by Lauren Dane
“Thank you,” she murmured when he broke the kiss.
“For what?”
“For being here for me. For being so supportive. For talking me off the ledge. For opening the door into this life I could never have imagined. I’d have fallen apart if you hadn’t been helping me with this.”
He shook his head. “No you wouldn’t have. You’d be muddling through because that’s who you are. But I’m so glad I’ve been here with you. So glad the witch whose delightful ass I was checking out turned out to be you.”
“You checked out my ass?”
He snorted. “Is that a question? I came into the lobby and there was this woman there with the nicest ass. I checked you out before you’d even turned around. That it was attached to you, and that you’re my mate? Well that’s cake.”
“I’m sort of drunk. You put a lot of liquor in that tea. I figured I’d sweated it out in the bath.”
“How about I order in and we watch a movie? You haven’t eaten in hours, and you should know wolves need to eat about every three hours to keep up with our metabolisms. Though…do you get horny when you’re drunk?”
She rolled her eyes. “It seems that I’m permanently horny when I’m in your general proximity. It’s sort of disconcerting.”
“Not for me.” He shrugged and stood.
A ringing phone woke her up just after dawn, three days after he’d revealed to her that she was his mate. Josh was already up, moving around. Probably in his office playing catch up on his own work as he’d been spending so much time away from it, driving Michelle all over the city looking for that SUV or for signs, any signs, of Allie. They’d even headed up to Seattle, stopping at all the rest stops north and south on the way back for any signs of the mages, and found nothing.
Guilt flashed through her again. Sure he’d told her he had things in hand, but she felt bad for taking him away from the office.
Rolling from bed and sliding into the robe, she moved to the bathroom to brush her teeth, the muffled sound as he answered and spoke to whoever rumbled in the background.
And then she paused, a chill running through her at the change in his tone.
She rushed out and down the hall as he was writing something down. “Yes, yes. On the way. I need to wake her up. Yes, I know. I’ll rush. Try to hold off calling anyone else until we arrive.”
He hung up and turned, he was so pale she knew it was bad.
“What?”
“Get dressed. One of the teams of wolves I sent out stumbled on a house with the scent of the mages. And something else. Pam is there, she’s holding things down until we arrive. Damon is on the way as well.”
“What is it? You’re pale.”
“They smell death inside. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s her. Just, let’s get out there now.”
With trembling hands she got dressed before rushing into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She pulled her hair into a ponytail in the car on the way to the scene, trying really hard not to think about it. Hoping that the scent of death was anyone but Allie.
He parked on the side of the road and turned to her. “We’re not going to get any closer in the car. I don’t want any evidence of our presence that close. Not until we know more.”
She got out, and they jogged down a street and then up a dirt road. “It’s a mile or so up here, Pam says.”
Michelle got caught in a web of despair about five minutes later as the house came into view on a vista just ahead.
“Yes, they’ve been here.” She tried not to gag on the fetid, rotten-meat stench of that magic they used. Wrong energies. Dark.
Pam was waiting for them, along with Damon and one of the wolves she remembered from the lobby that first day she’d come to ask for Pacific’s help.
“We haven’t gone in yet.” Pam looked to Josh and then to Michelle. “You ready? You go low, I’ll go high.”
Michelle had worn her vest and she was glad. And she hoped the spell she’d learned the day before from Gina to defend herself would work.
The closer they got, the worse the stench was. From the faces on the Weres all around her, it wasn’t just a magical stench but a physical one. And then she smelled it, death. Not just death magics, but the smells that indicated someone had died and died badly. Still fresh enough that it probably had been within the last eight or so hours.
Josh kicked the door in so hard it flew off the hinges, and as they’d planned, Pam went high and left while Michelle kept low and went right.
They swept through room by room. The house only had four rooms, and so when they found nothing, they went out the back door and that’s when she saw it.
Michelle made a sound. She didn’t know where it had come from, only that it was full of everything she’d been feeling. All her grief and guilt and fear. A sound that ripped from her so hard it hurt.
Allie lay, bloodied and broken in the center of a circle. A blood circle, not a salt circle.
“Wait!” She held up a hand as she dug through the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a bag of salt she’d blessed only the day before according to Lark’s directions.
She spoke softly, through tears as she traced another circle just inside the blood circle. She tried hard not to look at Allie as she did.
No birds sang. There was no sound in that yard and there should have been. The leaves on the trees should have been rustling. There should have been insect sounds, the rustle of small things in the underbrush. But there was nothing.
Once she finished the circle, she spoke the last words of the spell, and the power rushed through her and broke the blood circle with a rush of sticky, sick energy that thankfully disappeared quickly.
What didn’t dissipate though, was the stench of death.
Michelle broke the salt circle. She moved to Allie. Pam approached and put a hand on her shoulder. “This is a crime scene. Remember that.”
It wasn’t like she needed to check a pulse.
There was nothing left in Allie. Her magick, her aura usually so vibrant in Michelle’s othersight, was gone. There was nothing. She’d moved on. She’d been brutalized. Left torn, broken and empty on the ground like garbage.
