implement plans for a new call center in Denver.”
“How wonderful!” his mother said, looking impressed. “Will you have to relocate? I adore Denver.”
Grace frowned slightly, noticing Claire said “you” as if Jack would be moving alone. Although Claire likely meant the both of them, and Grace was just being paranoid. “Relocating isn’t necessary,” Jack said. “I’ll be flying to Denver twice a month. L.A. is our home, and I want to keep it that way.”
Grace’s heart tugged over that small word “our.” If only he felt as strongly about their marriage.
He could’ve at least sent her an e-mail about the promotion. She’d always stood by his accomplishments, made an effort to fit in with his corporate buddies and their wives—albeit a reluctant effort.
“And how about you, darling?” Claire asked Grace, putting the spotlight on her. “How is the artiste of the family?”
Grace beamed a smile, which she was sure didn’t appear all that genuine. “Busy. In fact I have to turn down a lot of clients these days. Right now I’m under contract for that new show, Housewife Secrets. Have you heard of it?”
Anyone that turned on the TV or picked up a magazine once in a while knew about Housewife Secrets. It was the latest hot drama series and she helped make the actresses nearly doll-like for the camera.
By the twinkle in her eyes, Claire had heard of it. “Oh yes, my friend Iris is always carrying on about it. You must be getting very good at your job. I can’t wait to tell the ladies at home you do the makeup for the Housewife stars!”
Grace had always been good, and very successful, at her job. But Claire never thought it was as impressive as Jack’s, didn’t think making up celebrities was a serious career. It seemed she was finally giving her credit now.
“How long has it been since you’ve been doing that show? I can never keep up,” Jack said in a loaded tone. Guess she could have sent him an e-mail, too.
“Two months now,” Grace said as the server brought more wine. Yes, keep filling it.
“Well, with the two of you working so hard, it’s no wonder I haven’t heard the news of any babies yet,” Claire said.
“We’re not ready—” Jack said at the same time Grace burst out with, “It isn’t time.”
Claire looked from her son to Grace in reluctant amusement. “Are you even thinking of having kids someday, or am I going to be the only woman in my circle with no grandchildren to spoil?”
Grace’s eyes met with Jack’s. So many unspoken emotions ran through her, she could barely check the tears from filling her eyes. When Jack spoke, his voice was soft, yet tinged with strain. “One day at a time.”
Grace gulped more wine, thankful he had stepped in to say something neutral. How could they have children if they didn’t have time for each other?
Moments later, the food arrived, saving Grace and Jack from any more uncomfortable topics, especially ones they hadn’t even discussed themselves.
To Grace’s—and no doubt Jack’s—relief, the rest of the conversation revolved around Claire’s life abroad and her recent stint as a judge for the art show at Otis College.
After dessert, Jack and Grace waited with Claire for her driver to bring the Town Car around.
“Hopefully I’ll be able to see you both before John and I leave for Houston?” Claire asked as the black sedan pulled up.
Jack gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll see.”
Claire smiled as her ride pulled up. The driver opened her door, and she waved good-bye before the car pulled away.
Jack turned, giving Grace a sad sort of smile. “Thanks for doing that. I know it wasn’t easy. I’ll see you at home.” Then walked past her to the parking lot.
Grace’s heart burned in her throat.
As she drove home, a blend of emotions roiled through her and she didn’t know how to sort them out. Disappointment, anger, frustration, hopelessness….all tying her up inside like a hot ball of mess.
By the time she walked in the house, she was ready to explode. She found Jack standing in front of the patio doors.
“I think that went well,” he said with slight sarcasm, keeping his back to her.
“I can’t do this,” Grace announced, marching down the steps that led to the living room, feeling the rush of emotions, unable to stop them. “I can’t pretend everything is okay when it’s not. Pretending as if we’re happy when we’re not. Talking about our work and—” She closed her eyes. “Having children.”
“She always talks about kids when we’re together.”
“Sure, but this time she has no idea we’re closer to the moon than we are to a nursery. My God, Jack, we don’t even know about each other’s lives anymore.”
He turned around, eyes narrowed. “That’s your fault. I don’t remember you calling to know anything about my life since you kicked me out.”
She gaped at him. “What? You walked out!”
“I told you a long time ago I will never beg a woman to be with me, even my wife,” he said. “You told me you weren’t happy. Miserable. Thought our marriage was a failure. You told me to move out for a while. What did you expect me to do? I gave you what you wanted.”
“You know what I really needed, Jack? For you to show some kind of emotion. To give some sign that you cared about what was happening to us, but all you said to me was, ‘If that’s what you want, Grace’ and left. Then it was like you vanished from my life completely! Not once, not once, did you ever call, text, or even send me a damn e-mail asking how I was doing. And you didn’t bother to mention you received the promotion you’d been killing yourself for. You don’t care. That’s what shows.”
“Of course I care. In case you’ve missed it, Grace, I was killing myself for us.”
“But you never needed to! All I ever wanted was to spend time with my husband and build a life together.”
“I promised you a good life and that’s what I’d been working so hard for.” He lowered his voice. “To give you what you gave up to be with me.”
Grace shook her head in exasperation. “Don’t start that. I didn’t fall in love with your business acumen or because I thought you would give me a certain lifestyle, Jack. You put all that pressure on yourself and we’ve suffered because of it.”
“What about you?” he asked accusingly. “It was as if you took on three jobs after we got married. Admit it. You spent more of your free time with those sleazy Hollywood types than with me. Don’t put thi
s all on my shoulders.”
“That’s not true,” she snapped back. “I was doing this long before I met you. It’s not my fault you don’t like the people I associate with because of my job.”
He threw back his head. “Ha! You should talk. You could barely stand to come to my social obligations for more than a few minutes. I’m the only executive whose wife couldn’t care less about meeting people who are important to him.”
“Only because you make her feel like she’s less important than they are,” she shouted with a wounded heart. It was true. She’d sometimes felt his colleagues knew him better than she did. While she stood next to him at parties, they’d all tell inside jokes and stories she didn’t understand, wondering why he didn’t share some of these things with her.
She pressed her lips together, then covered her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to surface.
A long silence stretched between them like a river widening its breadth. A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it. In that moment, had Jack pulled her in his arms, she wouldn’t have pushed him away.
“If that’s what you really think,” he said, his voice low and calm, “then you don’t know me at all.”
He brushed by her as tears streamed heavy and hot down her face and she jerked at the slam of the guest room door.
She sniffled, swiping away the tears, and walked to her room.
***
Hours later, after tossing for the hundredth time, Grace flopped onto her back, unable to sleep. Jack’s words revolved around her head, making any sort of rest impossible. It infuriated her to know he had been trying to provide her with a lavish lifestyle when she had reminded him over and over she didn’t need all that. She just wanted Jack. Yet he pushed himself to the max anyway, pushing her away as a consequence.
Her parents were wealthy, but everything she owned, she’d earned. They turned their noses up at her dream to become a makeup artist until they found out about the slew of celebrities she met on a daily basis. Then, suddenly, they were impressed.
All Said and Undone Page 5
