As we exit the huge archway with fragrant white lilies strewn all around it, more cameras erupt, flashes, clicks and ‘say cheeses’ follow and I let go of his arm and move away from his proximity. I’m claustrophobic and need air and fast and don’t look back as I make my way towards Jess, who is already drinking from her diamante hip-flask; good-girl, I could always rely on her to supply me with the hard stuff but I’d need more to get through today - a lot more. This wedding was going to be a long do but once it was over, Niall and I needed to talk. He was not my future.
*******
One of the perks of being Matron of Honour was that I got to sit on the top table; it also meant that Niall and I were separated for a good part of the festivities. The speeches had gone smoothly. Gino had thanked the bridesmaids, managed not to insult his new wife and my Dad had held back the tears before he’d agreed that Gino was the best man to take his youngest daughter on. Sebastian had done a brilliant job of embarrassing G enough without being too filthy and had had guests crying with laughter at his tales of their stag do in Amsterdam. I’d taken great pride in his ability to fit right in to any situation until my Mum, Grannie Annie, and many other members of the family had continually gone on about how wonderful he was and if I didn’t snap him up right now, he’d find someone else - I was getting on a bit now and the oldest Myers’ girl, after all.
The result was copious amounts of alcohol and on an empty stomach and after an hour of this, I was too far gone for the 5 star wedding breakfast the staff placed in front of me. Scanning the room, I located Niall in the crowds ahead of me, chatting animatedly with a female guest at one of the round tables to my right. Normally his overly flirtatious nature would be bothering me but now I shrugged it off and downed the remainder of my champagne, with every intention of following it with buck fizz chaser.
“You Ok, Lu? You need to take it easy, you didn’t eat much earlier.”
Leaning forward onto my french manicured cradled fingers I look up, smirking into Sebastian’s concerned eyes. “S’all good. Don’t be so boring, Mr. Perfect Pants.”
His eyes follow mine to where Niall was whispering into the blonde’s ear, her giggles echoing in the ballroom. “They must know each other already - probably why he was put on that table, Lu, you know to mingle.”
No my mum was trying to keep him away from me. The table plan and his carefully planned seating, had her stamp all over it but today I didn’t care and he’d never met the blonde with the flat chest before, I was sure of that - God knows who she was.
“Always trying to make me feel better aren’t you, Seb? Sticking up for your pal. Well it won’t work tonight. I don’t give a shit about that dick-head. Men are all the same. I need to get out of here and get me some more booze.” My chair legs scraped crudely across the parquet flooring and I grab my bag, swaying slightly before heading off in the direction of the gardens.
“Hey, hey slow down, let me at least look after you and then I’ll join you, we can do some damage at the bar together but let’s get you steady first. You’re no good to me horizontal.”
“That’s not what all the girls tell me - thought you liked ze ladies horizonpull?”
“I like women sober if I’m bedding them. Now come on - let’s find a table before you fall over.” His face is brotherly in its concerns and not in anyway flirtatious.
“Suit yourself. Speaking of suits, yours looks zery nice- ex..extrweem..ly sexy,” I giggle at my stumble over the words.
“Alright Ms. Myers, no more booze for you, for a bit anyway. Let’s take a seat out here and get some fresh air.”
“My feet hurt.” I pout and slip my shoes off and begin to rub one of them feeling pathetic. I love shoes but I’d not chosen these ones and the fit was dire.
Seb pats his lap. “Pop them up here - I’ll work my magic.” He nods to a passing waiter and I vaguely hear him mutter tea and sugar before returning his gaze to me and setting his thumbs to work on the soles of my feet.
Ahh, bliss.
“Now what the fuck is up with you today?”
“Nothing. I just want to get pissed! Is that alright with you, Daddy oh?” I sound like a spoilt child.
He chuckles at my petulance and I watch him, massage my toes. He really was so annoyingly sexy.
“Yeah, but it’s not like you to be so ‘fuck off’ about it. You’re usually much more… chirpy.”