“I have to call this in. I need all the wolves gone. Michelle, you can stay. But we can’t touch anything else.”
“Before they get here, I’m going through the house one more time to get scents.” Damon paused and then took Michelle’s hand. “I’m sorry, Michelle. We will find justice for this. I promise you.”
She nodded, absently. “Is Gina being protected?”
His expression turned feral. “Yes. At all times.”
Josh watched, saying nothing until Pam stepped away to call it in and get crime-scene folks out.
He took Michelle’s hand, drawing his thumb back and forth across her skin. She stiffened and took her hand back.
“God, beautiful, I’m so sorry. I want to hold you so much. I wish this was different.”
She shook her head hard, once. “It’s not. I need to deal with this. I can’t afford to lose my shit right now. I have to do my job and I can’t if you touch me.”
He nodded. “I understand. I don’t like the idea of leaving you here.”
“You have to. I can’t explain you to the cops. Pam is under enough scrutiny right now. You have to go. But if you’d have my car brought over, I’d appreciate it.”
“That I can do.” He paused. “I love you, Michelle. You’re not alone. No matter what.”
She turned, catching his gaze, and that connection between them clicked into place. She nodded, shoving back all her emotions. She needed to be cold and hard and ruthless right then. She needed to examine that scene with every single one of her senses, and that meant she had no room for guilt, or even love.
Chapter Ten
She pulled up to her apartment and sat in the car for long minutes, unable to bring herself to even move.
Back in Portland, she’d stayed at the scene while it had been processed. They canvassed the neighbo
rhood, but the houses were very far apart so no one claimed to have seen anything. The place they’d found Allie in was supposed to have been empty, the last tenants having left six months before. No one had noticed anything at all.
She searched for the mage energy all around, driving aimlessly after she’d left the scene, but saw nothing.
In the end, nearly on autopilot, she’d gotten on the freeway and headed south. She couldn’t inform Kathy of her child’s death by phone, and she sure as hell didn’t trust Dexter to send anyone over there who’d gently break the news.
So she’d gone straight to Kathy’s once she’d gotten off the freeway. Luckily Allie’s aunt had been there, but still, she’d had to tell a mother that her child was dead. Even with a judicious removal of detail, it was hard to say and even harder for Kathy to hear.
They’d all cried for what seemed like hours, and still, she’d held back a great deal of her grief because she didn’t want any more of a burden on Kathy. Allie’s aunt was able to get Kathy to rest, and though she’d offered a place for Michelle to stay, she’d refused and driven around town for some time before she’d ended up home.
Her phone rang and she saw Josh’s number. Immediately she felt better.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself, beautiful. Where are you?”
She’d called him halfway to Roseburg to let him know what she was doing. He’d been angry that she’d gone without him, but she’d simply explained Kathy had a right to know as soon as possible and she needed to hear it directly from someone who loved Allie too.
And she needed that time in the car, all by herself, to process—or try to process—all she’d been through in the last week. The time to feel whatever the hell she wanted to without worrying over how anyone else would react.
“I’m getting out of my car now. I’m at my apartment. I’ve been at Kathy’s for the last four hours.” Exhaustion dogged her steps as she headed down the path to her place. The air was clean and crisp. She should have been cold but she just didn’t feel much of anything.
“I’ll be back up soon. Kathy has to make funeral arrangements. They’ll release the body in a day or two.” Not like it wasn’t clear Allie had been torn to pieces, but she understood the authorities wanted to get as many details as they could before they let the family have the body for burial.
“I won’t ask how you are. I can hear it. Damn it, Michelle, I wish you hadn’t gone down without me.”
She unlocked her door and turned off her alarm. She might have been tired, but not too tired to use her othersight to be sure no one else had been in her place or was there now. Relieved that she was alone and everything was undisturbed, she locked up and slumped down the hall. Noting her bed was still messy from where she’d jumped up just a week earlier when Kathy had called to say Allie was missing.
Had it only been seven days?
Josh was speaking and she realized she hadn’t heard a word.
“I’m sorry. I was using my othersight, I didn’t hear you.”
He sighed and she knew he worried. She knew he ached to help and make her better. It meant something. Everything really. No one had been that to her before. Not in the way he was. “Everything is safe? You’re safe?”
Physically? Sure. It was emotionally and mentally she wasn’t so sure of. “Yes. No one’s been here.”
“Give me your address, just so I have it, and go to sleep if you can.”
She did. And then she hesitated and realized she needed to say something before she lost her nerve. “Josh?”
“Yes, beautiful?”
“I love you.”
His breath caught. “Sweetheart.” So much emotion in one word. It had to be hard for him, the protective alpha wolf that he was, to be away from her. All of that longing rang in his tone. “I love you too. Lock your doors. Get some rest. I’ll talk with you soon.”
She managed to stumble into the shower to wash the stink of death off. But it wasn’t gone from her heart. Now that no one depended on her, she let it go. Let the walls holding back all the emotion fall. The tears came in hot, gut-wrenching sobs as she shook so hard she could barely keep her feet.
