by Fanny Finch
The last he knew, she was enraged that he had orchestrated the holiday to get her out of London with her friend, Anna. He had given Anna extra money to support their trip, ensuring that Lavinia would have the best while gone, never lacking in anything.
“You are mistaken, Federline. She is not in love with me.”
Jasper let out an abrupt laugh. “Oh, Arlington! You dolt! I cannot imagine she would fall in love with you when you are as oblivious as this.”
Myles wanted to share in his friend’s laughter but he was too confused to do so. Had he given Lavinia any indication that he was interested in courting her? The thought had crossed his mind once and left as quickly as it came.
His duty was to protect her and see that she marries the right man. It was part of his promise to Sir Edward. The rest of the secret would be revealed to Lavinia when the time was right. Until that time, he would keep it to himself.
He did not indicate he was interested in courting her. He decided it with finality. If she was feeling more than respect toward him, it was not because he encouraged it.
The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he could have somehow contributed to her feelings. In his investigation of Sir Franklin, and his conversations with Jasper, he found himself jealous at times, thinking about Lavinia with another man.
Where had that feeling come from? He had not expected it.
Myles realized when he thought about Sir Henry going on holiday with Anna and Lavinia, his first thought was whether or not he would try for her hand while they were gone. Would he talk his way into her heart?
Myles had those random thoughts and dismissed them as nothing. But why had he even thought them? Was he developing feelings for the young woman?
He shook his head and cleared his throat. “This is a ridiculous statement,” he said, keeping his eyes out the window, seemingly concentrating on the darkening sky. “I have a duty to her, an obligation to her father. That is what I must do and what motivates me.”
Jasper was staring at his face, silently observing Myles’s change of emotions. “Arlington, you can feel however you want. I did not say you were in love with her. I said she is in love with you. It is perfectly obvious to anyone with eyes.”
Jasper shook his head. “I saw the two of you at the ball. I have spoken with her and I have spoken with you. I have known her for many years as I have known you for many years. I like the idea of the two of you together. But if you do not have those feelings for her, that is your choice. I am telling you, she is in love with you.”
“You do not need to keep repeating that.”
Jasper shrugged nonchalantly. “I just feel it is something you need to realize, Arlington. Once a woman like that is in love with you, they can be hard to shake.”
Myles frowned. “What do you mean? Are you insulting Miss Bronson?”
Jasper looked surprised and then laughed. “Arlington! You are defending her honor without even realizing it!” He shook his head. “I am not insulting her. When a good woman like Miss Bronson gives you her heart, it is simply over for you. You cannot and will not resist her charms forever.”
“She has done nothing to charm me.” Myles thought it was quite the opposite.
“She does not have to do anything directly. It will come natural to her. She will begin to treat you with more respect than she does any other man. She will ask for your assistance and direction. She will ask for your opinion on matters that make little difference. It is the subtle ways of a woman to show her attraction to a man.”
“How do you know so much about this when you are not married?”
Jasper chuckled. “Not having a wife does not mean I do not know how to charm a lady. As I said, I fell in love with Miss Bronson. She did not fall in love with me. She was gracious and kind when she told me she did not feel the same way. But it stung and I will never forget it. Since then, I have honed my skills with women to a fine point.”
“And yet you are still not married.”
Jasper continued to laugh, shaking his head. “I have found no woman yet who compares to the beauty and charm of Miss Bronson. I fear I never will.”
The Marquess had not thought of Miss Bronson as a woman with the charms of a siren. He hoped she was not unwittingly using those charms on Sir Henry.
Chapter 21
Lavinia was feeling happy and cheerful as she stepped down from the coach and turned to wave goodbye to Anna and Sir Henry.
“Goodbye!” she called out. “Goodbye! Till next time! Goodbye!”
When the coach was well on its way down the road, Lavinia turned back to the house and ran up the porch steps excitedly. She felt refreshed and new, ready to take on whatever came next.
The holiday had been the perfect retreat from the strain and stress she was under. The butler came to the door and stood back while she passed.
“My trunk is out there, if you will please bring it in.”
“I will take it up to your room, Miss.”
“Thank you so much. Where is Mother?”
“She is in the parlor, Miss.” The butler bowed to her and turned to go out the door.
Lavinia gave him a smile before turning to hurry toward the parlor. She wanted to tell her mother all about the things she had seen and done. She pondered whether to tell her mother that she had turned down a marriage proposal from Sir Henry without consulting her about it first.
When she did tell Lady Bronson, she would simply say she knew she would not be happy married to him. He was like her brother. The very thought was somewhat disgusting.