“I’m not a bloody bird!”
“I can see that, touchy - although your talons are out… but you’re not normally so, on-a-mission.”
“I just had a major wake-up call in the church that’s all. Like God spoke to me … or something like that.” I shrug my shoulders feeling a little silly at my statement.
“Oh really?” his grin infuriates me and I drop my feet from his lap and straighten myself, crossing my arms in front of me, attempting to appear aloof and uninterested.
“Don’t laugh at me - I’m being serious.”
“OK - what was this awakening?”
“That would be telling. You’ll find out soon enough.”
The crease in his brow lifts further and I watch as he rubs a hand across his head in thought. God he looked so very sexy. Yes, Lu, you’ve already thought that. You’re pissed you silly woman and your boyfriend is inside, well for now anyway. “You don’t seem very drunk?”
“All day drinking is a killer and I’ve done my fair share, Lu but remember I can handle it better than you. You don’t drink the same as you used to.”
Fair point. I don’t get taken out to drink anymore. Well not for much longer. Things were going to change after this weekend. I decide to lighten the mood and change the subject. “Suze and G are so happy. The wedding has been fab; your speech was great Seb, truly inspirational.”
“Big G is a star and I love your sis you know that. It was an honour to be asked. I’d be happy to find half of what they have.”
“What, the almighty Mr. Silver might give in and get shackled one day? Nah - never happen.” I smile back at him, openly teasing him but confident of my viewpoint. He was the ultimate player, no matter how much I wished it weren’t the case.
“Don’t think you have me all figured out…yet, Lucia Myers. There’s another side to me you’ve yet to experience. In time, my sweet lady, all in good time.”
Fuck me!
That made me close my mouth and swallow my words in an instant. The waiter Seb had collared before, arrives at that opportune moment and offloads, a glass of tap water, tea for one, a pint of beer and two tequila slammers and I raise my brows at the odd combination of refreshments.
“The beers for me. The teas for you, oh and the water. Get them down you, now.”
“And the shots?”
“For us - for after”
“Eh?”
“I want to rehydrate you and keep you standing but you’re under 25 not a fucking grandma, Lu. We can still have some fun.”
That draws a smile from my lips and I’m reminded why he is my best-male-friend.
“Seb?”
“Yup.”
“Thanks.”
“What for?”
“Putting up with me being a dick.”
“You’re not being a dick, babe.”
“Really?”
“Really. You were being a total arse but once every so often is allowed - after all its not everyday your younger sis gets married. You’re obviously going to be a spinster now and you were feeling a bit put out that all the attention wasn’t on you! I get it - really I do. I was bound to happen. The thought of being left on the shelf must be messing with your head!”
“You total shit.”
The beer mat hits his chest, just as he ducks and his hands grab my fingers before I can retract them, pulling me towards his body and onto his lap. “There that’s better. Now shut up, drink your tea and then we’ll get smashed, Ok?”
“Sounds good.”
“It does doesn’t it.”
I wriggle across his legs, adjusting my dress, bare feet dangling and I feel him tense beneath me. “Sit still, you’ll do me an injury.”
I don’t remember ever being this close to him. I could smell his skin, see his pulse at his throat where his cravat had loosened. His dimple flashed, as he smiled up at me and I felt his arm hug me to him. Oh boy! It’s the booze, definitely the booze.
“You look beautiful today by the way - absolutely stunning.”
I lean my head into the crook of his neck to inhale more of that intoxicating scent I’d smelled yesterday. He was so familiar yet so unknown. “I do try.”
“Pink to make the boys play with their pink oboes…”
I laugh at his play on words. “I thought it was pink to make the boys wink?”
“Not in my world. Right come on te…qui…la time!”
I grab the salt, and about to pour a dollop onto my hand when his fingers lift my hand to his mouth and locking eyes with me, dark chocolate oozing from each orb intensely, his tongue flicks out and licks a path up the side of my thumb onto my wrist.