She’d failed. The most important task she’d ever had and she’d failed. And the cost was higher than she could bear. She’d never hear Allie laugh again. Never go bowling with her or innertube down the river. They’d never again go shoe shopping and bitch about men together. Michelle would never be able to tell her about Josh coming back into her life in such an improbable way.
Her best friend had died alone and terrified. And for what? In truth, Allie hadn’t even been that gifted a witch! A little bit of power, most of it for healing and nurturing. And now she’d never get married and have babies. She’d never finish another one of Michelle’s sentences.
There were no words to describe how bereft Michelle was left after that loss. It seemed unbelievable that Allie simply did not exist anywhere in the world anymore. Last weekend they’d gone to the outlet malls and goofed around looking for handbags, and now she was dead.
Stupid. Horrible.
Senseless. Damn it.
The water had long since run cold and shivers wracked her body when she finally came back to herself. There were no tears left.
She got out, not bothering with anything more than a cursory rub with a towel, and then fell into bed.
If she hadn’t been so damned drained from all the grief and guilt, she might have been kept up, tormented by the images of that day. Instead she fell hard and fast into the kind of sleep blessedly free of dreams. But she was dimly aware, as she slipped into sleep, that Josh wasn’t next to her and she’d gotten used to him so fast.
Josh had called her as he left Portland, but once he’d heard her voice he knew she needed sleep more than he needed to see her. He could wait.
A few hours at least.
After he got to Roseburg, he allowed himself a cruise down the street he’d grown up on. Where he’d ridden his bike and his skateboard. His parents had moved to Colorado a few years before. He’d never visited, though his mother had issued a few halfhearted invitations.
He wished he had feelings about it. But all he had was ambivalence. In the ten years since he’d gone off to college, he’d seen them twice. Once at a funeral of one of his paternal grandparents. He’d had cake and drank bad coffee from a church urn and had left after an hour at the wake. And then once before they’d gone to Colorado. He’d met them at the airport, and they’d had lunch at a crappy hotel diner while they waited for their flight.
He didn’t miss them. Didn’t think to call them when something good happened in his life. Didn’t give much thought to them one way or the other. And he didn’t think they did of him really either.
He had a family. Not one he was born to. But one he’d made. A group of people who’d proven to him over and over that they would always have his back. And now he had Michelle.
He drove to her apartment complex and parked, taking a walk through the grounds as the sun rose. Making sure she was safe. Giving himself something to do instead of going to her door.
He’d left her the day before at the scene of that horrible murder. It had been hard to do, though he understood the reasons for it. He’d had to walk away and trust Pam to take care of her in his absence. Yes, yes, Michelle was a cop, she saw rough things, but none of the victims had been her best friend before.
And she’d been there hours. Helping with the canvass of the neighborhood, Pam had said. And then she’d gotten in her car and headed to Roseburg. Without him.
She’d called him to let him know and he’d been so angry. Hurt. But then he’d let it go because he understood it. Understood that she needed him, but was giving that up so she could go be there for Kathy, not trusting anyone else to tell her about Allie with as much kindness and compassion as Michelle could. Needing to grieve with someone who loved Allie too.
So he’d tied up his loose ends and had packed a bag and headed to her. The longer they were sep
arated, the more antsy he was.
What he hadn’t expected was the way his wolf had risen and refused to back down. He needed to claim her. Being separated when she was in such an emotional state had pushed him to the breaking point. The wolf had let the man handle it for a week, but now it was time to let the man know he wasn’t human and his mate was unclaimed.
Claimed, he could protect her better. Claimed, he’d have a tie to her that would enable him to soothe, comfort and defend. He knew she’d had a lot to manage in the last week. Knew the bond would add more to that list. And yet, he also knew the thing between them was real. Knew the bond would make things better. Not totally, she had a lot of grieving in her future, he understood that too.
After he’d prowled the grounds and before the cops got called due to a man hanging around the area, he headed back to his car to wait for her to wake up. He wanted her to get as much rest as she could.
He did some work and tried to not look up every two minutes toward the building where her apartment was. And like magick—he supposed it was magick of sorts—he knew when she’d woken up. Even without the bond he knew it. He got out and walked to her door, knocking after he’d taken a deep breath to try to gain some control.
She shuffled into her kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She’d need to call Josh in a bit, let him know she was awake and also that she’d missed him. Just hearing his voice would make her feel better.
Being back in Roseburg, even after that short time in Portland, had made everything far more clear. Now that Allie was gone, she had nothing holding her in town and everything beckoning her to Portland.
What she had now, well it wasn’t logical really, though she had known him a very long time. She could tell herself it couldn’t possibly be love. And she could tell herself that in the face of the knowledge that she did love him. But what would be served?
Allie would have told her to shut up and accept it like the gift it was. Sometimes you just knew things. Another thing she knew was that his wolf chafed at the inability to claim her. Gina had broken down and told her how difficult it was for any male to not seal a mate bond, especially when they were living with and having sex and intimacy with their mate. She didn’t want that for him. Not any longer. She wanted him to be able to take that step with her.