She could only hope her mother would understand.
She burst through the door and hurried to her mother, who was sitting on a long velvet red settee, her legs stretched out under a blanket. She smiled at Lavinia as she came in and reached up to give her a light kiss on the cheek.
Lavinia turned and sat on the very edge of the settee next to her mother.
“I see you had a good time,” Lady Bronson said. “You look very relaxed.”
Lavinia nodded. “I had a wonderful time, Mother. I do hope I will be able to travel with Anna more often.”
“Did Sir Henry treat you with respect?”
“Oh yes, of course.” Lavinia was surprised by her mother’s question until the older woman spoke again.
“I expect he did,” she nodded as she responded. “And how did you respond when he asked to marry you?”
Lavinia felt a bit of a shock and swallowed her nervousness. “I told him I did not want to marry him.”
Her mother nodded again, much to her surprise. She blinked at the woman.
“Are you not surprised, Mother?”
Lady Bronson shook her head. “It is what I expected from you. I had a feeling he was too close to the family for that. He has been like a brother to you. I have never heard you express anything other than that for him.”
Lavinia felt relief flood through her. “I am so glad you understand, mother. I was hoping you would not be angry with me. I am trying to find someone who I can love, who will love me the way I love him.”
Lady Bronson nodded. “Yes, I know that is what you desire. But you must not forget your place in society. I am anxious for you to meet with and marry a man who will lift you up in the eyes of society.”
Lavinia felt a bit of disappointment slide through her. She did not want to marry so that she would look good in the eyes of the ton. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be in love.
When those thoughts entered her mind, she saw a distinct and clear vision of the Marquess in her mind. She thought of him whenever she pondered her future, who she would be with, what it would be like. She could not help it.
“Now I have received several proposals from various gentlemen who have danced with you at the balls. I would like for you to choose from among them in the next few dances. There will be another ball next Friday at Windingham. You enjoy going there, do you not?”
Lavinia nodded. The prospect of finding a husband among the
list of men her mother provided for her was daunting. She knew the names as soon as she took hold of the list but some of them were virtual strangers, men she had danced with just once during the previous season. None of them had captured her interest.
She could not help wondering if her disinterest in the men she had danced with stemmed from the Marquess warning to be careful who she shared her affections with. From the look of the list she held in her hand, her mother had set her up with at least half a dozen men to ride a curricle, go to the market, go for a walk through the gardens of London.
She did not want to do that with any of them. She could only imagine how the Marquess would react if he saw her traveling around town with a new man every other day. It amused her to think how he would lose his mind over that.
Whether he displayed feelings of attraction for her or not, there was one thing she knew for certain. He did not want her want her traipsing all over town with a bunch of men. He had already subtly accused her of showing her affections to several men at the same time. Her mother’s list was almost like proof of that.
“You must choose from one of these men. Be sure to dance with each of them. You must make sure to find the right one for you, sooner rather than later.”
Lavinia looked down at the list. “I will try, mother.” That was all she could conceivably do.
“You must do more than try, my dear. It is imperative that society see you as a married woman soon.”
Lavinia tried not to give her mother a reply. She wanted to be a married woman soon, too. Just not to any of the men on her list.
The man she wanted had yet to show any interest in her.
Would the Marquess come around to her affections?
She had never been a wily woman. She did not understand the art of flirtation. Anna had always been the one to make the introductions and further the conversation when Lavinia fumbled.
Lavinia had no problem being outspoken when needed. She made her opinion and her feelings known. But when it came to flirting, she was very poorly skilled indeed. No amount of tutoring from Anna had helped. She found herself awkward and uncomfortable in the arms of a man she did not truly think of as the one for her.
Keeping up appearances was difficult for her.
She was studying the list, thinking about the Marquess when her mother said her name in a harsh voice. “Lavinia.” She looked at her mother. “You must give up this notion of marrying the Marquess of Kent. He has not shown any interest toward you and your flirtations with him are awkward and unbecoming.”
Lavinia felt as though she had been stabbed in the heart. She doubted her mother knew how much her words hurt her.
“Three of the men on this list have made their intentions perfectly clear. The Marquess is like a whirlwind, a dust devil sneaking up and then disappearing, in each instance leaving disaster behind in his wake.”
Lavinia wanted to jump to the Marquess defense but her mother’s words were not untrue. The Marquess had not made himself welcome with his awkward ways and brash demeaner.
“You know I am correct, dear.” Her mother spoke in a gentler tone. “You must made a decision for a man who wants you and cease chasing a man who does not.”