Oh.My.God. Hold on to my panties - they’ve just melted.
“Saliva holds the salt better.”
I can hardly speak but manage to mutter a pathetic “Oh” before sprinkling salt onto the wet patch on my skin, nerve endings going haywire. He licks his own hand, smiling saucily up at me (thank fuck he didn’t want me to do it) and I wrinkle my nose in preparation.
“Ready?” his words are full of double entendres I’m sure of it but I nod, taking his offered glass.
“Ok, on three. One, Two, Three.”
Our eyes locked, we watch each other, lick the salt, grasp our glasses and slam the shot glasses down on the wooden tables before sloshing the liquid down in one. The burn slides down my throat as I continue to focus on Seb, grinning at our combined wincing and shuddering at the violent attack on our senses. Warmth spreads immediately in my belly and I shake my head at the sharpness and judder. “Ugghhh!”
“Here. Take a bite.” Seb thrusts the lime at me and I gratefully squeeze my teeth into it, the tartness of it both complimenting and cooling at the same time.
I’d rather take a bite out of him. “Never done a cup of tea followed by a shot of tequila - all new to me.”
“Stick with me kid - I’lll show you a good time.”
Hmmmm I bet you could. Just his hands on my feet had been enough to convince me.
“So you think you’ll be next, you and Niall up the aisle? Hey look I’m a poet and I bloody well know it.”
We giggle at his silliness but I shake my head emphatically. “Not a chance. It won’t be me Seb and not with Niall.”
“Really - why?”
“Niall isn’t…well he doesn’t …. I don’t think he is…. look I’m not sure but I don’t think I’ll get married. Ok?”
“OK - keep your knickers on - or thong, or whatever you’re wearing, or don’t whichever you fancy?”
What did that mean? He was being very flirty. “What about you? Any plans to bed one lady more than once?”
“No need for that, Lulu. Nah, I missed my chance at love when my future wife, got together with one of my friends. I was too young and too dumb to seize the opportunity at the time - to realise that she was probably it, the one, my soul mate - what ever you want to call it.”
I wonder what he meant? Hang on a minute, WTF? Surely he didn’t mean me? Did he?
The tequila flush begins to form across my body, warmth reaching every sensitive part.
“Who was she?”
“Just a girl - you wouldn’t know her.”
“Oh come on, Sebastian - you can’t tell me something that life changing and not tell me who she was?”
“All I’ll say is she was pretty special but we missed our moment and now we want different things.”
“But how do you know if you’ve not asked her?”
“Because, Lu, now is not the time. Now come on my pissed up friend, lets get back inside and do some damage on that dance floor. I hear the music calling to us. I don’t want to miss Big G and Suzie’s first dance, they’re going for it bigstyleee - It takes two by Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock,” he laughs. “So cool.” Then looks up when I don’t answer. “You ready?”
I watch him pick up my shoes, swinging them in his hands and suddenly know that if I don’t do this now, I never would, call it dutch courage, whatever but for me it was the right time. I throw my arms around his neck, pressing my body into his chest and hold him to me, squeezing so tight I fear he’ll pop. Then step back, my arms still cradling his neck and look deep into his eyes. “You know I love you right, Seb?”
His inquisitive frown is serious. “Y…yes? Of course I do.”
“I do - so much. You’re everything to me. Just wanted you to know. So if I never tell you again, you’ll always know. I love ya. You are it, you’re my one.” I plant a kiss on his cheek, lightly grazing the corner of his lips and shudder at the way my body reacts to that small connection of our mouths. Even inebriated I’m aware of the power of our attraction and I panic pushing him away, on a giggle. “You are it! I’m so fucking stupid.”
“Lu…”
“Thanks for looking after me. Right, come on, partner, let’s go boogie.”
“Lu… don’t go! Lu! WTF?!”
I don’t look back to see his reaction, I can hear the frustration in his voice and I know he’ll follow me in time - the moment we’d just shared would be over - I’d made sure of that when I’d walked away and made light of things.