Lavinia could not recall having chased the Marquess in any way at all. She no longer wrote him letters, now that they were in more frequent contact. She did not seek his attentions or ask him for a meeting. He was almost always the one who requested a meeting with her.
And sometimes he popped up out of the darkness and scared her half to death.
She shook her head. She did not want to hear such unkind words from her mother. She knew it was not her mother’s intention to hurt her.
But she was hurt. She did not want to think that she had made a fool of herself in front of the Marquess or embarrassed her mother. She did not think she had been so open with her feelings for him. He certainly did not act as though he was aware how she was feeling.
If he knew and could still treat her the way he did, she had her doubts he had or would ever have similar feelings for her.
But she did not want to give up. Her heart told her she could not.
“I… I am feeling tired, mother. It… was a long trip home. I am going to retire to bed now.”
Lavinia’s previous high spirits and energy was now depleted to nothing. She truly was exhausted and the thought that the Marquess was not interested in her and never would be made her terribly depressed.
She stood up.
“Are you sure, dear?”
Lavinia nodded. “I am not hungry. I think I will skip dinner tonight.”
She turned away from her mother.
“Take your list with you, Lavinia, and ponder your prospects. The three at the top are your first choices. They have made clear how they feel.”
Lavinia glanced sadly over her shoulder at her mother. She trudged to the stairs and went up, wishing she had not stopped to talk to her mother when she came home from holiday.
Her melancholy feelings made her want to speak to the Marquess right away. She could not speak to him so she would content herself with writing a letter. She would express her feelings on paper, if she could not in person.
She sat at her writing desk for only a few minutes before she picked up a pen and set her hand down on the paper. She let herself write the words without thinking about them. She put her heart into the letter, telling the Marquess exactly how she felt about him.
Your presence is like a towering giant. You are a lion ready to pounce on anyone who might come to harm me. How can I not fall in love with a man who shows such strength, such loyalty. Your commitment to keeping your promise to my father amazes me, my lord, I am in awe of you. How I wish you could see me with loving eyes.
My heart would be yours if only you asked for it. I would give freely of my love and my life to see that you are happy. I would never want to part from you. You fill my every waking thought and are a constant presence in my dreams. Should you go away from me, I do not know what I would do. I can no longer live without you in my heart.
Lavinia looked down at the letter, contemplating her words. It was starting to get a bit long, nearly down to the end of the page. She wondered whether she should send it or not.
She looked up at the wall behind the desk, not really seeing it, tapping the end of the pen on her perfectly shaped lips. It was probably not a good idea to send a love letter to the Marquess. She did not know – there was no way she could know – how he would respond to such a letter. Would she make a laughingstock of herself?
Her cheeks flushed when her eyes dropped to the words she had written and she pictured the Marquess reading them. Would he laugh? She was his responsibility. Would he think she a silly girl and dismiss the letter at random?
She did not want to look like a fool to the Marquess. She wanted to be a Lady that would draw his attention and respect. She folded the letter and was about to put it in the garbage when she thought twice. She did not want to be rid of the letter. Perhaps someday she would want to read it again and remember how deeply she cared for the Marquess in the first year of their acquaintance.
She folded the paper a fourth time, longways, making it half its size, and, looking around her as if someone might be in the room with her she did not know about, bent over to pluck open a small door on the bottom of the dresser. It popped open and she slid the paper into the tiny open space.
She sat back up and pulled another clean sheet of paper to her. This time, she would keep it subtle and just talk about business.
She requested a meeting with the Marquess at his earliest convenience, in the politest tone she could muster. She had the strongest urge to flower her letter with love words but resisted. She did not want to give him the impression she wanted anything more from him than answers.
If he was interested in being with her in any other capacity, she would have to wait for him to say something. It was not her place.
She folded the letter and sealed it with a small piece of
hot red wax. She stared down at her family crest, swallowing hard. The letter was polite and to the point. She thought about every single time she and the Marquess had spent any time together.
He was a very “to the point” kind of man, she surmised. The letter would sit well with him. With a shaky breath, she moved from the desk to the bed, pulling back the covers.
She sat on the edge, not wanting to get undressed or put on her nightgown and night cap. She had spent such wonderful days with Anna and Sir Henry. Now, she was back home, facing the same difficulties she had when she left.
Why could she not just stay on holiday forever?
It would be hard to sleep that night. She would send it through a messenger to hand-deliver it so it would not take as long to get to him. If her restless night was to indicate anything, it was that the next few days were going to be extremely difficult for her.