What the fuck had I just done?
My alcoholic mushed up brain had just played a corker, but now I was going to dance the night away and drink some more - that was about as much as I could plan ahead. Tomorrow we’d no doubt forget I’d said a thing.
*******
Present Day
My body has healed but my mind is a never ending sea of angry waves that whips around inside me, continually reminding me of what I’ve lost, with cold, crashing clarity. Things could have been so different right now, with so much to look forward to. New life and promises of an extension of our family.
Instead I feel so utterly empty.
I’ve gone through so many stages I’m in a whirlwind right now, not knowing how I feel and where I am. They say denial comes first and boy was that true for me. Anger, was certainly next, mixed with fluctuating moods and frustration. I’d totally bypassed the bargaining stage, but slumped heavily within the depression stage for a week or so, before framing myself to focus on what I did have so I could move forward to accept what had happened to me. Those five stages of grief have been like mountains to climb and continue to challenge me daily. I need to be strong for everyone but inside I am weak.
I have to reiterate to myself that I am lucky to be alive - or so I’ve been told on many occasions by well-meaning friends, family and medical experts. I should be embracing my mortality and grabbing it with both hands and yet over the past weeks I’ve found it hard to even drag my arse out of bed and into fresh pyjamas.
One thing that has fuelled my recovery has been Finn, my beautiful 4-year-old son, so full of life and fun, he draws a smile from my lips, no matter my fog; he has been my joy but also a painful reminder of what could have been.
Sebastian, who had worked tirelessly and sometimes bombastically behind the scenes to ensure that I did nothing but rest and recuperate has taken his lead from my body language, and I am fully aware that I’ve pushed him away both mentally and physically. I couldn’t help it, I felt and still do feel responsible for what had occurred.
Seb had moved in with Finn and I for four weeks, upon my release from Lords Hospital. The first week I don’t remember much as I’d spent most of it bed-ridden but by the second week, I was able to join Finn and Seb downstairs on the sofa for ‘teas-on-knees’ and movie marathons and we gradually fell into a semi-pattern of medication, mealtimes, afternoon naps, physiotherapy and hospital
appointments. Sebastian was wonderful with Finn and they bonded even more than ever, his support unwavering but the ensuing weeks became stifled and the air thick with unsaid emotions. I felt like we’d taken a huge step backwards after becoming so tight, before the crash; now we felt further apart than ever.
Sebastian operated his business from my house - working in my office, with Nathan his brother popping in each day for a update meeting. He went from being CEO of a multi-million Construction Company to cooking, cleaning, and liaising with the family about all of Finn’s Crèche and club commitments, whilst I vegetated like some useless article - it was all exceedingly frustrating. I’d never felt to useless and less in control of my life.
My mum had been majorly impressed with his potential husbandly duties - not that any of the family knew about the proposal. I’d asked Sebastian not to mention it to anyone until I felt completely healed. He had appeared surprised at the time but seemed to understand that I needed to wait and had respected my wishes.
To be honest I needed to think - still do. Now that my head is clearer, I’m not sure if Seb proposed out of a sense of duty or not? Does he want to marry me because he feels guilty for what I went through - it did come out of nowhere and we’d only just got together?
But inwardly I know Sebastian and he doesn’t do anything unless he wants to and I know that has to mean something. I just can’t seem to see things clearly whilst I come to terms with our loss.
I said YES though. You WANT to marry him. You’ve known each other FOREVER and he IS, THE ONE, stop fucking about and over thinking things and enjoy the fact that this gorgeous man has declared his undying love for you and wants to be tied to you for frigging ETERNITY.
I do love him, more than ever, so much my heart aches, when I’m not with him, which is why when the Consultant told me that I may not have more children after the accident, I had to consider all options and one of those is still flitting around like a frantic butterfly in my skull - if I love him, should I set him free?
The One Adored (The One Trilogy Book 3) Page 2
